All I know is that we attract certain types............

[Tawi2]

All I know is that we attract certain types

Something Gwap's said in a thread earlier,struck a cord with me,we have all heard the oft repeated "Opposits attract" and "Like attracts like" but are they truisms?Do positive people attract equally positive people?Talented guys attract talented girls?Are we like magnetic poles,do we attract and repel certain "Types"?I know a lot of guys are attracted to physical attributes only and as a consequence end up married to totally unsuitable women(I have mates who constanly bemoan their choice of wife)but what is it that really attracts?What type do you personally attract?Why do you think that is?Do grouchy moaning old crusties attract a certain "Type" for example?Just musing while drinking a brew

[gWaPito]

Are these moaning old gits really as they portray? I dont think so, a prime example is our Graham48, he likes to give that impression but, i think the opposite is more true. The more adept writer, the more transparent they are so, look out Tawi ! Ha ha. Joking a side, i think some are born victims and some are not. I got some school friends who couldn't put two words together yet, turn't out stinking rich ! Yes, I know, you are wondering why im not rich with my dim mates ha ha no idea!

[Tawi2]

born victims

I know similar,I always used to call them NBV's(natural born victims),I am certainly not an adept writer,and wasnt thinking of Graham nor anyone on here,your comment just set me thinking about "Types" thats all

[Sim11UK]

This is Nigels speciality, the law of attraction...I'm sure he'll be along soon.

[Tawi2]

I was thinking more of individuals examples,what types they attract and vice-versa,nigels laws of attraction are probably some mystical airy-fairy,unfathomable,mind-boggling concepts that require a certain type of mind to understand them in depth.

[stevewool]

tuft one this i think it more of a case of blending in together, is it the looks that atract us first, yes, better to write something when Emma is looking over my shoulder then she can say what atracted her to me , other then looks

[Sim11UK]

Yes I know....couldn't resist it I'm not sure what to say here really?

[mickcant]

Think I had best keep quiet on this one
Mick.

[Tawi2]

Think I had best keep quiet on this one

She was different mick,a cold scheming predator,an attraction on your side of total opposits

[gWaPito]

This is one part of human nature I cant understand. I remember growing up close to a family whose father would beat the mother and son on a regular basis. As a 9 year old, i could not understand why they would stay with him, he was a brut to the extreme. I even questioned my dad on why he wouldn't go around there and sort him out, he was an obvious bully and a coward. Dad would say 'its not our business'. My gut feeling then is the same as it is now, dad was wrong. That same man died around 10 years ago, thus his wife came out of her shell and has been having a ball ever since. Anyway. What puzzles me, why do these abused women and men go back to the same type ? Its so sad to see. Im sure its something to do with self esteem and confidence. As long we instill this in our children and grand children, we will go a long way in protecting our own flesh and blood. Hey Tawi, you started a grim thread here !

[keithAngel]

Because it reminds them of what they already experienced in formative years

Every one will repeat unconsious pattening untill they come to terms with supressed feelings

Alice Millar is an author to explore if this rings a bell "for your own good"

[mindanao]

This is one part of human nature I cant understand

indeed, we can only say for what is within our own experience.

The other way to say it is like the Law of Polarity.. same poles repel, opposite poles attract, like the whites are drawn to blacks

[mickcant]

Is it even harder when new relationships are so long distance, as our mostly are.
We only discover how our partners behave naturally when we have committed to marriage
Mick.

[mindanao]

Is it even harder when new relationships are so long distance, as our mostly are.
We only discover how our partners behave naturally when we have committed to marriage

right mick, but there are options too, take time to learn a person, know the innermost character, mood swings, wishes & dreams,etc.. long list to write. eyes are mirrors of soul

[mindanao]

Is it even harder when new relationships are so long distance, as our mostly are.
We only discover how our partners behave naturally when we have committed to marriage

right mick, but there are options too, take time to learn a person, know the innermost character, mood swings, wishes & dreams,etc.. long list to write. eyes are mirrors of soul

[worthingmale]

sometimes people can help themselves and break cycles of behaviour

[mickcant]

right mick, but there are options too, take time to learn a person, know the innermost character, mood swings, wishes & dreams,etc.. long list to write. eyes are mirrors of soul

Would their true self show in a couple of two week visits if they did not want it to?
I realise we should make a few trips and spend as much time together, but cost can be a big factor for some.
Mick.

