I liked reading through all the comments, seems like everyone is sincere in their opinions. I don't have anything more to add but hey, welcome to the forum reldas!
I liked reading through all the comments, seems like everyone is sincere in their opinions. I don't have anything more to add but hey, welcome to the forum reldas!
me - 55.
she -42.
works great for us, been together 13 years.
How difficult is it to be with a partner in the UK who is 40 yrs older than you. I've got visa already but not in UK yet and there's a possibility that I cant come to UK because my partner and his kids are really worried about the culture and society in the UK about what comments they will heard against my age. Any advice is very much welcome and appreciated.
Hi,Originally Posted by mike_steve
How difficult is it to be with a partner in the UK who is 40 yrs older than you. I've got visa already but not in UK yet and there's a possibility that I cant come to UK because my partner and his kids are really worried about the culture and society in the UK about what comments they will heard against my age. Any advice is very much welcome and appreciated.
If your partner sponsored your visa application, why did he not bring up any age difference worries before?
unless his family are now saying something to him?
There should be no problems you cannot overcome if you both want to be together, other men may be a bit jealous
Mick.
So, what is his 'plan B'....to join you in the Phils ?How difficult is it to be with a partner in the UK who is 40 yrs older than you. I've got visa already but not in UK yet and there's a possibility that I cant come to UK because my partner and his kids are really worried about the culture and society in the UK about what comments they will heard against my age. Any advice is very much welcome and appreciated.
Yes he did sponsor the visa. He sponsored tourist visa in 2012 but was denied and now is the fiance visa which he thought I couldn't get it. We both want to live together but he is afraid that he might lose his kids and job if I live with him. His family cares other comments than their dads feeling. We already booked my flight but not yet sure if its gonna happen. His kids have probs with my young age or is it really bec of our sex orientation.Hi,
If your partner sponsored your visa application, why did he not bring up any age difference worries before?
unless his family are now saying something to him?
There should be no problems you cannot overcome if you both want to be together, other men may be a bit jealous
Mick.
Not sure yet. He doesn't want to live here in the Phils bec of not free medical unlike in the UK as he has an insurance.
Hello mike_steve,
My husband is 21 years older than I am, he just turned 50 and I'm turning 29 this coming July. My hubby has a daughter who is 24 years old, a very smart and a very good looking young lady, she just finished her university in Bristol major in Spanish and is now backpacking around the world. I have not met her yet because she refused to accept me and her Dad as well.
What is funny though, my hubby told me that if his daughter and I were in a pub (without him as an issue), we would definitely get along so well. We had a few spats because he was a bit scared to lose his relationship to his daughter as they were really close, the relationship of a daughter and a father is incomparable - I know that for sure as I'm one and only daughter among 3 brothers. Now, even my mum in law is giving my hubby a hard time about his chosen path (with me).
I don't give a d@mn, it is true that I feel saddened that I couldn't hug her the way I would hug my mom though. My mum in law had given 30 years of hell with her another daughter in law (hubby's bro's wife) and she is still giving her a hard time. Life is too short to burden yourself with hurtaches and heartaches dear. Goodluck!
This wife.. has an amazing husband.
43 years between us, no problem to us and we're not bothered if it's a problem to anyone else. Good luck to you hope it works out for you!
Our age difference is twice than your gap. My partner is afraid of losing his kids and his jobs. His kids knew about their dad's sex orientation but employers don't know about it. That's why he's afraid. We're both confused on what we need to do in our situation.
Our age differnce is 41 yrs. What will u do if u r in my partner's shoes? He has 4 kids ages 30-20 y.o. They don't accept their dad to live with a young guy and they're worried about the culture and society.43 years between us, no problem to us and were not bothered if it's a problem to anyone else. Good luck to you hope it works out for you!
Hi, quite confused... So you're a man and he is a man as well?
Not to judge but just asking
I can see his point.
yes!!!!!!hi, quite confused... So you're a man and he is a man as well?
Not to judge but just asking
It's your partners choice not his family's, I put my wife before my family!
I'm sure you must understand that it's a very delicate and embarrassing situation for his family - especially if you intend to live in the same town ...
That's happened to a few people on here, but it's his and your life and if she can't accept that, it's her problem not yours
They're hardly kids anymore, they'll realise that their Dad deserves that chance to be happy. Britain is supposed to be an open minded society (same sex marriage is now legalised just a few months back if I remember right), not like the Philippines...
Why?
Why?
Probably because as much as we like to think we're a liberal open minded country, a lot of people find it hard to accept. In this case I think the older gentleman's children and his colleagues are not aware of the situation yet.
