Have Filipino Girlfriend in uk.But she is married to a much older man. Help please

[GaryCambs]

Hi. I think this may be an unusual problem for this forum. I have been seeing a filipino girl here in the uk. We have been out on a few ''dates''. While talking the other evening she told me that the filipino way was for me to ask her to be my girlfriend. I did and she accepted. She then told me that she was in fact married to a much older english guy. Details are.
She met the guy thru dating site.
Her parents ( poor)almost forced her to agree to marry him. She came to uk bringing two children and married april 2009. From the offset he very badly illtreated her, kept her as almost a slave. There marriage has NOT been consumated she never even slept in the same bed as him. He has other girlfriends he has sexual relationships with. She left him for a month in october 2009 and stayed with filipino friends. He found her and blackmailed her with deportation so she went back to live with him, but is nothing more than an unpaid housemaid.
Since then she has found work and started living her own life a little. She says she cannot leave or divorce him untill she has been married for 2 years or she has to go back to Fillipines were she has nothing. Her children are settled , friends school etc. Is she realy stuck. I have little knowledge of the legal options. Can anyone help PLEASE...
She is very unhappy

[grahamw48]

Hi. I think this may be an unusual problem for this forum. I have been seeing a filipino girl here in the uk. We have been out on a few ''dates''. While talking the other evening she told me that the filipino way was for me to ask her to be my girlfriend. I did and she accepted. She then told me that she was in fact married to a much older english guy. Details are.
She met the guy thru dating site.
Her parents ( poor)almost forced her to agree to marry him. She came to uk bringing two children and married april 2009. From the offset he very badly illtreated her, kept her as almost a slave. There marriage has NOT been consumated she never even slept in the same bed as him. He has other girlfriends he has sexual relationships with. She left him for a month in october 2009 and stayed with filipino friends. He found her and blackmailed her with deportation so she went back to live with him, but is nothing more than an unpaid housemaid.
Since then she has found work and started living her own life a little. She says she cannot leave or divorce him untill she has been married for 2 years or she has to go back to Fillipines were she has nothing. Her children are settled , friends school etc. Is she realy stuck. I have little knowledge of the legal options. Can anyone help PLEASE...
She is very unhappy

Maybe you should speak to her husband and get his side of the story ?

Of course he might break your jaw.

I know I would if I caught some young buck trying to do a 'rescue job' on my younger wife.

Personally I would wait until they have had a chance to either iron out their problems or get divorced.

Even better....find a girlfriend who isn't already married to someone else.

[mickcant]

As I know from my own divorce from a Filipina here on a spousal settlement visa,
When her visa expires normally after 27 months, she then needs to apply for “Further Leave to Remain”
I cant remember the cost but it is not cheap and normally the husband would pay.

If she applies for this extension to her visa, the UK Border Agency will contact her husband and ask if the marriage is sustaining!
Mick.

[Bluebirdjones]

My advice would be walk away now before you get even more deeply involved… but I guess it’s not what u want to hear.

But have you thought this all through ? If it’s your intention to be together, then this is a long term commitment. She has “baggage”… ie 2 children… are you prepared to accept them into your life and support them for the foreseeable future ? Do you have the money & accommodation to fulfil these obligations ?
If the answer is “YES”, then I wish you well …. If this is just a fling, a dalliance, then end it now !

If you are in it for the long-term, then some facts need to be established, and which need to be checked (by you).

If, as you say, she came to the UK & married in April 09, then she arrived on a fiancé visa. This visa is issued on the proviso that the marriage takes place within 6months. So, worst-case scenario, she would have applied for her FLR (Further leave to remain) by October 09. That indicates that the ILR (Indefinate leave to remain) has to be applied for by about October 11 – Jan 12. (Her passport or UKBA ID card will tell you the date her FLR expires). That’s 4-6mnths ! So why not just sit it out & wait ?

So, once she has the ILR, she could effectively walk out on him ….. and into your arms. She then files for divorce and you live happily ever after.

[sars_notd_virus]

i'm sorry but its not the first time i heard about this kind of story,I should avoid the filipina ''hustler'' now before she do the same to you (leave you when u get old)and wasted you out...she obviously came here for ''practical'' reasons , from the start she doesnt like the man,and her parents forced her to marry him? i dont think so,..she got 2 children and she should know how to choose wise the next time,she obviously use the old man to get here in the uk to find another man to used....she's been badly treated?? i dont think its legal for any domestic violence here in the uk?she should have reported it to the local authorities and she got filipina friends to help her do that...must be her drama because,if the kids settles fine ,she should also be the same unless shes doing something wrong which cause the old man to treat her badly,for example(how did you manage to have dates?) ...yes of course she would say that she cant divorce the man because she doesnt have the ILR/citizenship yet because she will not get anything( money wise )after the divorce and you will be the one to carry out all the cost for her to stay here, if deported back to the PH you will pay all the cost for her to come back to the UK(if your happy to do that for her then i salute you)
i feel ashamed for those instances where some filipinas leaving their husband for another man because of infantile and ignorant reasons.

welcome to the forum!! and good luck to you !!

