Is living together acceptable for a Filipino?

[Stevie]

In the UK it is now common for a couple to live together without getting married. Is this acceptable to Filipinos in the UK?

When you have experience of age and own property there is s big risk of losing a life's savings if a relationship goes bad.

I regularly see dating posts from women searching for marriage to a Brit etc. The conclusion is that a lot of these women are only after a passport into the UK for a better life which I can understand.

I am interested in opinions how to avoid being hurt and possibly losing life savings but being open to a genuine relationship of love and understanding? ... Is the answer a pre-nuptial agreement?

[grahamw48]

I think you'll have to marry her either before, or within 6 months of coming here (fiancee visa) anyway....to get her into the country.

There has been a thread recently about the pros and cons of pre-nups, if you do a search.

[Terpe]

Hello Stevie, welcome here to the forum.

There have been quite a few threads/posting on this very subject. If you have some time why not do a search and see what comes up.

As you know pre-nuptials are not yet legally enforceable in UK, so outcomes are variable and totally down to the 'judge'.
Also don't forget that any children of the marriage would come first in any consideration.
(which in my view is only right)

If you don't want to get married then don't. But at least share that desire up front with your potential partner and make sure that any children you bring into this world will not be denied their right to the best life you can provide.

There are loads of things that can be done to 'protect' wealth and valuable assets.
I think some of the relevant posts here do suggest a few.

Regarding the topic question of your post I have to say that quite a few of Brit/Phil couples I know who live together are not married. Always for the reasons you outline. So in principle it seems not to be a issue, although maybe it depends on the individual frame of reference.

There's no advice I can give about not being hurt. Even at my age I didn't discover that secret yet. (well apart from don't fall in love ---------- and who can do anything about that)

Anyways, unless she would already live here in UK I can't see how you could get her here without marriage.
Well, unless you decided to live with her in the Philippines for at least 2 years then apply as unmarried partners.

[Terpe]

Whoops !! sorry Graham.
You posted while I was still typing.

[stevewool]

hi stevie, a great name, well what does one do, you are a little older then i and maybe we are quite similar in what we both may have had before i got married,most ladies would want to be married one day so living together i think is the wrong way to go, plus like graham says you get 6 months to deside to get married here or its on the plane back home, if you find the right one just get to know each other over time, months even years, you will both know if it is ment to be, yes i thought about the pre-nuptails thing but i did not go down that line, why, well i love emma and all i have is shared between us, like you i have a house , savings and so on, but in return emma has gave me more love in such a short time and i know there is more to come, good luck but there is more to life then material things, you will realize that if you have the love from a fillipina wife

[grahamw48]

Whoops !! sorry Graham.
You posted while I was still typing.

....but you put it so much better.

[grahamw48]

I lived with my ex for over a year in the Phils before marrying, and that did seem to give me (I think) around 12 years before clearing me out.

There are NO guarantees where head and heart are in conflict.

Enjoy the journey, cover as many bases as you can, but remember, you can't take it with you.

[sars_notd_virus]

Hi Stevie!! welcome here!!


During the ancient culture of a filipino , we are not allowed to live with a man unless marriage takes place but this has changed during the Generation 'Y'(Also called millennials, echo boomers, internet generation, iGen, net generation.)


Practical love is the first thing that comes into mind....but nobody can be ''wise'' when it comes to love,..it has its ups and downs, papers can bond together( marriage certificate ) but it can also be nulled and void/ divorce ; prenup can be revise....we dont even know who we will fall in love with??... the best thing to do to avoid ''hurt''is to leave something for yourself!!! ...dont give it all (if you know what i mean?)

good luck and hope you find the right woman !!

[malchard888]

my sentiments entirely steve

[Arthur Little]

remember, you can't take it with you.

... but you do want it to fall into the RIGHT hands when you're no longer around!

[Stevie]

Thanks guys for your replies so far ... I am hoping for more input from the Filipino ladies perspective

Also I am not just thinking of Filipinos still to come here but also ones living already in Britain with British nationality?

[MissAna]

hmmmm i think living together is okay..

[grahamw48]

Thanks guys for your replies so far ... I am hoping for more input from the Filipino ladies perspective

Also I am not just thinking of Filipinos still to come here but also ones living already in Britain with British nationality?

Don't worry, the majority of Filipinas are here in the 21st century with us.

Just make sure the ones in the UK haven't picked up the less endearing habits of the native females.

[lykayu01]

In the UK it is now common for a couple to live together without getting married. Is this acceptable to Filipinos in the UK?

When you have experience of age and own property there is s big risk of losing a life's savings if a relationship goes bad.

I regularly see dating posts from women searching for marriage to a Brit etc. The conclusion is that a lot of these women are only after a passport into the UK for a better life which I can understand.

I am interested in opinions how to avoid being hurt and possibly losing life savings but being open to a genuine relationship of love and understanding? ... Is the answer a pre-nuptial agreement?

Hi there!!!
Well it depends now a days but still there are loads of us including me that doesn't want to live together unless married...

mmmm in your position your scared that you might get fooled , i guess its better to know the person truly take the test of time and not be in a hurry so you would know her attitude...

some will get offended by what you want " pre-nup" but others might not be...

hard to say though....

but just be wise and i hope you wont get fooled...

[Stevie]

Thank you everyone and yes lykayu01 one thing I am concerned about is not offending. The main problem I see is not the actual people in the relationship but the English law has little or no protection for someone in my circumstances.

