Parentage legalities

[Connor McLeod]

Hi,

Firstly apologies for what I'm sure will be a relatively long post. I'm in something of a quandry and having come across this forum, had thought it a potentially good place to seek a spot of advice/information.

I'm a British man, I'm married with a Filipina for more than 3 years now. We married in the Philippines and have a son who is approaching 4 years old. We have just applied for my wifes 'indefinite leave to remain' in the UK, however I have been aware in the last perhaps year of the following:

My wife it would seem married me primarily in to get a Visa to the UK, our marriage became very different once she arrived here (apologies to the entire UK for bringing such a person here). She has indicated that once she has her leave to remain she will leave me, and will apply for council housing here. She has for about a year had a man 'on the side' which I mention just in passing as isnt a direct matter to the subject at hand.

I've helped my wife apply for her indefinite leave to remain despite the above, on the basis that should I not do so she will take our son with her (he is a UK born citizen though I should add). She has however, made little effort in the upbringing of our son, which has been left to me except when I am at work where my Sister will largely take care of him so I am very reserved about letting my wife have permanent custody of my son as I am sure there will be neglect issues-however I know that as far as the UK goes, the mother will be granted access unless I can prove her unsuitability-which I cannot.

The main concern for me at this moment, is that my wife plans to take our son to the Philippines in the very near future. I have very good reason to believe that she will intend to leave him with her mother and come back alone, and that will be the last me or my family may see of him.

I have however perhaps incorrect assumptions: that in the Philippines, the husband in a marriage has the primary right of custody of children and that I would be able to have the authorities there remove my son should my fears become reality. I am also on the assumption that as he is a British Citizen, and my wife is not that the British Embassy may intervene on my behalf.

I do not wish to deprive my wife of access to our son, but I am certain she has no such quandries as has proven herself to be both a terrible wife and mother, yet I'm in a situation presently where I have to consider all eventualities and react to her intentions as they become apparent.

Does anyone have any knowledge of the legalities concerning the above? It will certainly be gratefully received.

[Bluebirdjones]

Firstly .... you need to be in possession of your son's passport.
Without access to that, she's going to have difficulties taking him out of the country.

Secondly... you need to see a solicitor asap and get some sort of court order issued, that she cannot take your child abroad without your express permission.

That should sort out the immediate problems.

[Connor McLeod]

Thank you for the reply. I had considered maintaining control of the passport, however at the same time I cant really reasonably insist that my wife cannot take our son to see her relatives-which is her story to me, especially as she has booked the tickets, my suspiscion that she will not return my son is basicaly just that although based on her past statements and some other linear evidence.

If I'm to refuse her taking my son to the Philippines, I think reasonably I'd need to be doing son on better grounds than suspiscion, so I'm thinking about my reaction should she do as I think she may. Which may or may not sound like the sane route, but I'm trying to not provoke what may be unecessary conflict which would of course in itself only be detrimental to my son.

[Bluebirdjones]

Highlander .....
Can you not delay the ILR ? .... or has that already gone thru ?

If not.... this is your "hold" on her.
You will not sign off on the ILR until your son returns from the Philippines.

But you're in a difficult position..... don't envy you.
You're damned if you do... damned if you don't.
... and she's got the upper hand.

Feel free to yahoo/skype me ..... probably other things to mention that don't need a full "airing" on this site.

[grahamw48]

Connor, at one time I was in an almost identical situation to yourself.

I went to a solicitor specialising in 'family law' who then went with me to a Judge and had him issue a court order preventing my ex from removing our son from the country...in fact from our address. I also took possession of his passport.

You need to do this as soon as possible.

You will then be able to go to court and sort things out there.
Don't necessarily assume that you won't be given custody of your child.

I would also consider suing your wife for adultery.

Oh, and don't worry about your 'grounds' for having the court order issued.
Suspicion of your wife's possible intentions should be quite sufficient.
Your child is a British Citizen, and until decided otherwise in a court you have equal custody rights to your wife.

My boy lives with ME now, incidentally.

[joebloggs]

has your wife took the 'life in uk test' yet ? you could get her to apply for FLR(M) should give her upto 2 more years in the UK, thou if she has a b/f in the uk and is living with him for those 2yrs - she could possibly apply for a umarried partner visa instead of ILR after those 2yrs.

if your not living togther 'a kin to marriage' both of you could be committing deception if you applied for ILR.

also as your son is a British Citizen, she could possibly stay in the UK using her right to access a child.