I worked in HK for 4 months and on my first night met a very attractive and intriguingly strange young woman who was ‘working’ as an escort girl, though by describing herself as a “worthless prostitute” I thought was a bit harsh and a sign of insecurity.
She was actually a bit of a snob and was very choosy who she went with but I understand she did what she needed to do at the time.
To cut a long story short, we had a relationship all the time I was there, we kept in touch when she was back at home in San Fernando (Pampanga) and I vowed to visit here there, however I couldn’t get the time off work.
The relationship intrigued me, I never really felt right or wrong but she fascinated me.
When my work in HK was done, we flew to The Phillipines together, it was my first time. I intended to stay in a motel near her town but she took me straight home and more than a month later I am still here.
The two motels we had looked at were horribly lonely and without internet, and the apartment we were going to move into last week fell through, the tenants could not move out for whatever reason.
Things have been fine, much better than Hong Kong where her mother still works as a domestic helper and, so I’m told, does not know what her daughter was doing in HK, none of the family know. She took me to meet her twice when we were in Hong Kong.
After two weeks here the mother rang (from HK) demanding, or at the very least – strongly insisting we marry as soon as possible as I was staying under the family roof.
After a couple of days of initial panic I reluctantly agreed to marry in July fearing if I refused I could be thrown onto the street with all my belongings by the father (who has a history of violence) or worse, end up dead.
There are no westerners here and I am not able to go very far alone or the family fear I will be kidnapped or robbed.
The family have been nice to me and I like them, there are 3 sisters between 25 and 30 (one is in Canada) and there’s one brother, 23, who has just had a baby with his girlfriend.
The girl in question is 27 and I am 32, soon 33. I have had a difficult life and have always longed for somebody to love. I am ready to settle but it must be with the right girl. The only real problems we have had is pressure from her family.
She says she loves me but I can’t feel it in times like these, it feels like she just wants to get married to please her family, doesn’t matter so much who she gets married too.
I really don’t want to leave her but she’s giving me little choice. I have offered to take her to England or Thailand with me (depending on where I get my next job) but she’s now taking her mothers opinion that if I can’t marry, she’ll be ok, she can be alone.
I am not a rich man but am from a reasonably wealthy family, she hasn’t shown much interest in coming to the UK and I could not live here. She doesn’t seem that material either and the family have not been greedy.
Things not good right now - she's giving it the "It's ok, if you can't do it (marry me) I can be alone", and know I can't, it feels SO wrong right now and all my friends, including one Fillipina are saying we should get away from the family.
I'm really suffering and she just stares at the cieling like its a major annoyance. It seems that getting married (to please the family) is far more important than whom the marraige is to. She simply can't see or refuses to see my POV and apologises coldly and clinically, in fact I've seen her in tears once in the 5 months I've known her. I'm not saying she's not hurting but I think she's just dreading what to tell her family - and that's not right.
I'm not saying I should come first, I'm saying that for HER not to be doubting things duing these horrible moments, for HER not to be showing me any support - i.e. Help us get away from the family pressure, and for HER to want everything her way is simply not right.
I don't think I can let this happen, not even sure if I will last until my visa runs out on June 3rd.
What should I do?
Originally Posted by troubled
