Question about having children?

[FertileOne]

i want a child..he doesn't (because of his health..though he already got 2 grown up kids)..but it's a matter of compromising..i love him and want to be with him no matter what..every relationship has sacrifices..maybe this would be mine i don't know if time would change his mind or my mind..but as long as we're together, that's what matters to me the most..

Interesting view. Relationships are about compromising. Putting off having your own children, because your partner has already had theirs is quite a big one, especially if his children are grown up. The most important thing is the happiness in my opinion, but if you feel it's compromising your happiness, then it may end up being a nagging thought in your head.

[keithAngel]

Although as I mentioned before I've helped friends (lesbians) conceive children via Artificial Insemination (i.e. I was their sperm donor)

More research needed

Yup depends on how

A spokesman for Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) said: "The law says that men donating sperm through licensed fertility clinics are not the legal father of any child born through that donation. "Men giving out their sperm in any other way - such as via internet arrangements - are legally the father of any children born with all the responsibilities that carries."



http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/e...on/7125895.stm

[Terpe]

Interesting view. Relationships are about compromising. Putting off having your own children, because your partner has already had theirs is quite a big one, especially if his children are grown up. The most important thing is the happiness in my opinion, but if you feel it's compromising your happiness, then it may end up being a nagging thought in your head.

Sounds like the musings of some 'agony aunt'

[raynaputi]

Putting off having your own children, because your partner has already had theirs is quite a big one, especially if his children are grown up.

It's not because he already got kids, it's because of his health...read my post again...and like i said, we both still don't know what would happen in the future, if both our minds would change...yes it might end up a nagging thought in my head if I don't accept his situation and health conditions...but i knew this long before we had a relationship yet i still am in the relationship..

[KeithD]

I published reports a while back showing that the age gap average between Brit-Brit is only about 20% lower than Fil-Brit, and also Fil-Brit divorce rate is a lot lower than Brit-Brit which is about 50%.

Kids = Goats

[grahamw48]

I think based on the information Graham you are right when you say your a little old fashioned

I dont know if Kesters g/f is already married or if he might rather live with her for a while longer and register a civil partnership,and seek settlement that way,or indeed if they will ever have a child.

Any issue will have the right to a UK passport as long as he is on the Birthcertificate and can as a British Subject call themselves by whatever name they choose.

Not everyone believes or needs the institution of marriage although it may make dealings with the authorities easier

Not everyone would want to be born a b*stard either....given the choice.

It may be trendy (after thousands of years of marriage being the norm throughout the world) not to commit to marriage, but as I've already suggested, perhaps respect for the life one is creating should be put before one's own selfish needs. After all, we're not talking about naive fumbling teenagers here.

Obviously I was aware of the position regarding the child's right to British nationality.

[Doc Alan]

Sounds like the musings of some 'agony aunt'

Agreed, except that agony aunts are usually over 27 and their advice is based on experience, not just opinions.

[sars_notd_virus]

I apologise for appearing crass with the mention of age gap. I didn't mean to imply a Hugh Hefner-style age gap. And I didn't mean to imply that everyone on this forum was in such a relationship where the age gap was 10+ years apart. But yes, my topic was targeted at the members of the forum who are in such a relationship with a fairly large age difference.

No agenda, just personal curiosity.

Doc Alan, yes I'm well aware of the facts and figures, hence why I said I donated sperm. But I guess it's good to say, so the others are aware. Given those facts and figures, I think it's a worthwhile discussion, and considering the responses it's clear it's a good topic.

your curiosity about age gap,has been given objectable comments ,..your main topic is 'questions about children'?? age gap, sperm donations, citizenship of a partner is not an issue in having a baby/child in a relationship whether its fil-brit,asian-asian,brit-brit,or any race.

the big question is...is every man,bloke responsible to become a father?? your young,and you've donated sperm are you ready for fatherhood fertile one?? I asked this because a lot of boys or youngsters nowadays cant keep their willy inside their pants and just multiply their genes ,wheres the fatherhood in that case??
quoting grahams' reply ' no one wants to be called a bas***rd,its not fair isnt it?

[fred]

Please do not circumvent the swear filter..
It seems the swear filter now believes that ....... is up there with .... and ...... which in my opinion is ....... ridiculous.
I think that the owner of the swear filter should give B@stard another chance!!
Its not a legitimate swear word...Surely!!

[grahamw48]

Since when was the word for a person born out of wedlock...when used in its correct context, a swearword ?

Personally I find some of the 'smileys' and avatars used on here to be far more offensive.

