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Thread: Fred`s 2011 joke thread!!

  1. #31
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    I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?'

    I said, 'No, permanent


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    This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It

    was a turtle disaster


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    Q: Why is our British weather like a Muslim?

    A: Because it's either Sunni or Shi'ite


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  12. #42
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    An elderly couple were attending a church service.

    About half way through, she leans over and says to her husband and says,
    "I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

    He replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."


  13. #43
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  14. #44
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    Friday Afternoon Verses Monday morning.



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  23. #53
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    Very rare photo of the 1940 Tour de France:



  24. #54
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    I was telling the wife that an old bloke had just driven by on a tractor, shouting 'The end of the world is upon us!'.

    She said 'that sounds like farmer Geddon'.


  25. #55
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    A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.


  26. #56
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    Little Johnny got kicked out of maths class today. The Teacher said to him: "If I gave you £20 and you paid £5 to Joanne, £5 to Claire and £5 to Katie, what would you have?" Aparently, three blowjobs and enough left for a kebab was not correct.


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  28. #58
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    What's the difference between 'Iron Man' & 'Iron Woman'??

    Iron Man is a Superhero.......
    Iron Woman is an instruction.


  29. #59
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    Beware.... Beer..and what it does.

    http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/a...es_622180a.swf


  30. #60
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    After all this controversy, I phoned up Sky Sports to cancel my subscription last night.
    The woman on the phoned said "can I ask you why sir?"
    I replied "could you put a bloke on the phone love?"


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