I've been reading your various posts, Phil ... and am so sorry to be unable to offer any constructive solution - having never been in a situation like yours. But many here are no strangers to anguish and heartbreak - as Scott has explained. Suffice to say, I have often found that it helps to talk things through with others ... "a burden shared ... &c". So, to the friendly online filipino/uk site; hopefully, some frank discussion will help bring you as much peace of mind as possible in the circumstances.