My paradise, my home, my soul and me... I miss.

[purple]

It has been 8 months since I got here in the UK, apart from the 2 weeks trip back to Philippines in Easter this year. Other than that, I've been missing my family back home, my life, friends and my country.

Looking back, I would say that life back in Philippines was more convenient for me than living here in the UK. I miss my weekly trips to spa for pampering, massage and all sorts I could think of for rejuvenation which started since I was a teenager. Whenever I need something to perk me up on weekends, I have my friends to hang out with for coffee or drinks at resto bar in the city and just laugh the worries away. I take that most people here discuss things seriously, like economy, life, finances etc... maybe not all. Not sure really, because back home..we talk nonsense and laugh our worries away with few songs in karaoke bar or in a comedy bar. Or maybe go to my mother's hometown in Aloguinsan for a serene getaway with my friends and family, be at the white sand beach amongst the coconut trees, tuba (coconut wine), fresh catch fish that is grilled with rice to complete the filipino meal by the sea in just plain light shirt and shorts without the worries of the need to have a cardigan/coat just in case the weather might turn bad like here in the UK (unpredictable weather).
Spending most of my free days with my children, playing or watching cartoons, go out for bbq along the baywalk in our town and then stay up all night talking with my mother with about everything that we can talk with. My girly bonding with my mum in the spa. The get together with friends and family on occasions and most of all the time spent with my children.

Well, I think life back home is much more convenient even though we are not rich but can afford the decent living and leisure we opt to have in my family back home.

Unlike here in UK.. everything seems like too costly to enjoy the simple things that we can have back in Philippines. A pint of lager in the pub is pounds more than a set of Red Horse and good laughs with friends without the usual serious topic that most people here discuss about.

Maybe I just missed it, not have to worry about the going ons in the world just like what most of my fellow do...

Can't wait to go home in December and stay longer in Philippines rather than excruciating myself during winter.

[grahamw48]

You have just described why I so much like living in the Phils (apart from the girly things)

It helps to have some money in your pocket though, and I can earn a lot more of that here.

I must admit though that during my 12 year marriage we did spend probably half of that time in each country.

[Englishman2010]

Well you've made it 8 months already Purple Hopefully it gets easier for you every day that passes. I can't argue with you about the cost of things here, the weather, leisure time ...etc, etc. It's no surprise that most of us would love to live in the Phil's, even us Brits
I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time back in the Visayas, catching up with your family and friends and showing off you new family member
You never know, after a few weeks you might even get homesick for the UK..and the cold weather
Have a great time anyway

[febmary]

There's no place like home

[alanmf1]

Hi Purple,
I know someone who is feeling exactly like you describe!
Homesickness is a terrible thing when you are so far away!

[lastlid]

You have my sympathy, Purple. I really hope that my wife can adjust to UK life.

[joebloggs]

sounds like your honeymoon period of living in the UK has gone purple, my wife hasn't been back to the phils for 7yrs, (for a number of reasons) , i know she wants to go back and see her family, but I know she sees the UK as her home for the next X years, she has opportunities here she would never get in the phils and after working hard for 7yrs to get them, she will not give them up now. just hang on there things will get better

[andy222]

Thats all part of the marriage lastlid. I have tried to make my future wife aware of the situations here. All she says is I will go wherever you are. Until they get here they dont know. I hope it will be easier for her as she has very little family there. Her sisters all live in different countries so we will just have to wait and see. I hope your wife acclimatises it will take time. Its a rat race here catch 22 if we earned the money we do here most of us would be living in phils now.

[lastlid]

Yes. Fortunately my wife is young and should be able to adapt. I am making sure she can chat to her mom and close relations daily and at length if necessary. Cant give her the warmer weather, unfortunately. But my hope lays in the fact that many Phils folk settle here okay, that I have seen here locally.

[sars_notd_virus]

Purple, just think how lucky we are we got the best of both worlds now , the UK and the Philippines and a loving ''whitey'' husband on our side all the time

...dont forget you are also building your ''own new family now'' .... and sometimes we need to have some sacrifices along the way for the better future!!
have a safe trip back home and bring some sun back

[malditako]

tell me about it purple...miss the pampering in the spa and the comfort of having a yaya and a housemaid. well yeah those days are gone and replaced by a busy life here in the UK...dont u have filipino friends around to keep u company?

[Moy]

at times we tend to realize things until we actually experienced..and wish to get back in time but its good we have this lessons in life ..we know the diffrence the life of how we use to grow and the presence life..

