sadness

[raynaputi]

sorry guys and girls but we are only reading ''ONE'' side of the story
a lot of filipinas think that once they set their foot in the UK they will be treated like a queen,....its should be a joint responsibility to work hard for the relationship ,..it is not the usual fairy tale ending they live happily ever after for no reason...sorry to hear about your sadness Shandylove but i think you should know what you are doing before you go here in the UK and live with your partner, you should have spot his difficulties way before you settled with him here.
If all else fails go back to the Philippines, dont be like some filipinas here who jump on every men and waste their life...LOVE is not only for couples,friends etc.. it is Loving your self first before you give it out to someone else, if you know what i mean??

Very well said!

[stevewool]

sounds like its your husband who needs advice on how to treat someone, does he know you are on here also does he go on here too,what is he expecting from you and did you both talk about the future plans once you did get to england,sounds like hes either a big kid and has not grown up yet, do you mind telling us his age

[sars_notd_virus]

did you both talk about the future plans once you did get to england

I agree with stevewool, laying your cards at the start of the relationship is very important.

[bigmac]

i dont know shandylove's story--but if--for example--its one of coming over here to marry someone where only a short philipines visit-to-meet was involved--then maybe a long distance relationship by internet or texts---then that is a very brave step to take.

my lady and i have already lived together--in my house--here in the UK--while she was still on a student visa.

we hope she can get a general visit visa so we can see each other again--& hopefully develope or relationship. i know i will have to support her financially.

then --if all goes well--a further visa as a fiancee/partner-to be. i still will have to support her till FLR is granted.

only time will tell--the last thing i want is for her to end up trapped in a situation she finds wrong.

[grahamw48]

Good point.

I lived with my then fiancee for 9 months in the Philippines before we got married.
We subsequently made frequent visits back there, so that probably helped avoid her feeling a prisoner here.

[nnomad]

shandy,, i think it is shocking that this man treats you like this, and whatever excuses he uses really there are no reasons for such behavour,, he should be doing all he can to make you feel at home and wanted, not bullying you and shouting and embarrasing you with the neighbours,,,, my advice is a bit different from most others on here, ( tho hinted at my one other ),,, i would say you have to be strong within your self, do not lose your self respect, get your FLR and then you can leave this horrible person and make your own life in that country,,,,,,,,,,, then hopefully he will be as sad as he is making you !!!!

[shandylove]

exactly!im always telling him if he starting to raise his voice that he looks like a child tho he is 50 years old already. i don't really expect that in our 2 years of relationship as fiancee and 1 month waiting the visa process in philippines before, i thought i really know him already but now he totally change , even spending money on food,or even a single pound to spend he keep moaning then after that he put all the blame on me! i told him that im afraid to depressed and mentally ill if he always nasty to me all the time. no one to talk to if my heart is hurt ,he has a family but i can't tell them so that no more trouble. sometimes, i want to leave him for a while so that he will realize my worth and he will change. but i don't have money even a pound nothing and no filipina friends yet to be with. maybe in time if i get my flr and he still nasty to me,i will leave him coz i don't used to this situation and ur all right i need to be strong for the sake of my son and family. im so much touch all of you guys :xxgrinning--

[stevewool]

exactly!im always telling him if he starting to raise his voice that he looks like a child tho he is 50 years old already. i don't really expect that in our 2 years of relationship as fiancee and 1 month waiting the visa process in philippines before, i thought i really know him already but now he totally change , even spending money on food,or even a single pound to spend he keep moaning then after that he put all the blame on me! i told him that im afraid to depressed and mentally ill if he always nasty to me all the time. no one to talk to if my heart is hurt ,he has a family but i can't tell them so that no more trouble. sometimes, i want to leave him for a while so that he will realize my worth and he will change. but i don't have money even a pound nothing and no filipina friends yet to be with. maybe in time if i get my flr and he still nasty to me,i will leave him coz i don't used to this situation and ur all right i need to be strong for the sake of my son and family. im so much touch all of you guys :xxgrinning--

have you asked him why he is so angry, and also does he want you here with him still

[bigmac]

get your FLR and then you can leave this horrible person and make your own life in that country

can we get clarity on this?

if a foreign partner does get granted FLR--that person then has a right to remain--and work--even if separated and living independently?

but--what happens when they apply for ILR?

[raynaputi]

If she leaves her hubby after getting her FLR(M), she can only stay in UK until the validity of FLR(M) expires or until UKBA cancels it if her hubby would report her. She can't apply ILR as she needs to be living with her husband to get that. Go to this site http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/vi...tionship-ends/ to read about what would happen if the relationship ends.

If this would happen to me personally, and the relationship can't be fixed, I would rather go back to be with my family in the Philippines, where I can be with the people who can protect and support me. It's not worth staying here all by yourself struggling. That's just me. I don't know about the others.

