am I wrong for feeling this way?

[ladyskype]

Hi, my British hubby has always hated the UK, as what he's told me. Well, he's had bad experience with schools, had bad experiences with the kids when he was younger, and his family neglecting him despite the fact that he's always been the ONLY one who makes himself available whenever he's needed by any member. I've always told him it's not the place you hate, but some of the people you had been with in the past. And staying in the UK doesn't mean he has to stay with those people that hurt him. I believe we can move somewhere else in the UK, away from the people who hurt him and continue to give him pain.

Now that we're married, he still doesn't like to stay in the UK. He wants to teach in Asia, where native English speakers are in high demands to teach. (I am a teacher myself too, so there's no problem with me, although I know I'll face discrimination, as I am not a Native speaker.)

I only find that as an adventure… but we can’t always stay in Asia teaching, moving from school to school while raising our kids. I want to see him plan how our life will be, and when we have our kids. But sadly, I don’t see any.

If you'll ask me, I'd rather stay in the UK, for practical reasons. We've both agreed to retire in the Philippines, but before that happen, we'll have to earn and save for our future. He’s previously changed his mind that he can stay in the UK as long as we’re together. I thought he’s finally sorted a direction on how our marriage and family will be.

But now, again, he’s back to moving out of the UK for good, and moving in Asia, as long as we’re together. That sometimes disappoints me. I’ve always planned my future. I’ve planned to work somewhere in Asia, then eventually end up in Canada, Australia or NZ. I never planned to get married, yet it happened. But I am not regretting the marriage. But I sometimes ask myself what’s gonna happen now? My husband only wants us to be together, and seems no plan after that. All he needs is that we’re together. But I can’t. I want a better future for us, and I want to start on a family. But seeing him now, I know we can’t now.

One time he said he’s thinking of simply working here in Manila, teach English in language institutes. I was so disappointed, I said, “…then I’ll have to move abroad to find a greener pasture so we can survive.” I am willing to sacrifice being apart, knowing that we’ll be together soon, and we’ll be working on building our good future together.

He’s already set on us settling in the UK for few years, so we can save more the shortest possible time. Was even working on building our proof or relationship for the time we apply for my visa, but everything changed.

But I don’t see that now. He wants out of the UK for good, and just teach in ASIA. I’ve told my friends, and some family about my hubby’s plan to stay in Asia, and all of them said it’s not a good plan. And honestly, I am feeling lost. I never thought it was in the first place, but some serious problems came up just recently, and I can’t bear seeing my hubby in such trouble, so I said he just come here and leave the UK for the mean time…but he wants forever.

I’m lost. People tell me it’s wrong move, which I myself believe so. . But I am torn between standing by my man, even if I don’t really believe in his plans now. I see no future in it. But I can’t force him to stay, coz he’s been telling me his family and friends all see me after a visa to the UK. I was already about to leave for work abroad when I met him, and everything stopped, coz we got married. I am not after the visa to the UK! But with these things going on, how can I tell him it’s better for us to stay in the UK? Am I wrong for feeling my hubby isn’t planning for us well?

Please advise. I’ve asked people, and they all tell me it’s wrong move.

[KeithD]

....British hubby has always hated the UK

Change the word HUBBY to PUBLIC.....and you'll have it right

We all have happen in life, it and just get on with today, you could be tomorrow.

Moving from the UK is one big step, and unless the research is done, medical bills, pensions, sost of living, income, taxes, etc, it'll end in disaster.

Nothing wrong with starting a new life somewhere else in the UK. Wales, Scotland, Isle of Man, Jersey, etc,

[Mrs Daddy]

Blimey...I dunno what to say with that!Its complicated.

[walesrob]

Keith is right; moving abroad is a big step, its expensive, stressful and you just don't know whats ahead of you.

Tell your husband to move somewhere else in the UK, he needs to get away from the people who make him angry and stressed. Come to Wales, Keith did, and look what a happy & smiley person he is.

[Peanutz]

I think you should really talk seriously with your husband. Building a future together is hard for everyone but as long as the two of you are willing to take any risk and difficulties together then you will be fine. If he wants to live in Phil and the two of you will teach for a living I guess it is not that bad providing that you have enough savings, own a house and car, but then we have not included if you plan to have children in the near future. Then headache would start, because you will need a higher income, and when your children will start to go to school etc. it is big EXPENSES and higher income will be needed!

I think the best thing is to get you here in UK find a job start saving and go back in Phil when you have enough money to live and start a new life there. He should move in another town-city far from those people who makes him unhappy.

Argh! I just feel how complicated it could be...Goodluck!

