Tell them, not meOriginally Posted by grahamw48
Tell them, not me
Of course.
I know you're a paragon of virtue....just like me.
i know how you feel kate, my hubby doesn't want me to work too, but i understand his reasons, at least maybe for a year but i know soon i can convince him..,can anyone here tell me why some husbands dont want to let their wife work?????????????????? its so depressing...sighsss....
Always good to have some savings too that you could put your earnings towards as you never know what will happen in the future. There are so many things that can happen, that you might suddenly need money for. Your car might suddenly die, a family member might have an emergency, you might need to suddenly travel back home to visit your family, there could be an illness or things much later such as when your children are growing up, and need help with their first car or getting a foot on the property ladder etc, etc.
Spot-on.
his answer was.......NOT APPLICABLE - CHANGE THE QUESTION....So help me God...
not an applicable answer
if i would to choose i prefer to work but if hubby doesn't want to it wouldn't be a problem to me as long as he wont restrict me to spend the way i used to spend when i was still single and get the things i wanted
With several people saying the OP's husband may be an insecure jerk, I would like to suggest a different possibility. Maybe he just doesn't want their infant to be raised by a nanny and he wanted her to focus on the family even before she gave birth.
Coming from a family where my mom was the main breadwinner (but both of my parents worked), I and my two siblings have always insisted on working and earning our own money. But when I first met my boyfriend, he expressed his hope that one day, we could be together and he'd have two jobs while I would have a part-time job, if any, and I'd be the home maker and take care of our kids. It wasn't because he was insecure, but because that's the kind of family he grew up in. After getting to know me better, he changed his mind and admitted that I deserved to work in whatever field I wanted however I wanted. But imho, I like his way too. I wouldn't mind being a home maker and raising my kids my way. I just probably wouldn't be happy with him having two jobs while I have half of one.
So I dunno. Maybe you're all right and he's insecure. I mean, I'd be ticked off too if I were banned from working. But maybe he has not-so-selfish reasons but just hasn't explained them yet.
I don't think anyone called him a 'jerk'.
The OP seemed to be saying that she WANTED to work (or otherwise occupy herself away from the home).
My boy was certainly never looked after by anyone but his mother or myself, from birth, and that's the way we both wanted it.
That didn't stop her from working full-time (by choice) before he was born, and part-time from home afterwards.
It should be an equal partnership IMO.
I didn't say anyone called him a jerk, but from all the negative comments about him so far (e.g., selfish, insecure, etc), they might as well have called him one. Doesn't anyone else feel that all this speculation isn't going to help unless the husband in question actually knows there's an issue and understands what he's taking away from kate_th when he refuses to let her work? I agree with Peanutz, noone knows what happens behind closed doors.
If I got "Not applicable. Change the question" as an answer, I'd be mad enough to scream. But I'm sure he has his reasons. We don't even know if kate_th had any indirect or non-verbal clues to his reasons. Is the husband selfish in general? Is he bragging to his buddies that he is her lifeline? Is he treating her like a fragile child? Is he hinting at children in the very near future? I read the posts and it's mostly speculation because all we know from kate_th is (1) she wants to work and he won't let her, and (2) she asked him why he wouldn't let her work and he gave a non-answer. We don't really know the facts or his side, for that matter.
Maybe kate_th can give us a more detailed info instead of raaahhh-raaahhh post
'We dance in a circle and suppose, while the secret sits in the middle and knows'
R.F.
You used the word 'jerk'.
Please re-read my original post.
I was not suggesting HE was anything....merely setting out possible reasons for his behaviour.
The lady asked a question, and answers were given by all posters based on the information provided, and probably personal experience.
Of course it would be helpful to have every last detail of the couples' personal life written on a public website, but I can quite understand the OP not wishing to do that.
considering the OP didnt say a lot..then this gives other forum members to feel in the blanks?
who knows why he doesnt want her to work
i have learnt to do what my wife says!
If there were no responses to questions posed, then every page on here would be mostly blank.
He probably knows that most people meet their future partner via work. If you don't work you can't meet anyone else and its more likely you will stay together.........
raaahh raaahh post huh.. lady gaga style...
its already been detaied....first, i want to work. as in really want to work... second, i ask him if i cann work he said no. you dont work. financially he can support, he gives me money all the time without even asking. third, i ask him again this time (its been 2 years since i keep on tellin him that i want to work)- answer was----NOT APPLICABLE...
This is a very good balanced reply...for what its worth, a reputation on its way
Apart from the husband and wife in question, none of us know the story. All we are getting is the slanted view of a 23yo wife. After all this moaning she still loves him so, he cant be that bad.
Peanuts is right, you are all blah blah without substance.
I know if I were your husband I wouldn't be best pleased with what you said.
Unfortunately yayas dont come 2 a penny here, we all have to muck in.
