Adoption pinoy style.....

[Tawi2]

I know someone who got a new child today,its 2 days old,they are a childless couple living on Mindanao and they will truly make great parents as their extended family are fantastic people,the mother of the lady met a pregnant woman in a market-place a few weeks ago who was single and already had one child a few years old,they formulated a deal and as a result the newborn child now has a new home,practical i think?
I know one lady in her 40's living in Cebu who was sold for a few hundred pesos when she was born and had a very loving life with her foster parents,only in pinas

[stevewool]

fantastic, this is something that has cossed my mind many times,if someone can help and have a home to provide comfort and love then its great,i wish all well

[Tawi2]

The little boy is going to be smothered in Love,he is two days old,i felt sorry for the birth mother,must be incredibly heart breaking to give up a child,its a sacrifice we in the west thankfully cant or dont have to imagine,but from what I can gather its not totally uncommon in Pinas all that matters is the childs wellbeing

[joebloggs]

will they ever tell the child they are not the parents ? , no matter how great they are at being parents, i think most children at some point will want to know and even met their real parents.

[Tawi2]

I think they will,theres a young lady in my pinoy family,given away at birth,she has seen her own mum a few years ago but doesnt have much to do with her birth family,happens quite a bit in pinas,some kids are given away on extended loans etc,odd system but it appears to work

[stevewool]

its a tuff one that my 2 adopted kids know i am not there dad but hay , they say i am, anyone can have children but not many can bring them up,

[Tawi2]

I just saw the baby on webcam he looks cute,I will get a pic for later,everyone in the house is happy,all his ates want to borrow him and take him home

[Tawi2]

Here he is,I saw him on cam yesterday,he didnt do much apparently the neighbourhood trooped in yesterday to prod,poke,hold,hug and generally discuss the kid(Oh,and EAT,something tells me thats what they REALLY came for )all the local women are getting broody,and his wardrobe is PINK as his uncles child is a girl so he wears girls clothes for a while which I did point out might give him a bit of a complex when his mates come around to play basketball,but I was assured he will wear appropriate guys clothes at that time That kid has brought total joy into the house,wish I was there to share their happiness I felt a little tearfull at their story(Only a little,I am a geezer ),I know several pinays in the UK who married much older guys and forsook their chances at motherhood as a result,they sometimes have that faraway look in their eyes..............Kids are what make a house a home

[stevewool]

very well said Tawi2

[Tawi2]

Just one of those feel-good stories Steve,it made my weekend always good to hear anothers good news,just like Sim's lady getting her visa,that gave me a little warm feeling inside

[stevewool]

yep there is good news to hear from here more times then bad

[Englishman2010]

I think this is fairly common in the Phil's due to the stigma of unmarried mums and lack of any welfare support or CSA demanding that absent fathers pay their dues. I'm not sure how good it is for the long term emotional well being of the child though I used to know a Pinay who had a traumatic upbringing herself and then did the same to her own kids. Her mum abandoned her with her grandma when she was two years old, and she spent the next 16 years being pushed from relative to relative across Leyte and Metro Manila, before getting pregnant herself at the age of 19 and then running away from home to Boracay. The baby eventually ended up being adopted by her Aunt in Manila. She got pregnant again a couple of years later and agreed to give the baby to a childless couple in Boracay if they fed and housed her during her pregnancy. Eventually she left Boracay and hasn't seen the 2nd baby for about 4 years. She does see the first baby (not actually a baby now, she's about 6 yrs old) for a few weeks every 6 months or so. The girl I knew was really screwed up by her upbringing and subsequent abandoning of her own kids. I still chat to her occasionally, but she is very angry and emotionally disturbed. She did eventually make contact with her own mum when she was about 24 yrs old. Her mum's living in Malaysia now, and not surprisingly the girl doesn't really want to have anything to do with her. Not a great life really I can only count myself as very fortunate that I had a fairly conventional upbringing with loving parents, and that I am doing my best to spend as much time as I can with my own kids and tell them and show them that I love them numerous times each day.

[Tawi2]

due to the stigma of unmarried mums

No longer,I know a large number of single-mums in Pinas,the days of single parent mums being shunned are yesterday,37% of the 1.78 million kids born in pinas in 2008 were to unmarried mums,baby bartering isnt uncommon,I know a few including a number who are well adjusted human beings with degrees and families of their own,its an individual thing,love is what counts to a child at the end of the day

[stevewool]

as they say here , what would you rather have mum and dad falling out shouting all the time , or dad and mum seperate and a happy household to live in , i dont have any experiance with the phils about this but a happy household to me is best

[mickcant]

Hopefully this will be good for the baby, the birth mother and the new parents

But what could happen if the birth mother changed her mind?

I am not trying to put a dampner on things but am wondering about what _could_ happen?

Mick.