[melovesengland]

If she leaves her hubby after getting her FLR(M), she can only stay in UK until the validity of FLR(M) expires or until UKBA cancels it if her hubby would report her. She can't apply ILR as she needs to be living with her husband to get that. Go to this site http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/vi...tionship-ends/ to read about what would happen if the relationship ends.

If this would happen to me personally, and the relationship can't be fixed, I would rather go back to be with my family in the Philippines, where I can be with the people who can protect and support me. It's not worth staying here all by yourself struggling. That's just me. I don't know about the others.

I strongly AGREE!

Whats the point of staying if YOU ARE NOT LOVED?

I also dont want to reach to the point that one of us will end up SIX FEET UNDER.

[joebloggs]

possible you could apply for ILR if you was a victim of domestic violence, but you would need some evidence..

[grahamw48]

The complications arise when children come along...custody issues etc.

I would therefore respectfully suggest that the young lady in question takes the contraceptive pill until the relationship problems are resolved/ILR obtained.

[raynaputi]

The complications arise when children come along...custody issues etc.

I would therefore respectfully suggest that the young lady in question takes the contraceptive pill until the relationship problems are resolved/ILR obtained.

Good advice Graham ..having a kid at this stage of their married life would complicate things further.

[grahamw48]

...Could become a complete nightmare....for many years.

[bigmac]

If she leaves her hubby after getting her FLR(M), she can only stay in UK until the validity of FLR(M) expires or until UKBA cancels it if her hubby would report her. She can't apply ILR as she needs to be living with her husband to get that

hmm--thats what i thought.

so any foreign national coming here to marry and settle could end up locked into a 5 year relationship that may or may not work out. and i thought slavery had been abolished.

[grahamw48]

I suppose it works both ways.

These rules are there to help weed out 'sham' marriages....arrangements that probably most of us would disapprove of.

[bigmac]

Whats the point of staying if YOU ARE NOT LOVED?

and --as the poor woman has no money--how is she supposed to get back?

[raynaputi]

Whats the point of staying if YOU ARE NOT LOVED?

and --as the poor woman has no money--how is she supposed to get back?

That's the reason why I haven't closed my bank accounts in the Philippines, and keep one credit card for emergencies.

[grahamw48]

That's the reason why I haven't closed my bank accounts in the Philippines, and keep one credit card for emergencies.

Shhhsh ! You never know who's reading this !

[raynaputi]

Shhhsh ! You never know who's reading this !

Hahahaha..oh don't worry, Keith knows.. so he'd be good..hahaha

[bigmac]

'sham' marriages

hmmm i wonder why so many foreign nationals are so keen to marry brits?-----

oh--i remember----true love.

[bigmac]

That's the reason why I haven't closed my bank accounts in the Philippines, and keep one credit card for emergencies

ha ha ha --very good advice--i like it.

[mickmyrna]

Hi Shandylove .. I feel so sorry about you girl , do you have FB ? so that we can chat sometimes ... heres my fb name Myrna Aredidon Williams As a spouse we need a wide patience and be strong ok? Myrna

[lastlid]

This thread reminds me of the Gwapito thread from a few weeks back...

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread....nd-comes/page1

[nnomad]

i think this guys nightmare is a bit worse !!!!!!!!!!!

[bigmac]

so--to recap--if a foreign national comes here as a spouse--or--even worse--gets married here--and things dont work out--if the person hasnt a job--or--as a fiance without FLR--cant work!!---AND has no recourse to public funds--just what the hell are they supposed to do????

marrying a UK resident--without a long period of courtship ( not internet style !! ) should come with a government wealth warning

[stevewool]

so--to recap--if a foreign national comes here as a spouse--or--even worse--gets married here--and things dont work out--if the person hasnt a job--or--as a fiance without FLR--cant work!!---AND has no recourse to public funds--just what the hell are they supposed to do????

marrying a UK resident--without a long period of courtship ( not internet style !! ) should come with a government wealth warning

takes two to make it work, eyes wide open all the time, but then again you can get some right old farts that tell the girl she can have the world, but in real terms once over here they are a slave and the old fart is bored with the same women all the time, just my thoughts dont mean to offend

[lastlid]

marrying a UK resident--without a long period of courtship ( not internet style !! ) should come with a government wealth warning

Doesn't that come under the remit of the CFO?

[grahamw48]

This has been the situation for at least 22 years, though the 'probationary' period has recently been lengthened.

If partners want or need to work, then all their sponsor has to do is marry them and bring them here on a spouse visa. Straight forward enough, and has always been the case.

All of this information regarding visas and rules and regulations has also been available to anyone contemplating bringing a wife here from abroad for many many years... just that some people don't seem to bother doing some simple research before they lose themselves in romantic daydreams.