Hello Lee, may I draw your attention to my post and perhaps you can take not of some of the following points.


We were planning to get married after she got her 3rd visa but of course she failed
You say, you were planning to get married after the 3rd visa application, but by your admission you told us, this was for a tourist visa, you could not have got married in any event, as your GF visa would not have been valid for a marriage, as she is a tourist, the sensible thing to have done, was to go straight in and have your GF apply for a Marriage Visa or (Fiancee visa) as it is sometimes known.

After she failed her visa
You keep referring, to "After SHE failed her visa" may I just say this, in a British-Filipino relationship, its my experience that the 2 parties work together to obtain the required result, that has been well documented on this site many times, I've never known a situation where a British guy would say, "She failed" the fact of the matter is, it was your responsibility to ensure that you GF was well prepared to obtain her visa, that is either by supplying:

a) Adequate paperwork, i.e. evidence, support, photos, documents.
B) That she was applying for the correct type of Visa.
c) And that she was properly briefed on the Embassy procedures.

So the fact that your GF was not approved for a 3rd visa is really your failure and not hers, you may feel that is strong, but the fact of the matter is, you had your GF applying for the wrong visa, and knowing that she was not working, you almost set up the poor girl to fail, so really how is it her failure ?

we had arguements and she got upset because I said i would not support her financially
You say you had arguments ? but you dont say what you were about ? so reading between the lines, its probably that as she had in your view failed ! she couldnt come to UK to live with you, then you say " I wont support you anymore ?

Of course she will get upset if you had been financially supporting her for so long, you say 2 years, and then you threaten to cut it, have you thought about this, from the Filipino cultural angle, which i bet you havent ?

If a Filipina is in a relationship with a Western man, not a British..in this instance any man from the West, if she is receiving a regular allowance, she is proud of that, she will tell her relatives, her freinds, and just about any close person in her life, she will flaunt that, because she is proud of that fact, if you then said to her "I wont support you and then did not do so, just because she was refused a visa, it makes it look to those around your GF, that she is of no use to you anymore, and that if confirms what they always thought "That Western men, only use Filipina's for sex, when they come to visit"

This view is widely held in the Philippines, you also may not have thought, that when your GF took you close to her heart, she would have to explain her actions to her family, and freinds, and it would have taken them time to get used to the idea, although you personally may not have seen some of the various timelines that she would have had to go through in your relationship.

If you say to a Filipina "I will cut your allowance or stop your support" you should not be unduly perturbed by this, for one thing, its embarassing, it can be taken as a confirmation that actually you dont love her ! that the relationship is not as genuine as it was at first thought, and naturally, your GF is going to display Tampo !


within 4 weeks of this I could no longer contact her.
You seem suprised by this, remembering you just told her you won't support her financially ? can you not see that cutting her financial support, is telling her, the relationship is over, why are you suprised by not being able to contact her, she most likely, made herself uncontactable, maybe she changed her mobile number, or her yahoo chat ID, you cant be upset about this, you caused it !


[QUOTE This guy also wants to marry her (still not 100% on this) and she does not want to marry him but he seems to be forcing her by threatening to hurt her....any ideas on this, is it a scam.[/QUOTE]

Well I wouldnt worry too much about him, the fact is if she called you again, maybe she misses the relationship she had with you, the only thing I would say is, its rather strange, that you now decide to marry her after 3 days of her call, just remember, when you cut the allowance, its a sign that the relationship is over, so really, you should be telling her all this, and maybe apologizing for what happened.

If your GF did not get a visa, you should have carried on maybe supporting her, and then gone for a fiancee visa, instead of doing what you did, although you dont tell us, what the arguments were about, although I can guess reading between the lines.


My initial intention was for her to get the 6 month visitor visa and see how it goes but can not do that now cos she won't get it so that's why I have got for the fiancee visa
Well this is a good one ? you say, you wanted to get her the 6 month visitor visa ? to see how it goes ? what the hell is this all about ? so you wanted to test the water with her, to see if it worked ? wow you have some bottle mate ! you told us, she already came on 2 separate visotor visa's and now you wanted a 3rd to see if it works out ? that didnt happen so now you will apply for a marriage visa for 6 months, to see if that works out ? and then cancel the wedding if you get cold feet,

Listen here is a peice of good advice for you, take it, its free, dont take it, its your funeral, getting your GF to apply for a fiancee visa on the basis, of a trial marriage is a recipe for disaster, no self respecting Filipina is going to allow you to let her apply for a marriage visa on the basis of a trial marriage which is effectively what you are telling us, is going to happen, you mentioned if you get cold feet, you mentioned you can pull out of it.

Let me jus say this, if you try that trick on the Embassy, the applicatioin will fail miserably, because for one thing, they will see its not a genuine relationship, there is no intention to marry, or for you to live as man and wife in the UK, in my view, you dont have a genuine relationship with this woman, and if I was an ECO I personally would refuse your GF a Visa, because you almost admitted to this forum, that you want her here on the basis of a trial marriage, I think thats incredible, but it makes good fun to read.

My advice to you is to not apply right now for a finacee visa, re-start your relationship with the lady, and see how that progress over a number of months before you apply for a fiancee visa, because, when she comes to UK, living as a marriage is not the same as living as a holiday couple, if there is not backbone to your relationship, it will simply fail and she will go home, if you are just applying for a fiancee visa because she cant come as a tourist, then you will be found out and the situation stopped, remember, if she is refused a fiancee visa, it takes 1 year to appal to the immigration and Asylum Appeals tribunal.

Best of luck, I think you need it Pal !