Have I Ruined Her Life?

[Englishman2010]

Look on the positive side:

You're a free man now, and with extra money in your pocket.

Buy a ticket to the Phils...soon.

If you save what you were sending over each month, within a couple or 3 months you'll have enough money to buy a ticket to Manila. Get yourself over there for a couple of weeks, it's the best way to get to meet girls - but just be careful of any girls you meet if you go into a 'Buy me drink bar' - they are bad news.
If you go to Greenbelt or Ayala Malls in Makati, there are lots of regular girls there, the bars are normal bars full of guys and girls who work in the call centre industry (none of the seedy 'Buy me drink' bars there. They all speak fluent US/English, have good jobs and won't be out to scam you.
Even if you don't find your true love out there, you will definitely make some new friends who may be able to introduce you to other genuine Filipina's who you can meet on subsequent visits.
If I were on the look out for a new girl, it's the way I'd do it, forget dating sites, they are too long winded and full of too many scammers. Get yourself out there, have a great holiday and make lots of friends. Filipino's are very friendly and hospitable and love making friends with westerners

[malditako]

If you go to Greenbelt or Ayala Malls in Makati, there are lots of regular girls there, the bars are normal bars full of guys and girls who work in the call centre industry (none of the seedy 'Buy me drink' bars there. They all speak fluent US/English, have good jobs and won't be out to scam you.
:

..there are in fact lots of hookers and scammers in every corner of makati even inside the posh bars and resto bars not to mention cafe havana in greenbelt and starbucks in 6750 infront of shangrila looking very posh and talk fluent english and am telling you they are more smart in getting a mans wallet, they know better to play the game than girls you met online. so be aware.

[grahamw48]

Too true...and prices are getting extortionate too...so I'm told.

To be honest I'd pass straight through Manila and its horrendous pollution and find a nice provincial town...preferably with a beach.

[Manila_Paul]

as it really been that long?

how soon would you of expected her to be with you.

this is the problem when you dont go and meet them at their home and see what their lives are really like, meeting once in thailand in after 4 1/2 years of contact isnt going to show you.

This.

It has taken me a good 4 months of regular in person dating and living together for me to figure out my mahal. And I don't think I'm fully there yet.... and may never get there!

Online dating is a positive development allowing easier cross cultural relationships.... but the aim should be a first connection which allows you to meet and date in person. Long term. You wouldn't have a 4 and a half year long distance relationship with a woman you met online who was from Scotland - so why do it with a Filipina? More so when the culture is so different. This isn't to say that these relationships don't eventually work out for many people, especially those who post on here, but the odds aren't good.

It would be less of a gamble to save up and go out for 6 months or a year. You will start to understand the culture and you will almost certainly form relationships, romantic and otherwise. You will meet girls who don't post profiles on internet dating sites. I would say all that gives you a far, far higher chance of meeting someone that is right for you. Good luck.

[Manila_Paul]

..there are in fact lots of hookers and scammers in every corner of makati even inside the posh bars and resto bars not to mention cafe havana in greenbelt and starbucks in 6750 infront of shangrila looking very posh and talk fluent english and am telling you they are more smart in getting a mans wallet, they know better to play the game than girls you met online. so be aware.

Only places like Cafe Havana and a couple of others, which nearly everyone is aware of. Generally, if the place is packed out with foriegners, then you should probably avoid. But there are plenty of exceptions. This said, I do have a friend who isn't a working girl who has said she's hung out at Cafe Havana. And she's very, very classy. The problem remains distinguishing who is geniune and who is working! Just not worth the effort when you can go elsewhere.

Lots of ordinary Filipinas are just out for the night in places like Greenbelt. Although it is probably not the best option because of how expensive it is and the fact that there are a few places with a rep. Metrowalk in Ortigas is probably a better option. None of the bars there, that are know of, are known for having any working girls. This is along with places like Padi's Point, which is favourite. The real main red light district in Makati is actually about 1km down the road near P.Burgos.

However, there is still the issue that, because of places like Cafe Havana, many Filipinas who hang out in the area will be somewhat suspicious of the intentions of foreigners. So you need to have some game. Knowing the language is the main big bonus. It marks you out from the short term sex tourist visitor, who wouldn't be expected to bother with such necessities.

[IanB]

Thanks for the advice guys but I'm not in the market for another right now!

