Just wanted some Advice!

[simpleHeart]

Hello everyone in this forum, I am happy that I found out this site which I know would help me a lot. Especially with my lovelife problem, It's started going smooth first, as though I never thought something would go wrong. I had a boyfriend or rather a an ex-bf which based on London, we've been for a 2years of friendship and and 6 months in relationships, I am very happy cause I really thought that he is really the one that God give to me. To find out it was all false and that dreams of being together is just an elusive. he meant so much for me. He become the center of my life. I do give my life to him. Which in a sudden after a month of coming here in Phil last December everything turns out right, but last feb 19 2011, He just suddenly change, He sent me messages of breaking up, I was too desperate, upset and rather felt so abandoned.I don't know what to do. I love him so much. But as the days goes by I realize that I never have to give my 100% of love to him knowing I will be the one who suffered. But in just a day or two he change his mind saying that He wanted to continue our relationship, not asking for forgiveness or even consulting me that if it ok or do I been hurt, it seems nothing to him, I felt he is selfish, he just always protecting his heart not knowing how much he hurt me.
I wanted to ask some inspirational advice for all of you there!!

Thank you so much...

and besides knowing he is 33 but in some matter he is very poor in managing the relationship.

[keithAngel]

Maayong harpon dai

Sounds like you have had a shock, the thing about relationships is there are no garantees sounds like after his visit somthing changed in him and he wasnt able to communicate appropriatly what was going on

If your still interested talk to him about your feelings and ask about his if its doesnt feel right put it down to experience and growth and move on

[nigel]

Ask him why he broke up with you, if he doesn't explain himself in a caring manner, if he shows no concern for your needs and feelings - DUMP HIM!

***One thing I'd like you to know is that when a Brit guy tells his friends that he's dating a Filipina, his friends will say "Oh those girls rip you off, she's going to be more trouble than she's worth etc.." there may be people in his life that are trying to talk him out of it...it's quite typical! It happened to me to some degree, but I'm old enough and ugly enough to know that people are rather manipulative and talk a load of shhhh

(shenanigans?)

What does shenanigans mean anyway? ? ? Anyone know? hehe

[imagine]

shenanigans means,,,,,,,,, goings on,,, mischief,,,,,,up to no good,,,, nonsence ,,,,,,, fooling around ,,,,,and so on

[purple]

oh sorry to hear about the misgivings in your life.

better ask him for reasons. I know it is devastating. But ask him properly. Was there a chemistry between you two?

[stevewool]

you need to ask him why, or it could happen again,there are plenty more fish in the sea they say , good luck

[raynaputi]

like what the others say, you need to ask him what were his reasons why he broke up with you and now wants a relationship again..you need to clear things up with him so you wont get hurt again..it's not a healthy relationship if you have no idea on what has happened or would happen to both of you..good luck and welcome to the forum

[Lancashirelad]

Hi, welcome to the forum

I really feel for you, this guys behavior does seem selfish, but like you say maybe he is just not good at handling relationships.
I think you need to let him know how you feel, if your to commit with him he should make you feel secure in your relationship, so i think he owes you some answers otherwise you wont know if its to happen again. maybe he should read your post here!

hope everything works out for you! ingat

[Terpe]

It's a very hurtful experience he put you through and one that would surely damage the trust between you.
I can only strongly support what others have said, that you must talk with him and explain the feeling, the hurts and damage to trust and ask him for very clear and detailed reasons that caused him to behave in such a way.
It's going to be difficult for you as your feelings for him are still so strong, and the hurt is still there.

[worthingmale]

you need to find out the reason why, and let him know he hurt you deeply

[simpleHeart]

maayong adlaw kanimo keithAngel,

Thank you for the advice, unfortunately in this time, it's seems he is still having difficulty in managing his time, I really don't know or it seems he don't want me to elaborate more on this things, It just gone by the wind. Putting promises into vain. I felt there is still a strong feeling he has for me.But the hard thing is that is don't know how to make it right. and he wont accept any advices or reason.

[raynaputi]

maayong adlaw kanimo keithAngel,

Thank you for the advice, unfortunately in this time, it's seems he is still having difficulty in managing his time, I really don't know or it seems he don't want me to elaborate more on this things, It just gone by the wind. Putting promises into vain. I felt there is still a strong feeling he has for me.But the hard thing is that is don't know how to make it right. and he wont accept any advices or reason.

Just my opinion..if he has strong feelings for you, he won't be doing such things..he won't be breaking up with you just like that, without any explanations...

