I think I need advice about what to do...

[cheekee]

Hi guys.

You might know I have been dating a Filipino girl from cebu for a few months. I plan to meet her next year.

I know I love her and she has said the same to me. We have both been in tears on skype and phone calls missing each other.

I found out the other day that she had been talking to her ex boyfriend of 2 years about a month ago. She had told me that previously that they haven't spoken since last year. They had split up according to her because he was unfaithful and played her.

She gave me her log ins for her email and Facebook to prove she was serious with me. I also read her yahoo messenger conversations with him and the recent contact she had with him shows she was quite intimate with him. She was saying she missed him and she did say to him "kiss you all over" a few times and asking when he was next in cebu.

when I confronted her she has been in floods of tears telling me she only did it because she hated him for what he did and wanted to get back at him by making him think she still liked him because she couldn't move on and commit to me as she was scared of being hurt again. We hadn't been together long when she was talking to him. She has repeatedly told me how sorry she is and that she didn't tell me because she didn't want to hurt me. To be honest she did really really cry a lot.

She has told me that she really loves me and only wants us to be together. I made her send him an email and yahoo message asking him not to contact her again and that she was with me now ( I saw these sent as proof). She handed over her yahoo and email accounts to me so I could do with them as I wish. She sent me a picture of her old sim card broken as she has just changed her number last week.

I'm obviously upset because she lied to me. but at the same time I can kind of understand why she did it and it was very evident of how upset she was and how much she cried on skype and that she was probably genuinely sorry. She admitted to being stupid and that she realises that. She tells me she will do anything to prove to me that she is genuine about how she feels about me.

My heart tells me that she is sorry and she is being truthful to me but I cant help having some worries. When she told me about what he did she was really tearful so that sort of makes me think she is genuine.

Please guys what are your thoughts. I am so torn right now.

[grahamw48]

Sad to say, I have been in internet cafes there where girls have had up to six chat windows open.

Have you sent her any money ?

[cheekee]

No.

I talk to her all the time when she is at home. I know that because she has shown me around using the camera on her phone. She doesn't go to café's The last week she has been constantly on Skype with me as I have been sick at home. I have left Skype on while she has been asleep and when she says she is chatting to someone on Facebook. I can see who she is chatting to as I have her log on. So far she has been telling me the truth since it happened.

[imagine]

tread very carefully im not being sexist when i say women can be very convincing and able to turn on and off the tears as and when they want, im not saying she is, just be cautious ,

another thing if she's playing games with her x bf, like that (the kiss you all over thing) what if he gets jealous, when he knows about you,
ok she shown you messages, face book etc, you still cant be certain of her motive of breaking the old sim, and new cel no/ a photo of a destroyed sim, could be any sim, it proves nothing ,

is this the one you wanted to buy cel phone and post to her, you asked about world remit for sending money,
slow down with her, dont send anything else, if you already have, 2 months isn't long,

[Steve.r]

How do you know she has not got other yahoo accounts that she uses now to talk to other guys. It's a hard call cheekee, tread carefully

[Ako Si Jamie]

Why would she play mind games with her ex? Because she's still got a thing for him and your just the back-up. She wanted a positive reaction from her ex and didn't get one leaving her with only one option cue the tears and the apologies.

Personally I'd walk especially as you've never met her and she lives 7,000 miles away. You don't need the baggage too and you shouldn't be made second choice either.

[tiger31]

well once amalayer always amalayer if she lied to you then sorry i would bale out there are thousands of genuine and loving girls out here but also thousands of scammers too.Like one poster said they can have more than one foreigner on the go at the same time .Where i live there are 2 girls with foreign boyfriends and both have kids to them when they go home their philippino boyfriends come out of hiding and carry on living together simply because they send money to them and the boyfriends can live off the money thats being sent ,now if thats happening on my doorstep imagine how many more there are .So yes the crocodile tears can be turned on and off like a tap she maybe crying only because she got caught .so my advice would be move on you may have to bump into a few bad ones to find the girl of your dreams good luck

[joebloggs]

do you or have you sent her money cheekee ?
time and distance can cause problems..

[bigmac]

I know I love her and she has said the same to me.

and youve never even met each other?

why not try to get a general visit visa? get her over here with you--see how it goes for a while.

[melovesengland]

be careful cheekee. you havent met her yet and at the first place you really dont know her. i dont want to sound judgemental but many filipinas nowadays which is sad go in a relationship with white man for money and spend the cash on a filo boyfriend or they have TWO Foreigners at the same time.

dont be blinded by all what she said, be cautious and observative. Learn from the lesson.

