My wife wants me to leave our home.

[jake]

An 'inter-cultural' relationship is challenging enough already, without taking some extra time and effort to get to know the other person properly, as well as their background, and general outlook on life.

Good point

Take your time, so you BOTH make the right choices from the start. Have seen many a foreign man telling their wives the right way to do things You both have to be flexible and understand that you come from different culture backgrounds.

[Iani]

there has been a few bad thoughts on blaming the filipina lady for the break up of any relationship just lately,and i am sure there are a few too, but remember there is also the man that may find something he thinks is better too,
Mark this is not aimed at you, i and others feel the hurt you must have felt, but for the others who are making the remarks,

Quite.

I must stress, this is not aimed at anyone on here whatsoever, and frankly even if it was - I don't know anyone really, so how could I possibly make a decision, but something I don't subscribe to is the almost "ex-pat mentality" of "you should make friends with this guy because his wife is pinay".

So I should "get on" with something because the one thing we have in common is our partners come from the same neck of the woods??

If anything, it ends up being the opposite. In life I've come across way too many cases for it to be a coincidence, of a guy who is married to someone from SE Asia, who is frankly a complete arsehole.

I hope we are adult and reasonable enough to recognise this trend, even though it might not be easy reading - there are way too many men who beat women, dominate, are bad tempered, have very bad habits, or maybe they're just very ugly (Me? hehe) - and they end up marrying say Filipinas because British women (And moreso Aussie women ) frankly wouldn't put up with this bull .....

The result is that when on the many occasions I've been introduced to the husband of one of wifey's new friends, I am more cautious than I would normally be. Thankfully many who I have met are sound

When I first was in Phils, I did get an occasional grilling, because in that area, amongst the relatives, British men had a terrible reputation. It's understandable - similar to locals in Malia, Magaluf or Kavos might think all Brits are drunken foul mouthed idiots.

So yes, the Filipina can't always be blamed. Often she might marry a complete loser. There is no way we know what goes on behind closed doors in a relationship

Again - I stress this isn't aimed at anyone on here.

[SimonH]

I believe your relationship / marriage would last longer if you stayed in the philippines .Its far easier to get rid of your ex partner in the west .marrying someone from a different culture is I believe a bit more challenging for all sorts of reasons .Its all about being patient with each others culture and trying to understand them before you speak or make decisions .philippinas can and do make excellent partners if you treat and show them respect they will look after you good and proper .but cross them and out comes the BOLO lol

Good advice, in my opinion I think many men fall 'in love' over the internet, maybe they're falling 'in love' with the idea same applies to women of a different culture filipino or not, they fall 'in love' with the idea of living in a western country and are therefore blinkered in some respects to the person they're falling 'in love' with.
Tiger's advice of spending time in each others country for a period of time is excellent, then each of you would know if you're in love with the person or the idea. At the end of the day, what's 6 months out of your life when you're planning on spending the rest of it together

[tiger31]

Good advice, in my opinion I think many men fall 'in love' over the internet, maybe they're falling 'in love' with the idea same applies to women of a different culture filipino or not, they fall 'in love' with the idea of living in a western country and are therefore blinkered in some respects to the person they're falling 'in love' with.
Tiger's advise of spending time in each others country for a period of time is excellent, then each of you would know if you're in love with the person or the idea. At the end of the day, what's 6 months out of your life when you're planning on spending the rest of it together

very true I think that the ones who go over for a say a 3 week holiday meet someone then bring them back are more likely to split than those who actually live in their partners country for a while to get to know that person first .This is exactly what I did but not everyone can afford to do that so its a risk i,m just lucky that I was able to live here for comin up for 3 years so I can safely say I know how she ticks lol and she knows how I tick ( dominate ) hahaha jokin .now ive done the first part now ive got to bring her back at some stage and see how she ticks in the u.k .

[grahamw48]

One of the best pages I've read on this forum.

Top posts.

Now let's practice what we preach.

[gWaPito]

very true I think that the ones who go over for a say a 3 week holiday meet someone then bring them back are more likely to split than those who actually live in their partners country for a while to get to know that person first .This is exactly what I did but not everyone can afford to do that so its a risk i,m just lucky that I was able to live here for comin up for 3 years so I can safely say I know how she ticks lol and she knows how I tick ( dominate ) hahaha jokin .now ive done the first part now ive got to bring her back at some stage and see how she ticks in the u.k .