[RuBiX]

I couldn't agree more with you Purple... I miss my life there too
But oh well, as long as we have a loving husband and also friends here in the UK, we still have a good life as long as we're healthy that's the most important thing..
It help us to be more independent and responsible though without any housemaids or even relatives to help to and these I can be proud of.. I'm grown up woman now ( oh well I'm tryin )
As Sars said " We have the best of both worlds now. Our life is exciting coz we have somethin to look forward to---holidays/living in Phils and UK..

Have a good day all...

[worthingmale]

its a shame you cant do half here and half there

get the best of both worlds then

[Terpe]

Nice heartfelt post purple
Plenty of people understand exactly.

[stevewool]

home is where ever you want it to be, indeed life here is no bed of roses, work and more work is what most of us have to do just to make ends meet or try to plan our futures, its good that you have spoken about how you feel, but talking about it could be the start of making changes for each other, a few hours spent just in the countryside enjoying each others company or with friends does help, well it helps me and i have been here 52 years

[Terpe]

.... a few hours spent just in the countryside enjoying each others company or with friends does help.....

That's so true for me also.
In many ways we are very lucky living here in our small village. We may be far from the madding crowd, but we are just a few minutes walk from fantastic beauty spots, country walks and cycle tracks, and designated areas of Areas of Special Scientific Interest where you can choose serious twitching or just feeding the Swans and ducks etc.
It might not sound exciting but it soothes the soul.
This is the place of my childhood.

[Bluebirdjones]

... it just goes to prove that the UK ain't "the promised land" (as if we ever thought it !).

I think that your comment/statement should actually be posted up at the VFS office, and all the CFO-issuing offices in the Philipinnes, to make others aware of what they are potentially giving up.

If they are giving this up for the right reasons, then good luck to them & they deserve all the help, and understanding, and love that they can get.

If they are looking at this as a free meal, then they're in for a total cultural shock, and they're gonna get their eyes opened (after taking off the rose-tinted glasses).

It still ceases to amaze me on the lack of "preparatory" work many couples have put it regarding their future life together.
Many, many things have to be discussed (and planned), like the age gap, living accomodation (with parents or in-laws), the cost of living in the UK, the likelihood that the girl/woman will have to give up or re-build her career, the relationship with the children of previous relationships.... etc etc

Numerous times we've had threads on these very topics... and on many occasions these "problems" or potential conflicts should have been sorted out BEFORE the marriage took place, before the woman concerned arrived in the UK.

Sorry if I've taken the thread off in a different direction, or have offended people ..... but it's something that I do feel strongly about.

[KeithD]

A number of reasons effect how a Filipina feels when they come here.

Some are used to either a housemaid or their parents doing a lot of the stuff for them, so when they arrive in the UK they discover they suddenly have to do terrible things like cook, wash clothes, clean the toilet, cut the grass, etc ..... but then this is usually the case anyway if they'd stayed in the Phil and married a local lad.

Some Filipina's love the weather in the UK, some hate it. For those that don't like it they forget the typhoons they used to get and the 2 months a year with no aircon with temperature hitting 35C+ and high humidity.

Then we have what is defined as 'home'. Some still regard the Phil as 'home' even though it is actually here now. This is just down to the way they view it mentally and just can't let go of what they used to have.

As for being pampered at the spa, you have a husband.... why would you want a stranger fondling your body when you married someone to do that for you? And that kind of thing is classed as a luxury in this country, although one-off packages start around £50 if you have spare cash.

With technology these days friends and family can be contacted via video at any time for a chat, not sure how this is different than actually being physically with them unless you used to fondle each other

The best thing to do when you arrive is treat the first few weeks as a holiday, remember, it was a shock to hubby when he visited you , and just adjust to things at your own pace. If you have any issues, talk to your other half straight away, don't bottle things up, you'll just make yourself more miserable.

[stevewool]

wise words there

[grahamw48]

Things are certainly a lot easier communications-wise than 20 years ago.

Chat on video ? Wow ! Only on Star Trek.

Some good points made above.

[worthingmale]

win2win

good words there,

a shock to both people in a relationship

[joebloggs]

Some are used to either a housemaid or their parents doing a lot of the stuff for them, so when they arrive in the UK they discover they suddenly have to do terrible things like cook, wash clothes, clean the toilet, cut the grass, etc .....

and WORK

your starting from nothing, so it will take time to settle and find a job, friends etc..

[RickyR]

It's interesting that i should read your post now. I can understand how hard it is for you, and you've gotten through a lot, but once you've had a few holidays at home things will balance out and what you crave, suddenly doesn't seem so rosy when you go back. I remember that Marvie hated the UK the first few times she came (through work for training courses before she met me), but eventually came to like it.

