Pinay girlfriend desperate to get married.....

[HACHE]

Guys,
Some of you may have read my last thread, but for those who haven't, my gf of seven months is still married in the philippines, is a student here, and basically would love to stay.
Now originally her student visa runs until august next year, and has made no secret she'd like to stay ( with me) long term.
Now her college is shutting, and while there is talk of trying to switch colleges, apparently a director of the college advised her to go and get married!! Now, it may have been an informal conversation just a casual conversation...even so, I think he's pretty irresponsible to lead her to think its that simple (especially with her married status)
Anway that's now what she wants, we've had a pretty difficult month or so...so many misundertsandings, its been pretty unpleasant...and for me, well while my deep feelings for her are as strong as ever, it just reminds me that the stage of our relationship is still in the "immature" stage and talk of marriage is totally premature in my mind.
I don't want to imply anything but while I do believe her genuine feelings for me, she is stressing how much she needs to stay here in the UK and support her family back home....its a factor pushing her to go for the marriage...and I am thinking "woooow hang on a minute, I dont wana be rushed or pushed into it, especially in this stage"...and I only want to do it for the right reasons for me too...
I've explained that, she understands...but it's just not nice to be put in this position, although I know in her mind what choice has she got...
So what are anyones thoughts on this coercion here, marriage ( to someone she really loves) butbeing pushed along for other reasons...?? remembering it isn't easy anyway given her status as married anyway...
Its a shame, I really keen on her, I just explained that only a few months ago that I thought I had another 18 months to nuture and establish we're good for each other then all of a sudden other factors have come into play and forced the issue prematurely....
Wandering what others would be thinking in my position...
Thanks for any replies guys...

[sars_notd_virus]

I'm afraid she should go back to the Philippines and file an annulment....she cannot divorce her husband in the PH and marry in the uk unless she's a resident.
true love can wait if you are meant to be together, it will happen

[grahamw48]

You want an honest answer ?

Unless you're totally besotted with each other and BOTH 100% committed....spare yourself a world of pain and frustration mate.

There are almost millions of SINGLE Filipinas out there waiting to meet you and hoping to marry you.

[HACHE]

You want an honest answer ?

Unless you're totally besotted with each other and BOTH 100% committed....spare yourself a world of pain and frustration mate.

There are almost millions of SINGLE Filipinas out there waiting to meet you and hoping to marry you.

Thanks for the advice mate.
I know alot of people say "love conquers all"...but at the end of the day I am a realist, and a pragmatist...
It's gota feel right for me, and, well if I was jumping for joy, I wouldn't be here...
But when emotions are running high and it's complicated, it's nice to get others perspective too

[HACHE]

Thanks for the reply,
Yeah I started another thread, regarding the "getting divorced here in UK from her husband in Pi"

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread....-still-Married

If we don't fight and argue and get through the near future, I'll be getting some professional advice from solicitors or advisors specialising in this area of immigration law

[Terpe]

If her college is really shutting then the priority must be to find another college and legally change her visa conditions or she will be forced to leave UK.
Without a valid visa she will become illegal.
Without a valid visa she cannot legally work
Without a valid visa she cannot file for divorce
Without a valid divorce she cannot legally get married

No offence intended, just trying to focus you (and your gf) on the short term priority.

On the issues you raise about marriage be careful about motives. Try to look beyond the passions of the moment. To me there is already a red-flag.

If you believe in your heart that you have found someone you can grow with, and you have enough faith to be convinced that you will not regret the road not taken and the partner not chosen then you may be ready for marriage.
If not, then wait.

Study the way she cares for others and the way she deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more then your love will have a good chance to grow.
If it doesn't, tread carefully.

If you can't respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually you will not respect each other.

A well made marriage is worth the patience in waiting for it.

[Moy]

A well made marriage is worth the patience.

very well said Terpe

[grahamw48]

Good post.

[HACHE]

Fantastic post Terpe, thanks very much.

Agree with what you say. I guess there are things we think and feel, but sometimes its good to here it from others too.

Its very true, I want her to focus on sorting the short term, then we have medium term( and time) to see if we can go further. Trying to jump over this, or bypass this stage is wrong, not wise at all.. To dismiss my reluctance to commit is a sign that we are a) poles apart, b) she doesnt respect the way I approach things....

And this I cant dismiss the red flag, of the motivation for pushing for it, of course

Thanks

[joebloggs]

there are victims on this forum, thankfully only a small number, that were used so their partner could get to, or stay in the uk. so always becareful and make sure your not a member of that small group.

