What do Chinese men do when they have erections?
Vote.
What do Chinese men do when they have erections?
Vote.
went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."
Having a smoke outside the pub last night,and this ...... in a wheelchair
said to me,"why do you smoke when you don't need to".I looked at him and asked."Why the .... are you wearing trainers.???
WARNING. JOKE INTERLUDE AND PAUSE FOR THOUGHT ALERT.
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.
"Not very long," answered the Mexican.
"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.
The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.
The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. I have a full life."
The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."
"And after that?" asked the Mexican.
"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."
"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.
"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.
"And after that?"
"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"
"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the Mexican.
"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."
And the moral of this story is: ......... Know where you're going in life... you may already be there.
A bloke on a tractor just drove passed shouting
"The end is nigh, the end is nigh!!"
I think it was Farmer Geddon!
A Japanese government spokesman has asked members of the public not to attend the funerals of the Tsunami victims, because of radiation risks.
Its really 'unbereavable', he said.
There was a young man from Japan
who once fell asleep in his van
woke up in the night
with a terrible fright
and now finds himself in Taiwan
I was sat on the bus this morning when I noticed this beautiful young woman
sitting next to me who was reading a book entitled 'Strange but true sexual
facts'.
Interesting I ask,
Yes she replies, did you know that the American Red Indian has the longest penis in the world and an Irishman has the thickest? Oh I'm sorry she continued, my name's Helen and your's ?
###### Tonto O'Reilly ######
The teacher asked her pupils to give her examples where you would use the word contagious.
Little Tommy puts up his hand and says "My Father had swine flu, it is very contagious"
Michael puts his hand up and says " my cousin has a blood disorder, luckily it isn't contagious.
The teacher says "very well done, is there any other examples?
Paddy puts up his hand and says " My neighbour is painting the outside of his house, it will take the contagious"
Paddy's wife was about ready to give birth so he rushed her to the hospital.
On arrival, the attending nurse asked, "How dilated is she?".
Paddy replied, "Oh jaysus , we're BOTH over the moon!"
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