Hiya Buddy,
As you may know as I have posted before that I have been following this thread all along and just hope you are close to getting some sort of result regarding access to your children.
I cant imagine what you have gone through as having a child myself I could only just think what it would be like.
I do hope you get good news soon and for this nightmare to end.
God bless you,
Mark...
Thank you Mark. .I remember you saying that.Originally Posted by marksroomspain
Hiya Buddy,
As you may know as I have posted before that I have been following this thread all along and just hope you are close to getting some sort of result regarding access to your children.
I cant imagine what you have gone through as having a child myself I could only just think what it would be like.
I do hope you get good news soon and for this nightmare to end.
God bless you,
Mark...
I'm getting closer but how close I've got no idea. ..the legal process is so slow, you can't believe it. Us men haven't got a leg to stand on when up against something like this. ..it's a scandal
I gauge my moods with music. .I've yet to pass the James Taylor ''You've got a friend'' test no matter how i feel. I'll keep trying.
I certainly have surprised myself though. I never thought in a million years I cld withstand all this.
God bless you Mark along with your lady and child :-)
mark look up alienation syndrome on google its recognised in the U.S but strangely enough not here in the U.K be prepaired for it as I went through the same thing with my ex and 3 kids I know they are still young yet but as they are living with your ex this may well happen to you .your ex sounds like a person who will try to put you through this I hope the write up helps you ok good luck m8
Thanks Brian.
All bases are covered....After I told my solicitor the whole lot my solicitor told me what was going to happen and how.
They've seen it all before. .an old saying I know but, in my case, the truth will come out and justice will be got for our babies.
It's all about the greater good of the boys Brian. ..the boys need both parents ..and both parents to be amicable. .because we have to. .I can't be deleted I can't be wiped away not matter how much she wants a younger dad with a long future for the boys.
I hate to say this mark but your going to be spending lots more money and if she keeps duckin and diving its all going to be for nothing .you need to tell her no more money for her and the kids unless she starts to co-operate as you can,t afford to keep feeding the lawyers thats what they want you to do btw ive been through all this crap spent loads of money and still did,nt get to see my kids.court orders are not worth the paper they are printed on m8 no judge will jail a mother of kids for breaking court orders .so you may need another approach but what that is I do not know looks like your in for a rough ride here I feel sorry for you I really do .
100% agree. this was me 30 years ago---and history repeating itself--my son going through the same rigmarole now.
maybe staying single is the answer
Sorry to hear this. Your heart bleeds them.
The lunatics certainly have taken over the asylum.
Mark, I'd have to agree with Tiger on this one. You've already spent a big amount with your solicitor. Perhaps you need to sit with them and discuss what they see as next steps, how much it will cost, how long it will take and exactly what the outcome(s) will be.
They should really be providing you with quotations for their actions for agreement to go ahead or hold.
What are your intentions if and when you have no further funding for the solicitors.
Time for reassessment I feel. No harm or weakness in that.
have you any idea what she is wanting, if you can find out that then you will know what to spend, if its within reason , there are no winners in this, pay up say bye for now to all that you thought you had and move on, harsh words but its the words that she and you will understand
Brian and Peter, bear with me please. I'm pushed for time. I will answer you both later Cheers
Steve, what Jane is wanting is for me to disappear from all three of them. She doesn't want me known as our boys father.
Apparently I provide no long term future for them....she's mixing with Filipinas with husbands all roughly the same ages. Jane is the odd one out bein saddled with me.
Plus the fact she doesn't want people thinking she got here on the back of me, where most of her other friends got here because of being co workers with guys from the Honda car factory....they have bases in China and Philippines as well as others. I digress!
Hopefully when cafcass get involved they will prove a good influence over her. I'll pray that will be the case.
Btw. ..I really hope cafcass are the long awaited Genesis in chasing away the devil who's invaded her!
I disagree it seems that Gwap has no option but to follow the legal route to secure access to his kids - any finances will be dealt with at the divorce stage. He mentioned CAFCASS who are basically "social workers" appointed by the court where kids are involved. They will be looking at both parties' living conditions etc
Yes Dedworth, I understand what you're saying.
And I don't believe anyone would argue against following correct legal process.
My point is though that it's critical to understand, in some detail, about the steps involved in the whole process, the involvement of the solicitor and the likely costs.
It's really important (and sensible) to have the solicitors state the upcoming costs in stages and to give options.
CAFCASS are, as you rightly, mentioned advisors to the courts in family matters.
They only become involved at the request of the court.
The reasons for fully understanding the probable costs are that the case is not yet subject to the courts.
It's still at the early stages.
Even CAFCASS strongly suggest that the involved parties reach some agreement and co-operation as early as possible:-
Each case is different and it's unwise to make comparisons....rather than going through the often costly and lengthy full family court process.
It's far too early to talk about prospects after divorce.
To be clear, divorce itself will NEVER happen until the welfare of the children has been settled.
Means, decisions about where the children will live, time and access and full financials.