Brief responses sorry, back at work. ..you've done it the right way Brian. ..but, like you said, most can't take 3 years out. ...when you think about, if I had done the same, it would of saved me a whole heap of grief.

[gWaPito]

Quite.

I must stress, this is not aimed at anyone on here whatsoever, and frankly even if it was - I don't know anyone really, so how could I possibly make a decision, but something I don't subscribe to is the almost "ex-pat mentality" of "you should make friends with this guy because his wife is pinay".

So I should "get on" with something because the one thing we have in common is our partners come from the same neck of the woods??

If anything, it ends up being the opposite. In life I've come across way too many cases for it to be a coincidence, of a guy who is married to someone from SE Asia, who is frankly a complete arsehole.

I hope we are adult and reasonable enough to recognise this trend, even though it might not be easy reading - there are way too many men who beat women, dominate, are bad tempered, have very bad habits, or maybe they're just very ugly (Me? hehe) - and they end up marrying say Filipinas because British women (And moreso Aussie women ) frankly wouldn't put up with this bull .....

The result is that when on the many occasions I've been introduced to the husband of one of wifey's new friends, I am more cautious than I would normally be. Thankfully many who I have met are sound

When I first was in Phils, I did get an occasional grilling, because in that area, amongst the relatives, British men had a terrible reputation. It's understandable - similar to locals in Malia, Magaluf or Kavos might think all Brits are drunken foul mouthed idiots.

So yes, the Filipina can't always be blamed. Often she might marry a complete loser. There is no way we know what goes on behind closed doors in a relationship

Again - I stress this isn't aimed at anyone on here.

You're so right. ..my wife's sister's husband is your typical arsehole Australian. Much like the way, as you pointed out, the way we are painted in holiday hot spots in Europe. .drinks and a serial womaniser and a regular at the whore house. ...They got 2 wonderful sons and his Filipina wife idolises him. ..For all his faults, she accepts what he is....

[gWaPito]

how many fail, and whats do you class as a fail? after 1 yr, 5yrs or 10yrs ?

from what i can recall i only know of a handful on here that didn't work out, obviously there are more, as not everyone is going to put on a public forum their marriage has ended, but i think most seem to work out

From what I understand. .1 out of every 3 marriages end in failure in the UK. Going by that, most seem to work out....still too high. ..

[bigmarco]

Quite.

I must stress, this is not aimed at anyone on here whatsoever, and frankly even if it was - I don't know anyone really, so how could I possibly make a decision, but something I don't subscribe to is the almost "ex-pat mentality" of "you should make friends with this guy because his wife is pinay".

So I should "get on" with something because the one thing we have in common is our partners come from the same neck of the woods??

If anything, it ends up being the opposite. In life I've come across way too many cases for it to be a coincidence, of a guy who is married to someone from SE Asia, who is frankly a complete arsehole.

I hope we are adult and reasonable enough to recognise this trend, even though it might not be easy reading - there are way too many men who beat women, dominate, are bad tempered, have very bad habits, or maybe they're just very ugly (Me? hehe) - and they end up marrying say Filipinas because British women (And moreso Aussie women ) frankly wouldn't put up with this bull .....

The result is that when on the many occasions I've been introduced to the husband of one of wifey's new friends, I am more cautious than I would normally be. Thankfully many who I have met are sound

When I first was in Phils, I did get an occasional grilling, because in that area, amongst the relatives, British men had a terrible reputation. It's understandable - similar to locals in Malia, Magaluf or Kavos might think all Brits are drunken foul mouthed idiots.

So yes, the Filipina can't always be blamed. Often she might marry a complete loser. There is no way we know what goes on behind closed doors in a relationship

Again - I stress this isn't aimed at anyone on here.

Good post Ian and I like you have met the odd arsehole who married his idea of a slave.
I think people sometimes forget that the Filipina has a distinct advantage over the British wife. That is they are far more beautiful both inside and out.
They make far more of a commitment than us when they decide to marry us in that they give up everything to travel to the other side of the world to a strange country with horrible weather leaving their loved ones behind. It's a big gamble for them as they have nobody to turn to if it all goes horribly wrong.
I think the guys who are looking for the slave are the ones who more often than not run into trouble.
Fortunately I think I found what I was looking for, a wife and a Partner someone to love and share the rest of my life with. I work, she works, I cook (), she cooks and in our spare time we do things that we both enjoy doing. I'm also very conscious that my wife is 15 years younger than me so I even do things that I wouldn't usually do but nonetheless get some enjoyment from because it makes her happy.
As I pointed out to somebody recently who sits in a chair barking orders at his lovely wife. It's only a matter of time before she realises that she deserves better than that and starts to look around particularly if she has friends who seem to be getting far better treatment form their partners.

