A virgin in the philippines

[Johnnie]

‘Three years ago I’d never have given a thought to visiting the Philippines. It wouldn’t have appeared in even my top hundred places to visit. Come to that, I’d never thought of re-marrying.’

So begins my travelogue, A VIRGIN IN THE PHILIPPINES, more a diary than a guide book, describing my marriage to a Filipina (by the way, we met neither through a dating agency nor ebay!) and my visits to the country. Lest there should be any doubt, I am the virgin in question though only in a figurative sense. In fact I’m 80++ years of age and don’t feel a day over 75!

The book is an account of the greenest green of the rice fields; of nightmarish criss-crossing traffic, managed it would seem by some master choreographer; of traditional family reunions; of my being refused entry to a Subic Bay hotel room on moral grounds along with my 65-year-old nephew-by-marriage; of advertising hoardings the size of tennis courts; of the eventual sale, after much peasant dealing, of one of my wife’s rice fields; of my election as life President of the Husbands’ Escape Committee; of life in a county town; of being tricked into having a tooth extracted; of visits to the family mausoleum; of the most charming and pleasant people you’d ever meet and that’s just for starters. I love the Philippines, the place and the people and I hope it shows though my writing.

Well, it’s on Amazon Kindle now - and it will shortly appear on Smashwords - 40,000 words by WH Johnson for peanuts (77p)! And it’s worth every peanut for Leonardo Malgapo’s cover and illustrations alone. It is not in printed book form.

Find me on xxxxx where there is more detail about the book.

In brief, I retired 24 years ago; have written more than twenty books, both fiction and non-fiction, both traditionally and self-published; I’ve found a wonderful wife …and I’m blissfully happy.

[fred]

Well ,Im going to allow this as the post was interesting ..In regards your book which Seems fascinating please post some more to our members and then ask the site owner for permission to post your links to the book..
cheers,Fred..

[raynaputi]

Also, you might want to change the link of your Facebook page on your profile here as it shows a page of someone from the USA..

[Terpe]

Hi Johnnie, welcome here.

I'm sorry to have edited you post and remove your link.
Perhaps you could make an e-mail request to the Admin for permission.

Alternatively take a look here:-
http://filipinaroses.com/showthread....488#post349488

No offence intended.

[grahamw48]

Oops...sorry....thought you were LOOKING for a virgin in the Philippines. Probably easier than here.

[Johnnie]

Thanks for the info re incorrect Facebook entry. I'm sure he's a perfectly nice man but he ain't me!

[Johnnie]

Haven't looked for such a person for just about the last 55 years!

[Arthur Little]

‘Three years ago I’d never have given a thought to visiting the Philippines. It wouldn’t have appeared in even my top hundred places to visit. Come to that, I’d never thought of re-marrying.’

So begins my travelogue, A VIRGIN IN THE PHILIPPINES, more a diary than a guide book, describing my marriage to a Filipina (by the way, we met neither through a dating agency nor ebay!) and my visits to the country. Lest there should be any doubt, I am the virgin in question though only in a figurative sense. In fact I’m 80++ years of age and don’t feel a day over 75!

The book is an account of the greenest green of the rice fields; of nightmarish criss-crossing traffic, managed it would seem by some master choreographer; of traditional family reunions; of my being refused entry to a Subic Bay hotel room on moral grounds along with my 65-year-old nephew-by-marriage; of advertising hoardings the size of tennis courts; of the eventual sale, after much peasant dealing, of one of my wife’s rice fields; of my election as life President of the Husbands’ Escape Committee; of life in a county town; of being tricked into having a tooth extracted; of visits to the family mausoleum; of the most charming and pleasant people you’d ever meet and that’s just for starters. I love the Philippines, the place and the people and I hope it shows though my writing.

Well, it’s on Amazon Kindle now - and it will shortly appear on Smashwords - 40,000 words by WH Johnson for peanuts (77p)! And it’s worth every peanut for Leonardo Malgapo’s cover and illustrations alone. It is not in printed book form.

Find me on xxxxx where there is more detail about the book.

In brief, I retired 24 years ago; have written more than twenty books, both fiction and non-fiction, both traditionally and self-published; I’ve found a wonderful wife …and I’m blissfully happy.

... Wow ... what an inspiring story, Johnnie! You make even ME seem a comparative youngster. I *take my hat off to you. *That's something - because I'm bald, and try to hide the fact as much as possible!