[KeithD]

Keith is right

I always am dear

[tiger@tigress]

I always am dear

[bornatbirth]

my gf as the same doubts about her future too!when she tells me shes concerned about what will happen i usually have to assure her everything will be ok!
it seems to me theres more than two people in ur relationship from both sides stop listening to any of them as they are just confusing both of u?

tell ur husband ur concerns and now that ur married u need a positive future.

we all get fed up of where we live at times,its easy in the uk to move to somewhere new and get a new job.
what could be better than a new home a new job and a new wife lol
but whatever u do talk to him!

[eljean]

maybe the one reason of him to marry an asian is to really move in to asia and not in uk...and maybe you never talk about were to settle after being married maybe you missed the most crucial part on which country to settle in...maybe you both wanted different ways...you wanted to go out abroad and same as he...maybe you have meet becoz you both looking ahead something different to happen in your life?my hubby also often say he hates uk i dont know why and i do also say i dont like my country so sometimes it can come into the point that did we just got married becoz of the same reason to get out from were we came fromsounds really odd...
he says he wanted to us move in the philippines in find a job there...i said i dont think you can have any...while we from phil wanted to go abroad just to have any kind of job as long as it compensate properly...thinking how you did try to be together is already a hardship and becoz of some personal wants in life and trouble you cant have a fresh start...its so hard to think of other people and let it affects you in building your own why dont you tell what you really feel about and your opinion about his plan and tell as well as your point...pour all your thoughts about it theres nothing wrong about telling him it might hurt his feelings whatsoever but its so hard to keep asking and worrying and keeping it to yourself...the only way out is to let it out...communication is the best thing to do to understand each other more...but its not an assurance that both are still wanting the same way...its the hardest part of solving a problem when each one of you wanting to happen your on way...marriage is a partnership... you cant decide alone but you have decide together...
and lastly it is not wrong to feel that way you are just thinking for the better life together ahead of you...

[ervenescence]

I think its a british thing, hating their own country for some reason. They hated the UK but the immigrants really love it here. No wonder why, in the cities here as I observed, there were more foreign speaking people than the english ones.. or maybe they were welsh just mistaken to be a european..

It's just like some of the filipinos, hating their own country and theres a lot of reason behind that..too many to enumerate. Me myself I don't particularly like our country for some reason. Lets say, its not really the place, its the stupid people and the system that lead us to say...we hated PH.
Love the food though, and the humidity.

[KeithD]

I hate the UK....I hate the Phil...I hate the French....I hate the Yanks......I'm off to Iran

[andypaul]

Grass is always greener eleswhere untll you get there...

[KeithD]

....unless you live in Bradford

[Mrs Daddy]

it seems that no one or nobody contented of what they have in lifetake for instance when we were having our holiday in eastborne,it seems that you couldnt heard a lot of english talking people they`re all from other part of europen country and most english people move somewhere else like spain I dont know!

[joebloggs]

is a place to live, everyone takes the a bit calling it but reading this article
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/m...2/ai_n16905661

"In addition, there are currently 2,351 UK nationals in foreign jails, 35,000 members of the armed forces living overseas and, during 2005, 46 UK nationals who applied for asylum in the US, eight of whom were successful.

Do they come back?

Some certainly do - research has suggested that 25 per cent of the Ten Pound Poms who went to live in Australia in the Fifties and Sixties eventually returned to Britain and it is thought that the rate has remained the same for those who relocate anywhere else nowadays."

i wonder if i can claim asylum in the US on what grounds , being
persecuted by a scouser

ive been on a plane coming back from pinoyland, and i started talking to an english woman sat next to me, she was moving back to the uk after living in oz for a couple of years, and she told me that she was going back first to find her family a place to live inthe uk, and her husband and kids would follow a month later, her reason for returning was the kids missed the uk, their friends, the schools are better here.

like others have said, its always greener somewhere else

[fred]

I think that I understand where you husband is coming from as I was never really happy in the UK either..Its a good place to make lots of cash but not an ideal place to spend it (in my view)
We now live in the R.P and we are blissfully happy. (honest)
The only way to solve this problem is to let him have his wish to try and live in Asia..If he is dependant on a job here then he will soon fail dismally and will then have to admit defeat on his own..Once he experiences hardship he will be the first to suggest a hasty retreat back to ole blighty and then you can get on with living in the UK..
I don't envy you.

[Shifty-Sidney]

Hey Ladyskype,
I wouldnt worry about this too much - its a `British` thing to maon about everything and everywhere is always better! - I get the feeling he also moans at the way you dress, that it takes you a long time to get ready, the weather etc etc. - am i right? Do what women do best - do not listen, let him have his say and then agree with him when he changes his mind because Britian is his home and this is where he wants to be.
I think we all think like this at times, but it never lasts.

[joebloggs]

hey fred, glad its going , but your still on your honeymoon period, how long have you lived there a few weeks , hope your still around in about 10 yrs and save me a place under the coconut tree next to yours...

nah don't envy you , just got a few bills and money to save i'll be there to , and a job i hate to goto on monday

[fred]

Joe...I`m hooking up a hammock for you as I speak..

