To be brutally honest, no you haven't ruined her life and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty. It sounds to me that she's in 'pieces' because she's worried about losing her £200 monthly payment.
You've met her once in over four years, she's lied to you about being married and she failed to turn up to meet you last year. Call me cynical, but it looks like you've been taken for a ride. Apologies if I sound harsh but sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind.
