Medical dictionary

[Doc Alan]

Artery.......study of paintings.
Barium.....what doctors do when patients die.
Cauterize.....make eye contact with her.
Coma.....punctuation mark.
Dilate.... live long.
Enema....not a friend.
Fester....quicker than someone else.
Fibula....small lie.
Impotent.....distinguished, well known.
Labour pain...getting hurt at work.
Morbid....a higher offer.
Nitrates...cheaper than day rates.
Outpatient....someone who has fainted.
Post operative...a letter carrier.
Rectum ....nearly killed him.
Seizure.....Roman emperor.
Tablet.....small table.
Terminal illness....getting sick at airport.
Tumour....one plus one more.
Urine....opposite of you're out.
Vulva......Swedish car.
Wart ? .....Pardon ?
X-Rated......porn.
Yaws .....what's yaws? Mine's a San Miguel beer.
Zinc.....mind your own bismuth.

[Arthur Little]

BRAVO, Alan * ... which calls to mind three distinctive definitions of the plural noun, "*Clappers":-

1. An appreciative audience
2. Someone in a great hurry ... said to be "going like the clappers" ...
3. Persons [collectively] afflicted with one or other of the sexually-transmitted diseases ... as in "having a dose of the 'pox' - and thus alluded to as clappers"

[Terpe]

Great stuff
That's what I call humour

[Arthur Little]

Artery.......study of paintings.
Barium.....what doctors do when patients die.
Cauterize.....make eye contact with her.
Coma.....punctuation mark.
Dilate.... live long.
Enema....not a friend.
Fester....quicker than someone else.
Fibula....small lie.
Impotent.....distinguished, well known.
Labour pain...getting hurt at work.
Morbid....a higher offer.
Nitrates...cheaper than day rates.
Outpatient....someone who has fainted.
Post operative...a letter carrier.
Rectum ....nearly killed him.
Seizure.....Roman emperor.
Tablet.....small table.
Terminal illness....getting sick at airport.
Tumour....one plus one more.
Urine....opposite of you're out.
Vulva......Swedish car.
Wart ? .....Pardon ?
X-Rated......porn.
Yaws .....what's yaws? Mine's a San Miguel beer.
Zinc.....mind your own bismuth.

Brilliant, Alan ... 25 times BRILLIANT!