Done the Honeymoon period some years back when I lived here for 5 years in the 80`s...
Dont work too hard now Joe!!

[joebloggs]

one less in the rat race here,
well are house prices gonna drop , its not looking good on the shares front, billions wiped off... maybe you got out at the right time

in the 80's what did you do for 5 years there ?

anyway I'll let you get back to your hammock

might be better if you planted a coconut seed, i'll be there when it strong enough to take my weight , i need to loose weight or i'll be here forever

[fred]

Joe..
You are right about the housing market..I think we predicted this scenario last year in this forum somewhere..Fortunately I sold up lock stock and barrel before all this **** from the US hit the fan.
I also sold my AIM shares about a month ago but am looking closley on a daily basis at the charts as the huge falls right across the board may have produced some real bargains.. Mind you,I dont think its over just yet.
As you well know the Philippines is a cheap place to live well..You just need to plan everything well in advance (at least 10 years in my view) before making such a big move.
I dont care if Im accused of moaning but I got sick to death of the way ordinary Brits have been treated for a long time now..Im just glad that I live in a country where my tax bill is almost nil and my national insurance contributions are zero. Im happy to pay my own way and am very happy to go down the private health insurance road and to supply my own water etc etc..The only bill I get here is for electricity..
Sorry..Forgot,the residence association give me a bill for 100 PHP a month as a contribution for the security guards at the front gate.
Our food bill last month for 2 families (5 adults,5 Children) was PHP 8,000..
Im fortunate to have a modest 2 bed apartment to live in so no rent to find..
In the UK we lived in a pokey 2 bed flat which cost us over £850 a month in rent NOT INCLUDING council tax and that was before I`d even eaten a bowl of Cornflakes.
Next year we are moving over to Panglao island where we will be starting another modest little business..It will be even cheaper there.
To be honest,I have not felt this good in years..
BTW..When you come over you are welcome to stay at ours if you wish..
Fred.

[Alan]

Fred,

I said, some time ago on this forum that if my wife fails to get her spouse visa for whatever reason - I would go over there and we would live in the Phils.

The last time I was over in Cebu - every single Brit., American, Aussie who had settled there said that it was the best thing they had ever done. Yet I read in this thread that some have reservations about leaving these over-taxed shores.

I am as green as can be I suppose in respect of knowing what life is REALLY like out there - I can only make a subjective judgement based on my two visits to the Phils.

Any opinions for me?

Regards,

Al

[fred]

Hi Al..

Its really hard for me to adopt an "opinion" in regards how you would fare here as obviously I do not know you ..
A lot depends on how long you actually spent here in the past and how you coped with the lifestyle,the heat,the food,the people etc etc.
Of course,the biggie is can you afford to live here without working?
You need a steady reliable income preferably from abroad..but you probably know that anyway..Business is a pretty tough proposition here and jobs are almost out of the question.
It took me 15 years to organise the "steady income" requirement which was one hell of a task in itself considering that in the UK I am a 44 yr old painter and decorator..
Nothing is impossible..It just depends how much you want it I guess.
Anyway if you satisfy all of the above..COME OVER and live one day at a time and enjoy yourself..In style!!
You are welcome to come and stay with us any time..

[andypaul]

I think Fred from what i have read of his posts is a good example of how to do it. Take your time save up or accumlate money, research and have actually practical experience of doing what is a major change in both your life styles.

But i don't think all of us brits would either be suited to living there all year round or could afford to support themselves.

[joebloggs]

looks like the BBQ is at freds

i'm stuck here paying debts off, since oct last year i've had to spend over £2,300 for visa's. for the privilage of allowing my wife of 5 years and our kids the right to live here in the uk .

thnigs are getting out of hand thou,

dentist a crown a few of years ago cost around £70 on the nhs, now £200, £300 for a white one , and thats if you can find a dentist that still does nhs prices.
poll tax , sorry community charge goes up every year , where i live its £110 a month now.
congestion charge - the low life council want to try it in greater manchester, charging more than £7 a day so people can get to work. yes that will force poor people of the roads.
dustbins - what a joke , they want to start emptying them once every 2 wks, our bin is full at the end of the week, there are 5 of us living here
and fine you or not empty the bins if you put the wrong rubbish in it, or fine you if you put the bin out on the road day.
parking spaces - you cannot park anywhere without having to pay a car parking fee, or get your car clamped or a ticket.
gordie brown just pushed the airport tax charge up, does any of the money go towards preventing global warning or is it just another scam to get money , like road tax ?
electric and gas prices are a joke. how can they get away with the increases ?
the list goes on and on

just all about money, take and take

oh my wife if she gets her training in the uk , she will have a good job in the phils, but like you did fred, my wife and i, will make our money here, then go and live in the phils.. oneday

[Alan]

Joe - your last couple of posts remind me of a well-known phrase involving the words - head - nail - hit.

Al