is it culture or just him?

[ladyskype]

Thanks to those who welcomed me in this forum.Really appreciate to have people to share things with.

I don't know if my hubby is being too sentimental, or I am just not being sensitive with him, as he's said. Don't get me wrong, I love my hubby, but sometimes, I don't underastand him..we often end up arguing over the simplest things.

He gave me a bracelet... those bracelets with some items dangled in it, unfortunately, it always catches fabric...my clothes, so i stopped wearing it. Then, when he noticed I didn't wear it, he started saying i should've worn it to make him feel special. I said i did, and explained why I stopped. But he would say, "a girl in love will keep wearing it, despite that silly catching fabric thing". He would always make a big fuss over it. I should wear what he gives me, everytime. To show I love him and that he is special. And he would always say, "I've asked girls here, and they would say, "I will wear it always to make my man special." Sometimes, I just plainly forget to wear it, and he won't even accept that.

I hate it when he always make me feel i love him less.. or sometimes i don't love him simply because I don't wear what he bought me, clothes and jewelries. (I like accessories, but not expensive ones. And I only wear them when I feel like wearing them, not everytime. And I'm not into buying expensive things really. Long as it's beautiful and useful, I'm ok with it.) He buys me things, but wants to see me wearing them, everytime. If I wear old things I bought, it's always against him. I should wear what he gave me. I have to move on, I'm with a partner now.

So i am confused. I didn't know being with a partner (he's been like this since we were bf-gf till now were married) means I'll have to wear everything from him.

He don't send me regular monthly financial support, just twice, when i had to pay some hospital bills for family, which I feel guilty asking for. I don't wanna ask or demand that he should be giving it to me regularly. I know he's in tight finances now, and I understand, so i don't demand. But then, he would still buy me things, which I find impractical, considering we're broke. And I'll complain why he needs to buy them, when it's impratctical. (I know, some ladies might find me stupid complaining when hubby buys things for me).

And then, he would expect me to always wear what he's bought for me. And wearing something else would hurt him, to point he'll feel betrayed (yes, BETRAYED!).

I don't know, I think I am not doing anything wrong when i forget to wear his bracelet, or the blouse he's bought me. But he always makes me feel so guilty and bad for failing to wear whatever he has given me. Honestly, I am scared now whenever he says he will buy or he has bought something for me.

Please advise me. Is it him, or British culture?

[gracia143]

Lady, I think it's just him, the culture has got nothing to do with it...just how old is your man? But am sorry, I know you feel awful.

[ladyskype]

oh.. I'm 29 and he's 26... and when i tell him their such trivial things we are fighting over with, he'll go about telling me how girls in d Uk would do it, and will tell me i am being childish!

yeah, I feel really awful. I love him, but he's driving me nuts sometimes.

[gracia143]

Sorry...I understand how you feel. I think he is the one who is being childish and that's really obvious. Just have more patience Lady...

[KeithD]

If you can't even get on now, it'll only get worse in the future. Find a new model.

[tiger@tigress]

oh.. I'm 29 and he's 26... and when i tell him their such trivial things we are fighting over with, he'll go about telling me how girls in d Uk would do it, and will tell me i am being childish!
yeah, I feel really awful. I love him, but he's driving me nuts sometimes.

As long as the fight always end in the bedroom thats ok...!

There 's no perfect marriage there will always be ups and down....

[KeithD]

As long as the fight always end in the bedroom thats ok...!

There 's no perfect marriage there will always be ups and down....

That's the bedroom again then?

[allyn]

oh.. I'm 29 and he's 26... and when i tell him their such trivial things we are fighting over with, he'll go about telling me how girls in d Uk would do it, and will tell me i am being childish!

yeah, I feel really awful. I love him, but he's driving me nuts sometimes.

hi there!
you know waht in some way i can relate to you...my husband is also young,,a year younger than your hubby

we too have experience what your experiencing,,,,theres a moment when we got argument and he throw the jewelry that he gave to me because he said i dont like and want it anymore...after our crazy argument he realize that what he did is wrong and he tried to find my jewelry one by one in the vacant lot beside our house where he throw those stuff and he gave it back to me,,,its not easy for him to find those things because the vacant lot is full of tall grass....


he also drives me nuts whenever we have arguments with just small things, most of the time i just cry with my irritation....


but i have to accept and try to live with it because i love him so much,,,
in one of my sister friend wedding they talk about being married is a combination of love, trust, respect and understanding...
well in a marriage with two immature person like me and my hubby its a chaos...
the only thing clam us down is our love for each other...

to make the story more shorter,,,,
dont worry mrs..ladyskpe your not alone with that kind of feeling...

smile

[bigtombowski]

Ladyskype,

yeah, it seems like a quite difficult situation you find yourself in. One thing that really stood out was you said he was this way then you were BF and GF!
It seems maybe he wasn't ready to get married. Sorry to say.
I think that maybe, it's just an immaturity that he has and also an insecurity!