I've just left the Philippines after living there for around 4 years. I posted a bit of a controversial thread on an Expat Forum about how I'm happy to leave the Philippines. Some of the things you love about the Philippines are some of the things that have made me want to leave. One thing is for sure, when you as a Filipino come to the UK, you are welcomed into the country and given all the rights and freedoms and equality that you deserve.

Unfortunately in the Philippines as a westerner, the same cannot be said sadly, and that can make life difficult for us.

[BoholoX]

Hi Purple

Thanks for your post, you describe exactly the fears I have for my wife when we move to the UK, and although she assures me that everything will be fine, how can she possible know? I will make sure she reads this!

Remember that the grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but it's just as hard to cut.

[purple]

Thanks for the encouraging words everyone.

I never wanted to come and live here in the UK at all. When I went to China for holiday with my family around december many years ago, I knew it already that I will not like living abroad nor the cold unpredictable weather like here in England.

If only the UKBA approved the visit visa I applied last year since hubby and I only wanted to meet the family and move there in Phils, instead I'm stuck in this settlement visa of which I have to make most of the 3 years I need to stay to get the monies worth and need not to worry about the hassle of reapplying for visit visa whenever we come back to UK to visit families.

I can't help but rant because I don't sense any warmth in this country at all. People seldom smile even though you smile to them first...only seldom people who would smile back.

[purple]

Unfortunately in the Philippines as a westerner, the same cannot be said sadly, and that can make life difficult for us.

I can understand why the Philippines don't give equal rights to foreigners RickyR.. there are downside and upside to it. And mainly to protect the filipino people. I know it is not fair, but in the Philippines, obviously the country cannot afford to have it run by foreigners, apart from being such an american puppet to some degree.

[purple]

As for being pampered at the spa, you have a husband....

Hubby wants different form of payment Keith

And don't like having a housemaid around the house even back home. I can't stand having to deal with more than 3 people in the same house at all everyday. LOL

It is the warmth of people back in Philippines that I like the most. The smiles even though faced with hardships in life.

It wasn't a shock for hubby to visit me, he has been to most countries in Southeast Asia, have lived among the people in shacks in indonesia, vietnam, laos, malaysia, thailand and cambodia or live in tents and jungles there of which he thinks that leading a much harder life.

What can I say, is that this country is nice, with its classic and old structures, impressive architectures, literature, history etc. that I once praised in my young mind about civilization and culture. But difficult to see it in the present situation and appreciate it.

But I prefer my paradise back home. I don't need to travel for miles to have a nice white sandy beach, hammock and palm trees nor pay much for that simple luxury. I don't even have to pay more than 50p for a bottle of iced cold beer.. or shall I say, beer with ice in it

For work wise, that is not a problem with me. I am workaholic myself even back home. I hate sitting down and wait for the day to finish, that will drive me I think being pregnant, thus career is being put hold is a downside at the moment. Hope baby will come out soon. So I can have myself back.

The difference back home and here is:

Whenever you want to have a get together with either friends and family... you don't need to phone in an hour or make a schedule for it. You can pop in and out anytime even though how busy one can be. Or meet up even just for a bus or jeepney ride to have a chat and that will do.

But I think, I only need to look at the bright side. I have hubby with me and that is all that matters. I did not come here for the country, I came here to be with hubby.

Still I can't get over about UKBA's decision about refusing the visit visa, but then again, things happens for reason.

[scott&ligaya]

you seem isolated from other Filipinas.. we are surrounded by so many that can pick and choose when we want pancit and chatting, communual grooming /spa treatments within the wives group ( we have two beauticians) or a night at the pub quiz with us Brits.

We have a small group of five Fil/Brit couples (about to be six with Guyki and Maryjanes arrival in Bham) and we alternate between Filipino events get.toethers and more British events (barbacues under the gazebo in the rain lol). In fact when we chose to go to the local Filipino church the after service buffet lunch and social gathering chit/chat is very like back home..kids everywhere, too much food and chaotic conversations about anything.

I totally agree with you about missing the simple pleasures of the Phils ...... and I am a Brit!!! and I know that even with all of the above Ligaya still gets homesick and even a little down at times so just bear with us miserable Brits and keep your chin up

[purple]

There is a RC church literally 1 minute walk away from me where in there are plenty of filipinos I've recognize from the high street and who works with some restaurants and shops. Not that I am picky or a snob.. it is not just my field so I will not stress myself on that matter either.
But I don't go to church, I'm not catholic either.. never been into church for 15 years except for christening, weddings and funeral.
I casually speak to few filipinas who take their children to the school right next to the building where we live. But I'm not into shopping which is what most of them like to do. It bores me to death, specially if one can't handle a good conversation when it comes to fashion topic and then likes to shop.