money, morals and marriage

[sparky]

A friend of mine has a quandry so i thought i would share.

he earned very good money up till quite recently when he lost his job- he has a filipina wife who has been in the Uk @ 9 months- he had obviously paid for her visa flights etc.
his wife was also working for a while and her wages were paid into his account

now because he lost his job his money soon ran out- he was paying for everything- food petrol bills etc and the only money he had left was @ £900 that was his wifes.
so he discussed with his wife the situation that he needed to spend her money in order to survive and he could get another job- the wife agreed although somewhat grudgingly saying she wanted it back at a later date when things were better.

now he hasnt stole it from her- he let her know every step of the way what was happening- do you think he should pay it her back or should she accept that as a married couple she has responsibility to provide also?

i will throw this out to you guys/girls

[Tawi2]

or should she accept that as a married couple she has responsibility to provide also?

Marriage is a partnership right?WRONG!
I know LOTS of guys married to pinays for years,most of my mates married them as we were all based in asia and they were everywhere in Hong Kong so its natural that single guys(brits) meet single ladies (Pinays or thais or indo's)and marry,I have heard all sorts of tales
The saddest ones or those that spring most readily to mind? Friend of mine paid EVERYTHING,he worked 60+ hours a week,paid the mortgage,bought his wife a ticket back to pinas every year to see her family,basically he paid the lot
His wife had two jobs and worked 7 days a week the agreement was she would save all her cash and they would get a bigger house or a second house for rental in the future This went on for 10 years eventually my mate found letters from the bank agreeing to loan his wife 20 grand he found she had pawned all her jewellery,including her wedding ring,she had also borrowed 14 grand from another source and sold her shares he never found out what she had done with the cash,nor the 10 years of savings,she just clammed up and sulked when he asked her,needless to say she is now an EX-wife
Everyone says pinays make the best wives yadda....yadda....yadda mostly these are older guys with younger women who have "Discovered" pinas and pinays in later life and thats just their views,but they arent all sweetness and light,they are women after all,thats the Operative word,not pinays but WOMEN The prefix PINAY-wife doesnt make them super special or anything out of the ordinary,they are only human,some good,some bad,some nondescript.

[Tawi2]

or should she accept that as a married couple she has responsibility to provide also?

Marriage implies a team,both working together for a common goal,dont know how long your friend knew the lady before they married but maybe he made the wrong choice as she doesnt seem to have quite grasped the concept of a partnership

[Terpe]

Whatever is good and whatever is bad in a wife is not determined by nationality in my view. Period

When a couple decide/agree to wed or be together, there should/must be some shared values and boundaries that have been discussed and agreed.
Having children is one.
Financials is another. Especially when giving money to family etc. Or having personal financial status.

[joebloggs]

when it was just me working and the misses wanted something which we didnt really need she would say "its only money" , now she earns more than me, its her money and moans sometimes when i ask her for money to pay bills

[Steve.r]

Tell her not to be so bloody selfish

[Moy]

Marriage іѕ a sacred аnԁ life changing event. A successful Christian marriage requires a сеrtаіn level οf maturity аnԁ preparation tο ensure thаt a married couple wіƖƖ continue tο grow together spiritually аnԁ emotionally through thе years.

[grahamw48]

Something seriously wrong with that relationship.

Even the ex would NEVER have adopted that attitude.

Caring and sharing is what a marriage PARTNERSHIP is all about.

When you truly love someone, you put their needs above your own.

[Englishman2010]

He should remind his wife who paid for her visa, flight, who has supported her since she has been here, housed her, fed her ....etc, etc. If she's not prepared to chip into the pot and help out, he's better off without her

[Steve.r]

He should remind his wife who paid for her visa, flight, who has supported her since she has been here, housed her, fed her ....etc, etc. If she's not prepared to chip into the pot and help out, he's better off without her

Totally agree Ian
Can we pack her bags now then?

[malditako]

i believe in marriage whats yours is her and whats her is yours....no percentage, no partition...it should always be whole....can't believe that pinay wants her husband to pay her back for the money he gonna use to pay their living...

[Dedworth]

He should remind his wife who paid for her visa, flight, who has supported her since she has been here, housed her, fed her ....etc, etc. If she's not prepared to chip into the pot and help out, he's better off without her

Agreed - she should shape up or ship out

[Moy]

i believe in marriage whats yours is her and whats her is yours....no percentage, no partition...it should always be whole....can't believe that pinay wants her husband to pay her back for the money he gonna use to pay their living...

she must be joking

[Moy]

Totally agree Ian
Can we pack her bags now then?

i second the motion

[Moy]

He should remind his wife who paid for her visa, flight, who has supported her since she has been here, housed her, fed her ....etc, etc. If she's not prepared to chip into the pot and help out, he's better off without her

very true indeed
and remind her as well to pay off her utang if she have back in PH

[somebody]

Some good posts here sadly some Pinays do seem to think Husbands money for UK and theirs for Phill...