[keithAngel]

I think "illigitimate" may be the word thats being seached for

Its a funny thing Graham Marriage doesnt seem high on the priority list here in the Phils I was shocked to find out just how many people arnt in fact Married but call themselves that

Fair to say most of the Guys here got hitched at some point but beyond the obvious immigration advantages who can say why.

Commitments the thing really thats gone missing and I wouldnt myself use the bit of paper to judge anyones loving committed relationship

The Fertile one is an articulate troll that perhaps every forum needs to show off its prejudicices

[gWaPito]

Agreed, except that agony aunts are usually over 27 and their advice is based on experience, not just opinions.

Nice one Alan

Comes across as a know all but, in reality, knows nothing of real life.

Rayna, its a big compromise. The biggest one you will ever make.

I too, have grown up kids living there own lives.

Cheers
Mark

[raynaputi]

Rayna, its a big compromise. The biggest one you will ever make.

I know Mark...time will tell...

[FertileOne]

It's not because he already got kids, it's because of his health...read my post again...and like i said, we both still don't know what would happen in the future, if both our minds would change...yes it might end up a nagging thought in my head if I don't accept his situation and health conditions...but i knew this long before we had a relationship yet i still am in the relationship..

Sorry Rayna, I was skipping a step, as I didn't want to sound too intrusive.

What I wanted to ask was:

What health problem does he have that impedes you from having children?

Either it's a problem with the conception. i.e. he has infertility issues. Which can be solved by going to a fertility clinic, and using IVF, IUI, ICI using his sperm, or using a sperm donor.

Or if it's a problem with the raising of the children. i.e. he is unwell/disabled and requires too much care, that adding children into the mix would be one extra unnecessary factor. In this scenario perhaps you could seek additional benefits and/or a carer.

Hopefully you can have your cake and eat it.

Rayna, its a big compromise. The biggest one you will ever make.

I agree. Maybe a better word is sacrifice.

[FertileOne]

your curiosity about age gap,has been given objectable comments ,..your main topic is 'questions about children'?? age gap, sperm donations, citizenship of a partner is not an issue in having a baby/child in a relationship whether its fil-brit,asian-asian,brit-brit,or any race.

Actually it is the issue. If it were not, then I would not have posted this on this forum. It would've ended up in Yahoo. "Dear World, who is responsible to have children?". I posted it here, because it is apparent (no matter how much it offends you), that there are many (if not the majority) of members on here who are in Fil-Brit relationships or planning to get into Fil-Brit relationships. Of these members, a lot of them are a) working with a fairly significant age gap, and or b) have already raised one family, or c) are filipinas who tend to be very maternal. Based on points (a), (b) and (c) it's a worthy question to ask. There is no malice intended, not here to p*** people off, just want to hear peoples views. The topic may not personally relate to me (you don't know), this could be a survey for all you need to know.

What I wanted to gauge was how many of you ran into such issues:

- Men who have already raised one family, might not be looking to raise another family. They may be marrying a young Filipina to have a "fun" relationship, without the 'burden' of children.

- Men who have already raised one family, might have had a vasectomy (very common after they believed their family was complete). Then may have had problems getting a successful reversal. (I know the rates vary, not everyone is successful).

- Men who are much older, may have fertility problems (and can't get their partner pregnant), or they may have health problems (and don't feel in the position to raise children).

I created the topic, to hear your views. I by no means think that I'm so perfect that I know all the reasons and problems that can arise. So I put the ball in your court.

the big question is...is every man,bloke responsible to become a father?? your young,and you've donated sperm are you ready for fatherhood fertile one?? I asked this because a lot of boys or youngsters nowadays cant keep their willy inside their pants and just multiply their genes ,wheres the fatherhood in that case??
quoting grahams' reply ' no one wants to be called a bas***rd,its not fair isnt it?

The ball is in your court. If you disagree with sperm donation, or homosexuality, then I suggest you send your hate to the relevant organisations: , - But don't try to talk in a condescending manner to a sperm donor about the responsibilities of becoming a father. It's got nothing to do with me.

[bornatbirth]

i will ask you again, why does it concern you being just 27

oh i get it, your trying to be a sperm donor for these older men with younger wifes and your spamming that site

[joebloggs]

The ball is in your court. If you disagree with sperm donation, or homosexuality, then I suggest you send your hate to the relevant organisations: http://www.hfea.gov.uk/ , http://www.lgbtconsortium.org.uk/ - But don't try to talk in a condescending manner to a sperm donor about the responsibilities of becoming a father. It's got nothing to do with me.

you ask so many questions which push the boundaries, can i ask you some now, and I plead ignorance here..

why have you deleted your visitors message ?

the 2 babies which you have 'fathered' do you have any contact with them ?

do you have contact with the 'parents' ?