[marlyn&kenny]

i myslef is very embarrassed of those filipina who puttinf dirt in our nations(lol), seriously, its tottally embarrasing!!!! people who use other people just to have a better life is no more than a prostitute!
Please dont get us wrong, we are not accusing your girl but base on her stories, its totally disgusting( came up with story that made us feel ashamed and embarrass reading it!
if the poor man really treating her bad, why wont she just leave him??? BUT TRUE COLOR reveal, when she said " She says (she cannot leave or divorce him untill she has been married for 2 years ) obviously she want residency!!!

hayyyyyyy why do pig's fly!!!

[Pete/London]

i'm sorry but its not the first time i heard about this kind of story,I should avoid the filipina ''hustler'' now before she do the same to you (leave you when u get old)and wasted you out...she obviously came here for ''practical'' reasons , from the start she doesnt like the man,and her parents forced her to marry the him? i dont think so,..she got 2 children and she should know how to choose wise the next time,she obviously use the old man to get here in the uk to find another man to used....she's been badly treated?? i dont think its legal for any domestic violence here in the uk?she should have reported it to the local authorities and she got filipina friends to help her do that...must be her drama because,if the kids settles fine ,she should also be the same unless shes doing something wrong which cause the old man to treat her badly,for example(how did you manage to have dates?) ...yes of course she would say that she cant divorce the man because she doesnt have the ILR/citizenship yet because she will not get anything( money wise )after the divorce and you will be the one to carry out all the cost for her to stay here, if deported back to the PH you will pay all the cost for her to come back to the UK(if your happy to do that for her then i salute you)
i feel ashamed for those instances where some filipinas leaving their husband for another man because of infantile and ignorant reasons.

welcome to the forum!! and good luck to you !!

Completely agree with you, in fact I thought the GaryCambs post was a wind up.If its true then we have obviously only heard one side of the story, and what a story it is.
Why would a man spend considerable time to meet someone with 2 children from a previous encounter, then bring them over here and settle the children into school and then lead a separate loveless life, while putting it about with other women.
If she does obtain permanent residence and they divorce he will have to support the children on the marriage, very unfair if she has no feelings for him. If you want the woman then front up and tell her husband and start the process again from the Philippines, but watch out

[gWaPito]

There you have it Gary

Excellent advice from Bluebird and equally good posts from Marlyn, Graham, Pete and a most eloquently composed post from Sars.

I first read your tale of woe just before going to bed 5 am today and it made my blood boil.

Gary, for sure like Sars stated, you will befall the same sentence just like her unsuspecting husband at home playing with the kids while the woman he married is out carrying on with others.

For the sake of her kids happily settled at school, leave her alone.

[GaryCambs]

I think I may have given the wrong impression here. I met the lady socially (a work mate is married to one of her friends) and had no idea of her situation. We chatted for a few weeks via txt and have been out for a drink together on a couple of occasions. I asked her if she would like to go on an actual date with me. This is when she told me about asking her to be my girlfriend before she could go on an actual date and told me about her situation.We have noot been out on an actual date yet.Yes I do like her and I genuinely belive her. After all what has she to gain from telling me this ?? . It seems that the man she married promised her and her children a nice life if she agreed to marry but once he had her in uk has continued seeing another women (as well as making new female contacts to other girls in the Fillopines by pretending he is single and sending money to them) and wants nothing to do with her except as a housemaid.She has to work (very hard and long hours) to provide for her children as the man merely provides a roof over her head. I have had comfirmed from my workmate via his wife that they are aware of her situation and have confirmed that to their knowledge a lot of it is true. Please forgive my ignorance I am simply an ordinary English guy. But it seems so unfair that if she has been tricked her and her children have to live in an unhappy stressfull situation because she has no option ( other than be deported back to filipines where she has nothing). Would some one be so kind as to explain to someone with no concept of these things if there is anything at all she can do. Not neccesarly to be with me as we are as yet simply friends. also does her husband have the power to send her back at his whim. And no this is not a wind up thank you.

[GaryCambs]

I am pretty much confusd. Maybe someone could answer some simpple questions for me.
1) Could the lady in question divorce her husband now after being married just over a year.?
2) if she did what would happen to her. She claims she does have alternative accomodation, she has a fulltime job and can support her children, She says if she divorces before her permenant visa her and her children get sent home. Is this true. ??

[bornatbirth]

how can she be your gf...if shes already married?

let her get her ilr and divorce him..then make your move.....personally i would find myself a single filipina

[GaryCambs]

She says she wants to stay in uk because she has a good job here and friends and does not want to uproot her children again.
She has nothing back in fillipines (confirmed by my workmate who is married to her friend) Her mother( died of cancer just before the girl came to uk ) encouraged her to accept the mans offer. By the way she is not very young she is 40 children 17 and 11. I for the record am 46

[joebloggs]

well if they are not living together anymore then she cannot get any other visa to stay longer in the UK based on being married, if they did apply it would probably be refused unless they used deception

[GaryCambs]

I am using the word girlfriend as in a girl who is a friend

[grahamw48]

Yes, she and the children probably will get sent back, as she is 'on probation' as regards the marriage for the first 2 years.
Never heard of bogus marriages ?

