Maria Airways

"This is Captain Bailey speaking. On behalf of my crew I would like to
welcome you aboard Maria Airways flight 602 from New York to London.

We are currently flying at an altitude of 35,000 feet midway across the
Atlantic.

If you look out the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft,
you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.

If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that
the port wing has fallen off.

If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little
yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your
captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a
recorded message. Thank you."