How do you interact with 6mnth old son?

[philphil61]

sorry people

i'm new at this (as I mentioned in previous posts)

I'm a daddy stuck in UK - my only son 6mnths old in Philippines and I get little constant online contact

but when I do I'm struggling... I play peek-a-boo and sing nursery rhymes but then I'm lost in keeping him "stimulated" - yes I suppose it's normal feeling that I have "Am I doing enough"

anyone got any other ideas to help me just a little in interacting with him... please?

[branno]

phil,.. i guess wen ur distant from ur loved ones its hard to express a sentence thru key boards to ur partner yet alone a six month old baby.. i do feel compassion for you on that.
i think if i was in a similar role with a young baby so distant id send a constant supply of cards n books n things.. ur partner could interact thru on your behalf .. ie mentioning that daddy has wrote you, sent you, but showing baby nice picture cards or stories..

i worked abroad often wen my kids where young missing quite alot of their infancy..then my only communication was thru letters or if i cud find a pay fone and it was working..
i admit it was difficult for me but i did find a way to express myself thru letters which became stories for them, then they wanted more n more stories told to them by their mum...one of their favourites was the adventures of big brown bear..... even now some yrs later they still say heyy dad "tell us another one about big b bear".

i kno its not much phil but it got all of us thru some distant times...

[Tawi2]

Theres a deep sadness in your words mate,not saying that just for effect,i am saying it because I can feel them.I am sure several of us have been in your situation in one way or another,i worked around for quite a while,I never understood the value of time,I now realise how much kids need their parents,I really hope your situation resolves itself mate.
I think your on the right track with the audio-visual entertainment,your doing your best given the situation and that counts for a lot,be lucky mate,sorry I cant offer more advice.

[Englishman2010]

Most of us know the pain of being separated from our partner for several months, it must be a lot worse when you're away from your child too. It must be hard for you Phil, and not a position I would want to be in myself. It sounds like you are doing the best you can with video interaction. I'm sorry I can't offer you any advice, but I hope you can visit the Phils very soon, or better still get your partner and son over here ASAP.
I know it won't bring you any nearer to your son, but I think a lot of the guys on here find the forum a useful way to kill time when we are on our own, and to share our pain of being away from the ones we love.

[philphil61]

thanks everyone and yes it hurts being away from him (yes I got tears in my eyes becoz I read ur messages and feel the pain).

Unfortunately me and his mother are not together any more and there is this animosity between us (and I suppose jealousy from me) becoz she's already found a new (excuse the expression but it's true) wallet.

It's hard with everything else that's going on in my life but he (my son) is my life and I cherished every minute I spent with him and still cherish the time I see him online or get pics. I working to get myself back on an even level and pick up my life again but nothing will stop this damn pain from losing direct contact with him.

Sorry guys if your hurting too but I cannot hide and will not lie to anyone about how I feel.

All the best wishes to you all and I hope that no one else has to suffer similar.

Thanks

Phil

[grahamw48]

I am so lucky Phil, because I have custody of my precious son now.

Stay strong and focused on maintaining your contact with him (and his mother), no matter what is thrown in your path.
You're going to have to swallow your pride on occasion, put up with all kinds of humiliations, and go through some dark times, but if you stick with it you'll have a son who will be proud of his dad, and who will see beyond any mud thrown at your name by other parties.

When I came back from the Phils in 2003, after making sure that my ex, our son and my 2 stepkids had been safely sent on ahead of me to England and settled into a nice home together, I basically found myself homeless, penniless, and the wife living in that home with another man.

In the middle of this was my beloved and innocent 10 year-old boy, plus the two who also knew me as dad.

I was ready for jumping in the river I can tell you, and in fact I had to be admitted to a mental institution that night...having been off the plane less than a day.

I was in there for 2 weeks for my own protection.

It was a kind and thoughtful taxi driver taking me to a bed and breakfast place for the homeless who told me that I had to be strong for my boy's sake, and to show him, my son what kind of man I was.

From that point on I resolved to fight my way back, to provide a home for him and regular weekends of fun and laughter together.

I'm proud to say that I was able to do that, to pull myself out from what seemed like a dark bottomless pit of despair, to where I am now with my wonderful boy sharing his life with me every day.

Don't ever give up Phil.

Just take things one day at a time, and keep focused on not only the struggles, but also the joys that lie ahead.

[branno]

phil as they all say theres so many joys too even if it bears pain its worth the wait and worth the joy... never give up kidda never..

[philphil61]

Thanks again and especially @grahamw48

I spent a good 2 hours on the local bridge trying to pick up courage to jump.... sad I know but when my only option to provide some support is the pensions payable on death I knew it was the only option available. I hadn't the guts to jump and now I'm just surviving day by day trying to come to terms with my situation.