[jake]

Is the ex boyfriend filipino or foreigner? You mentioned that she would see him the next time he was in Cebu.

[R_Norman]

I totally agree with you Melo,I'm a Filipina as well but its a shameful and sad that some Filipina will do everything just for money and betrayed people...that's the sad truth!

[raynaputi]

Be careful and DO NOT SEND HER ANYTHING! You haven't met her yet and only know her for a few months and haven't even met her. Treat this situation as a warning from now on.

[sars_notd_virus]

Dont jump in the quagmire cheekee...forget the girl!!!

[R_Norman]

and to you Cheekee, be cautious not only with Filipina but also with Thai...just sharing...Goodluck and hope you sort it out and think carefully...

[joebloggs]

and to you Cheekee, be cautious not only with Filipina but also with Thai...just sharing...Goodluck and hope you sort it out and think carefully...

not just filipina or Thai but some MEN and WOMEN SCAM people

[MissAna]

i agree with all the members here. i think you should not totally trust a girl you haven't met. good thing you found out early that she is playing on you. just saying....

[MissAna]

and to you Cheekee, be cautious not only with Filipina but also with Thai...just sharing...Goodluck and hope you sort it out and think carefully...

thai girls are even worst.trust me i know because my husband's ex wife is thai and she is a gold digger. she made my husband bankrupt.

[lastlid]

Why would she play mind games with her ex? Because she's still got a thing for him and your just the back-up. She wanted a positive reaction from her ex and didn't get one leaving her with only one option cue the tears and the apologies.

Personally I'd walk especially as you've never met her and she lives 7,000 miles away. You don't need the baggage too and you shouldn't be made second choice either.

I agree with this man.

[Iani]

thai girls are even worst.trust me i know because my husband's ex wife is thai and she is a gold digger. she made my husband bankrupt.

Hmmmm got a feeling this isn't going to be a popular thing to say, but.....nuts to it.
MissAna is completely right. There is a huge difference in attitudes and mindset between Thais and Pinoy. I can only guess the two are compared because they are from SE Asia.
I spent some time in Thailand, I dated a lady there. I got to know the mentality of both men and women, and some of my ex's friends worked in the bars..........getting to know what they really think was quite an eye opener.

Friend of mine owned a bar there with his Thai wife, I made a good few male friends..........heard some right stories, of men who had lost millions. Men going over, thinking they had met some love, they build a house together, then one day all the male relatives turn up, barricading the way there "she doesn't lub you anymore, go"
This is very common. The attitude is best summed up by the in joke there "The currency is the baht, and relationships here are all abaht the baht"

It is a terrible thing to generalise, but when you hear the same story again and again and again........you get to see a pattern.

Try googling cheating pinoy girl, and you'll get a few results. Try googling cheating thai girl - and the internet will almost go into meltdown.

Plenty on both sides though. Frankly, if something seems dodgy, then it probably is.

OP you know what you need to do about this, I don't want to see you taken for a ride by anyone and suspect you have already decided before posting this -or know deep down the right answer.

Just do what feels right, after all, you know her more than any of us

[grahamw48]

Those guys keep getting getting taken in by the Thai girls though, don't they.
...after decades of hard luck stories circulating.

Too many people running around with their in one hand and their wallet in the other.

RESEARCH and ADVICE from those that know is all it takes, and so much easier now with google at your fingertips.

[imagine]

Cheekee, this is for you,

i have been a member here since 2009, i had an online relationship with a philipina, who worked in israel , i was totally besotted with her,i made many an effort to meet her, even wasted money on booked flights, after 2 years of excuses and lies,
( and believe my she was the sweetest and could do no wrong in my eyes),well then things started to not seem right,i shared on here about my relationship, i got great advice from all the guys here, but still though i knew they were right , i couldn't let go, almost another year went by still the lies and deception,i knew inside but i didnt want to see it, untill one day the evidence hit me in my face, i knew then i had to finish with her, that was 3 years wasted, though she never asked or got cash from me, it still cost me dearly, with the lost flights, insurances, things i threw away sold cheap, my car, and the rest,all for the preperation of going to live with her in phil, theres much more to my story than this short version,

i realy just want you to listen to guys n girls on here their advise,

myself i did listen, but i just couldnt do it. i wish i had because it would have saved me a lot of heartbreak and around 10 grand all told,

at the end of the day, its your decision, but listen to the advise and think about it

[Steve.r]

Cheekee, you have gone quiet on us, please share your feelings because it will help. I think nothing we have said will stop the hurt or the feelings you have for her, but if there is one ounze of doubt... one tiny doubt, make a clean break and do it now.

