he became nosy because he wanted to know wheres the new pub located.....Originally Posted by fred
Why is there always one that always wants to spoil the picture?
he became nosy because he wanted to know wheres the new pub located.....Why is there always one that always wants to spoil the picture?
hahaha.... i almost choked with the rice im eating here while reading this one...hahahahaha... laf out louderrrrrrrrr....
Italian Tomato Garden:
An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work as the ground
was hard his only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old
to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the
plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie
One armed waiters... they can dish it out but they can't take it!
Dave drowned
So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt
Well, it's what he would have wanted.
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin whenShe met up with Father Flaherty.
The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' To ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yerHoosband two years ago? '
She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'
The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'
She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'
The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a fertility candle for yeand yer hoosband.'
She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father...'
They then parted ways..
Some years later they met again.
The Father asked, 'Well now,Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?'
She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'
The Father asked, 'And tell me,have ye any wee ones yet?'
She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Two sets of twins and six singles,Ten in all!'
The Father said, 'That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?'
She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle.'
How does it change many dyslexics to take a light bulb?
A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a
healthy son.
All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in
tears. 'What's wrong?' asked the mother. 'I was taking a tinkle and this bullet
came out,' replied the daughter.
The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago
About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. 'Mom,
I was taking a tinkle and this bullet ! came out.' Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years
ago.
A week later her son walked into the room in tears. 'It's okay' said the
Mom, 'I know what happened You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out.'
'No,' said the boy, 'I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.'
25 bike riders have now been killed in the last week alone, Police have said it may be the work of a cycle path.
THE CHAVS PRAYER...
Our boyfriend who art in prison. Even mum knows not dads name. Thy chavdom come, you'll read the sun, in Exmouth which is in Devon. Give us this day our welfare bread and forgive us our ASBO'S as we happy slap those who got ASBO'S against us. Lead us not into employment but deliver us free housing. For thine is the chavdom, The burberry and The bacardi, Forever and Ever...
INNIT!
Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing.
Paddy replied, 'We're supposed to be finding the height of this flagpole,
but we don't have a ladder..'
The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened a few bolts
and laid the flagpole down.
She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and
announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches.
Then, she walked off.
Mick said to Paddy, 'Isn't that just like a thick feckin' blonde!
We need the height, and she gives us the bloody length!!'
BREAKING NEWS: two muslims have crashed a boat into the Thames Flood arrier.....Police believe it marks the end of ram a dam
-----
Some ....... has pinched a pair of my mr's knickers of the washing line.
She's not bothered about the knickers,but wants the 22 pegs back.
The woman who injected her 8 year-old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody of her
The child didn't look surprised.
A history teacher asks a class full of kids 'What was Churchill famous for?'
A kid at the back shouts out “Being the last white man to be called Winston!'
What had 3 legs and lived on a farm?
The McCartneys
I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me...
'Oi, what's your disability?'
I said 'Tourettes! Now **** off you ****'!!!
Did you hear about the look-a-like competition in China ?
Everybody won.
Thieving and looting across the country. London calls it 'an abomination', Birmingham calls it 'a disgrace', Liverpool calls it 'a Monday'
A group of Irish yobs have just set fire to a barbeque.
A group of Irish yobs have just set fire to a barbeque.
A group of Irish yobs have just set fire to a barbeque.
thankfully the bloke who got eaten by a shark in the seychelles didnt suffer much...... he'd only been married 10 days..
Instead of "lol", try "lsimhbiwfefmtalol". Laughing silently in my head because it wasn't funny enough for me to actually laugh out loud :p
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