Has he been hurt by previous relationships where he has felt that he's not thanked for his gifts? If so, i can understand his feelings, but Lady, i guess u need to assure him that you are a new and clean page for him and that you always love what he gives you.

I think maybe you two need to have a very long talk, because you don't want to experience this all the time for the next 50 years! it would be

I think you need to tell him how this behaviour makes you feel and then you can both move on and be HAPPY!

i hope this helps
tom

[Shifty-Sidney]

Hey Ladyskype,
I may not be good with relationships (especiall just now!) lol. But i am pretty good with character and behaviour or people. Your hubby appears to be having a self esteem crisis. He is starting to doubt you and your loyalty for him. This is quite usual for guys of this age - i think we all go through it. He probably thinks that by not wearing these things you are showing he is not the provider in your relationship. Like many men do not like a girl to earn a lot of money because then they can be independant. Talk to him and tell him how you feel - he just needs to feel wanted and needed - by controlling you he is making himself feel like a better man. It takes a few more years and experiences before most men learn to appreciate a girl and treat her as a true equal.
regards mark

[tiger@tigress]

Hey Ladyskype,
I may not be good with relationships (especiall just now!) lol. But i am pretty good with character and behaviour or people. Your hubby appears to be having a self esteem crisis. He is starting to doubt you and your loyalty for him. This is quite usual for guys of this age - i think we all go through it. He probably thinks that by not wearing these things you are showing he is not the provider in your relationship. Like many men do not like a girl to earn a lot of money because then they can be independant. Talk to him and tell him how you feel - he just needs to feel wanted and needed - by controlling you he is making himself feel like a better man. It takes a few more years and experiences before most men learn to appreciate a girl and treat her as a true equal.
regards mark

Make an extra effort to me him feel secure and loved

[andypaul]

He does sound like he is being childish in requesting this, but we all act strange when we find ourselves in ldrs. Its tough for both sides not being with their love 24/7 not knowing what is going on.

Like others say you both need to talk about this civily and try and work out the issues.

[kentish]

Thanks to those who welcomed me in this forum.Really appreciate to have people to share things with.

But he always makes me feel so guilty and bad for failing to wear whatever he has given me. Honestly, I am scared now whenever he says he will buy or he has bought something for me.

Please advise me. Is it him, or British culture?

Why not send him a package of balut and bagoong and tell him that if he loves you he should bear with the smell and that he has to eat the balut?
am only kidding to cheer you up.
Just tell him to grow up a little bit.

[Pepe n Pilar]

Thanks to those who welcomed me in this forum.Really appreciate to have people to share things with.

I don't know if my hubby is being too sentimental, or I am just not being sensitive with him, as he's said. Don't get me wrong, I love my hubby, but sometimes, I don't underastand him..we often end up arguing over the simplest things.

He gave me a bracelet... those bracelets with some items dangled in it, unfortunately, it always catches fabric...my clothes, so i stopped wearing it. Then, when he noticed I didn't wear it, he started saying i should've worn it to make him feel special. I said i did, and explained why I stopped. But he would say, "a girl in love will keep wearing it, despite that silly catching fabric thing". He would always make a big fuss over it. I should wear what he gives me, everytime. To show I love him and that he is special. And he would always say, "I've asked girls here, and they would say, "I will wear it always to make my man special." Sometimes, I just plainly forget to wear it, and he won't even accept that.

I hate it when he always make me feel i love him less.. or sometimes i don't love him simply because I don't wear what he bought me, clothes and jewelries. (I like accessories, but not expensive ones. And I only wear them when I feel like wearing them, not everytime. And I'm not into buying expensive things really. Long as it's beautiful and useful, I'm ok with it.) He buys me things, but wants to see me wearing them, everytime. If I wear old things I bought, it's always against him. I should wear what he gave me. I have to move on, I'm with a partner now.

So i am confused. I didn't know being with a partner (he's been like this since we were bf-gf till now were married) means I'll have to wear everything from him.

