Asda Greeter

[RickyR]

I'll rely on Keith for deciding whether this one is allowed or not haha.

A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tattooed, welfare dependent, chav, minger, woman wearing
a Rangers top walked into ASDA in Castlemilk (a sprawling council estate on Glasgow's east-side)
with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The ASDA greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning madam, and welcome to
ASDA. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'F*ck naw, they're no twins. The auldest
wan's 9, and the ither wan's 7. Why the f*ck would you think they're
twins? Are you blind, thick or just stupid?'

'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam.' replied the greeter. 'I just
couldn't believe you've been sh*gged twice! Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA.'

[stevewool]

nice

[Dedworth]

#
The sadly retired Greeter in Asda Reading was a ramrod straight ex military Glasgwegian called Jim. He wouldn't put up with any crap, I saw him once grab an E European shoplifter by the neck. I used to crack up when he put on the posh Scottish lilt for "and thank you for shopping at Asda"

[Englishman2010]

Nice one Ricky

[Moy]

[mickcant]

Thanks, I liked that one
Mick.

[Terpe]

[Steve.r]

[grahamw48]

[Arthur Little]

I actually HAD a stint as a 'Customer Greeter' with Asda ... amongst other wee part-time jobs ... following my early retiral from regular full-time employment. It was a new concept for the Company back then ... before the advent of 24-hr shopping ... and there were two of us enlisted - myself and an older woman - to work alternate shifts. However, a few weeks into the job, my colleague was forced to quit for medical reasons (constant standing at the Store entrance, badly affected her pre-existing varicose veins ) which, in turn, considerably lengthened my shifts ... and, although this meant bigger wages, it impacted on the social life I'd hitherto got into the habit of taking for granted. Next, the management wanted the role to become more security~orientated, and I declined; it just wasn't in my nature to tap some on the shoulder and "arrest" her for shoplifting - DEFINITELY NOT MY SCENE!

[Arthur Little]

I'll rely on Keith for deciding whether this one is allowed or not haha.

A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tattooed, welfare dependent, chav, minger, woman wearing
a Rangers top walked into ASDA in Castlemilk (a sprawling council estate on Glasgow's east-side)
with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The *ASDA greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning madam, and welcome to
ASDA. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'F*ck naw, they're no twins. The auldest
wan's 9, and the ither wan's 7. Why the f*ck would you think they're
twins? Are you blind, thick or just stupid?'

'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam.' replied the greeter. 'I just
couldn't believe you've been sh*gged twice! Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA.'

... NICE one, Ricky! I particularly appreciate it - having served in the *role!

[RickyR]

haha, I'd had a few too many martinis last night so got carried away. I imagine being a pure greeter would be quite a rewarding job, but I can see your point when they start asking you to be security as well it's moving away from the point.
I can imagine that for some people, particularly older people, having a familiar face to greet and guide them to the right section of the store would be much appreciated.