Apologies to Troubled if you could not see all of your posts properly. For reasons unknown, some of your posts were put into "moderation queue" but I've approved them all now.
Apologies to Troubled if you could not see all of your posts properly. For reasons unknown, some of your posts were put into "moderation queue" but I've approved them all now.
Hello
I just want to say something,, you're in a strange situation now, but its also your fault!!
In the first place you shouldn't have stayed in their house, her parents might be wrong forcing you to marry her but its natural for ALL filipino mothers. Imagine how she will be if you just leave her, not knowing if you will be coming back!
Like you said you to arrive there and stayed in their house. I wont be wrong saying her parents, relatives, neighbours, ALL of them are thinking you are her serious bf or future husband,a typical filipina wont bring a man to stay in one roof for a couple of night if there's nothing serious going on between them,, that is based on how i know!!
So now try to think,, you stayed there for a couple of days/weeks and all been expecting that you two will get married, and you all of the sudden disappear. people will think and say " poor girl she's just been an entertainment for a bored foreigner" and that thought will always be in mind of people,, they are always gonna mock her and her family. Family just want their DIGNITY,it doesnt mean that because she's an escort girl she doesnt has this!!
But!!!I'm not saying you should stay coz that would be a decision that will affect your whole life and future,, well if you're in love with her go for it and if not,,,,,MOVE ON and love is not about if she will be a good wife or mother!!But Please don't just leave as if nothing happens between the two of you!! everything will be settle with a good communication!!
I'm wishing the best for you and for the girl God Bless!!
Sorry, can't let you get away with all that.Originally Posted by Tonet
Hello
I just want to say something,, you're in a strange situation now, but its also your fault!!
In the first place you shouldn't have stayed in their house, her parents might be wrong forcing you to marry her but its natural for ALL filipino mothers. Imagine how she will be if you just leave her, not knowing if you will be coming back!
Like you said you to arrive there and stayed in their house. I wont be wrong saying her parents, relatives, neighbours, ALL of them are thinking you are her serious bf or future husband,a typical filipina wont bring a man to stay in one roof for a couple of night if there's nothing serious going on between them,, that is based on how i know!!
So now try to think,, you stayed there for a couple of days/weeks and all been expecting that you two will get married, and you all of the sudden disappear. people will think and say " poor girl she's just been an entertainment for a bored foreigner" and that thought will always be in mind of people,, they are always gonna mock her and her family. Family just want their DIGNITY,it doesnt mean that because she's an escort girl she doesnt has this!!
But!!!I'm not saying you should stay coz that would be a decision that will affect your whole life and future,, well if you're in love with her go for it and if not,,,,,MOVE ON and love is not about if she will be a good wife or mother!!But Please don't just leave as if nothing happens between the two of you!! everything will be settle with a good communication!!
I'm wishing the best for you and for the girl God Bless!!
As much as I understand what you're saying about dignity, what the family and neighbours think etc, troubled has done no wrong here.
He met his Filipina girlfriend in Hong Kong by chance. Before meeting her he had never been to the Philippines before, so to my mind he had absolutely no reason to understand Filipino traditions and culture.
His girlfriend had taken troubled to meet her mother twice before travelling to Phils. If her mother was so concerned about dignity, family pride etc, she should have made her feelings/expectations known during those two visits. Did her mother ask troubled of his intentions during those 2 visits?, somehow I doubt it.
Troubled also made it clear it was his intention to stay in accommodation away from the family home, so how did he end up staying in the family home?, my guess is his girlfriend took him there. At this point the father still had the opportunity to ask troubled his intentions and to make decisions whether to allow this young man to stay under the family roof or not, did he though?, once again I doubt it.
As I said, I understand what you're saying about dignity and the family being mocked if it all goes wrong etc as my girlfriend's family had the same concerns. The difference was they told me their wishes and gave me the chance to make my own decisions before reaching their family home!
The bottom line is, troubled has done no wrong here. The family could have and probably should have stopped him staying under the family roof, they didn't and that is their problem now, not troubled!
One thing this has taught me, and I hope will teach her is that just because you love somebody it doesn't mean they are the right one to spend the next 40/50 years with.
When you find your soulmate, you just feel it...the one that can give you that exact feeling that you belong to her/him. Goodluck!
...And yes, I can't leave and never see her again - granted I didn't fully know what I was getting myself in for but I must take my share of responsibility for the situation. I'm not a rich man, I'll be losing my hair soon and I'll be 33 in June, if I did decide to end this with a tearful apology and a hug I may live to regret it.
believe me pal, you do not want to hang around this girl. If you are saying things are not working out because of your own negativity - then you need to to understand that the negativity is coming from you're own self and is 100% caused by this woman.
