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  1. #1
    Respected Member marksroomspain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aprilmaejon View Post
    Hi Mike,

    You remind me of my friend here. His name is Jack. He is 25 and partner (Paul) is 40 years older than him. He was on student visa when he met his partner online so before the visa expired, they got married then applied for FLR last year. Paul was once married to an English woman and they have 4 kids, eldest is 18 and youngest is 7 years old. 3 kids living with his ex wife and the eldest is living with them now. 2 elder children are aware about the situation (Dad married to a man) while the little ones doesn't know anything. Everytime the kids come and visit daddy's house, they asked who Jack is and why is he living there. Paul will just tell them that Jack is his tenant. The ex wife don't know anything about their marriage neither.

    Paul's reason why his little children shouldn't know about his marriage to Jack is that he doesn't want them to be bullied at school. Although UK is a very open minded country and same sex marriage was just legalised in church some time ago, social STIGMA about same sex marriage is still there whether we like it or not. There are still a lot of people in this country who are against it and thinks that it is wrong...but don't mind them, it is your life, not theirs.

    What is his employer's business on how your partner runs his life? It would be a discrimination on his part if they will fire him only because of his sexual orientation. Every employee or any person in the UK has the right for equality and be given dignity regardless of anything.

    He won't lose his job as it is against the law to discriminate against anyone because of:

    *Age
    *being or becoming a transsexual person
    *being married or in a civil partnership
    *being pregnant or having a child
    *disability
    *race including colour, nationality, ethnic or national origin
    religion, belief or lack of religion/belief
    *sex
    *sexual orientation

    He is protected from discrimination in these situations:

    1. at work Discrimination at work
    The law protects anyone against discrimination at work,inc.:

    *dismissal
    *employment terms and conditions
    *pay and benefits
    *promotion and transfer opportunities
    *training
    *recruitment
    *redundancy

    Some forms of discrimination are only allowed if they’re needed for the way the organisation works, eg:

    A. A Roman Catholic school restricting applications for admission of pupils to Catholics only
    B. Employing only women in a health centre for Muslim women

    2. in education
    3. as a consumer
    4. when using public services
    5. when buying or renting property
    6. as a member or guest of a private club or association

    He is legally protected from discrimination by the Equality Act 2010.
    He has nothing to worry about losing his job.

    He won't loose his kids, later on in their stage of life, they will understand that at the end of the day, it's their dad's happiness that matters.
    A very good posting for Mike and a well deserved rep Aprilmaejon.....


  2. #2
    Respected Member aprilmaejon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marksroomspain View Post
    A very good posting for Mike and a well deserved rep Aprilmaejon.....
    Mark...


  3. #3
    Respected Member blessed_ekim0826's Avatar
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    Thank you so much for all your nice advices!!!


  4. #4
    Respected Member tiger31's Avatar
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    Well, here,s my 2 pennies worth: Mike,s partner is right to be worried. Although people on here are saying same sex marriages are accepted, they are accepted through gritted teeth by most people - as it is an offence to speak out otherwise. With an age gap like this between 2 males, it will make living together ten times worse in my view.

    It,s ok for people on here to say never mind other peoples views, but they,re not the ones that have to live in that situation. His partner is clearly worried about his family,s reaction to this and he has a lot to lose in my view. His employers and co-workers don,t know either. He clearly wants his sexuality kept private, which is an added pressure on him.

    My question is why sponsor his partner with all these problems around him?. The UK is not as tolerant as we,re led to believe on many issues. But good luck on your journey as you are clearly going to need it.


  5. #5
    Respected Member Jentobeharrison's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tiger31 View Post
    Well, here,s my 2 pennies worth: Mike,s partner is right to be worried. Although people on here are saying same sex marriages are accepted, they are accepted through gritted teeth by most people - as it is an offence to speak out otherwise. With an age gap like this between 2 males, it will make living together ten times worse in my view.

    It,s ok for people on here to say never mind other peoples views, but they,re not the ones that have to live in that situation. His partner is clearly worried about his family,s reaction to this and he has a lot to lose in my view. His employers and co-workers don,t know either. He clearly wants his sexuality kept private, which is an added pressure on him.

    My question is why sponsor his partner with all these problems around him?. The UK is not as tolerant as we,re led to believe on many issues. But good luck on your journey as you are clearly going to need it.

    I agree. And to be honest this is not others' point of view, it is actually his partner's/sponsor's feelings. Why did he let you went through all of these before sorting out the problem. Now, he is not the only one bothered, but also you Mike and I am sorry to read your feelings. This situation can't be helped you know, but the only thing you can do is to be with your man always and strong enough for him to stand with his decisions.


  6. #6
    Respected Member Rory's Avatar
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    If I was 17 my wife of 2 years would not be born. With a 20 year age gap we are both happy. I have had a few negative comments from people at work but I knew before I married her I would at least get people staring at us in the street or people whispering behind our backs. People talk and always will. If we all took to heart what people thought about us or said then we would all be suicidal.

    Be happy, it is your life. As said, you only have one go at it.


  7. #7
    Respected Member Jentobeharrison's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rory View Post
    If i was 17 my wife of 2 years would not be born. With a 20 year age gap we are both happy. I have had a few negative comments from people at work but i knew before i married her i would at least get people staring at us in the street or people whispering behind our backs. People talk and always will, if we all took to heart what people thought about us or said then we would all be suicidal.

    Be happy, it is your life. As said, you only have one go at it.

    But the one who thinks is his partner and his family.

    I quote from OP:

    "How difficult is it to be with a partner in the UK who is 40 yrs older than you. I've got visa already but not in UK yet and there's a possibility that I cant come to UK because my partner and his kids are really worried about the culture and society in the UK about what comments they will heard against my age. Any advice is very much welcome and appreciated."


    It's not really what others' think, it's what his partner's think. If that's only about others, their relationship shouldn't be bothered but his main concern is his partner's worries.


  8. #8
    Respected Member marksroomspain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rory View Post
    If I was 17 my wife of 2 years would not be born. With a 20 year age gap we are both happy. I have had a few negative comments from people at work but I knew before I married her I would at least get people staring at us in the street or people whispering behind our backs. People talk and always will. If we all took to heart what people thought about us or said then we would all be suicidal.

    Be happy, it is your life. As said, you only have one go at it.
    Totally agree Rory. There are loads of jealous people out there - but leave them to their own miserable lives. An 18 year age gap for us, but I am the one who's smiling.


  9. #9
    Respected Member Michael Parnham's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marksroomspain View Post
    Totally agree Rory. There are loads of jealous people out there - but leave them to their own miserable lives. An 18 year age gap for us, but I am the one who's smiling.
    I totally agree!


  10. #10
    Respected Member Michael Parnham's Avatar
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    Mick Jagger has a new g/f 43 years younger than him, I can't see a problem if you really love one another!


  11. #11
    Moderator Arthur Little's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Michael Parnham View Post
    Mick Jagger has a new g/f 43 years younger than him, I can't see a problem if you really love one another!
    ... Mick Jagger? "Bony" but "nae boannie"!

    , folks .................. 's just my opinion!


  12. #12
    Respected Member Michael Parnham's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arthur Little View Post
    ... Mick Jagger? "Bony" but "nae boannie"!

    , folks .................. 's just my opinion!
    Like it Arthur!


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