Of course I'm sure you'll happily wait for her divorce to go through the courts, the custody battles to be resolved, and pay the several thousand pounds it will cost to return her to your arms.

That is so long as you can satisfy all the requirements that her present husband has had to (financial, employment and accommodation) to bring her here in the first place.

[bornatbirth]

you mean a friend then?

theres a big difference.

she needs to stay married for 2 years and apply for a ilr which should take a month and then divorce.

[Terpe]

...she needs to stay married for 2 years and apply for a ilr which should take a month and then divorce.

Maybe not quite as simple as it sounds.
If the lady petitions for divorce she needs to find acceptable reason under UK law.
Also the respondent needs to sign and agree.
Statement of Arrangements about the children needs to be filed as well

The divorce will never be recognised in the Philippines.
If she visited the Philippines she could well be subject to arrest for bigamy (depending on marital details held or intellingence passed on)

[Tawi2]

Maybe you should speak to her husband and get his side of the story ?

Theres just a chance your being manipulated just the same as her husband,pinays arent all sugar and spice and all things nice,trust me on that despite the glowing eulogies you sometimes read on this forum some are slugs and snails and puppy-dogs tails,sly scheming manipulative and they know just how to press your buttons Speak to her hubby as per Grahams advice,and avoid contact with her,she is married,I have known one or two married pinays,they mostly play games for whatever reasons

While talking the other evening she told me that the filipino way was for me to ask her to be my girlfriend.

She is playing you for a fool,she isnt a shy demure virginal sylph of a girl,she is a cheating married woman

[grahamw48]

..And it takes two to tango.

How would you feel if someone was trying to get off with your wife ?

Yes, I AM talking from experience.

[bornatbirth]

..And it takes two to tango.

yes it does but it sounds like shes the one looking and they are only friends.

[Tawi2]

I for the record am 46

Then your experienced and worldly wise,dont fall for her crap(thats putting it bluntly).

[sars_notd_virus]

I am pretty much confusd. Maybe someone could answer some simpple questions for me.
1) Could the lady in question divorce her husband now after being married just over a year.?
2) if she did what would happen to her. She claims she does have alternative accomodation, she has a fulltime job and can support her children, She says if she divorces before her permenant visa her and her children get sent home. Is this true. ??

dont confuse and fool yourself and all of us here,..the simple answer is YES she will be sent back to the PH because her visa here is to settle with her partner...YES she can divorce her husband but tell her to get the bestest lawyer she can fool and pay.

[sars_notd_virus]

By the way she is not very young she is 40 children 17 and 11. I for the record am 46

We cannot teach an old dog a new tricks

[grahamw48]

yes it does but it sounds like shes the one looking and they are only friends.

I have been seeing a filipino girl here in the uk. We have been out on a few ''dates''. While talking the other evening she told me that the filipino way was for me to ask her to be my girlfriend. I did and she accepted.

Are we reading different posts ?

I'll repeat...it takes two to tango.

[Steve.r]

We cannot teach an old dog a new tricks

But 'sometimes' old dogs learn new tricks....

[bornatbirth]

Are we reading different posts ?

have you read all his other posts in this thread....

[gWaPito]

Unless the law has changed recently the husband of the filipina cant send his wife 'home'.

She is allowed to stay here until her 2 year visa expires whether she's with her husband or not.

As long as the husband reports it in writing recorded post to the border control Croydon or where ever it is now, thats all he can do.

The wife is still legally allowed to work until the expiry date of the visa.

C razyI know. She comes here on the strength of her husband's sponsorship then, when it suits ups and leaves....all with the blessing of the border control.

It stinks

[grahamw48]

Best guard your wives and girlfriends people...especially if you've committed the crime of being 'much older' than them.

[gWaPito]

Best guard your wives and girlfriends people...especially if you've committed the crime of being 'much older' than them.

The saying 'its a minefield out there' couldn't be more aptly used.

[mickcant]

Unless the law has changed recently the husband of the filipina cant send his wife 'home'.

She is allowed to stay here until her 2 year visa expires whether she's with her husband or not.

As long as the husband reports it in writing recorded post to the border control Croydon or where ever it is now, thats all he can do.

The wife is still legally allowed to work until the expiry date of the visa.

C razyI know. She comes here on the strength of her husband's sponsorship then, when it suits ups and leaves....all with the blessing of the border control.

It stinks

I can confirm that, I divorced my wife after she left me to live with a group of Filipinos and she is as far as I know still in the UK.
Who knows if the UK Border Agency will even bother when her visa runs out this year?
Mick.