open your eyes to reality and dont focus to your lier gf ... if she really serious to you and loves you she will tell the truth from the start and not wait for 12months to tell her secret ...
open your eyes to reality and dont focus to your lier gf ... if she really serious to you and loves you she will tell the truth from the start and not wait for 12months to tell her secret ...
Originally Posted by grahamw48
Hi Mark.
In all seriousness, I would recommend you find a new lady who is GUARANTEED free of children, and is not a liar.
It is unfair to say that children from a past relationship is a ''baggage'' , its not their fault to popped out in this world having ''irresponsible selfish parents''Gotta agree with Graham and Ded here...too much baggage...life is complicated enough with adding additional mill stones over one's head
A real relationship works together with baggage or not.
''Don't be serious..Be Sincere''
I am giving an honest and thought-out opinion...to which I am entitled.
It does make a relationship much more challenging where step-children are involved, and especially when bringing them to the UK.
Anyone considering the prospect needs to seriously consider the implications of this FOR THE SAKE OF those children as well as their own future.
People don't always think these things through sufficiently before 'taking the plunge' IMO.
As I'm sure you know, I brought up two Filipino stepchildren from 1 and 3 years of age, and brought them here to the UK, so I do have relevant experience.
It is unfair to say that children from a past relationship is a ''baggage'' , its not their fault to popped out in this world having ''irresponsible selfish parents''
A real relationship works together with baggage or not.
having 2 stepkids myself, i wouldn't call them 'baggage'i knew they came as part and parcel with the misses
and after more than 10yrs, no regrets at all
I would point out of course that I have never referred to the kids as 'baggage'.
Marcu just move on don't waste your time for the wrong person lies is always repeating......
me and my bf was already 5 years in relationship we have ups and downs too but in ur situation i doubt as if she deserves ur love for her..
Hi Mark! Sorry to hear about your story :( I am sure not too late for you to move on and find someone who is not complicated and hope this is a lesson to be learned. I suggest that next time check the important docs of your future gf like birth certificates, Id's , and passport.
My well thought out challenge will officially start from next week with the arrival of my stepson, It is true say there has been a lot of extra work, time and £££ in order to get them here but like you....
Good luck mate.
Kids can also be a joy .
Perhaps the term baggage wasn't ideal..maybe additional emotionally weight...I wasn't for one moment referring to children as baggage...I was meaning the whole situation with child there has to be a father and perhaps a broken marriage to sort out...this was the additional weight I was referring too.
having 2 stepkids myself, i wouldn't call them 'baggage'
and after more than 10yrs, no regrets at all
Joe, over the years I remember many a time you have reminded us about the thousands of pounds you've bombed out and the sacrifices you made in your professional career for the sake of getting all your children here...im not saying you were moaning about it but, you came close to it.
All what im saying..in hindsight given the choice you probably would of taken a smoother path.
Joe, over the years I remember many a time you have reminded us about the thousands of pounds you've bombed out and the sacrifices you made in your professional career for the sake of getting all your children here...im not saying you were moaning about it but, you came close to it.
All what im saying..in hindsight given the choice you probably would of taken a smoother path.
i've moaned about visa fees who hasn't, i've moaned about why Europeans dont have to pay and I do, even you wouldn't call that fair gWaPito
smoother path, you've no idea
every day above ground is a good day
Hi marcus! I am Filipina too and I AGREE what everybody saying here.... Be very careful.. specially if that relationship started with a LIE.. nahh don't expect that to last and be honest till the end... in another way you are being USED or to be USED if you will not ended that relationship and move on.. there are lots of FILIPINA , good filipina out there
You're right I dont think its fair
'' every day above ground is a good day''
That's the point some of us were making...still you wouldn't change a thing now
You and me, both...I remember my days before my wife came ....magnolia walls...deathly quiet house...didn't realize what a miserable life I was having...
Now its orange walls..blue doors..hanging baskets...babies stuff everywhere and most of all the sounds of life in the house be it screaming, laughter..wife singer..marvellous!...I too wouldn't change a thing
I understand totally what you're saying.
It IS a big challenge taking on someone else's kids....nevermind bringing them here from another country.
That's really what I was meaning, that people thinking of taking on such a challenge should give serious thought as to whether or not they are the sort of person who could cope with it.
Cos it aint easy !
Hi Guys i want to say how really i appreciate your comments and feed back on my last post. It seems i have some issues in my current relationship that i need to solve.
I want to ask you one more question.