There 'are' genuine ladies out there, maybe some friends of the ladies here on the forum. Please dont become another statistic of a ripped off westerner.

[joebloggs]

Try googling cheating pinoy girl, and you'll get a few results. Try googling cheating thai girl - and the internet will almost go into meltdown.

maybe so, but i know of a number of members on this forum who have been scammed by Filipina's.

I watched 'scam city' the other week, it was on about Thailand and how one girl I think she had 3 western boy friends on the go, each sending her money..

also a reason for the google results might be more western men have had a relationship with thai's than filipina's.

[andy222]

[QUOTE=grahamw48;403416]Sad to say, I have been in internet cafes there where girls have had up to six chat windows open.
I have seen that too when I have been there.

[andy222]

I think many europeans and americans and pinoys mess these girls around and in the end they dont know who to trust.

[cheekee]

Cheekee, you have gone quiet on us, please share your feelings because it will help. I think nothing we have said will stop the hurt or the feelings you have for her, but if there is one ounze of doubt... one tiny doubt, make a clean break and do it now.

There 'are' genuine ladies out there, maybe some friends of the ladies here on the forum. Please dont become another statistic of a ripped off westerner.

I have been quiet because I needed time to think.

I think its a really difficult one. I have all her her log in details for her Facebook, email, and yahoo and Skype She took screen shots of her phone with all the messages and contacts. The messages with her ex stopped over a month ago and she only spoke to him for two days. I have researched her name on Google and other search engines and found no new info. Everything I have asked of her to prove she is genuine about me she has done without complaint. she has been on-line constantly with me on Google talk over the last week as I have been sick from work and she hasn't been talking to anyone.

I have been using Filipino dating sites for a long time and had many scammers try it on with me. I could see them coming. I have met her parents online on skype. She has a aunty living close to me and we are in contact.

I have filipino nurse colleagues who are going to cebu soon and they are going to check her out for me.

I think I am going to be really cautious but not finish things just yet. But anything else comes up and its over.

Her ex is not a filipino.

[sars_notd_virus]

I have filipino nurse colleagues who are going to cebu soon and they are going to check her out for me.

I think I am going to be really cautious but not finish things just yet. But anything else comes up and its over.

Follow your gut instinct cheekee,...if you have the slightest doubt along the way dont pursue it.

[melovesengland]

I have been quiet because I needed time to think.

I think its a really difficult one. I have all her her log in details for her Facebook, email, and yahoo and Skype She took screen shots of her phone with all the messages and contacts. The messages with her ex stopped over a month ago and she only spoke to him for two days. I have researched her name on Google and other search engines and found no new info. Everything I have asked of her to prove she is genuine about me she has done without complaint. she has been on-line constantly with me on Google talk over the last week as I have been sick from work and she hasn't been talking to anyone.

I have been using Filipino dating sites for a long time and had many scammers try it on with me. I could see them coming. I have met her parents online on skype. She has a aunty living close to me and we are in contact.

I have filipino nurse colleagues who are going to cebu soon and they are going to check her out for me.

I think I am going to be really cautious but not finish things just yet. But anything else comes up and its over.

Her ex is not a filipino.

Its not easy I know and Im sure youre having hard time.

You know better than us because its your feelings. We hope it all goes well for you BUT do not forget this is STRIKE 1, STRIKE 2 will come and also STRIKE 3.

Be cautious like what you have said.

We are only here to advise you. Its up to you whether you take our advise or not.

Like Steve said dont add on the list of RIPPED OFF WESTERNER.

[cheekee]

My gut instinct is that she is truly sorry and that she was stupid. In all my past relationships that went wrong, I knew when they were lying. I do get what you all say and thank you for what you have said. I did wonder if I was second place or a back up. But she hasn't seen him for a long time now. She tells me that she hated him because she felt she couldn't move forward with me because of how he treated to her. She was really scared to commit.

I have been messed up by people before and I wanted to get them back. I just chose not to. She didn't and got found out. I was clever enough to find this I think I will be clever enough to see that.

If there is a strike two......She knows that its over. I made that quite clear.