Trust me. I am listening carefully to all the posters on this thread - not just the ones I like the sound of.Originally Posted by Tawi2
Trust me. I am listening carefully to all the posters on this thread - not just the ones I like the sound of.
All the coomments have been personally digested,i have great admiration for all here and when does one say no to sending some spare cash,after the poverty i seen in many parts of the Philippines,the squats in some cities were appalling by my standard,and i am only a cornish hard working man, but my eyes were open on several visits to the Philippines.
I guess I can consider myself as one of the lucky Filipinas for having a family that's not abusive of a relative overseas..I experienced working overseas (Singapore) to have a much bigger salary so I can give a bigger amount of money monthly to my parents..not because they want me to but because I want to. We're not rich but I've seen my parents do everything they can to provide me and my siblings the best education we can get and things we want (well not all but whatever they can afford)..and for me, giving them money to help on their monthly bills is not a big deal..It's not an obligation but just being a good daughter. Who would want to ignore family when you know you can help them and lessen their money problems in any way? And when my contract in Singapore ended, they insisted on me to just go home instead even if the salary is not as big.
My parents help others too whatever they can afford, not just relatives but some neighbors too if they ask to borrow..They don't give them a lot but enough to help them. All my siblings are working too, If they need an extra help in money for something they really need, I won't hesitate to lend them and they know they need to pay it back..I know they'd do that to me too..right now I'm the only one who doesn't have a work (well coz I'm not allowed to yet with my visa) I'm sure if I need to ask them or my parents a little help, they would lend me some..The good thing about my family is that we learned how to be independent then share and care enough and not to abuse or tolerate everything..
The dependency in a Filipino family usually comes when most of the family members doesn't have the will to help themselves out by working and another family member tolerates it more by giving them whatever they want even if he/she knows he/she can't afford it.
-=rayna.keith=-
...When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible...
Filipinas who work overseas and send money home all the time are hard-working for sure.
Also, there are hundreds of thousands of Filipino men who do just the same. They are just as heroic as the women.
There are many people in the UK who have no idea what long contracts the Filipino man and woman have to sign up for. Two years is the normal duration these wonderful people have to be away for. Can you imagine a Brit doing thatA few months and a Brit would be moaning like hell
I know a pinay here who hasnt been home for five years due to remmitting all her cash and she said she has to buy mountains of expensive pasalubong should she return to pinas so its cheaper to stay her and send,send,send.
Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again. But life goes on.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the passion that she shows to the outside world.
This is something I have experienced for many many years with many many different people.
It's in my heart and I can see and mostly understand all sides of the "culture coin".
Sending money home is common in Filipino culture.
Sending money home for the children is a given, it's an absolute must. In the same situation wouldn't we all do that?
Well, wouldn't we?
Look, make no mistake here, an OFW is not your average person.
A mother who got herself to another country, secured a job and supports her children and familty is not your average person.
A Filipina who sends money back home doesn't generally do it to look good, nor to be popular, nor to be a hero?
It's because the children and family are more important to her than her own well being.
I have many friends who work long long hours on minimum wage, send most of back home and often have nothing left over for a good life of their own or even an annual visit to Pinas.
In many ways that is so sad.
But look, education for the children is so so important. Please remember that in the Philippines education always needs financial support.
I'm not going to deny some suggestions that many Filipina's have indeed been raised from the cradle to serve the family.
Additionally I agree that generally the upbringing is very focussed on being hard-working for the benefit of family. Don't let's forget that we husbands are part of the family.
But I personally still maintain that in nearly all cases a Filipina sends money back home because she is a giving and loving person and she believes it is the best thing to do that can help lift their family.
For a lot of Brit/Filipina marriages, remittances can be a big issue.
Western cultures generally do not share the same family values as most Pinoy households do.
I’m not suggesting it's good or bad or good. Just that there are big differences and that there are pros and cons to both sides.