33 is young, you seem to be going through some premature mid-life crisis..get the hell out of that situation, if it were me, I'd just scarper. It would probably save her dignity too. Otherwise just say you need to get a job & will be in touch..
aint happnin,,,
maybe a cooling period can help you to sort things out. if in doubt, don't.
you meet her at the wrong place at the wrong time...there is so much mystery behind this girl working as an escort...maybe she's someone that really don't like to be in place like that but had much no choice in life( who ever really knows ??)...you should have known her better at the first place...you never seems to have some assurance from each other you just went through how you feel for each other...of course if a guy follow a girl and be with her there something on it...you could just met there in hongkong and forget about her but then you went home together ...you never mention that you even bother to ask about her family what situation she has back home you went with her without nothing but just curiosity...and i guess its an obvious reason that if she went home with a guy people with naturally say it that you is her bf or how you put yourself into it...you both put yourself in a very compromising situation... you both have hopes for one another despite the odds, but then not being able to be prepared or not expecting this marrying thing to happen to fast that makes it says like oooppppsssssss wait a minute this is not what i planned...you have to ask this girl personally, and know what she really wanted to happen and let her know as well your real intention so she knows where she stand so she can make a decision for her life and not because of her family...she's overage if she has gone out of the country on her own decision i bet she can make as well if she wanted it too this time...and if you are not as well sure about how you feel for her and you don't intend to marry her for whatsoever reason you have you better tell her now anyway theres just no other way to get away from it...but if you are in between staying and leaving i bet a distance and time will tell you were you're heart lies ahead....its so hard to speak about in behalf of other shoes... just be true to yourself it will rest the case...
Filipina a born survivor!
to troubled as i see it your aking like a 10 year old grow up man and fast you say you meet in hk was you looking for sex the first night there and you find her the first filipino you fall in love with cos she know how to talk to men how long she been work as a call girl do she sand money home she tell you all kinds of storys you get out of it mate cos there are ture filipinos out there just keep looking you neve going to be happy with her cos she has bad background she neve be ture to you and you know in your heart it never work
its called the 'law of attraction' ,The Law of Attraction simply says that you attract into your life whatever you think about...
well i've been thinking about mylenne klass for months, if not years, and where is she
badboyako, think about this we me, we'll see if it works
aromulus think of your chelsea
scouser keith think of
negative thoughts, bit like me, always think the worse can happen, the old joke of 'your so negative, if i put you in a dark room, you would develop'
i know what you mean, cannot walk away, i've known my wife must be for near 7 or 8 yrs, in the early years, and long distance relationships are difficult, we both wanted to walk away at some point, seeing each other twice a year, but i couldn't, wondering what would happen to her if i did, and when she needed someone the most...
i'll leave you with some words from the famous kat stevens, or seeing your only 33, the cover by boy zone from father to son...
father
Its not time to make a change,
Just relax, take it easy.
Youre still young, thats your fault,
Theres so much you have to know.
Find a girl, settle down,
If you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but Im happy.
I was once like you are now, and I know that its not easy,
To be calm when youve found something going on.
But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything youve got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not
son
All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,
Its hard, but its harder to ignore it.
If they were right, Id agree, but its them you know not me.
Now theres a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.
(father-- stay stay stay, why must you go and
Make this decision alone? )
so take your time, think a lot...
good luck, and believe me , my stituation was a lot worse than yours...
If he still marries this girl after reading all the advice here, then he deserves all the mis fortune coming his way..
Still a shame though.
With respect, I am still waiting for somebody to let me know the worst case scenario should I get married and it not work out. All I know is that a Fillipina can't divorce and it may be in my favour not to anyway should it fall apart, I certainly wouldn't want to marry again.
Please let me know the worst case scenario (not inc children) and what I would stand to lose. Bear in mind that any 'nest egg' I have put in my mothers name.
I should have mentioned that I've known her six months now, and at the beginning she was not interested in a relationship. Even when I met her she was not friendly at all and seemed to hate the attention. She has often said she never wanted to get involved with anyone whilst "having to do this".
The very fact that she has been an escort automatically writes her off as no good to most of you which automatically leads you to believe I am the nice guy being led into a trap.
I am a nice chap but I'm no angel and have a colourful past myself when it comes to women. The reason I am negative is because I suffer from manic depression and have been negative most of my life, something she wants to help me change otherwise she may even change her mind though it won't be easy now we're in this situation.
I will add that she recently said that if I can't be content with what I have and make more effort to be positive then it's better we part. She will return to Hong Kong to save enough money to finish her studies and apply for a job overseas.
I wouldn't really say this is a guilt trip or an ultimatum, more of a simple fact. She never asked me or encouraged me to get involved back in december but now we've reached this stage she would prefer it to work out.
I would still like to know the legal aspects and ramifications of marraige though, it's still a few months away if we go through with it and I want to know everything I should.
Other than that things are fine with us at the moment.
