need your thoughts.

[tone]

I'll give you my point of view although really basic point of view!

I broke up with my old gf after 10 years together and the main reason was we allowed each other to travel the world and chase our income. We spent months apart both very successful in our chosen careers and making a lot of income.
I was sent to Kuala lumpur for 9 months and initially she was supposed to come out after 3 months for 3 months but she was more focused on her job and took a new contract rather than coming out to see me.
I met my Mahal during that time and I told her she needs to come out if I meant anything to her. She came for 10 days whilst I had an operation and to be honest she made the situation worse and we didn't get on. The damage was done.
I pointed out money wasn't everything and by Xmas it was over. For me I did have a new love interest so it was easier but the point is we didn't make enough time for each other although there were other problems in our relationship this just made me realise we need to split.
She is still devastated but I've moved on and planning for a new house, and getting married to a girl who is everything my old gf wasn't.

So whilst one door closes another will open.

Going forward for me - I have a high pressure job, but when I get home I'm in husband mode and work will get parked until the next day, right now living alone I do about 70 hours a week, but when my Mahal arrives no more then 10 hrs a day for me!
The value of a relationship is paramount now I don't wanna split up in the future this one is for life.

The bottom line is time and effort is required from both partners and you only get out of it what you put in.

You can learn from the past and it can shape the future but I for one will learn from the past and make sure it doesn't happen in my future.

We are masters of our destinies...
Tone

[driftersthought]

I'll give you my point of view although really basic point of view!

I broke up with my old gf after 10 years together and the main reason was we allowed each other to travel the world and chase our income. We spent months apart both very successful in our chosen careers and making a lot of income.
I was sent to Kuala lumpur for 9 months and initially she was supposed to come out after 3 months for 3 months but she was more focused on her job and took a new contract rather than coming out to see me.
I met my Mahal during that time and I told her she needs to come out if I meant anything to her. She came for 10 days whilst I had an operation and to be honest she made the situation worse and we didn't get on. The damage was done.
I pointed out money wasn't everything and by Xmas it was over. For me I did have a new love interest so it was easier but the point is we didn't make enough time for each other although there were other problems in our relationship this just made me realise we need to split.
She is still devastated but I've moved on and planning for a new house, and getting married to a girl who is everything my old gf wasn't.

So whilst one door closes another will open.

Going forward for me - I have a high pressure job, but when I get home I'm in husband mode and work will get parked until the next day, right now living alone I do about 70 hours a week, but when my Mahal arrives no more then 10 hrs a day for me!
The value of a relationship is paramount now I don't wanna split up in the future this one is for life.

The bottom line is time and effort is required from both partners and you only get out of it what you put in.

You can learn from the past and it can shape the future but I for one will learn from the past and make sure it doesn't happen in my future.

We are masters of our destinies...
Tone

hi tone,

thanks for sharing your story. to be honest, if he asks me, i will prefer to be with him. but he didnt do that. oh well, he used to talk about it before then he got too engaged with his work. he is busier than i am although we both hold a managerial position. i felt that he preferred his career over me and i was on the loosing end.

im happy that u found a new love. it's rare that we find someone who will complete us and would make us to go on through life. wishing u and your mahal a wonderful future together

[sweetnote143]

hi tone,
to be honest, if he asks me, i will prefer to be with him.

I will also do the same. I almost give up my job for him. Two weeks ago he had been restless of our situation. In his frustration he started pointing on my job as one of the hindrance that tied me down here, that he felt that my job was more important to me than him. He told me that somehow I have to make a sacrifice, that my life is not here but with him. He's asking me that and we haven't meet yet in person? It's hard to make decisions when one is in emotion, I needed to clear my mind so I wont be bias. I thought about it, about giving up my job. It's hard but I decided that I should go into a small business if I'll give up my job that I still have income to rely on. At least I thought that if I have a business, I own my time and that means I can give him more time that he wont feel neglected. I talked about my plan to him the next week and to my surprise he changed his mind. He didnt want me to resign. I asked him if he was prepared about the consequences if I continue my job? He just said that we have to make sacrifices somehow. I asked him again if he can manage that I will not be able to chat with him everyday because once the study is in it's full swing, I'll be in the field a lot doing surveys. When you are in research, you're time is not yours to own. You bring it with you to your home. I dont know if he understood what I was telling him but he said that there's no need for me to resign.

