Advice please!!

[melovesengland]

I think you are worrying far too much about it.

Surely you don't want to jeopardise the chance of having her live here with her MOTHER do you ?

It is THAT serious.

What happens if you leave her behind and then YOU miss her so much that you are crying every day here...as happened with my ex-wife ?....THEN get turned down for a dependent visa because the UKBA decide that you no longer have sole responsibility for her ?

On the hand, if she does not like it here, at least she can go back to the Phils anytime.

I was homesick everyday and missing my child very much when I went to the UK last year but it didnt reach to the point that I cried everyday because of loneliness.

It doesnt mean that I will leave her with my parents for a long time as we got plans ready after I get myself settled in UK (if ever). It is hard to take her with me cos I need to consider her emotions and feelings. It doesnt mean that you're the parent you need to decide all for your kids, for me, I always consider my 4 year olds thoughts and little decision.

I am still in the process of thinking whats best to do which you lot helped me by your own opinions and suggestions. I will assure you that your time on giving me advices wont be wasted.

Tnx very much!

[joebloggs]

If You Fail to Plan, You Plan to Fail

good luck what ever you do

[melovesengland]

very true and well said Graham why give her a chance(her child) while she can..and when the child grows up at least she know the mother give the effort and tried her best to let her experience the life in other side of the world which again i understand that a child will always be fond of her siblings and grands.(PH), thats..exacty the same that was happen to me when my kids leave my parents/bother/relative in PH to come and live with me now in the UK..AND i see no probs at the monent they were so happy and settled..normal for kids to be a bit upset the first time they left ph and missing those person that they used to hang around ..thats why i dont understand why some people is having a hard time to decide about there children

Mother always gives effort to give their child the best but we have different stories and we should consider things around. I know fully what your trying to say and I am very thankful for the time you spent on writing about ur experiences and opinions but then we have different situations. I always consider my daughters feelings above all thats why its hard for me to decide for my child.

[melovesengland]

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Day 1 in the UK for the older two:

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awwww, so cute! how old are they now?

[melovesengland]

If You Fail to Plan, You Plan to Fail

good luck what ever you do

thank you sir. Whatever the app result is. I owe this all to the people who helped me a lot in this forum.

Goodluck to me then!

[joebloggs]

I always consider my daughters feelings above all thats why its hard for me to decide for my child.

at this moment in time you have a choice, to take her with you or leave her behind, years from now, you might not have that choice.

is the bio father named on the child's birth cert ?

as you have no contact with the bio father, and if you write a letter stating once your settled you will apply for a visa for her and on the application form (in additional info) put the same, keep a copy of each to send when you do apply a visa for her, to show you have always intended that she will join you,

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread....light=bigmarco

He mentions the abandonment of my wifes son which is tosh. Her son will be with her Parents and be well provided for and in all probability will join us once Mum has settled. He mentions the childs father who she hasn't seen since Birth and who has never seen his son

just dont leave her too long , 1 yr max and hopefully you will not have problems, and keep and collect evidence you make the decisions that effect her daily life.( school reports, doctors reports letters naming you as the contact, bills concerning her etc)

[Moy]

Mother always gives effort to give their child the best but we have different stories and we should consider things around. I know fully what your trying to say and I am very thankful for the time you spent on writing about ur experiences and opinions but then we have different situations. I always consider my daughters feelings above all thats why its hard for me to decide for my child.

thats exactly the word that im trying to explain you just said because you consider your daughters feeling its hard for you to decide..you are a mother and i think you have that intuation of what is good and not for your kid.. to decide at times i understand that it hard and you need to consider the feelings of other moreover at the end its your decision will prevail

[grahamw48]

awwww, so cute! how old are they now?

The youngest...my son, is 18 years old now. (He lives with me).

My step-daughter will be 23 next month and my step-son will be 25 coming June.