Congratulations on choosing a Filipina - like practically ALL of the forum's male membership - and a warm to the friendly, online filipino/uk community.

[Johnnie]

I in turn am impressed by your keyboard skills. After all these years of writing I really don't find the computer - or sites like this - at all easy.

Anyway, thanks for the welcome.
I have proposed that I may bung in some excerpts from the book. Are you the guy who tells me what I may/may not do on matters of this nature?

[fred]

I have proposed that I may bung in some excerpts from the book. Are you the guy who tells me what I may/may not do on matters of this nature?

Johnnie..
I should think that would be fine as long as you dont link back to your book products at the moment please..
The owner of this site is about to sell very cheap advertising that you might be very interested in..
http://www.win2win.co.uk/advertising/
I have a small business here in the R.P and will be advertising here myself in the near future..
Just hang around a while longer till you meet all the regulars and get a feeling for how this place works..
Cheers and welcome to the forum.

[lastlid]

Its enough to say it is on Amazon Kindle......done.

WOW Kindle prices for a book are so low.

[Rosie1958]

Welcome to the forum Johnnie, I look forward to reading more of your posts

[Terpe]

Its enough to say it is on Amazon Kindle......done.

WOW Kindle prices for a book are so low.

I love my Kindle.
There are just thousands and thousands of Kindle books for free.
I recently got the complete works of Charles Dickens free.

[lastlid]

A review from Amazon.....

'Really at his age this writer ought to know better. But he doesn't. He just goes on enjoying himself. This is no travel guide. It's an account of an experience by a man who has married a mature Filipina, a lady clearly younger and more attractive than his undeniably young-at-heart self. Johnnie and his male relatives join forces to form an Escape Committee to organise a Boys' Night Out; innately impractical, he locks himself for several hours in a mosquito-ridden garage; he comments on the work being done at the family mausoleum; he rides tricycles side-saddle through traffic hells; and brazenly performs karaoke for the first time and loves it. But despite all of the knock-about in this book there is a deal of close observation of a rural community in central Luzon. And it's a joy to read.'

see below....

http://www.amazon.com/Virgin-Philipp...ews/B007LGYG56

Do chip in with the requested advertising rates. All helps to keep this great site ticking along.

[Johnnie]

Yes, think you're right. And yes, prices are low but I have to consider the limited market for such a book.

[lastlid]

Yes, think you're right. And yes, prices are low but I have to consider the limited market for such a book.

I am not much of a reader Johnnie so I probably wont read the book. My ex wife and daughter are massive readers and both have Kindles but owing to the subject area I cant see them reading it but I can see a lot of folk here reading it and then some......

Good luck.

Also, your general story might inspire some here to write their own story as there are a few wordsmiths and bards on the forum....

[Johnnie]

Many thanks for posting one of the reviews. That was most kind.

[Johnnie]

Well thanks, Fred. I'm debatiing whether to stay on the introduction thread (how long can you go on introducing yourself?)or whether to blog. I'll see how it goes.

I'm interested in advertising because thsi is a self-published book. I'll give it further serious thought.

But my major and present problem is which buttons I have to press in order to send another article. I know it sounds pathetic but some people can't read, others can't catch a ball, there are those who are colour blind - and in my case I'm 100% technically incompetent. So tell me...which button?

[lastlid]

But my major and present problem is which buttons I have to press in order to send another article. I know it sounds pathetic but some people can't read, others can't catch a ball, there are those who are colour blind - and in my case I'm 100% technically incompetent. So tell me...which button?

Ha. My ex wife is technically incompetent. She has however graduated to a Kindle which is something for her!

Not sure what you mean by buttons for another article. Do you mean for a 2nd thread posting?

[fred]

Johnnie..Ive never used this feature but there is a blog section here..

http://filipinaroses.com/blog.php

when you are there click the button on right that says "create new post"



Alternatively just post another thread in much the same way you did this one!
Perhaps you could start with a thread on how they managed to trick you into undergoing a tooth extraction..
How does that work?..The mind boggles!
Cheers Fred.

[stevie c]

What a wonderfull interesting read
Thanks for posting jonnie

[fred]

Thanks for posting the review lastlid..!
Nice one!

[lordna]

Just got it on my Kindle to read.. Thanks to the author!