I have 2 boys from my last relationship not living with me but living with their mum, and i have my filipina gf and we have been talking about buying a new home in Manila. My gf currently lives in her sisters house with her 8 year old son in the same bed. Now we have had the relationship for 2 years and i went to Manila and lived with her and gave her everything and we bought a house together as well. The problem was the gf s boy took all her energy and time and emotion and it was hard on me because i wanted the relationship with her not with two people. My gf at times would go back to the sisters place down the road when we have an argument, and would lock the door on me preventing me from coming into the house when we are fighting, thats our own house of course, and would sleep with her boy in the spare room and talk to him about me in tagalog and leave me sleeping on my own in our room. We sold the house when i went back to Australia and i have been supporting her and her son since.
Our relationship has survived to this point where she wants to get a home for us near where her family lives. Her family dont like me, because i dont have enough money like her past bf where he paid more than i ever did.
I have said to her yes i would love to do that and would pay the deposit. But on one condition. That we have the house to live together only. And her boy be looked after by her family down the road in the subdivision . He has tv and nice bed in this room there and her sister live there too. I said that he can come and visit us and he can stay a night or two but that our relationship must improve and create the space for us. I didnt want complications and issues and arguements and her leaving the house with him to go back to her sisters place and i had to come along and rescue the relationship again. Her boy is undisciplined and noisy and brings others into the house like what happened last time. I dont want that to happen again.
I need your help on what i should do. If there are others here that have been through similar cirumstances then i would love to hear from you. This is my true circumstances and hope you can help me with the right answers . Am i right to ask this that we live together only.?
Thanks guys i really do appreciate your comments and i have been going through them. Its hard sometimes to see the wood for the trees and having other participate is really helpful. Thank you for that. ...
I do have one question for you.
I have been with my filipina gf for 2 years and she has a 8 yr old boy and i have been supporting her financially and covering her needs and she wants to buy a home and i do too, but is it right to expect that her son live in it with her when i am not there and her family live down the road in the same subdivision ? Her family dont talk to me and half of them live in Japan with their japanese husbands as described before.
I want the relationship with her, but not have to build 2 relationships. Is it right to say that i want her in the home and not her child? Her child is undisciplined and noisy and messy . Is it right to say that if i m the one buying the home.?
I need your answers on this one please.
Marcus, I have deleted the duplicate thread you posted on the same subject.
Are you having a laugh Marcus?
So you find it wrong that if you bought a new house with your gf (who has a son from a previous relationship)... you dont want the son to live there with his mother
Have you not learned anything about Filipine family culture over the last 2 years? Have you not bonded with her son already? How can you have a relationship with your gf without including her son??? thats just crazy
So he may be messy, noisey and undiciplined.... maybe he is longing for a father figure in his life... and you have ignored him or made it clear you don't want him... He is 8 years old for crying out loud, be a family together if you really love your gf.
To me, it sounds like a relationship built on a foundation of egg shells. Either man up and do the right thing by the son, or pack up and clear out before you damage the poor boy even more.
If you want your dreams to come true ...... first you have to wake up
Hmmmmmmmmm,it would be selfish for you to ask her to do that right???sorry for my word but you cant ask her to abandon her son and her sister will look after him....if you really love her you have to accept her baggage or without baggage and i dont think her son is making your relationship complicated...both of you need to figure it out what's good for you and it should be a win-win situation....dont expect her to leave her kid coz it wont happen unless she's a mean woman....
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart
Apologies if this sounds harsh, but if I was to read this post in isolation, I would presume you were an internet troll who had joined to try cause an arguement by posting an outragious story.
I'm not saying you are, but this story, well it's going to get some reactions alright, and mine may be mild in comparison to some.
I am though going to try to be helpful.
Firstly to your actual question - asking are you reasonable to ban your girlfriends child from what will be her house. Ermmmmm!
Really, the fact is, if you meet a new partner, and she has children, then they come as part of the package. I can't think of any half decent mother would accept such a proposal really.
Moving on though to the bigger question which this has thrown up however, let's look at a few facts here
1. You once bought a house together. When you had arguements, she would go to her sisters and lock you out, instead of talking it through and resolving your differences like relationships usually demand to be successful.
2. She talked about you to her son in the local language. Well how do you know she was talking about you for sure? If she was though, that's beyond rude and not a good sign (ps start to learn this language, if only a few words so you can keep track)
3. You sold the house but you have been supporting her and her son since you went home. Erm HELLO!
4. You haven't been supporting her as much as her last boyfriend. Well to know this, she must have told you, and told you in some detail. I'm sorry, but I spent some time in Thailand and I got to know some bargirls socially and their mentality. Your girlfriend doesn't sound like a filipina, she sounds like a bargirl.
