well i know some do help out with the extended family but what happens when mum and dad has gone do you still help your brothers and sisters, and what happens once you move over to the phils are you expected still to help,
well i know some do help out with the extended family but what happens when mum and dad has gone do you still help your brothers and sisters, and what happens once you move over to the phils are you expected still to help,
You are a Kano millionaire.
OF COURSE you must help.
but like anything in life Graham, you must look after number 1 first
thats right, you look after no/1 being you and yours, brothers sisters need to fend for themselves, its not selfish, its lifeOriginally Posted by stevewool
Doesn't stop people asking.
Then again, once they've seen me in my rags and empty old bumbag...
but what if your partner has promised to help her younger brother, infact all the family has promised this, so i am told, but he does not work because of this and that, so to me he has a life of riley he thinks
There's a lot of that there Steve I'm afraid.
That sort of situation will need some careful handling. Most poriners have to deal with it at some stage.
well i am going to nip it in the bud i hope,i have not worked hard all my life so that i can make someone happy who has done jack ----t in theres, but just to hold there hand out and plead to my wife
have to start as you mean to go on, its harder to stop later cos they expect it
Absolutely...but handled diplomatically, for the sake of your partner, because she is the one who really has to deal with it.
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Graham..That old bag wont cut it anymore!!Then again, once they've seen me in my rags and empty old bumbag...
When you retire you might need to upgrade and transfer your considerable wealth to one of these.
Dont forget to put a moth ball in each compartment before filling it though!!
Steve, I think by now Emma knows just how hard you have had to work to survive here in the UK and how much it takes give her a lovely life. She too has to earn her money and it is not easy money. Just because you are a westerner does not mean that you are now the family life support system. Emma must be the one to nip this in the bud, and not make promises that together you will support 'brothers' who are just lazy or happy to scavange off the more fortunate working family members. Make everyone quite clear on the facts that you cannot afford to do it, or only under extreme circumstances (with good reason) you will lend money (for which you will draw up a returns contract). I will not do this for my 'extended' family. I already have several mouths to feed, and I am not prepared to feed more. Firm foot down NOW Stevie
If you want your dreams to come true ...... first you have to wake up
From the start my husband told me we can't afford to have extended family and my family understand it because I explain it to them living in the UK is very expensive. After few months arrived here I got a job since I've got no bill here I give money to my parents if they got emergency but my dad work his .... off to drive his jeepney everyday so it might help for there daily needs and I got a brother still in college. If my brother and sister ask help for me I give them if I'm convince with the reason I don't want them to think that because I'm living here abroad I'm already RICH that's the crab mentality for some Filipino's. I always told them how hard to earn money here.... I guess they understand.
Thanks Fred....great idea.Graham..That old bag wont cut it anymore!!
When you retire you might need to upgrade and transfer your considerable wealth to one of these.
Dont forget to put a moth ball in each compartment before filling it though!!
That one should just about hold my sleeping bag, 3 stringed guitar...and my partner.
I doubt that anyone can give you an answer on this.
It really does come down to some basic 'rules' that in turn depend on the circumstances of the extended family.
We also try to help for emergencies, but............there's a limit. There's also a selection process. No help for those who don't help themselves and don't help the other family members.
We never give money just for the asking, there needs to be a darn good reason and I need to know that any help we give will be 'self-sustaining' as much as possible.
You know the sort of thing I mean......... don't give them fish to eat help them to catch their own.
Nearly all the financial support we provide is for education. Our hope is that this will benefit all the family.
In my opinion if a family member is not working, or not looking to help other family members, or not looking for ways to make even a small contribution to their own life then they could expect ziltch from us.
Once I move over to the Paradise Islands I am expecting they will be helping me..... a poor old pensioner
My wife knows the score on this one and has done from the start. It is her, me and the kids, end of. No hand outs to ANYONE. Better to start as you mean to go on and then everyone knows the score.
If someone's wife thinks differently, simply telling her that every peso you spend on someone else, is a peso you don't spend on her, usually does the trick.
I agree with Steve, Bigtilly, lovejoy and Steve.r, No one in my family have ever offered or given me a thing in my whole life, and my Maritess agrees with me, whats mine is her's and she won't give it away. We look after each other!
Tried that in the 90`s... Failed big time.. My wife tried to warn me against it!!!!!You know the sort of thing I mean......... don't give them fish to eat help them to catch their own.
Nearly cost me my marriage.
Say no more.
Like I said everyone's family and circumstances are different.
Works a treat for us. Only need to do it once as well.
A very common notion here in the philippines that if you are married to a foreigner,they know you are loaded.There are some foreigners who feed the whole family of their partners and these family members cant be bothered to earn a living as they know they are being fed by a white guy.They have totally become a parasite.Sad but true.
I have no problem about helping extended family because my siblings got a very stable jobs plus my parents are working too so it will be less likely that they will ask some money.They usually borrow some amount but pay it back.The only problem are those distant relatives whom i have never seen and just introduce themselves then ask for some money.
My husband isn't against about helping my immediate family. Im just lucky that whenever my siblings borrow some money,they pay it back.No way for distant relatives.
I won't pretend that a couple of family members have not taken us for a ride. But that only happens once and then they find out they can never ever rely on anything from us again.
It might sound hard, but to be honest it's just in my nature to trust and help folks. I still do that and hope not to lose my faith in that, but also for me is 'once bitten twice shy'. My wife is of the same opinion.
my motto in life too, they only screw you the once, never get a second chance
is that grahams bum bag,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, did he have it surgicaly removed?Graham..That old bag wont cut it anymore!!
When you retire you might need to upgrade and transfer your considerable wealth to one of these.
Dont forget to put a moth ball in each compartment before filling it though!!
is that grahams bum bag,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, did he have it surgicaly removed?
You haven't seen my new jacket yet...
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Me personally a help is something you give freely to your family regardless weather they lazy or take advantage of you. Its my joy to give something to the people i love and i believe its others joy as well. My husband knows how much i love my family and how they love me so he respect whatever i did to them. And that includes restricting him to moan nor be insulting.
.omg i thought it was a suiside jacketYou haven't seen my new jacket yet...
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.omg i thought it was a suiside jacket
Hi, my name is Graham and i'm a failed suicide bomber
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