[Arthur Little]

Hmm ... up until ... maybe the 1970s?? ... unmarried mothers were stigmatised here in the UK. Sadly, I've known a fair number of young lassies who wound up pregnant in their teens - and dearly wanted to keep their newborn infants - but were forced to give them up for adoption ... lest they besmirched family reputations on account of the misguided notions of an inhibited and unenlightened Society, which - prior to that time - was less than tolerant of so-called "immoral conduct".

Attitudes of this type were particularly prevalent in rural communities - such as the village where I spent the greater part of my childhood and adolescence - where it was relatively commonplace for these girls to be sent off, suddenly, to some fictitious "aunts and uncles" who conveniently happened to live by the seaside. At least, that was what (in our "innocence" ) we'd been led to believe.

Nowadays, of course, nobody gives a tuppeny damn "WHAT the neighbours think" in this respect, and many kids grow-up in one-parent families ... often being partially cared for by (once-upon a-time disapproving) grannies, to allow the young mums to work. 'Latch-key kids' they're often called.

But I'm conscious of the fact that it's quite a different "ball game" in the Phils. And whilst - as a father - I'm appalled to learn of practices such as "baby bartering", I'd be naive to deny its existence. Likewise, I am convinced that much of the blame rests with the doctrine of the Catholic Church in its stubborn refusal to accept the pressing need for Family Planning.

Happily things have worked out for one little boy, God Bless him and his adoptive family. However, it has always seemed ironic to me, that couples who desperately want children - and would make good parents - turn out to be those who, for reasons beyond their control, are unable to conceive ... while [usually] young, single women who couldn't care *less [*literally!] about bearing a child, appear to breed like rabbits.

It's a world!

[joebloggs]

your right about kids and houses tawi2, little joe is what keeps me going the reason i'm still here

[Tawi2]

your right about kids and houses tawi2, little joe is what keeps me going the reason i'm still here

A house without a child is just somewhere to get your head down and cook a meal,add a kid to the mix and everything changes for the better
Mick,I asked thatmsadly they would return the child,its only fair but they dont think the mother will ever request his return
This couple are in their mid-30's arthur,both working,have a decent house and super-supportive family who all live close,they have always wanted a child,sadly they were never blessed naturally but this boy has turned their world from monochrome to full colour,the suns came out

[stevewool]

do you think i am to old to be adopted by a nice couple

[Tawi2]

do you think i am to old to be adopted

Yup,your too large to bung up a chimney and not cute enough to beg beside a cashpoint machine

[stevewool]

Yup,your too large to bung up a chimney and not cute enough to beg beside a cashpoint machine

they say truth hurts , and that hurt

[Tawi2]

Ok then,I suppose you will do for the chimneys

[stevewool]

not many chimneys in the phils, your just saying that, ems going to adopt me anyway

[mickcant]

QUOTE=Tawi2;305975
Mick, I asked that sadly they would return the child, its only fair but they dont think the mother will ever request his return

Thank you Tawi2, I hope it works out well for the baby.

The reason I asked was that my ex (who had a baby two years ago, conceived with her Filipino boyfriend in Manila after our marriage and before she came to join me in the UK) and of course told me nothing about it, left the baby with the fathers family in Manila.

She has said that when she has to return when the spousal settlement visa expires in November that she will then get the baby back as he belongs with the mother!

She was happy to leave it there to come here to work at my expense, and I hope the father’s family can stop her now wanting the child with her.

But of course she had told me so many lies I do not know if she will try to get him back.
Mick.

[Tawi2]

Your lady was VERY devious Mick,she played the game for long-term goals

[Jimbojac]

The Philippines has very strict laws on legal adoption.
Many forum members know that me and my partner sadly lost our baby late in pregnancy.
I have always wondered about adoption over the years. As many of you folks on this forum will testify there are an incredible amount of kids living in abject poverty there in the Philippines and it would be a fantastic thing to give an "unfortunate" kid a great home.
However as stated above, there are laws and a " right way" of doing things. whilst it is a wonderful and special thing to give a kid a loving home with material comforts - things can and do go wrong, whats to stop the natural birth Mother from claiming her kid back in months or years to come? Maybe she will have major guilt or her financial situation changes? If you legally adopt following every letter of the law then you are protected from this trauma. If you short-cut the law then it could lead to heartbreak further down the line if the child is taken away.
I am no expert but all questions need to be asked and answered.

[joebloggs]

might be easy for filipinos to do this, but for any brits trying it, you better hope that the embassy dont ask for DNA tests when applying for a visa

your right, never a dull moment with kids around the house

[Jimbojac]

might be easy for filipinos to do this, but for any brits trying it, you better hope that the embassy dont ask for DNA tests when applying for a visa

your right, never a dull moment with kids around the house

I'm certain you need DNA tests x 3 nowadays, the British Embassy is insisting. At a thousand quid total for you, the Mother and the baby. To obviously stop fraudulent visa claims etc etc but this would certainly curtail any plans on bringing a baby in that has no natural blood ties and is not legally adopted huh!