[zaxy]

Best to wait and see if she really loves.
If she loves you she will wait till you are ready to marry if not and she will find someone else to marry then i guess u will know she not trully love you but hey she already married in philippines so would cost alot money for annulment and takes time.

[London_Manila]

there are victims on this forum, thankfully only a small number, that were used so their partner could get to, or stay in the uk. so always becareful and make sure your not a member of that small group.

All the women i know in the philippines want to leave the philippines asap

if they can get to another country in the west then they have made it

all the pinoys i know here in London complain that life here is so hard and everything is so expensive

work that one out

[lastlid]

All the women i know in the philippines want to leave the philippines asap

I am not certain that this applies to all Filipinas......

[malditako]

I am not certain that this applies to all Filipinas......

agree....if we can just go back to phils tomorrow i would

[raynaputi]

agree....if we can just go back to phils tomorrow i would

Same with me Grace!

[London_Manila]

I am not certain that this applies to all Filipinas......

I have never met one in the philippines that did not want away

[raynaputi]

All the women i know in the philippines want to leave the philippines asap

Stop generalizing..I know lots of women and men who didn't even think of leaving the Philippines..that includes my sister and my father who has been refusing to leave since I was little..

[London_Manila]

Stop generalizing..I know lots of women and men who didn't even think of leaving the Philippines..that includes my sister and my father who has been refusing to leave since I was little..

Ok not all but i would still put it at around 99%

[Steve.r]

All the women i know in the philippines want to leave the philippines asap

You use a big brush there buddy

[London_Manila]

You use a big brush there buddy

It may seem like a big brush but in 10 years of visiting the philippines its what i have found

[Steve.r]

It may seem like a big brush but in 10 years of visiting the philippines its what i have found

So why do you keep on going back?? It appears you are only going there to play the field, which by your own statement you 'move on to the next one' if they ask for money. Sounds like you are looking in the wrong places. Bars or back allys are not going to find you a nice girls. But you can 'move on' right ?

[stevie c]

All the women i know in the philippines want to leave the philippines asap

if they can get to another country in the west then they have made it

all the pinoys i know here in London complain that life here is so hard and everything is so expensive

work that one out

It seems you don't know many Filipina women

[sars_notd_virus]

All the women i know in the philippines want to leave the philippines asap

Thats like me saying '' All the men i know in uk want to move to the Philippines asap''
Oh hold on, its nothin like that at all because my statement is actually true

[joebloggs]

Thats like me saying '' All the men i know in uk want to move to the Philippines asap''
Oh hold on, its nothin like that at all because my statement is actually true

not sure about that for me, unless someone can make me an air-con t-shirt

[London_Manila]

Thats like me saying '' All the men i know in uk want to move to the Philippines asap''
Oh hold on, its nothin like that at all because my statement is actually true

I like visiting the philippines but would never live there

[fred]

Thats like me saying '' All the men i know in uk want to move to the Philippines asap''
Oh hold on, its nothin like that at all because my statement is actually true

In my case your statement is VERY true!!

Originally Posted by London_Manila
all the pinoys i know here in London complain that life here is so hard and everything is so expensive
work that one out

Easy to work out because they are right!
Another reason I got the hell out of Dodge.

[London_Manila]

In my case your statement is VERY true!!

Easy to work out because they are right!
Another reason I got the hell out of Dodge.

Some pinoys find out that the west is not the paradise that they thought it would be

[HACHE]

Thanks for all replies guys, it's always good to get a discussion going
I understand and sympathise with her predicament, but I feel pressure falling on my shoulders is unfair. As I have said before, we've had alot of disagreements, misunderstandings that's been unpleasant lately, and this serves to remind me that, while we have very deep feelings, we still need to know each other more, that entering any logn term commitment ignoring this is crazy....in my mind if we have alot of good times, then cold bad times, rows and misunderstandings, then resentment will creep in and, those feelings of love will be eroded slowly and painfully....
Ah well....

[grahamw48]

Good that you know that your situation needs a lot of careful consideration anyway.

[HACHE]

Of course, yes I have my eyes open.
The odd things about all of this, it leads her to get a bit waspy...." if you're not willing to help me then I can't do much"...I decide to ignore a text as nothing I will say will be want she wants....and what she doens't get, is bringing more pressure and having a go wont bring me round by pressure, it just underlines even more in my mind that it maybe not for me...you squeeze a bar of soap too hard, rather than keeping it more, it jumps out more....