babies

[Leen]

IMO ... I believe this is such an emotive issue that it really OUGHT to be fully discussed before any couple decides to tie the knot.

I agree with you Arthur....in our part when we decided that we want to spend our life in each other's side i laid out everything to my husband....my fears esp.giving birth,my weaknesses,my shortcomings and told him if he wants to accept me and he dont see it as a problem and he accepts me and vv as what we are as individual......i dont want to make my married life complicated if i hide something from my husband....i may sound selfish here but we made our decisions b4 we get married....things may change sooner or later for both of us and we might get a surprise once i get there but what's important for us now is we are happy....

[Leen]

... yes ... I can relate to what you're saying ... in so far as my daughter-in-law - who, at 31, is a year younger than you are now - adores kids, but is content with being an aunt to her several nephews & nieces since, like you, she's extremely apprehensive about the birthing process. And my son has already made it plain he's happy enough to respect her reservations. ... shame really ... because they'd make ideal parents.

So no more grandchildren for me!

I really love kids and have loads of nieces and nephews and would love to have one if only i can have kids without giving birth .

[tiger31]

on this topic i would like to hear from the philippina,s although they make good mothers I am at odds on how so many of them can just go off overseas and work and not seeing there kids for long periods of time in some cases years leaving them with relatives to look after .In the west this would hardly ever happen or would be frowned upon .your thoughts ladies please.

[Steve.r]

on this topic i would like to hear from the philippina,s although they make good mothers I am at odds on how so many of them can just go off overseas and work and not seeing there kids for long periods of time in some cases years leaving them with relatives to look after .In the west this would hardly ever happen or would be frowned upon .your thoughts ladies please.

I have not seen my son for 112 days does that count? Not only a Philippines problem

[lastlid]

on this topic i would like to hear from the philippina,s although they make good mothers I am at odds on how so many of them can just go off overseas and work and not seeing there kids for long periods of time in some cases years leaving them with relatives to look after .In the west this would hardly ever happen or would be frowned upon .your thoughts ladies please.

Seems to be out of necessity Tiger. Whats your thinking? Same goes for OFW fathers. I guess in many cases they look to pull themselves and their children out of poverty. In the west there is less of a need for this.

How about those parents in the west that send their kids to boarding school? I often question that approach.

[grahamw48]

...or just send them to nursery school and child-minders from being not much more than babies, while mother pursues her career and her convertible BMW ?

My ex-wife cried thinking about her two children that she left behind after joining me in England.

I'm sure the OFWs do the same.

[Moy]

i've been a risk taker all my life Moy but like i said it scares me to death to give birth....i know there are other method aside from the natural birth but for now it's not our priority and im glad hubby understands me....we are not using any contraceptives and we are not closing our doors...when times comes that we will be bless with kids we will both be happy.

the scares is only on your mind go for it am sure you'll be fine..still bit different if were on our early 20's as bit young the more confidence we have to give birth compare to the middle age if you know what am saying

[MissAna]

Is it possible that your hubby feels he is running out of time?

to be honest, he does feel that way sometimes i think its because of our age gap . but what i do is just to be supportive and be his "wife" , ..i'm sure God has a plan for us.

[MissAna]

If only more people used your good sense before having children.

I take my hat off to you.

thanks... some people are just in a hurry to have children i think..

[stevewool]

one off the points not mentioned here is the mans age, what about any future plans, say like myself 53+ yes young in mind and soul, but soon be retiring age, what about funds, does anyone take into account the cost of the child, one of the reasons i started this thread was my age i dont want to think of Emma with a young child and me not being here to help and support, yes i could live for ever but then again i may not, plus lots know of our plans to move to the phils sooner then later, so what cost with a extra child be, a child would mean i have to stya in england and work till i am 65,plus wnat about Emmas work, loves her work and wants to earn enough to help back home, that will go straight out the window if a child came along, i am not saying its right or wrong in my thinking, its what is best for each other, i would do amything to keep Emma happy , a child and a comfortable future i dont think i could have both, just my thought

[stevewool]

i agree with one of our fellow forum friend here that it totally depends on the decision of the couple or the situation

in our case, my husband want to have a baby soon (who doesn't? ) BUT I AM NOT ready yet because first we are not financially stable for now and he still got two responsibilities from his previous marriage ( his ex-wife is a pain sometimes, well most of the time keeps on demanding things from him ) this situation just stress me out .good thing he understands. i just need to cope really

wow , well done for saying what you think, pity there is not more ladies thinking the way you think

[Arthur Little]

...or just send them to nursery school and child-minders from being not much more than babies, while mother pursues her career and her convertible BMW ?

Bang-on, Graham ... you've hit the nail on the head!

[lastlid]

to be honest, he does feel that way sometimes i think its because of our age gap . but what i do is just to be supportive and be his "wife" , ..i'm sure God has a plan for us.

OK Yes. One of the reasons I asked is that I know someone like that. In that position, who thinks that way. Feels like he might be running out of time. As Steve says, who knows the future? So in some cases, the older hubby might want to push things along a bit. Understandable really.

