Is it proper or not?

[aprilmaejon]

Sigh....
Anyway, thank you for all of your views guys...appreciated it a lot. Many many many thanks...

[aim_angel]

TRUST is the foundation of every relationship..

let me ask you... do you trust him? why do you have/need to check his phone and messages?

but if you have any doubt about his feelings for you or you feel like he's hiding something from you , then talk to him again.. don't give yourself headaches!
or better yet, lock your phone too!

[aprilmaejon]

Yes I trust him...but now that he lock it, I don't think so. I was happy to think that everything was open last time until now that there's already a restriction.
It's not that I want to check like me having a suspicion, it's all about him trusting me in a way of letting me open it even though it's not necessary....just like you guys, everything are open...you trusted your partner and allowed them to have an access...no restriction...and your partners are happy with that and there is trust to both sides.

[Whoosh]

No way would I let my wife/gf/SO have this amount of access. nor would I expect it of her.

Besides if i wanted to cheat I would be a damm site more clever than to use my normal modes of communication

Sounds like its a doomed relationship to me - the more you insist the more he will feel he is being accused and you will just drive him away

Whoosh

[Terpe]

To a cetain degree every couple makes their own 'rules'. We are all different.

I believe in an open, loving, faithful relationship where honesty and trust are the most highly prized attributes.

Neither of us has any secrets to hide.

We both need and enjoy our 'own-space' from time to time, and it has nothing to do with trying to hide something.
Everyone is entitled to have privacy, those private feelings and private thoughts we all have. Being in a relationship or being married does not mean we lose that entitlement.

Neither of us has anything to hide on our phones or our computers etc, but we trust each other. That's it.

I would be more than a bit miffed if, without asking, my wife started prying, snooping and invading my privacy. That is so much more than just whacky behaviour.It's almost neurotic.
To my mind that would be a complete lack of respect, honesty and trust.

So where would that put the relationship.

[Steve.r]

paRANOiD bEhaVIOR

CAN ONLY END IN TEARS

[tone]

I think the point Steve made was ample to show what you may mean to your husband, if he can go through all that effort to bring you to the UK you should remain trustworthy and in his love.
The surefire way to corrupt a relationship is to introduce elements like paranoia, listening to people who have no real bearing on your relationship and worrying about things like this.
As said by Terpe we are all different and the rules are created as we go along, unless you really think there is another woman involved you should just live your life and enjoy the time you have worked hard to make.

I would say the tighter a woman squeezes a man (and vice versa) the more likely you are to slip out of eachother grasp. I've seen this a few times, focus on what makes you happy and think about the good times you have had together and look to the future for more of the same.

It doesnt really matter what one keep on his phone - Rina never see's my work phone only because the stuff on it is boring, but of a sensative nature she never asks to see the contents anyway.

Move on and stop being upset with what isn't is my advice otherwise you will be on the slippery slope to divorce - I hate to utter those words but its the reality every little "where are you, what are you doing" will erode the relationship I'm afraid..

Tone

[lastlid]

The surefire way to corrupt a relationship is to introduce elements like paranoia, listening to people who have no real bearing on your relationship and worrying about things like this.

Tone has a valid point too. A balanced judgement call needs to be made.

[aprilmaejon]

Okay guys...in conclusion...every individual has its own perception about this...one guy would say it is fine and one guy would also say it's not...phew! I think differently...others think differently as well. Sigh....okay okay okay...thanks for all your views guys, for those who think its okay, I am still on that shoes...for those who don't...I respect your views. Thank you.

[fred]

Now we are on the same page..
Regards..
Fred

[lastlid]

Now we are on the same page..
Regards..
Fred

Joking aside, I do sympathise with April, especially as he has taken a retrograde step.....

[aprilmaejon]

How can I not be upset if for once I was able to access it with no problem then suddenly he locked it? How could I say that he's not hiding something?...if there's nothing in there to worry about, why would restrict your partner from that? If you guys are on my shoes, how would you feel if once it was fine to have an access with the account, then on the following day it changes because everything is lock?...then your partner is keeping her phones away from you?...would not be an insult? Will You bot think and asked Why? Would you not feel like a virus being blocked by a firewall?....

