Bloke goes to a brothel.
''How much do you charge for total humiliation?'' he asks
The Madam replies £42.50
The bloke is clearly pleased at the price given and enquires further ''wow that sounds like a bargain, what exactly do I get for that?''
''A replica Liverpool FC shirt to walk around in'', she replies
Jasper the Great Dane was down at the Vets when he got chatting to Rory the Jack Russel.
Jasper - Hi Rory what are you here for?
Rory - Well I hate cats and I saw my chance and attacked our neighbours cat giving it a good thrashing.
Jasper - Well why are you here?
Rory - I'm going to be castrated in an attempt to control my aggression.Why are you here?
Jasper - Well the misses was bending naked over the bath and I just couldn't control myself.Up I jumped and gave her one doggy style.
Rory - Wow I suppose you're for the chop as well?
Jasper - No I'm here to have my nails clipped.
I tried that thing today at the petrol station where you try and stop the pump bang on what you want to pay, but let it go a fraction too late and it stopped on £20.03.
"*******s!" I shouted and walked into the shop to pay.
"Unlucky, mate," smiled the attendant, who'd seen what I'd done. "Don't worry about the extra."
"Cheers, mate,"... I handed him my tenner and left.
I was in a shop and a man was throwing milk cheese and yogurt at me
I thought how dairy!!
Yes he complained his wine tasted off-I said it's just sour grapesOriginally Posted by fred
I got home from work early and found my wife on a porn site. I am going to speak to her about it when she gets home.
Outside every thin girl there's a fat man trying to get in.
Has your wife of girlfriend put on a little weight over
the festive period?
If so, encourage her to walk three miles in the morning
and then three miles again in the evening. By the end of
the week the fat cow will be 42 miles away.
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