I for one will not have a nanny bring up my child all because the mother wants to go out and explore her possibilities......what utter nonsense. The little chap would probably end up having lithuanian as his mother tongue, God forbid.
Strange how some quickly forget where they come from then, in an instance want the world.
Your husband knows you better than anyone on here. I'd be inclined to take his advice
So kate_th what do you expect to get from this thread? What are you looking to gain from your posts and from the members posts? Or is it just a moment of whinging with your boring existence?
So far this is how I read your post:
Kath_th- wants to work but husband doesn’t want but she loves him
Update- it’s been 2 years kath_th is repeating the same thing to her husband and still he won’t give in. Money not a problem as he always gives her money even if she don’t ask
Conclusion?
You just continue to stay home for god knows how long waiting for you husband to come home from work every single day…. That sounds like having a pet home always happy to greet the master back from his noble pleasures.
So what do you want to do now? Husband won’t budge – what’s your plan of action?
We are so eager to hear
'We dance in a circle and suppose, while the secret sits in the middle and knows'
R.F.
well i dont think kate knows .NOT APPLICABLE - CHANGE THE QUESTION..considering the OP didnt say a lot..then this gives other forum members to feel in the blanks?
who knows why he doesnt want her to work
marriage is a partnership no one should be telling anyone what to do
it good to see you would quit work and bring up your child gwapito and not use a nanny so your wife could work
I for one will not have a nanny bring up my child all because the mother wants to go out and explore her possibilities......what utter nonsense. The little chap would probably end up having lithuanian as his mother tongue, God forbid.
Strange how some quickly forget where they come from then, in an instance want the world.
Your husband knows you better than anyone on here. I'd be inclined to take his advice
and whats wrong with Lithuanians, i suppose its ok for the child to learn tag
my stepson brought little joe up for a yr, then we've used an excellent register childminder (kim your a
We dont go in for second mothers, thank you very much. Note I said 'we'.it good to see you would quit work and bring up your child gwapito and not use a nanny so your wife could work
and whats wrong with Lithuanians
my stepson brought little joe up for a yr, then we've used an excellent register childminder (kim your a
Obviously if money was an issue then we would of thought long and hard about having our little chipmunk in the first place.
Im talking about his early years up to 5 (the most informative years of a human beings life)
Nothing wrong with learning tag. Its going to be his one of his dual languages after all. Lithuanian and Polish isn't.
Of course Jane will return to work but, like she says 'when im able to'. That's nothing to do with me. Jane's her own woman
its not just money, how much day time tv can someone take, since i first chatted to the misses i've encouraged her to do what she wants, i'd never TELL her what to do
i think polish would be more useful than Tag in the UK being Europeans
good your wife is her own woman Gawapito and not one who is told what to do
Kate, in case you haven't done so already, I suggest sitting down with your husband and telling him how this lack of freedom is making you feel. The best time for it is when you're both relaxed, not right after he comes home from a busy day at work or after his football team just lost a match. Pick a good time when you're both relaxed and ask him if he has time to talk.
Before you do this, go and list down all the things that you feel because of his refusal to let you work. It doesn't matter if it makes you feel like a domestic helper or a pet dog or a white elephant or simply bored, just list it all down. Then go through your list to make sure there aren't any statements starting with "You." Nothing like "You do so-and-so and it makes me want to scream." You'd just make him defensive. Practice what you're going to say and make sure it focuses on you and your feelings or thoughts. Tell him you'd appreciate it if he could help you improve/feel better/feel fulfilled/etc by giving you his blessing to work. Let him know that although you understand you don't need his permission to work, you have been respecting his wishes by staying home but it has left you feeling restless and in need of fulfillment (pick a more appropriate word if this isn't right for you).
When you do sit down and talk to him, let him know you're serious, but don't get emotional. Make sure he understands this isn't just a whim and that you've thought this through very well.
If he's the type who might appreciate a little preparation, do your research before the talk so that you can show him a list of your prospects. If you know he'd rather not see you planning without his permission, don't show him a list.
I really don't know if you're as submissive as your previous posts seem to show, but if you are, you'd know the best way to approach him without undermining his dominance. If you aren't submissive, just go for it and he might appreciate that you're taking charge.
Oh, and don't forget to let him know you appreciate that he brings home the bacon and that he gives you everything you need without being asked.
Since men do not discuss their feelings as easily as women, it is often difficult to determine just what they expect out of marriage. Many women throughout time have been devastated by a sudden divorce request from their husbands. They may have thought that he was perfectly happy but in truth, he was completely miserable. In order to keep your marriage healthy it is vitally important to understand what men really want in a wife and how to be the wife that they want and need. To understand the concept of what men really want you can look at some of the marriage priorities that men have given over the years to counselors and friends.
Thats nice to hear kate he give you what you want financially but you also need time for your self, meet new friends at work. And its different when we spend our own money...Try to talk with your husband We know he cares for you and pretty sure he will support your decisions that makes you happy...goodluck
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