Sorry but why is your fiance is acting like that now? After you got really stressed with the visa application? First of all, he should've settled his family problems before getting your hopes up.
And all I can advise you is, if you know yourself that you are not stepping on others, and your intentions are clear, then do not be bothered.
I agree.
Same sex relationship is "accepted" nowadays but people still raise their eyebrows at it, you cannot please everybody.
Hi Mike,
You remind me of my friend here. His name is Jack. He is 25 and partner (Paul) is 40 years older than him. He was on student visa when he met his partner online so before the visa expired, they got married then applied for FLR last year. Paul was once married to an English woman and they have 4 kids, eldest is 18 and youngest is 7 years old. 3 kids living with his ex wife and the eldest is living with them now. 2 elder children are aware about the situation (Dad married to a man) while the little ones doesn't know anything. Everytime the kids come and visit daddy's house, they asked who Jack is and why is he living there. Paul will just tell them that Jack is his tenant. The ex wife don't know anything about their marriage neither.
Paul's reason why his little children shouldn't know about his marriage to Jack is that he doesn't want them to be bullied at school. Although UK is a very open minded country and same sex marriage was just legalised in church some time ago, social STIGMA about same sex marriage is still there whether we like it or not. There are still a lot of people in this country who are against it and thinks that it is wrong...but don't mind them, it is your life, not theirs.
What is his employer's business on how your partner runs his life? It would be a discrimination on his part if they will fire him only because of his sexual orientation. Every employee or any person in the UK has the right to equality and be given dignity regardless of anything.
He won't lose his job as it is against the law to discriminate against anyone because of:
*Age
*being or becoming a transsexual person
*being married or in a civil partnership
*being pregnant or having a child
*disability
*race including colour, nationality, ethnic or national origin
religion, belief or lack of religion/belief
*sex
*sexual orientation
He is protected from discrimination in these situations:
1. at work Discrimination at work
The law protects anyone against discrimination at work,inc.:
*dismissal
*employment terms and conditions
*pay and benefits
*promotion and transfer opportunities
*training
*recruitment
*redundancy
Some forms of discrimination are only allowed if they’re needed for the way the organisation works, eg:
A. A Roman Catholic school restricting applications for admission of pupils to Catholics only
B. Employing only women in a health centre for Muslim women
2. in education
3. as a consumer
4. when using public services
5. when buying or renting property
6. as a member or guest of a private club or association
He is legally protected from discrimination by the Equality Act 2010.
He has nothing to worry about losing his job.
He won't loose his kids, later on in their stage of life, they will understand that at the end of the day, it's their dad's happiness that matters.
A very good posting for Mike and a well deserved rep Aprilmaejon.....
People comments/talks no matter what the situation is.His family cares other comments than their dads feeling. His kids have probs with my young age or is it really bec of our sex orientation.
{My personal experience:
People talks because I married early. I was 22.
People talks because me and my husband met online.
People thinks that I married my husband only for the sole purpose of getting a British passport.}
People always love to discuss other people's lives...you can't get away with it...
So the best thing to do is just ignore them, get on with your life, focus on building a stronger happy relationship with your partner and be happy. Make him realise that.
And might as well think that your life is more interesting than theirs. People talk about your life because their life is boring, nothing like yours!
A very good posting for Mike and a well deserved rep Aprilmaejon.....Mark...
Thank you so much for all your nice advices!!!
Well, here,s my 2 pennies worth: Mike,s partner is right to be worried. Although people on here are saying same sex marriages are accepted, they are accepted through gritted teeth by most people - as it is an offence to speak out otherwise. With an age gap like this between 2 males, it will make living together ten times worse in my view.
It,s ok for people on here to say never mind other peoples views, but they,re not the ones that have to live in that situation. His partner is clearly worried about his family,s reaction to this and he has a lot to lose in my view. His employers and co-workers don,t know either. He clearly wants his sexuality kept private, which is an added pressure on him.
My question is why sponsor his partner with all these problems around him?. The UK is not as tolerant as we,re led to believe on many issues. But good luck on your journey as you are clearly going to need it.
I'm surprised you don't understand....Why?
I do understand, but if family are so bothered what outsiders think, don't worry about it. Also if they are bothered what their friends think, they are not your friends really are they? I've got a family who are the strangest people I've ever had to put up with.
After leaving home at a very young age to work away, I was the one who always contacted my family either by travelling a long way or calling them and after many years of doing this I realised they never contacted me. So I stopped visiting and calling and it was twenty years before any family member contacted me.
It's true what they say, You can choose your friends but not your relations!
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