But marriage is about two becoming one and whats yours is mine.

If someone I was married to wanted me to give her back money for looking after the household. I would soon be moving on..

[jane2009]

He should remind his wife who paid for her visa, flight, who has supported her since she has been here, housed her, fed her ....etc, etc. If she's not prepared to chip into the pot and help out, he's better off without her

I totally agree

Thats the reason why when i get paid I always asked what my husband wants to eat
My husband paid all the bills I paid all the food and petrol of his car sometimes

[tone]

Its such a shame to hear this - I think she needs to wake up, end of story - 9 months - wont she need a ILR at some point? Surely she should be looking at that and thinking the attitude is one of "biting the hand that fed you"?

I certainly dont like the attitude guys earns for UK and she earns for "home" thats terrible too! I am gonna have a lot of expense just to fit my lady into my life and I've done it for love and for what I hope is a great future and her attitude has thus far been she wants to help our household... but also send something back. Thats cool for me.

Tone

[stevewool]

share and share alike i say and so does emma, yes i pay all the bills and so on and emma does help most times with food, she gives me £500 a month to put into our savings account and she keeps the rest for herself, she as a little nest egg off a few hundred for her to spend how she wants , but deep down i know i could ask for that anytime and its there straight away,comunication is the only way things are done and that should never stop

[KeithD]

Remember the Golden Rule, "half of the stuff is hers, your half is also hers" ..... when it comes to bills "half of the bills are yours, her half is also yours"

[sars_notd_virus]

When a couple decide/agree to wed or be together, there should/must be some shared values and boundaries that have been discussed and agreed.

I completely agree

financial issues(downfall/upgrade) is one of the major reasons for the marriage to breakdown and its wise for couples to discuss it before living together.

[mickcant]

Yes it should be all money belongs to both partners no matter who earns it

But it was not like that with my ex either, she just took-took and took
Mick.

[Terpe]

Both Carina and I have one 'dangerous' trait in common. That money doesn't mean as much to us at it probably should at our age.
We tend to waste, and we tend to be impulsive buyers.
But we have been smart enough NOT to have any joint bank account. At least that way we have no reason to argue about why we cannot feed our impulses.
SHE: Handbags and Shoes
HE: Gadgets (incl. Kitchen / cooking gadgets)

[Englishman2010]

You can't take it with you Terpe, enjoy it while you've got it
Not sensible financial advice, but we all need to live for today as well as planning for the future. I can't see the point of saving hard for the future and being miserable today if you can't treat yourself/family every now and then.

[laurel]

[QUOTE=mickcant;298280]Yes it should be all money belongs to both partners no matter who earns it

Agreed..............bit of a no brainer for me. When you get married you become ONE ....or am i being old fashioned??

[tone]

[QUOTE=laurel;298312]

Yes it should be all money belongs to both partners no matter who earns it

Agreed..............bit of a no brainer for me. When you get married you become ONE ....or am i being old fashioned??

Dont think you're being old fashioned at all mate!
Tone

[grahamw48]

Try keeping what's 'yours' in the divorce court.

[Peanutz]

Me and my husband have a joint account where our salaries are being paid and all domestic expenses.
We have our separate personal account of which we transfer our personal budget of £500 each every month- we agree that it is a personal money which we can spend to anything we want (it's more of rewarding ourselves a sort of incentive for working hard)
I believe that money matters has to be discussed honestly between couples, there has to be transparency on both sides- it doesn't matter whoever earns more it has to be a shared responsibility and most of all- it's a team work!
I can access my husband account and he can access mine- this is not to control where we spend our money we never control each other but it is a form of trust.

[Peanutz]

Whatever is good and whatever is bad in a wife is not determined by nationality in my view. Period

When a couple decide/agree to wed or be together, there should/must be some shared values and boundaries that have been discussed and agreed.
Having children is one.
Financials is another. Especially when giving money to family etc. Or having personal financial status.

Totally agree-
Everything has to be agreed and discussed and never ever leave anything on assumptions.

[joebloggs]

our personal budget of £500 each every month- we agree that it is a personal money which we can spend to anything we want

£500 a month, thats not peanutz