Of course, I know of Brit/Filipina couples who have issues and problems relating to sending money back to Philippines.
Sometimes I do too.
Is it true that sending money back home makes the relatives lazy and not feel the need to work for themselves or the larger family circle? I'm sure there are instances where there is a lot of truth in that.
Is it true that sending money back home doesn't in fact help anyone, but actually makes life worse for every one? Possibly there is some truth in that too.
I know that my thinking might put me in danger of being accussed of idealising and romanticising the Philippine culture for family values.
But I hope that no matter how modern or “western” Philippine society will become the years of Philippine upbringing and the creation of that special Pinoy
family bond will never be lost in the years they spend in western culture.
Saints? No
Hero's? No
Responsibility? More than likely.
Burden? Often.
We all know blood will always be thicker than water.
I love this part of your post. The first time I got to know any Filipina women was 2 years ago, when my mother died, (you can probably figure it out).
My first reaction was: What!? They left their kids at home? What is that all about? My mother would never have left us on our own to work in another country!!
But then I realised - Yes she would. My mother would have done anything for me and my sister - including working on the other side of the world if that's what was required. So that was when my admiration (for the sacrifice) went into overdrive.
I wonder if we need a "sticky" for uk men. Step by step guide.
Yeah that's OK
Yeah that's OK
No! Stop!
I had a string of thoughts go through my head ref my friend:
Hmmm..She is broke
Nothing in her fridge. No meat except for an animal that I can't identify....
She's paying out £*** in rent every month....
Hmmm... I've got plenty of space??
No meat except for an animal that I can't identify
Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again. But life goes on.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the passion that she shows to the outside world.
My wife has been fortunate that her mother has sacrificed for her. Her mother continues to work and has provided for her 3 daughters on her own, pretty much. Her three daughters are all grown up and married now. My wife is the youngest. And she sends some money back to her mum and older sister occasionally, just to help out, I guess to do her bit for her family that has supported her for many years. The idea of sending money home seems to be innate. They all seem to "muck in" together with money, helping each other when they can. Quite admirable really.
Having read all this I feel for the Girls who have the stress of sending money back, I have been in the same boat and its often talked about at home but I have had to put my family first and with the growth of our family unit (and paying maintenance for my previous relationship still) charity starts at home and IF there is some spare cash then I don't really mind sending some back, but nowadays there is rarely any spare as things are tight.
The costs of bringing a Filipina here and allowing her to grow and become accustomed to British life is expensive - especially when the relationship started with little costs.
But I have had to talk to the family and tell them straight - life in the UK is not easy, there are no money trees in the back garden, taxation is high, everything costs much more and there is a lot more "law" and consequences to not keeping your house in order, example being - I have to have car insurance, a TV licence - and if I dont pay something off the interest is high, and if it isnt paid at all the credit file gets buggered....makes life difficult going forward!
I am asian and I understand it all but im my culture when a girl leaves the home nothing is expected from them. Nothing, and thats what I have had to explain.
I wish it was different but it is what it is - put in the same shoes I'd want to do the same - who wouldnt?
its a contentious topic I think and I salute everyones input because its a difficult topic to talk openly about.
Tone
just to clarify its not just the women (filipino) who sends money back home..even those men who already married and got a family of their own still slice some money out of their salary and give it to his parents and other siblings regardless whom they are married....thats filipino cuture that cannot be erased. One of the reason why a lot of filipino parents dont need to work till 67. their retirement is base on when the children start earning and support them which i personally like....as i am always saying to my husband..our son will finish university no matter how much it will cost us and when he go to work thats the start of our retirement life to pinas
... well ... as I have already said [overleaf] - and nobody seems to've so far taken a blind bit of notice - it's the likes of the Aqinos of this world (with their blatant refusal to adhere to such *conditions as *those of the Agrarian Reform Agreements set out in the early years of the 20th Century) and the corrupt politicians that make the country what it IS economically.
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