[imagine]

hi simpleheart,sorry to hear your story, its sad that things happen like this,you look after your own heart firstly,
i dont understand your man,how he can be like this so suddenly,
if he wont open up and talk with you about problems now, how would it be like later bad i think,
i think everybody on this forum will feel for you,take care and be strong

[simpleHeart]

That was quite right Nigel, it happen when he formally announce our relationship to his colleague, everyone's opinion was quite negative, and to tell you the truth he is really shaken, asking a lot of me, make sure I'm not after his money, etc...Which I told him, If I do, I won't pick him up, where practically I have my own profession in IT field, and honestly I could have a man with the same degree as I am. Or quite more than that..there are lot of them,..But it says you can't dictate your heart. Yes his work was quite good too, maybe not in my level,..But Im proud of it...Because the truth is I accept him for who he is.

[simpleHeart]

oh sorry to hear about the misgivings in your life.

better ask him for reasons. I know it is devastating. But ask him properly. Was there a chemistry between you two?

I can't determine if we had that chemistry purple, Cause all I know is that I love him,.that the only reason I have, that I trust him more than any one.

[imagine]

simpleheart, why not get him to come on this site,if these things worry him, maybe it will help him to voice his concerns on here,
and recieve good honest advise from the forum

[simpleHeart]

you need to ask him why, or it could happen again,there are plenty more fish in the sea they say , good luck

Yes, I did ask him, but all he says was to forget it and be renew again like it never happen, that everything will gonna be alright, that the reason for him is all his isolated life and etc...I dont really understand him sometimes.

[simpleHeart]

Just my opinion..if he has strong feelings for you, he won't be doing such things..he won't be breaking up with you just like that, without any explanations...

Hi Rayna thank you for your concern, yes I know he must not doing that thing..All I know is that his so immature. He don't know how to work out relationship. In a simple disappointment he would turn back.

[simpleHeart]

simpleheart, why not get him to come on this site,if these things worry him, maybe it will help him to voice his concerns on here,
and recieve good honest advise from the forum

Perfectly right imagine, but sad to say his quite to busy working and working all the way into the heart of London, are you familiar with metroline bus???maybe some of here got a ride. He is one of the driver of that bus. working 12 hours a day and a 6 days a week as far as I know. His working in this job for almost 5 years.

[simpleHeart]

Hi, welcome to the forum

I really feel for you, this guys behavior does seem selfish, but like you say maybe he is just not good at handling relationships.
I think you need to let him know how you feel, if your to commit with him he should make you feel secure in your relationship, so i think he owes you some answers otherwise you wont know if its to happen again. maybe he should read your post here!

hope everything works out for you! ingat

Thank you for the sincerely concern, I was never wronged to come in this site, with such people who can give those beautiful and honest advices.

All I have to do know maybe is to give him time, after that, I will properly confront him no matter what would be the outcomes, and I would prepare my heart as well to accept what would happen.

Thank you to all of you. I will be keeping in touch.

[simpleHeart]

It's a very hurtful experience he put you through and one that would surely damage the trust between you.
I can only strongly support what others have said, that you must talk with him and explain the feeling, the hurts and damage to trust and ask him for very clear and detailed reasons that caused him to behave in such a way.
It's going to be difficult for you as your feelings for him are still so strong, and the hurt is still there.

Yes Terpe, that was definitely true,now I was not too sure about our relationship as well as to give him my full trust as what I did before, It was too hurt to know he can easily destroy it in just a plain message.

Surely I will ask him, to sit down for a while and manage to talk in a peacefully way. Im not sure when it would be happen since he had that very hectic schedule, and we had difficulties in managing time, his working while Im sleeping and Im working while his resting. In some factors time affected as much.

[fred]

Doesn't sound right to me.
Managing his time?
Cant he manage a couple of hours to put your mind at rest simpleheart?
Cant he invest just 2 hours? Are you not worth that much?
Tell him to take half a day..No,actually a whole day off to explain to you why he did what he did and then Maybe...Just maybe,you will consider it!! Make him beg!!
If he refuses or makes excuses then there.... YOU HAVE YOUR ANSWER!..
Then go and find someone that can give you all the time in the world..

Damn...Ive been watching too much Oprah!!

[simpleHeart]

Doesn't sound right to me.
Managing his time?
Cant he manage a couple of hours to put your mind at rest simpleheart?
Cant he invest just 2 hours? Are you not worth that much?
Tell him to take half a day..No,actually a whole day off to explain to you why he did what he did and then Maybe...Just maybe,you will consider it!! Make him beg!!
If he refuses or makes excuses then there.... YOU HAVE YOUR ANSWER!..
Then go and find someone that can give you all the time in the world..