£3k is already lot of money. But that's nothing compared to just how costs can escalate without care and controls.
Like everyone, just trying to help.
I appreciate your help Peter .Thank you.
Cafcass are involved. I'm so glad they are ..it's taken far too long for them to act. .like you said, the court instructs them, no one else.
The trouble is, the weeks of waiting for me and the weeks of poison being pumped into my wife by these grabbing black and tans and men hating lesbians who generally populate these establishments.
I pray to God there's no lasting damage to Jane and Cafcass can point her in the right direction.
I still care, I can't help but care.
I lay in bed thinking a lot. .I think back to the time she wrote on the fruit i took to work.
Look at it now with 2 beautiful baby boys we brought intentionally into this world. This wasn't the outcome expected. Not in my worst nightmare did i expect this.
I was reminded today that when the time comes that i am allowed to see them, they won't be the same boys I held in my arms on June 23. They grow and facial features change a great deal.
No compensation can bring that back. .Jobe will be walking as well now.
the cost will only keep going on and on and you will end up broke, is your wife on legal aid, or who is paying for her solicitor,
i may be wrong here and i hope i am, but mums with the children will have the rights over you all the time, yes you may get access some weekends but its down to your wife to bring them and if she does not want to, who will make her , yes the courts and more stress and money all from you,
If she wants you out of there lives forever, you may have no choice, be prepared for a long, long time, i have been there and in the end after years and years of heartache the children will be back in your life if that is what they want, talk to your solicitor ask for his advice and what chances have you, i did and it worked out fine for me looking back on the past
She won't get it all her own way if it can be shown that she is an irresponsible, scheming waster and that Gwap can provide a stable environment for the boys upbringing. It goes without saying that her leeching lawyer is funded by us but this legal aid will be clawed back upon financial settlement. A mate of mines a headmaster and he took a big financial hit but the ex didn't get it all her own way, the daughters live with him Mon - Fri and her at weekends, which suits him as he can go out then.
... d'you mean "talent
spotting"?
... out on the "ran~dan"??
My solicitor gave me a ''rough quote'' on costs just to establish contact and told me what the coming weeks and months will bring in the way of being an emotional time. She even suggested going to my GP for help saying it wouldn't go against me. That wasn't a risk I was prepared to take.
Solicitor told me I needed to reduce my take home pay, which I have done. This led to a problem paying my solicitor's fees.
My mother, with the backing of my siblings is paying my solicitor fees. They know that if I stayed on my previous pay Jane would have 20% of a large amount of money more than enough to finance not only our boys but also her and a boyfriend. ..that was never going to happen.
So I hope this gets back to Jane that my mum. .Our boys 81 year old grandmother is paying out big money for the sake of her not cooperating. ..sleep on that Jane. If you have any crumb of decency about you, you would stop this selfish behaviour straight away.
Please Jane, please cooperate. .the money being spent is coming from my siblings inheritance.
You've summed it up to a tee, Ded.
this is fine if his ex is complying like your friends ex is but marks ex is not doing so .like I said mark can get all the access he wants but if the ex don,t play ball then all that happens is back to court more and more money with still the same outcome ive been there like many other fathers have been before me .she sounds like she will obstruct mark at every oppurtunity she gets.
Just wanted to say, after reading the goings on in your life mate, I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. Seems a hell of a lot of unfairness in the whole thing.
Unfortunately I don't have any knowledge or experience of this sort of thing, but I've got to wish you all the best in this awful time. I guess I just need to say, don't give up, and try and believe things, one day WILL be better than they are now.
Cheers. ...just make sure you pick the right gal.
Thanks mate.
That's exactly what I'm doing right now. My own story is difficult enough, but I'm single with a GF and in a completely different position to yourself, ie no ties. But it's stories like yours, brings into focus for me, how I am right to be cautious in a relationship that throws up "red flags" too early for my liking.
Not all that shines is gold
Glad I've helped Hache.
Can't find right words so best I be quiet.
That's okay. Sometimes we need direct advice regarding our own situation, and other times, just hearing someone else's own story helps in a different, useful way. Helps keep thing in perspective, hearing other's problems and how they're dealing with things.Not all that shines is gold
Glad I've helped Hache.
Can't find right words so best I be quiet.
At times life seems so unfair and difficult. Only consolation, is that it's unfortunately true for many others.
well nice to hear the outcome was in favour of you i,m really happy for you but what a cost in money she has put you through which should,nt have happened if she remained on friendly terms .maybe she planned the benifit route from the start knowing how generous it is when you have kids.what ever you do mark don,t slip up with the scheduled visits as she could use it against you when the case is reviewed .happy outcome
Very good news Mark.
Enjoy your time with the kids.
Great news mate, have a fantastic few days with them and then look forward to next Sunday
enjoy today and many more days will follow, just take it one visit at a time, there will be ups and downs but its a very good start
Very pleased for you Mark, I can just imagine how happy you must be, great news!
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