At least that was a relief on my part, but what I was in confused about what he asked me a week before I made that decision of resigning. He wants me to give up one thing that is keeping me here, and that is my job, and suddenly he doesnt want me to resign. that's confusing.

The point I wanted to make to him was that, he should make up his mind and stick to what he decided that wont lead me to confusion. I dont like feeling like I'm in a seesaw. I thought that women have changeable mind, but I guess some men have it or was it just him?

when we like/love someone, we are willing to give up something when we wanted our relationships to work.

[sweetnote143]

hi tone,
to be honest, if he asks me, i will prefer to be with him.

I will also do the same. I almost give up my job for him. Two weeks ago he had been restless of our situation. In his frustration he started pointing on my job as one of the hindrance that tied me down here, that he felt that my job was more important to me than him. He told me that somehow I have to make a sacrifice, that my life is not here but with him. He's asking me that and we haven't meet yet in person? It's hard to make decisions when one is in emotion, I needed to clear my mind so I wont be bias. I thought about it, about giving up my job. It's hard but I decided that I should go into a small business if I'll give up my job that I still have income to rely on. At least I thought that if I have a business, I own my time and that means I can give him more time that he wont feel neglected. I talked about my plan to him the next week and to my surprise he changed his mind. He didnt want me to resign. I asked him if he was prepared about the consequences if I continue my job? He just said that we have to make sacrifices somehow. I asked him again if he can manage that I will not be able to chat with him everyday because once the study is in it's full swing, I'll be in the field a lot doing surveys. When you are in research, you're time is not yours to own. You bring it with you to your home. I dont know if he understood what I was telling him but he said that there's no need for me to resign.

At least that was a relief on my part, but what I was in confused about what he asked me a week before I made that decision of resigning. He wants me to give up one thing that is keeping me here, and that is my job, and suddenly he doesnt want me to resign. that's confusing.

The point I wanted to make to him was that, he should make up his mind and stick to what he decided that wont lead me to confusion. I dont like feeling like I'm in a seesaw. I thought that women have changeable mind, but I guess some men have it or was it just him?

when we like/love someone, we are willing to give up something when we wanted our relationships to work.

[driftersthought]

I will also do the same. I almost give up my job for him. Two weeks ago he had been restless of our situation. In his frustration he started pointing on my job as one of the hindrance that tied me down here, that he felt that my job was more important to me than him. He told me that somehow I have to make a sacrifice, that my life is not here but with him. He's asking me that and we haven't meet yet in person? It's hard to make decisions when one is in emotion, I needed to clear my mind so I wont be bias. I thought about it, about giving up my job. It's hard but I decided that I should go into a small business if I'll give up my job that I still have income to rely on. At least I thought that if I have a business, I own my time and that means I can give him more time that he wont feel neglected. I talked about my plan to him the next week and to my surprise he changed his mind. He didnt want me to resign. I asked him if he was prepared about the consequences if I continue my job? He just said that we have to make sacrifices somehow. I asked him again if he can manage that I will not be able to chat with him everyday because once the study is in it's full swing, I'll be in the field a lot doing surveys. When you are in research, you're time is not yours to own. You bring it with you to your home. I dont know if he understood what I was telling him but he said that there's no need for me to resign.

At least that was a relief on my part, but what I was in confused about what he asked me a week before I made that decision of resigning. He wants me to give up one thing that is keeping me here, and that is my job, and suddenly he doesnt want me to resign. that's confusing.

The point I wanted to make to him was that, he should make up his mind and stick to what he decided that wont lead me to confusion. I dont like feeling like I'm in a seesaw. I thought that women have changeable mind, but I guess some men have it or was it just him?

when we like/love someone, we are willing to give up something when we wanted our relationships to work.

how long have u been together? my ex was consistent in his words and has never changed his mind... oh well, that means we're not having a 2nd chance then haha.

i read your post on the other topics. i wish u can fix things with your beau

[sweetnote143]

how long have u been together? my ex was consistent in his words and has never changed his mind... oh well, that means we're not having a 2nd chance then haha.

i read your post on the other topics. i wish u can fix things with your beau

thanks, driftersthought.....not that long, we're still on the point of getting to know each other more....i dont know about the 'fix things up' thing coz I already made my mind, I need to be back to my old self, give my self more time than I deserve. I've been too focused on him that I become too vulnerable. If it's true that I'm important to him, then he should find a way to win me back. But if everything was all words, then I'm better off without him. It hurts but life goes on.