All the pain of losing direct contact with my son had influenced me into "demanding" daily internet access and threatening them with legal intervention (knowing I cannot afford) but this has caused more animosity and it seems I have lost any online contact completely. Maybe it's my fault but only because I love him and miss him..... At least I know some of you understand which is a blessing to me.

I just have to sit it out and get this legal aid issue resolved then get my backside off the chair and into some work so I can begin to provide for him. Maybe then when they see the £££ coming thru they might allow me some good access again.

Maraming salamat pud / Thank you so much for sharing your personal life/ your personal views and making feel needed by my son... I am very proud to have read your responses (if you understand these words.... sorry the tears begin to glisten in my eyes again)

Take care

Phil

[grahamw48]

Phil, your head is bound to be all over the place now.

Just try to build a bridge between yourself and his mother, hard as that may be for you and her.

Legal stuff at present is likely to be a waste of time and money that you can ill afford.

Concentrate on getting yourself right too. It's early days yet.

I wish you the best of luck mate. With your right head on you'll be able to move mountains.

[branno]

I am so lucky Phil, because I have custody of my precious son now.

Stay strong and focused on maintaining your contact with him (and his mother), no matter what is thrown in your path.
You're going to have to swallow your pride on occasion, put up with all kinds of humiliations, and go through some dark times, but if you stick with it you'll have a son who will be proud of his dad, and who will see beyond any mud thrown at your name by other parties.

When I came back from the Phils in 2003, after making sure that my ex, our son and my 2 stepkids had been safely sent on ahead of me to England and settled into a nice home together, I basically found myself homeless, penniless, and the wife living in that home with another man.

In the middle of this was my beloved and innocent 10 year-old boy, plus the two who also knew me as dad.

I was ready for jumping in the river I can tell you, and in fact I had to be admitted to a mental institution that night...having been off the plane less than a day.

I was in there for 2 weeks for my own protection.

It was a kind and thoughtful taxi driver taking me to a bed and breakfast place for the homeless who told me that I had to be strong for my boy's sake, and to show him, my son what kind of man I was.

From that point on I resolved to fight my way back, to provide a home for him and regular weekends of fun and laughter together.

I'm proud to say that I was able to do that, to pull myself out from what seemed like a dark bottomless pit of despair, to where I am now with my wonderful boy sharing his life with me every day.

Don't ever give up Phil.

Just take things one day at a time, and keep focused on not only the struggles, but also the joys that lie ahead.

well done graham x

[Tawi2]

At least I know some of you understand

I can tell Graham does,I can also empathise,some of us have been through the ringer at some point in life,glad neither of you jumped,easy to sit here and say its not an option but sometimes i know pain clouds judgement,i was never that type,I always directed my destructive agression outwards,it helped ease things in the past,good luck phil,theres always a solution,it just takes time to get back on the right track at times thats all.

[philphil61]

it's a sad truth but I have had more compassion and more support from you guys here than I have had from my direct family.....

I wish there was another way to show my appreciation for your continued support, understanding and advice but all I can offer to you all is THANK YOU

I have had a little good news today with regards legal advice so I'm waiting for official paperwork to begin the process of trying to gain some sort of financially recovery if it goes my way. It's a start in the right direction.

Again my forum friends..... thank you < these words are simple to say and write - they are often overused without true meaning but not here and not now......

Have a good day..... wherever you are

[Tawi2]

it's a sad truth but I have had more compassion and more support from you guys here than I have had from my direct family

I think its because some of us understand phil,we have all hit speed-bumps in life that leave us wondering how we have undergone a complete reversal in fortunes,glad the light is peeping through your stormclouds,hope it all comes good,be lucky

[Englishman2010]

Nice to learn you've had some good news today, keep your chin up, try to stay positive and look for the light at the end of the tunnel. Like Tawi said, we;ve all gone through tough times in our lives and while it's happening, it sometimes feels like it's never going to get better...but it usually does, and you have to keep telling yourself that everything will come good in the end

[philphil61]

Maraming salamat pud

Thanks guys

I know I got to see the light but it seems so distant but I'm trying and that's all I can do.

The pain could be eased if only she gave me more internet contact with my son - I don't understand why a family loving/orientated person who promised and said she wanted me to be in his life then punishes me by not bringing him online. She does nothing during the day so has no excuse for the majority of the times. But I suppose I have to accept that this pain will be part of me for a long time!

pfffffft - I know it will get easier as time goes on and as I make advances to rebuild my life but OMG being a daddy without being close to his only son is bloody painful.

[Englishman2010]

Very sadly children are used as emotional weapons in divorce/separations in the UK too, I know a few guys who have lost all contact with their kids and even in a country where we are supposed to have laws to prevent this it still happens.
As difficult as it may be you have to continue to work at building bridges with your ex, and never give up hope and never stop trying. Sooner or later you will get the opportunity to build a strong and unbreakable bond with your son.