[pinkpetals]

congrats on your new book..you must be really a good writer for being able to publish lots of books..my thumbs up for you Johnnie..

[Johnnie]

Well, yes. I suppose I do mean thread. All I want to do is post another article but for the life of me I cannot recall precisely how managed to post the first one. And I'm not deteriorating: I've always been like this.

[Johnnie]

Thanks for your kind remarks, Stevie.
And yes, I'm very happy with my life.

[Johnnie]

Thank you for your kind remarks, Pinkpetals.

[lastlid]

1] Select the main FORUM tab / page

2] Select a section to post within e.g. Loose Talk, Chat, Off Topic

3] Press the POST NEW THREAD button in the top left area.

Then you should be okay from thereon in....

[fred]

Johnnie..start here... http://filipinaroses.com/forum.php
which will point you towards the topic category list..scroll down and Click on the forum category that you would like to post a new thread to. On the left side about 4" down the page you will see a "Post new thread" button... Click or give it a firm press and off you go!

[Johnnie]

It was never my intention that I should reappear so quickly in this column. I mean to say, it was only yesterday when I first came on the scene and here I am again. And I’m not even certain that I’m in the right section. After all, how many times can one introduce oneself? Is my material more suited to blogging and should I decamp there?

Anyway, it was only when I got to bed last night that I began to think about Terpe and how he, as Moderator, had put xxxx on my first effort. I’m not complaining about that. It’s just that I recall going one better and using not four letters XXXX but five asterisks (*****) when I wrote in my ebook, A Virgin in the Philippines, about an experience I’d had over 60 years ago.

Okay, so it happened long ago in London but it gives me a chance to say something about the British sense of humour and this may be of some interest to Filipinos.

I’m constantly at odds with my wife over what I think is humorous and which she sometimes regards as rude or insulting or simply unfunny. Filipino and British notions of humour are sometimes far apart. So here in this writing you may identify something specifically British. Our humour is spiced with pretence. Often we deliberately say precisely the opposite of what we really mean.We pretend to be angry, irritated, rather slow witted and I think it’s revealed in this passage where I express my mild annoyance at what I perceive to be an insult. But it’s only pretend annoyance.

‘It’s not true?’ my wife asks.

‘No, just joking,’ I reply.

‘Then it’s not true so it’s a lie.’ That’s her Filipino verdict on my sense of humour.

Anyway, have a look at the following extract where I suggest that I’m permanently damaged by what was shouted out to me one night in London.

Can you spot the English pretend sense of humour?


'Cool' or not, the fact is that I don't ever appear in shorts in public, neither in the Philippines nor in the UK. I wear them in the house but I just cannot pluck up the courage to wear them beyond the gates. I have this shorts-anxiety which I can date back precisely to August 1949 when, recently demobbed from the Royal Air Force, and prior to going to university, I and two others hitch-hiked from Northumberland to Aosta, Turin and the Dolomites in Italy. This journey was later described by Sidney Foxcroft, ace reporter of the Hexham Courant, in almost epic terms in an article headlined 'Adventurers Unlimited.' Well, the world was a lot bigger then and though servicemen had been further by far, independent travel was less common.

Back to my shorts-anxiety. We returned from Italy via Dover and were passing through London, with back packs and each of us in shorts. It was late at night and we were in either Piccadilly or Leicester Square and we had some cheap hostel or other in our sights. Anyway, I rejected the proposals of a lady of the night and scorned, she shouted after me. After all those years her words still linger on the air. 'Look at his ***** legs,' she shouted to the world. 'They're lily ***** white.'

Now that was untrue. They were not lily white. They were quite tanned. We'd been on the wander for several weeks. It was rubbish to say they were lily white. In any case neon lighting gives a false impression, bleeding out all colour. But her tart friends didn't point out the unfairness of her comment. They didn't say, 'Oh Jennifer' – or whatever her name was – 'that's cruelly insensitive'. No they didn't. They all joined in adding further vulgar and inaccurate comments about my legs.

I know it sounds petty and foolish. I've seen the most terrible legs on display over the years, legs much worse than mine. But I am scarred mentally, damaged enough to make it impossible to go out in shorts in public.

And actually, while I think about it, she didn't say *****. It was something much stronger than that.

And if you’ve any views on the British sense of humour, let’s hear them.