[philphil61]

@IanB I feel the same "not in the market" but somehow I just can't stay away from wanting to talk to filipina. I keep telling myself I've been hurt too much and I cannot even provide for myself becoz of the ..... I'm in - but I just can't stay away...... boang!

[mistermatty]

Sorry....thought this was a wind-up after my initial reading.

If it isn't, kindly accept my apologies.

I've lived for several years in AC, and been visiting for over 20.

For a lady NOT to be able to find gainful employment in that town, unless she is a deaf dumb and blind paraplegic is virtually impossible.

Sad to say, I have met numerous young and not so young ladies in AC who have been rather upset when a regular Western Union cheque didn't arrive. Sometimes they were receiving cheques from several boyfriends though....so not the end of the world for them.

I would suggest you put this down to experience, save your money, and get yourself out to the Phils for an extended visit, as far away from Angeles as possible.

Look for a lady WITHOUT a husband (sly check with friends and relations), and WITH a job.
There are hundreds of thousands to choose from.

Good luck.

Good advice there ......cant help but think you might of been taken for a bit of a ride .....i have seen many girls in chatrooms with several open chat windows talking to guys and just copying and pasting the same replies etc etc ....maybe your lucky it did not cost you more than 200 quid a month thats gotta be close 13k a month .

[sweetnote143]

And she miraculously recovered when I asked about the hospital!

isn't that something! my gosh! i can't understand how people can go such length....it is best to listen to the people here....true that life is hard in the Philippines but generally life is hard wherever part you are in the world.....now you have the answer, find a good woman who is not going to sit around for your financial support and tell you sob story that she is having a hard time getting a job. That's a fat lie unless she's being too picky, wanting a high paying job yet doesn't have the right qualification. I'm not being snob just because I have the right degree and the right job. Menial jobs are pretty decent,not something to be ashamed of. What's shameful is milking a hard-earned money from a respectable man.

[Moy]

you have to trust your instinct IanB

[IanB]

Thanks for your reply.

I don't know a lot about the Philippines, but from what I have seen there is a massive divide between the poor and the middle classes / rich. To the extent that neither side can genuinely understand how the other half lives. So while I do not entirely believe her, I do believe that unless you have a degree your are open only for menial jobs on povery wages and with no protection against exploitation under the law. In fact I don't think there are many countries in which it would be worse to be poor.

[Tawi2]

I don't think there are many countries in which it would be worse to be poor.

I can think of a number,at least in Pinas you often have utang na loob and the family to support you,theres loads of countries worse than pinas,thats a fact

[grahamw48]

Yet they seem to be always so cheerful, funloving and generous, despite all the hardships.

So smart and spotlessly clean too.

There is a lot to be admired about the ordinary Filipino people.

[sweetnote143]

Thanks for your reply.
So while I do not entirely believe her, I do believe that unless you have a degree your are open only for menial jobs on povery wages and with no protection against exploitation under the law. In fact I don't think there are many countries in which it would be worse to be poor.

IanB, you're right that you dont know a lot about my country. It's unfair for you to assume that those who dont have degree are exploited under the law. though there are some employers who do that but workers have the right to be protected from exploitation and they can complain to government agencies or organization if they're being treated poorly. Factory workers are protected by unions and househelpers are provided with SSS. It's hard to find a job but once determined. I may have a degree but I used to work in a canteen doing dishes and waiting tables. I've worked in the farm, planting rice. That was far beyond my qualifications but I never ever felt ashamed because the jobs were decent. I didnt steal nor beg so there was no need for me to be ashamed that the jobs were menial. I've meet a lot of poor people but they never rely on anybody to survive, they work hard.

Tawi2 is right....there are a lot of countries poorer than us, it's not worse being poor here. Worse is if you live in a war torn country, that's worse and they were not given a choice of life they want to have.

[Manila_Paul]

though there are some employers who do that but workers have the right to be protected from exploitation and they can complain to government agencies or organization if they're being treated poorly. Factory workers are protected by unions

Unions which are completely neutered by very harsh anti-union laws. IIRC the wildcat bus strike in Manila a while back against coding result in a 6 month ban for the bus companies involved. Extraordinary repression.

The Philippines is certainly nowhere near as poor as is thought but ordinary workers are in a rotten position. My girlfriend casually told me about 'Endo' one day as if it was the most normal thing in the world.