Damn...Ive been watching too much Oprah!!

Hahahahahahah,.seems your much more than Oprah now!!!
I have been asking that. But too much for it. maybe I just been so dumb enough not to see Im not as important more than anything in his life. I maybe stupid not to think it so,.but what can I do???Im too afraid to lose him..maybe that's all the reason..

[alanp]

Perfectly right imagine, but sad to say his quite to busy working and working all the way into the heart of London, are you familiar with metroline bus???maybe some of here got a ride. He is one of the driver of that bus. working 12 hours a day and a 6 days a week as far as I know. His working in this job for almost 5 years.

hello simpleheart yes everyone is busy having to work but you find time i get up early 4am every day so i am able to chat with my Jennie on her lunch time and she will stay up late so we can chat when i get home.
As for him working 12 hour days that is not allowed if he is driving a bus or a coach as there are rules on his driving hours that do not allow that.
if he really cares he will find time yes its hard when you are so far apart and if he does not it is his loss. you will find someone that deserves you good luck and stay strong

[simpleHeart]

Hello Alanp,

I've thinking about it, for me, I could give as much time as possible, even if I don't have anytime for myself, it was in his side, which until now it is quite blurry, I don't know where our relationship heading to. I wish that feeling will just wash away. But it can't be. the love will be always stay. What should I do?I still can't let go of the feeling right away. My family certainly love him as much as what he shows when he is here, my family asking a lot of him to me, if our relationship still going on, I can't find the answer.

[worthingmale]

go with your inner feeling, if it doesnt feel right it probably isnt.

There are plenty of nice guys looking for filipino ladies.

But communication is the key, so you do need to discuss it with him.

[simpleHeart]

There are plenty of nice guys looking for filipino ladies.

how could I know if Im the one who are there looking for

Just a bit joke worthingmale....Im not in such kind of having a western man to be a bf..It just happen he find me,.Not in dating site, it just happen.
But somehow, Im still hoping for the best things to come, maybe not from him but from other as well.

Thank you!

[Terpe]

simpleHeart,
Reading through the posts and the way he is behaving towards you. I can only conclude that he is not being honest with you about something.
He can easily find find time to communicate with someone he loves.
How did he ever manage to win your heart?

In any relationship there are things that need to be taken care of and nurtured.

If you put a lot into the relationship, but your partner seems to put nothing or very little into it, that’s a sign that your partner isn’t committed to either you or the relationship.

If you're not being respected, then the relationship has to change. Mutual respect is the foundation of any relationship. Without that, the relationship is doomed, because something as basic as that is unlikely to change.

If you’re being lied to or cheated on, then you aren’t being respected. You can try to repair the relationship by talking things over with a liar or cheat, but don’t fool youself. That relationship is over.

If being in the relationship is putting stress on you or it seems like it’s unhealthy, then please try to visualise the future. Ask yourself where the relationship is going. Does your partner wear you out?

If your partner gets emotional over the simplest things or constantly critises your every move, that’s not healthy. That is called a high maintenance relationship. Some people can thrive in these situations. For most of us, we’ve got to get out of the relationship and find a healthier one.

If everything you do is a mistake or a negative on the relationship, this is no good for you. Your partner needs to let you feel appreciated. The overcritical partner not only brings the romance down, but they begin to undermine your self-esteem.

If they think you are insecure, then in their mind they believe you are more likely to stay in the relationship come what may.
Don’t fall into this trap. If your partner doesn’t appreciate you, you can find someone who will.

If you really do strive so hard to stay in a formerly romantic relationship that includes the above "IF'S" then you're likely in denial.
Most of us have been there in some shape or form. BEFORE

[keithAngel]

A lot of men cant easily talk about their feelings I wouldnt try to push him into too much of a corner theres been much speculation here if hes a bus driver for example he might not be 12 hours driving but could be 12 hours or more away

Perhaps he had a momentary doughbt brought about by who knows what perhaps hes ashamed of it and is unsure how to talk about this the core question for you is do you still want/trust him

If he is back to his usual self you will recognise this I think after so long together if not then as I said use your own self worth to decide what to do

Good Luck

[simpleHeart]

I will consider that good advice keithAngel, hopefully it was what your thinking. I wish to...I will settling it as soon..

I will keep updating....

Thank you for the encouragement..