[fred]

How can I not be upset if for once I was able to access it with no problem then suddenly he locked it? How could I say that he's not hiding something?...if there's nothing in there to worry about, why would restrict your partner from that? If you guys are on my shoes, how would you feel if once it was fine to have an access with the account, then on the following day it changes because everything is lock?...then your partner is keeping her phones away from you?...would not be an insult? Will You bot think and asked Why? Would you not feel like a virus being blocked by a firewall?....

Thats why I lock my accounts and she locks hers! If we trust each other,as we should then that should be fine! Anything else is mistrust and tismis imo...bahala ka..

[aim_angel]

How can I not be upset if for once I was able to access it with no problem then suddenly he locked it? How could I say that he's not hiding something?...if there's nothing in there to worry about, why would restrict your partner from that? If you guys are on my shoes, how would you feel if once it was fine to have an access with the account, then on the following day it changes because everything is lock?...then your partner is keeping her phones away from you?...would not be an insult? Will You bot think and asked Why? Would you not feel like a virus being blocked by a firewall?....

maybe he didn't mean to insult you or he's not hiding anything from you but MAYBE he just doesn't want you to play the role of being an investigator you said you trust him so why keep checking on him? let him move and do what he wants sometimes as long as you still feel and he's showing you how much you mean to him.

Jealousy and paranoia don't do any good in any relationship. Don't let him touch your phone and don't let him use your facebook or any account you have so you wouldn't feel its unfair on your part. If you continue doing that, you will just push him away :-(

I hope you feel better soon .

[aprilmaejon]

Okay fred...that is in your case...others are still open...

[grahamw48]

Attachment 6128

[Eyes O'Donnell]

Attachment 6128

[fred]

Look aprilmaejon ..You either trust him or you dont.. If you dont then there lies the problem..One way or the other it needs to be resolved di ba?
Just be straight with him and see what he says..
Tell us what you feel after that conversation if you wish..

[grahamw48]

CHANGING what was previously accessible does seem a bit questionable to me.

[Steve.r]

Maybe he is seeing someone else

Maybe he has ordered a surprise bunch of flowers

Maybe he is having cyber sex

Maybe he has located that special pair of shoes you were looking for

Suspician is a killer.......

Maybe he locked his phone because he doesn't want his info stolen if he loses his phone..... there are a million reasons why..... dont go looking for trouble..... or it will find YOU!!!

[grahamw48]

I think this thread demonstrates the perils of discussing one's personal issues online.

[lastlid]

I think this thread demonstrates the perils of discussing one's personal issues online.

Agreed, as we don't know the full story.

[Steve.r]

I am very tongue in cheek, I just think there is no reason to mis-trust. Years ago I was going out with a woman who needed to know 'everything' it became hard work having to explain where , when, how, why all the time. I dumped her!

[grahamw48]

I discovered my ex was cheating after having her emails to her sister translated (I had her password).

That's why I feel a bit 'iffy' about the subject.

[Terpe]

I discovered my ex was cheating after having her emails to her sister translated (I had her password).

That's why I feel a bit 'iffy' about the subject.

Graham, did you already have strong suspicions?

PS: you don't need to answer, just curious.

If I'm totally honest I may do some snooping if I felt strong grounds. But not on a regular basis.

[stevewool]

whats mine is ems, i have nothing to hide and i hope ems dont have either, face book or sad book as i call it, if you dont want people to read it dont post it i say

[Moy]

Damn...What is it with women?

Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

[stevewool]

Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

yes dear

[Moy]

yes dear

yep pops

[grahamw48]

I wasn't specifically looking for THAT email.

It was the question about the 'new B/F' referred to in the email from her sister that alerted me. Means much the same in any language.

I'd had doubts before that though concerning ANOTHER possible affair.