[sweetnote143]

for traditional Filipinos, living together before marriage is a

but for me, that's a personal choice....whether acceptable or not, it's not the real issue. your problem is trust, the lack of it, or just being cautious...once burned twice shy, so they say....even if you will find the most trustworthy woman in this world, you will find the hard time in trusting her because of your doubt, a bad fruit of previous relationships. Pre-nup is not even the answer nor living together without marriage. There is no assurance in this world, whether a relationship is going to last forever or will end tomorrow. Now you only have to make a decision, whether to trust again or not. You cant have both. There are many women out there who aren't after money, all they want is love and faithfulness in a relationship. Love is a risk, we all have to take that risk if we want real love.

[lastlid]

My wife is from the traditional school of thought along with her immediate family. No sex before marriage. I was pleasantly surprised by that approach. I think it works well. And she certainly isn't money grabbing.

[grahamw48]

for traditional Filipinos, living together before marriage is a

but for me, that's a personal choice....whether acceptable or not, it's not the real issue. your problem is trust, the lack of it, or just being cautious...once burned twice shy, so they say....even if you will find the most trustworthy woman in this world, you will find the hard time in trusting her because of your doubt, a bad fruit of previous relationships. Pre-nup is not even the answer nor living together without marriage. There is no assurance in this world, whether a relationship is going to last forever or will end tomorrow. Now you only have to make a decision, whether to trust again or not. You cant have both. There are many women out there who aren't after money, all they want is love and faithfulness in a relationship. Love is a risk, we all have to take that risk if we want real love.

I agree.

[sweetnote143]

thanks, graham....a perspective from a filipina but not a traditional one

[South-east boy]

It depends on how she's been brought up, how religeous she is, if she will go by her family's wishes and of course her own views on the subject. Viva's family are practicing Catholics, are quite protective and would be against living together before marriage and also sex before marriage, but those are Viva's views too, not just because that's what her family want.

I would imagine that some immigrants living here though, because of how our society is and working/living/socialising with different people with different views/values and living away from family, they might find their views changing over time, but of course some won't change and keep their same values. Everyone is different!

[grahamw48]

Very true.

Also, surprising how many young single Filipina girls there are with kids.

[lastlid]

Very true.

Also, surprising how many young single Filipina girls there are with kids.

Yes. My mrs points that one out. Two extreme ends of the spectrum. But she also points out the issues with contraception in the country.

[grahamw48]

Yet contraception is freely and cheaply available to all in the Phils, including the pill (from a doctor).
Been there, done that ....with the ex.

Funny old place the Philippines.

[Stevie]

for traditional Filipinos, living together before marriage is a

but for me, that's a personal choice....whether acceptable or not, it's not the real issue. your problem is trust, the lack of it, or just being cautious...once burned twice shy, so they say....even if you will find the most trustworthy woman in this world, you will find the hard time in trusting her because of your doubt, a bad fruit of previous relationships. Pre-nup is not even the answer nor living together without marriage. There is no assurance in this world, whether a relationship is going to last forever or will end tomorrow. Now you only have to make a decision, whether to trust again or not. You cant have both. There are many women out there who aren't after money, all they want is love and faithfulness in a relationship. Love is a risk, we all have to take that risk if we want real love.

My concern is not of trust but yes I do believe it is wise to be cautious

Just to help you understand my dilemma ... I am a widow after being happily married for over 26 years. I am simply looking for a lady to love and who loves and respects me, who wants to be with me for the rest of our lives. After my wife died I chose to take early retirement and now because of my age and the economic climate in the UK my earning potential is limited and my income is low. I have my own property but because of my low earning potential I can not afford to lose my home which has taken all my working life to get. My concern is not only for my self but for my partner who has her own property back in the Philippines. I wanted a way to reassure her that what she has worked for since she left her first husband would always still be there for her security.


If you give someone a loud boom box they will inevitably play loud music

[grahamw48]

I think only you can provide an answer to this dilemma.

For people like me who have already been deprived of their assets, not really a problem, as we'll both be coming to the table with buggerall.

[andy222]

Like everywhere else. You pay your money you take your chance.

[sars_notd_virus]

Ouch does this mean we( me and the husband) are improbable??

whatever he got is mine and whatever is mine is only mine?? oh well we are both happy that way , who cares??

[Stevie]

Ouch does this mean we( me and the husband) are improbable??

whatever he got is mine and whatever is mine is only mine?? oh well we are both happy that way , who cares??

No in British law it means if he had debt (owes money) and you had property (here or in the Philippines) you can have half his debt and he can have half your property !!! ... You share everything 50:50 plus allowance for any kids you have together after being married

[Stevie]

I think only you can provide an answer to this dilemma.

For people like me who have already been deprived of their assets, not really a problem, as we'll both be coming to the table with buggerall.

Yes much less hassle if you both have nothing

[sars_notd_virus]

No in British law it means if he had debt (owes money) and you had property (here or in the Philippines) you can have half his debt and he can have half your property !!! ... You share everything 50:50 plus allowance for any kids you have together after being married

I guess you are barking at the wrong tree, me and the husband only live ''within our means'' ,in fact we are one of those few people who doesnt have a credit card.. so what has debt got to do with it??? we wont be sharing debt if we dont have it , we are working hard and keep that goal for when we reach old age then maybe I can share half of my investments with him(if he's a good boy)??