Worst case: Divorce in the Phil (called annulment) may cost £20,000. In the UK, nest egg in mothers name or not, she will still be entitled to 50% of it, and everything else. You can not legally hide anything. She would be entitled to possibly money from future wages, and definitely 50% of your pension forever.
Turn it around. Would you be happy marrying a UK prostitute with parents who are gits, and having no idea what the girls history was? Have you done a HIV, herpes, hepatitis, etc, check before any sexual contact? If not, you may have just killed yourself.
If you are thinking about all the negatives now, then your sub conscious is ringing warning bells you are ignoring.
If we had a vote on here, question; "How many guys looked into divorce before marrying there Filipina?".....my guess is it would be 0%.
Keith - Administrator
This is too gago, I can't believe someone can be so dumb!?!?
Is this a serious thread!?
I would be looking at the pitfalls no matter who I was marrying.
Ok, so is there anyway I can take her to live in the UK on some kind of fiancee visa? Then we can see how things go for a couple of years.
Incedentally, if dumb is not wanting to hurt somebody on a whim that people who have never met us may be right then maybe I am.
She's hardly what I would call a 'proper' ex prostitute - I have been friends with a few in my time but would not want a relationship with any.
If she was English and had done what she did in HK without charging money she would be called a ladette. If I had done what she did for money I'd get congratulated, lets not tar all with the same brush here.
Ok, put it this way - I have lived in Asia for 6 years and never been ripped off (other than paying a bit extra for a tuk-tuk in those early years) and I am now in a very awkward situation.
My 'nest egg' I have 'given' to my mother, foster mother to be precise so we don't even have the same surname on paper, now is that not enough back up?
In 6 months I have no evidence of being decieved or lied to, the family have been good to me and protective and even respect my decision if I can't go through with it - I could of course be wrong but if I spend the rest of my life being as cynical and untrusting as I have been then I may as well be single for the rest of my days.
I just want to know my options - fiancee visa, is it possible to take her to UK on a fiancee visa if such a thing exists.
Please be rational here, there ARE some good people in the world even if they haven't adhered to what means of money making is deemed acceptable by our society - let go of the stigma and please give me some logical advice.
prostitutes are human, Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in thier shoes. if 'men' didn't use them, there wouldnt be any..
i remember watching a program on tv about the bunny ranch scouser keith was talking about, how a prostitute of many years, was saying each time she had sex with someone it took apart of her soul away, until there was nothing left ..who would want to be like this..
i think you've decided what your going to do, and nobody will change your mind...
If anyone changes my mind it will be me, but thanks for the post, it's true - each time you have sex with a stranger it takes part of your sould away, even if you are not religious - it's part of the reason i don't want to be single anymore.
And to reply to Phillip, well initially I did feel under pressure from the mother even though she's still in HK, but there was an incident a week or so ago when it transpired I had been paying 4 pesos more than I should have been for my San Mig. She went to the shop and there was a bit of a telling off and they have now asked me to use another shop where I will not get charged a 'white mans levy'.
I have also run out of money (that which was on my HK ATM card) and I made it last but it wasn't a great deal. I have spent no more than 200 punds a month here and that included her birthday present.
I don't know why I find it so hard to trust people, I guess I was nieve as a kid, but I'm not thick - I just want to be loved like we all do, I'm 33 years old and have been drifting for too long. I am easily bored and worry that if anything I will screw up the marraige.
I would have thought of a better username if I'd not been in such a hurry but as it happens it's quite apt.
I totally agree with u joebloggs.prostitutes are human, Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in thier shoes. if 'men' didn't use them, there wouldnt be any..
Sometimes we tend to judge people even without knowing them. Lets not be callous and see the other side of the coin instead.
makes them easy.
Fiancee visa means, you have to get married her in UK within 6 months of period time given.
My question is, do you have a strong evidence to show for the past 6 months u've known her, to prove your relationship is genuine? It takes alot of time, but if thats how desperate you are to apply visa y not give a try? read pete's site British-filipino.com
Used the search function here in forum, it will gives u alot of ideas
Scot ===>
"The world is all about diversity. I am different and you are different."
The above seems to have no connection to your earlier posts!?
Fiance visa's are valid for 6 months, but it's not a trial, they issue it on the grounds that you will get married within those 6 months. Best search here to learn about it.
P.S "She, went to the shop" My unofficial fiancee that is, not the mother - that would be quite a feat considering she is an hours flight away.
You also need to prove you have a few grand in the bank, and a regular income. Otherwise, they will fail it.
Keith - Administrator
^ That last line is a good quote!
My instinct says intentions are good, that does not mean it will work, and after seeing just how difficult it is to bring a fiancee/wife to the UK has left me with little hope seeing as proof is needed where we would live and what my occupation is.
I have not lived in the UK for 5 years and want to return to start a videography business.
Where that would leave us in the eyes of the Embassy I don't know but it doesn't look promising does it.
Whatever happens I hope we stay friends if nothing else.
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