[Steve.r]

you ask so many questions which push the boundaries, can i ask you some now, and I plead ignorance here..

why have you deleted your visitors message ?

the 2 babies which you have 'fathered' do you have any contact with them ?

do you have contact with the 'parents' ?

and for the second time of asking ... ARE YOU PAYING CHILD SUPPORT ???

[keithAngel]

Steve I dont think thats the right question for one thing the couple in question or the individual might not need that having adequate resources of their own

More interesting is the manner of donation and his statement that "more research "was required and if that would make him responcable if that were required Fert seems to have ducked that question twice

[Steve.r]

yes, you are right Keith, some can be fortunate, but where in law does this lie?

[KeithD]

Sorry Rayna, I was skipping a step, as I didn't want to sound too intrusive.

What I wanted to ask was:

What health problem does he have that impedes you from having children?

Either it's a problem with the conception. i.e. he has infertility issues. Which can be solved by going to a fertility clinic, and using IVF, IUI, ICI using his sperm, or using a sperm donor.

Or if it's a problem with the raising of the children. i.e. he is unwell/disabled and requires too much care, that adding children into the mix would be one extra unnecessary factor. In this scenario perhaps you could seek additional benefits and/or a carer.

Hopefully you can have your cake and eat it.



I agree. Maybe a better word is sacrifice.

Nothing wrong with my sperm... it's tastes fine

... it's because I hate babies .... kids are fine

[jimeve]

Nothing wrong with my sperm... it's tastes fine

... it's because I hate babies .... kids are fine

Mine must taste horrid, she keeps spitting it out.

[raynaputi]

oh jeeezzz... TMI guys!!!

[sars_notd_virus]

But don't try to talk in a condescending manner to a sperm donor about the responsibilities of becoming a father. It's got nothing to do with me.

So, I am correct in my judgment and you rightfully answered it in perfect manner...Questions about having children according to fertile one:
NO FATHERHOOD,
NO RESPONSIBILITY,
JUST SPREAD AND MULTIPLY THE GENES !!

[RickyR]

Sorry, what was the actual question again?

[keithAngel]

yes, you are right Keith, some can be fortunate, but where in law does this lie?

Yup depends on how

A spokesman for Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) said: "The law says that men donating sperm through licensed fertility clinics are not the legal father of any child born through that donation. "Men giving out their sperm in any other way - such as via internet arrangements - are legally the father of any children born with all the responsibilities that carries."



http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/e...on/7125895.stm

I will quote myself Steve maybe missed this post and link

So, I am correct in my judgment and you rightfully answered it in perfect manner...Questions about having children according to fertile one:
NO FATHERHOOD,
NO RESPONSIBILITY,
JUST SPREAD AND MULTIPLY THE GENES !!

I dont think thats what he said Sars

He May be right if he donated sperm through a clinic in an official capacity its an anonoumous service without any actionable element

Or the personal arrangement with the Women whilst not being legaly without the possability of support being sought, they may well be in a position to never need to play that card,and He may have entered into an agreement not to demand or expect contact

In the States if a woman impregnates herself after fellatio the guy whilst not knowing what later occurred is still liable for support but I wouldnt suggest that the women had behaved "responcably" in that case as it was without any consent

If you are intuitively right about him though he should fit well in the Phills were irrisponcible father/motherhood is widely practiced and condoned

[sars_notd_virus]

I dont think thats what he said Sars

He May be right if he donated sperm through a clinic in an official capacity its an anonoumous service without any actionable element

keith i have read and understand this thread and if there is a part that confuses me i have the internet to search for it,...fertile one views might be different to my views about having children ,thats why it sounds a bit illogical ...i dont have to explain myself ,otherwise i might be wasting my ink on here...

If you are intuitively right about him though he should fit well in the Phills were irrisponcible father/motherhood is widely practiced and condoned

I dont think he will fit well in the Philippines, we cannot afford him....and with regards to irresponsible father/motherhood widely practiced and condone in the Phils I disagree ,... its all over the world keith.

[keithAngel]

You dont have to explain yourself Sars but then neither does anyone else, couldnt help noticing you seemed to be shouting though

I found it quiete interesting to find out about the paradoxes existant on this subject of sperm donating

Luckily the Health Service here in the UK will give goodly supplies of Condoms to any one asking hopefully he will avail and spread the strange and mystical idea that sex doesnt have to equal babies

[sars_notd_virus]

You dont have to explain yourself Sars but then neither does anyone else, couldnt help noticing you seemed to be shouting though

thank u and excuse me for my caps lock(post#54),I wasn't shouting ..I was just making sure that all my keys are working properly on my keyboard

[keithAngel]

YOUR WELCOME