We get cultural things coming in here, most filipinas want to and prefer to work, why should she need "supporting". Why are you expected to support her?
Sorry but this is REALLY ringing alarm bells.
5. Your relationship hit a low enough for you to sell the house and move back home, BUT now she wants you to buy another house for her? I bet she bloody does!
Look, really I wish you the best and I want things to work out for you, and I can't allow for your feelings if this "love" thing has taken over, but come on - she has more baggage than Heathrow. This relationship just doesn't seem to inspire confidence.
It is very rarely for a Filipino to leave their family behind, especially their kids. You're asking for her to do something that would benefit you. And the kid's only 8 yrs old, what more harm can he do apart from being noisy and undisciplined? And him bringing other people in the house? I'm sure he's just bringing friends of his like a normal person does. Now if you don't want anything to do with her son and doesn't want to include him in your plans with her, you better leave them. You met her with her son, if you really love her, accept them both and not just your gf.
...When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible...
If you are not living there with her you will never know what really happens will you
Seperating a child from his mother can bring many problems too, what does his mother say?
Mick.
Okay, I just merged the threads about marcus' problems with his Filipina gf..Marcus, as the comments on the first problem you posted, you'd rather leave this very complicated relationship you're in..the more you prolong this, the more problems you'd get..I'm sorry to say this but it's the best thing you can do. The gf's family doesn't like you and you don't like your gf's son. I don't know how you can compromise when the girl's family wants money from you and you want your gf's son to not be in a relationship with you and his mom...
...When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible...
You need OUT of this relationship Marcus....for the sake of everyone involved.
Nothing more to say.
Sorry its hard to add every detail of the relationship otherwise i would need the whol;e website to say what i need to say. But the truth is i sold the house and my gf and boy went back to stay with her sister while i went back to Australia to help her and find a job to make a future basically. I had to do this to get started in Australia as i had run out of funds.
Since then i have passed about 300 000 p to her up to now to help her and keep her. But i was going to get her a house but then found out about the lies that we had been discussing before. The little boy of her acted like a "spy" running to the family home when things wernt going right between us and saying an aweful lot of things that wernt even true. And it just got complicated with misunderstandings and third party gossip and other rubbish was passed round in her sisters community of friends. So i am now really concerned that if i got a home nd went back that we would have the same issues we had before and my gf interest in her sons life would be more priority than our relationship. This creating a cycle of issues , emotional withdrawl and verbal bad feelings. I really like the girl and i wish for a closer relationship with her to work out our own path in our relationship. Thats what i wish for but i feel very much that its going to be the same especially that she wants to find the home in the same area as the sisters that despise her and treat her like a slave. I hope you can understand that a bit. No definitly not i am not a internet troll and i never take advantage of anyone ... I am a really giving man .
no i wouldn't change a thing, you did say with hindsight i might have taken a different path, but if i did where would i be nowYou're right I dont think its fair
'' every day above ground is a good day''
That's the point some of us were making...still you wouldn't change a thing now
You and me, both...I remember my days before my wife came ....magnolia walls...deathly quiet house...didn't realize what a miserable life I was having...
Now its orange walls..blue doors..hanging baskets...babies stuff everywhere and most of all the sounds of life in the house be it screaming, laughter..wife singer..marvellous!...I too wouldn't change a thing
i've also moaned about what the misses has gone thru to work here as a doc, the years, trips to london to do exams, the cost and time wasting
same with me gWaPito little Joe, we've got a lot more in common than YOU think
Joe...you are getting hold of the wrong end of the stick!no i wouldn't change a thing, you did say with hindsight i might have taken a different path, but if i did where would i be now
i've also moaned about what the misses has gone thru to work here as a doc, the years, trips to london to do exams, the cost and time wasting
same with me gWaPito little Joe
Again you've made it pointedly clear in the post ive quoted why picking a lady without previous is without doubt a much easier route to go down.
Of course you got much in common...happily married couples generally do
Joe, im not slating you..Goodness im the last person fit to pass judgement on others.
Keep up the good work Joe
Hi MArc
I Agree to everyones opinion. She is a good writer and can make a box office telenovela in Philippine television.
Please Don't be fooled you are too genuine to enter such a messy life.
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