i need help and advice

[cel]

hello .my name is maricel i need advice what the best thing to do .i come here in uk as fiancee visa.and now im married for almost two years.just a day after my wedding i find out im pregnant .i have a lovely 9 months old boy now...but since i get married i dont feel like a wife.his the one recieve my baby allawonce pair weeks .instead to me becouse im stock all the time at home look after my little boy i cant find a job becouse no one look after him.i feel depressed all the time.i cant speak to my husband what i feel im always speachless for everything.sometime im thinking i need to rebuild my life again .find best man.but im affraid no money no place where to go at all.thank you hope you advice me xxx

[Steve.r]

Welcome to the forum.

Sorry to hear that Cel. I am not sure if I can give you the best advice, others will comment I am sure. But I think you must try to talk to your husband first before you make any decision. If he knows how you feel, then maybe he will understand and the two of you can work out your problems.

I hope it all works out.

[stevewool]

hi there Cel, you have been here over 2 years then so why has it change so much from falling in love with him, does he work ??? and why is the money going to him, does he give you any support too, but as steve says you must talk to him first

[keithAngel]

Perhaps he is saving for the next visa

[Terpe]

Perhaps he is saving for the next visa

[joebloggs]

you could find a registered child minder to look after your baby and work maybe part time, and depending on what your husband earns, you might be able to get the care element of tax creds and the gov( tax payer) will pay up to 80% of the child care costs

[Terpe]

cel, my opinion, first and most importantly talk with your husband. A very straight and honest communication and sharing of feelings. Set some time aside to do it.
This is essential as first step. Plan out what you want to share
God Bless and good luck.

[Rosie1958]

...........i feel depressed all the time.i cant speak to my husband what i feel im always speachless for everything.sometime im thinking i need to rebuild my life again .find best man.but im affraid no money no place where to go at all.thank you hope you advice me xxx

Hi Maricel ........ so sorry to hear that you are feeling so down. Since you have said that you can't talk to your husband, if you are feeling depressed I'd suggest that you visit your doctor as you may even be suffering from post natal depression following the birth of your son.

It might help you to meet other new mums at a Mum's and Tots group, where you could make new friends. I'd suggest that you have a look at the noticeboard in your local doctor's surgery as there are often local support groups advertising, or speak to the Health Visitor attached to the surgery (if there is one) as they should be able to advise further.

Good luck, you don't have to suffer in silence alone.

Big hug
Rosie x

[grahamw48]

Hi Cel.

Welcome to the forum.
There are lots of Filipinas on here who can chat with you.

I agree with Rosie. It would be a good idea if you could ask at your doctor's if a Health Visitor could come and speak to you.

My sister is a Health Visitor, and I know that she talks to her clients about all kinds of things, and can gives lots of good advice, not just about caring for your baby.

I know it helped my wife when our baby was small, that she had a good friend who also had a small baby, and they could visit each other and take the babies out together.

Also we visited the family in the Philippines when our boy was only 4 months old. (We went for 3 months).

Maybe if you put on your profile your location in the UK, other forum members may live close enough for you to visit with them ?

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck, and do try to talk to your husband and explain your feelings to him, otherwise he might think you're quite happy with your situation !

If it was me I would feel very bad if my wife was so lonely and unhappy.

[PAT]

Welcome to the forum cel,good advices are already been said by other members,i just hope everything will be settle soon.

[sars_notd_virus]

hello .my name is maricel i need advice what the best thing to do .i come here in uk as fiancee visa.and now im married for almost two years.just a day after my wedding i find out im pregnant .i have a lovely 9 months old boy now...but since i get married i dont feel like a wife.his the one recieve my baby allawonce pair weeks .instead to me becouse im stock all the time at home look after my little boy i cant find a job becouse no one look after him.i feel depressed all the time.i cant speak to my husband what i feel im always speachless for everything.sometime im thinking i need to rebuild my life again .find best man.but im affraid no money no place where to go at all.thank you hope you advice me xxx

I think your husband is ok to claim the benefits for your child as you are not yet entitled to get it as you have no recourse to public funds.(does he spends the money to you and the baby needs?)
Anyway,like what everybody advised on here...talk to your husband and moan about not having money and job and being stuck inside the house for almost 2years..
We all know that marriage is about giving and compromising ..am sure you will end up with a nice compromise with your husband.
Goodluck!!

[jane2009]

Hello Cel,
First welcome to the forum...I agree with everyone said you should talk to your husband tell him what you feel...maybe he thought you are ok but you are not...I have also 3y/o boy. Before i was feel the same, what i did i talk my husband i told him i want to do part time job..He didnt say yes but he dont have a choice...I want to have a break as the same time i earned money for myself...Let him look after your son during weekends....
During week days try to go for walk in the town im sure alot of mother's and toddlers group around let your son play and you can chat with other mummies and make friends....

[Dr Graham]

Hi Maricel, and Welcome ..... you are among Friends !

It is very sad that you feel that you can't talk to your husband anymore :(
I think it is Very Important that you talk to someone about your problem, otherwise you will become even more depressed.
So if you don't know people other than your Husband yet, please keep using the Forum.

My Fiancee hasn't visited the UK yet, but already I have learned that there is an "Informal Group" of women from the Philippines, some married, some single, who live in the Manchester area of the UK, and meet up to Socialise and Talk about all kinds of stuff ..... including helping to Solve Problems.
Maybe there is such a group near where you live ?

You have already been given Good Advice, and if you have a Good Doctor, he/she could well provide or organise all the help you need.

This is a prime example of one of the reasons why the Philippine Government introduced the CFO. It is supposed to make Filipinas who Marry or Settle Overseas, aware of What To Do, and of What Support Networks are available, should things go wrong.

My ex-girlfriend (African, not Filipino) had been brought to the UK by her (English) husband when she was only 18, and was later Abandoned, when she wouldn't give up their six month old baby and return to Africa.
She had NO Home, NO Money, NO Job, a Young Baby, NO Friends or Relatives in the UK, and she ONLY Spoke her Local Language and French !

Social Services "Rescued" her. They found her a flat, gave her some money, and arranged with the Home Office for her to have Indefinite Leave to Stay and Work in the UK.

I am NOT suggesting that your situation is anywhere near as bad as that, I'm just trying to say DON'T GET TOO UPSET, coz even IF "the worst" happens, it is NOT the End of the World !