[melovesengland]

at this moment in time you have a choice, to take her with you or leave her behind, years from now, you might not have that choice.

is the bio father named on the child's birth cert ?

as you have no contact with the bio father, and if you write a letter stating once your settled you will apply for a visa for her and on the application form (in additional info) put the same, keep a copy of each to send when you do apply a visa for her, to show you have always intended that she will join you,

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread....light=bigmarco

He mentions the abandonment of my wifes son which is tosh. Her son will be with her Parents and be well provided for and in all probability will join us once Mum has settled. He mentions the childs father who she hasn't seen since Birth and who has never seen his son

just dont leave her too long , 1 yr max and hopefully you will not have problems, and keep and collect evidence you make the decisions that effect her daily life.( school reports, doctors reports letters naming you as the contact, bills concerning her etc)

Her bio father's name isnt in the birth certificate of my daughter, whats placed in her BC were the initials N/A which means not applicable. 1 year is too long I think, we planned after I get married and extend my stay there we will apply for a visa for her to come to the UK, that was our original plan.

I will study and focus more on this at the moment. It was a sleepless night for me thinking whats best to do but many thanks to you all, again.

[melovesengland]

The youngest...my son, is 18 years old now. (He lives with me).

My step-daughter will be 23 next month and my step-son will be 25 coming June.

Your step daughter and I are on the same ages.

[grahamw48]

Your step daughter and I are on the same ages.

This is true.

If there is no father named on the child's birth certificate, then this puts you in the best possible situation for bringing your daughter with you with the minimum of hassle.

I would definitely take advantage of that fact while you can.

As I said before, if she's not happy here then she could always return to the Phils.
Going back there is MUCH easier than coming here.

[manilabong]

Hello! I hope you don't mind my butting in but I would also like to ask for advice on whether I should take my son with me. His dad's my British husband, by the way. I have yet to apply him for a British passport, however, some say that I should leave him behind here in Manila for a year or two since it would be difficult to take care of him in the UK given the circumstance that my husband and I would be working. (My son's 1 year and 5 months) Thank you very much!

[Terpe]

Hello! I hope you don't mind my butting in but I would also like to ask for advice on whether I should take my son with me. His dad's my British husband, by the way. I have yet to apply him for a British passport, however, some say that I should leave him behind here in Manila for a year or two since it would be difficult to take care of him in the UK given the circumstance that my husband and I would be working. (My son's 1 year and 5 months) Thank you very much!

Yes, you are quite right you really need to secure a British Passport for your son.

Sorry but personally I cannot make any comment of the pro's and con's of leaving your child in the Philippines. It's always a personal decision between you and your husband to consider. I have known many couples who do just as you suggest on financial considerations etc. I also know that when the time comes that the child will come to UK it often causes major heartache to those who had taken care of the child.
I suspect that there are many aspects to consider, and I wish I could help more.
No one here will judge your decisions either way. Just provide ideas to consider.

[joebloggs]

depending on what you earn, it might be possible for your husband to claim tax credits and child benefit, where the gov (taxpayer) will pay upto 75% of child care costs if you use a registered childminder.

[manilabong]

Thank you, Terpe and joebloggs! Uhm... I hope it's okay if I ask another question which is totally off topic from the one I posted earlier. It's just that the rules on accommodation (rented) is quite unclear to me. Besides the letter from the landlord, do we need to get a copy of the land title to show that the area is big enough for us to live in? Will pictures of the house and the rooms be sufficient proof? I'm sorry if I have so many questions. Thank you!!!

[Terpe]

Thank you, Terpe and joebloggs! Uhm... I hope it's okay if I ask another question which is totally off topic from the one I posted earlier. It's just that the rules on accommodation (rented) is quite unclear to me. Besides the letter from the landlord, do we need to get a copy of the land title to show that the area is big enough for us to live in? Will pictures of the house and the rooms be sufficient proof? I'm sorry if I have so many questions. Thank you!!!

Take a look a this thread :-
http://filipinaroses.com/showthread....-A-Spouse-Visa

I hope it helps to clarify. If not fire away more questions.
Proving accommodation should be no problem really, just be sure to include all the evidence UKBA want.

[Rosie1958]

Ladies .......... In my own opinion, young children and babies belong with their mother. It’s wonderful having the support of family and friends to help with their upbringing but your children are your responsibility. I couldn’t even contemplate leaving my child with a family member for so long, and in any case, I wouldn’t risk jeopardising their future chances of being able to join me.

Most children don’t like change initially but it’s part of life and exposure to change will enable them to develop and cope more easily with those changes that we all experience during our lifetime. The younger, the better.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Rosie