[stevewool]

mick, i was talking to a few people years ago,it was new and like many i was taken in by a few , but you learn and i have not changed my thoughts on that ,i was myself all the time emma and i was talking, and now i know emma was too, there was no smutty talk that was not allowed at all from emma and i did respect her for that, then i knew i had someone special,she never lied to me, even though i hide some things from her, she knows all about that know,emma has not changed at all she is still that person i said hi to many years ago, i have change for the better and thats all down to my wife i trust my wife with life, but i will still speak my mind if i think i am right and may i add thats not very often, emma has a calming presences to me and to may who are with us,i hope you will find that special person

[mindanao]

it costs to know a person. cost aren't just money, but also time, opportunities foregone.. Seriously, costs wont matter if you have a person worthy of , knowing her or him not on haste not on convenience and not on being practical.. KNOW a person by beat of your heart.. when a door close, there are windows open to make some airs comes through

[Tawi2]

Would their true self show in a couple of two week visits if they did not want it to?

Very easy to be a chameleon and blend in,especially if theres a motive,always frightens me the amount of guys who meet someone online,never see them in the flesh yet swear undying love within a month or so.Most commununication is non-verbal,kinesics,you dont get that on a webcam
To really know someone takes time,not weeks nor months but years,and also experiences,forged together.
I always attract opposits to my character thank goodness Their excess brains make up for my deficit in that department

[mindanao]

To really know someone takes time,not weeks nor months but years,and also experiences,forged together.
I always attract opposits to my character thank goodness Their excess brains make up for my deficit in that department

kudos tawi2.. time is relative to each person as a couple..

wouldn't be nice to have someone speaking the same wavelength as yours? dumb - dumb; idiot- idiot

[Terpe]

Difficult question to think about logically. Human nature can be so complex

Personally I think that, yes, opposites can attract.
But I also think that 'birds of a feather flock together'

Both could work under different scenarios

The question then becomes is it the differences or is it the similarities that are the attractors.
And is it the differences or is it the similarities that are key to a fulfilling and balanced relationship

I would suggest that attraction, in essence, means the initial feelings we get when we meet someone
for the first time and we feel an interest in them.
So probably, in the world of dating, courting and sexual tension the feeling of excitement, anticipation
mystery could all come from the sense of adventure when experiencing something quite different.

But then again, I think in the longer term, that opposites could really clash when it comes to values,
and personality.
The characteristcs like personality, values attitudes and even religion tend to come out later as a relationship
develops and progresses to something more settled.

People who have a lot in common tend to have successful relationships. After all, relationships are all
about satisfying our own needs, most often at the sub-conscious level.

[mickcant]

I do see that a good relationship leading to marriage is above putting a value of money on it, but money is needed.
It would seem to me that with present cost of air travel, marriage and visa a man from the UK needs sufficient funds to be able to do what his heart is telling him to do, or they could both be in for even more heartache.
Just what is the amount of money needed?
I am guessing perhaps but it has been suggested a first trip to the Philippines could cost £2,000
If you have 3 trips to hopefully get to know each other, then marry on the 3rd trip that indicates to me a total amount of money required as around £9,000 with £2,000 as necessary savings.
Mick.

[mindanao]

But then again, I think in the longer term, that opposites could really clash when it comes to values,
and personality.
The characteristcs like personality, values attitudes and even religion tend to come out later as a relationship
develops and progresses to something more settled.

People who have a lot in common tend to have successful relationships. After all, relationships are all
about satisfying our own needs, most often at the sub-conscious level.

terpe, you wrote the important circumstance to happen when opposites poles comes to clash on/collide. In relationships, whatever difference, we come to a point of compromise. Afterall, we all came from different genetics, race etc.. Personally, i tend to believe it's how much the either one can compromise to make the relationship works for both of them.

[Tawi2]

Its never about cash Mick,I know fishermen who have zip,diddly-squat,nada,but are rich as croesus when surrounded by their kids,monetary values cant compete with love but some do put a cash value on their relationship,money isnt the be-all and end-all but as my old grandfather used to say having brass sure takes the sting out of being poor
If a relationship has strength and purpose its going to stand the test of time and distance till the cash is saved for a trip.

[Terpe]

terpe, you wrote the important circumstance to happen when opposites poles comes to clash on/collide. In relationships, whatever difference, we come to a point of compromise. Afterall, we all came from different genetics, race etc.. Personally, i tend to believe it's how much the either one can compromise to make the relationship works for both of them.

That is a really interesting and deep thought mindanao.

Of course we all compromise in any relationship, we do it for love.

I just wonder if there is a compromise too far.
You know, that step that begins a settled and seemingly happy relationship but also begins the unfulfilled relationship.
Tough call I reckon.