[Arthur Little]

I've said this on here before ... and I'll keep saying it till I'm "blue in the face" ... if government ministers were to devise some sort of financial incentive to encourage mothers to *stay at home caring for their offspring - until the latter reached at least their upper school years - instead of reducing the [eventual] pension rights of those women who've opted *to do so in order to cater for their children's welfare ... then this country would be in a better state.

[lastlid]

I've said this on here before ... and I'll keep saying it till I'm "blue in the face" ... if government ministers were to devise some sort of financial incentive to encourage mothers to *stay at home caring for their offspring - until the latter reached at least their upper school years - instead of reducing the [eventual] pension rights of those women who've opted *to do so in order to cater for their children's welfare ... then this country would be in a better state.

My ex wife never sought employment. Mainly cos she was too lazy. So she stayed at home.

[CBM]

There is an understandable scenario where although the young Filipina wife wants to wait a bit, the elder hubby who is getting on a bit, may want to go for it sooner rather than later as he may be getting the feeling that he may not live long enough to see the newborn grow up, if they leave it for too long.

To his Coy Mistress
by Andrew Marvell


Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime.
We would sit down and think which way
To walk, and pass our long love's day;
Thou by the Indian Ganges' side
Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood;
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow.
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, lady, you deserve this state,
Nor would I love at lower rate.

But at my back I always hear
Time's winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found,
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song; then worms shall try
That long preserv'd virginity,
And your quaint honour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust.
The grave's a fine and private place,
But none I think do there embrace.

Now therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may;
And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour,
Than languish in his slow-chapp'd power.
Let us roll all our strength, and all
Our sweetness, up into one ball;
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Thorough the iron gates of life.
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.



We have two friends in just that situation; he is 57, she is 26; they live in the Philippines and he owns a successful business. They have been together for several years but she is pursuing a career whilst he feels that :

"... at my back I always hear
Time's winged chariot hurrying near;"

Kay and I are not in that situation; I have two boys and she has one, so we are relaxed about the whole business and the priority is her career.

[lastlid]

"... at my back I always hear
Time's winged chariot hurrying near;"

[lastlid]

one off the points not mentioned here is the mans age,

I was indeed pointing that out in my earlier post.

There is an understandable scenario where although the young Filipina wife wants to wait a bit, the elder hubby who is getting on a bit, may want to go for it sooner rather than later as he may be getting the feeling that he may not live long enough to see the newborn grow up, if they leave it for too long.

[stevewool]

I was indeed pointing that out in my earlier post.

guilty for not ready everything

[lastlid]

guilty for not ready everything

Don't be daft.

[WhiteBloodAda]

Although only being 28 myself, and Ruby will be 30 in November, on paper we have no rush for children, but obviously the new law change has put a slight panic on that aspect. As I've said before, she use to live here, but there were many things we didn't get round to doing, and ideally we'd like to do them first before children. But who knows how long it will take before she will be able to come back. Ideally we'd like two, but ultimately happiness is the most important thing. As long as we can be together again soon, that is all we want

[grahamw48]

Always put your children (or potential children) first.

They have no choice as to what circumstances they are born into, so try to give them the best possible life.

There is no shortage of people on the planet.

[CBM]

Always put your children (or potential children) first.

They have no choice as to what circumstances they are born into, so try to give them the best possible life.

There is no shortage of people on the planet.

Very true. in particular, don't ever think of having a child to improve a relationship - something that many people do, alas, especially in the Philippines.

[malditako]

as a woman..having a child is the most amazing thing ever happened to me. It completes me as a person totally and my husband as well.

[Steve.r]

as a woman..having a child is the most amazing thing ever happened to me. It completes me as a person totally and my husband as well.

So true, I feel the same. It was something we had discussed before we married and something we both wanted. I said before in an earlier post that it sealed our relationship, not becuase we were rocky in out relationship but because we loved eachother so much.

[Arthur Little]

... and GOOD DAY to you in the Orient, Steve!

... in the context of this thread, I realise. But I couldn't pass up on the opportunity to greet you on your safe arrival, my friend.

[ConfusedMe]

I love babies, but me bringing the child in my womb for 9 months still scares me. Me and hubby still have a lot of things on hand, like going to Phils. next year, budgeting our money for our new flat, my Life in the UK test, driving test, ILR... If only my passport and visa will be back soon then I could start the ball rolling. But for now, I'm idle.

[Steve.r]

... and GOOD DAY to you in the Orient, Steve!

... in the context of this thread, I realise. But I couldn't pass up on the opportunity to greet you on your safe arrival, my friend.

Thanks Arthur, arrived safely, and hooked up to free internet in the hotel

[stevewool]

as a woman..having a child is the most amazing thing ever happened to me. It completes me as a person totally and my husband as well.

wow grace so another one soon then

[stevewool]

its good we are all differant, think how many more babies would be here if we all had them, i think my mum and dad had my share of babies, being as i have 12 sisters and brothers, maybe thats why i want piece and quite in my life