He don't send me regular monthly financial support, just twice, when i had to pay some hospital bills for family, which I feel guilty asking for. I don't wanna ask or demand that he should be giving it to me regularly. I know he's in tight finances now, and I understand, so i don't demand. But then, he would still buy me things, which I find impractical, considering we're broke. And I'll complain why he needs to buy them, when it's impratctical. (I know, some ladies might find me stupid complaining when hubby buys things for me).

And then, he would expect me to always wear what he's bought for me. And wearing something else would hurt him, to point he'll feel betrayed (yes, BETRAYED!).

I don't know, I think I am not doing anything wrong when i forget to wear his bracelet, or the blouse he's bought me. But he always makes me feel so guilty and bad for failing to wear whatever he has given me. Honestly, I am scared now whenever he says he will buy or he has bought something for me.

Please advise me. Is it him, or British culture?

Hi Ladyskype,
It is not a British culture, it is just him. I have a lady friend married to a British guy for 15 years and have noticed some traits which i didn't find with my fiance. One is he is wearing shorts and slippers at home and my fiance is wearing blue jeans and socks. My friend's hubby eats filipino foods without asking the ingredients and my fiance don't eat much of it. Same as with filipinos we have different attitudes towards different things. If you meet someone from the Visayas, Mindanao or Manila they differ in so many ways. Some people likes o wear jewelries even at home and some don't. So i guess there is no specific trait, it depends on the upbringing of the person, to the environment where he belongs and one thing you have to consider is you have to know his likes and dislikes before marrying him. By the way, i don't find your hubby's traits a problem. In my case, if he likes me to wear the bracelet all the time, then go for it. In your case you don't like it. There is no greater thing in a relationship than being open with one another, you can discuss things between the two of you in a civil manner. Besides there is no harm in wearing the bracelet he gave you, it is a sign of love...

[ladyskype]

Thanks everyone. Yeah, i know I have to live with it.Just one of those differences, at least I've known it's not culture thing. Guess I just can't live with always being told "others won't do as i do" stuff.

As for the bracelet, I do wear it. Only thing that bugs me is when I wear it with some other bracelets, he said should only be the ones he gave me. Such as life I guess...but he's slowly lightening up... thank God. Hope in time he learns to simply let things pass without going about being too sentimental.

[angelbird]

i understand both sides. i remember recieving a lil gold ear piece sent to me from my now wife. i had'nt bothered with an ear-ring since i had lost my last one some 5 years previously but it came up in a conversation and she sent me a new one...(wot a girl!!!), as far as i'm concerned i will be buried in my wedding ring and earring (they never leave my body). i must admit, when i see my wifes wedding ring on the edge of the sink i think but girls have more detailed hygine ritual than us guys i guess.

when i first came out to ph to see her i bought her a lil necklace and pendant (her birthstone) .... after a torrid night in sabang (alcohol) , we fought and she threw it back in my face, i then threw it into the hotel swimmingpool i almost drowned trying to retreive it lol!

[richardandjenny]

i gave jenny a watch it was one of these metal stretchy ones and she wore it relentlesly till i spotted her arm was all red, when i asked it turned out it was the watch. i asked why on earth u keep wearing it then. i got becasue its from my mahal! so after a week of not wearing it, her arm was fine again and i got a link put back in and problem solved.

[Shifty-Sidney]

Awww bless her, now that is what i call love!

[silver13]

It is just an insecirity thing, think most men and women go through it at some stage in life, especially at the start of the relationship, maybe the first few years When Me and Anilyn started talking we only talked through e-mail and they was always long ones, we kept recordsof all e-mails for the purpose of future Fiancee Visa that we now have Anilyn's e-mails got shorter and shorter as in reality she was letting things slip at home, her family had to try to cover for her abscence away from the home while she was in the Internet Cafe of a night time. I felt a little insecure at that time but did not say much, apart from once I think when I wrote my concerns to her in an e-mail not destined for the Embassy So I used to just run to the pub after writing my e-mail and I just guessed that that was the reason for shorter e-mails It did irritate me a little going from long e-mails to shorter ones each day as I was worried that the Fiancee Visa may be rejected, because of less communication, We started to talk a lot on the phone, then we got a Visitor Visa first and then the Fiancee Visa and we can now marry

Trust Me I Am Not A Doctor But Your Hubby is just insecure, maybe it will never go away, just hope he does not suffer from jealousy too that would be worse than the problem you have!!!

Good luck and as Tom and Mark say as well as others in here try talking it through, honesty and openness is a great thing

Ingat Paul