We are gathered here today to pay our respects to Robin Dangermouse van Persie, who tragically passed away at 15.03GMT on Sunday, December 23, 2012.
The Dutchman, 29 years old, fell to the floor and, before he had time to call Claims Direct for compensation on a no-win no-fee basis, was struck by a thick metal brick known to those in his trade as "a football". He was pronounced dead on the scene.
"It was absolutely horrible," shift manager Alex Ferguson told MTW. "I saw it all happen and it's just so difficult to stomach.
"One minute, Robin was fine, the next he was down on the ground with his head caved in. There was barely anything left, just a sloppy mess of meat and bone.
"If you ask me, it wasn't an accident. Not really, anyway. The whole setup of that office is a death trap. When he came in for work at 13.30GMT they broadcast music at volume so high that I'm surprised his eardrums didn’t cave in on the spot. I can only hope that the 'days since an accident' calendar on the wall is ironic."
Van Persie was well liked by all of his colleagues and "showed real progress for promotion down the line," according to one company source.
Asked by MTW for a comment on his departed friend, co-worker Jonny Evans, clearly deluded with grief, said: "What are you talking about, mate? Robin's fine. He got hit in the face by a football; it happens all the time.
"Seriously, he's just over there having a cuppa."
Mr Ferguson promptly became unavailable for comment.
*Van Persie does not have a middle name so MTW gave him one. Everyone deserves an awesome middle name.
http://www.goal.com/en-gb/news/3384/...rsie-1983-2012
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Originally Posted by bigmarco
deserved it. 