[gWaPito]

Good advice, in my opinion I think many men fall 'in love' over the internet, maybe they're falling 'in love' with the idea same applies to women of a different culture filipino or not, they fall 'in love' with the idea of living in a western country and are therefore blinkered in some respects to the person they're falling 'in love' with.
Tiger's advice of spending time in each others country for a period of time is excellent, then each of you would know if you're in love with the person or the idea. At the end of the day, what's 6 months out of your life when you're planning on spending the rest of it together

....between meeting my wife online Dec 6 and marrying her 5 months later on June 26 I'd spent a total of 5 months with her....nearly losing my irreplaceable job in the process.

You are right about the implied craziness. Falling in love online ..being with her 2 to 3 weeks then marrying. ..then being consumed with visa applications etc The realisation doesn't hit until you got her here then finding out that actually, our relationship starts from now. .In the land of harsh reality. ..The cold light of day. .that's when you see the metal, what's one made of. ...The drama of visa applications fall into insignificance. ..This is where it begins, you start to find out whether you are compatible or not. ....by that time you are already committed. You have to make it work.

[grahamw48]

Good post Marco.

(I know I'm divorced now, but I DID manage 15 years).

[gWaPito]

Good post Ian and I like you have met the odd arsehole who married his idea of a slave.
I think people sometimes forget that the Filipina has a distinct advantage over the British wife. That is they are far more beautiful both inside and out.
They make far more of a commitment than us when they decide to marry us in that they give up everything to travel to the other side of the world to a strange country with horrible weather leaving their loved ones behind. It's a big gamble for them as they have nobody to turn to if it all goes horribly wrong.

Not all Filipinas are like that Marco. .We'd all like to think that they are but, it's not true. .there's good and bad everywhere.

[Ako Si Jamie]

I think people sometimes forget that the Filipina has a distinct advantage over the British wife. That is they are far more beautiful both inside and out.
They make far more of a commitment than us when they decide to marry us in that they give up everything to travel to the other side of the world to a strange country with horrible weather leaving their loved ones behind. It's a big gamble for them as they have nobody to turn to if it all goes horribly wrong.
.

[bigmarco]

Not all Filipinas are like that Marco. .We'd all like to think that they are but, it's not true. .there's good and bad everywhere.

We all know that Mark and there's enough horror stories to prove it.
Ian's post just registered with me as I can identify some of the arsehole's he refers to and I'll be seeing one this weekend.
There's a lot of us have had your journey Mark although I was one of the lucky ones in that I managed to keep the kids. Although I too considered myself blameless for the break-up of my marriage I've learnt a few lessons from that experience. I'm also a lot more fortunate now that both my girls although living at home have grown up and are both working and don't rely on me financially apart from a sub before payday. This enabled me to stop Taxi Driving at weekends and just have the one job of driving a train for 36 hours a week.
I've sacrificed the money so I can spend a lot more time with my wife because that was probably something I didn't do enough of first time round added to the fact that I really do enjoy Grace's company.
However none of us can predict the future and there's nothing to say that I wont be telling a horror story in a few years time. I hope not but if I am I'll be satisfied that it wont be down to a lack of effort on my part.

[stevewool]

but if I am I'll be satisfied that it wont be down to a lack of effort on my part.

well said

[andy222]

Great post Marco lifes what you make it. Im glad life is treating you well.

[gWaPito]

We all know that Mark and there's enough horror stories to prove it.
Ian's post just registered with me as I can identify some of the arsehole's he refers to and I'll be seeing one this weekend.
There's a lot of us have had your journey Mark although I was one of the lucky ones in that I managed to keep the kids. Although I too considered myself blameless for the break-up of my marriage I've learnt a few lessons from that experience. I'm also a lot more fortunate now that both my girls although living at home have grown up and are both working and don't rely on me financially apart from a sub before payday. This enabled me to stop Taxi Driving at weekends and just have the one job of driving a train for 36 hours a week.
I've sacrificed the money so I can spend a lot more time with my wife because that was probably something I didn't do enough of first time round added to the fact that I really do enjoy Grace's company.
However none of us can predict the future and there's nothing to say that I wont be telling a horror story in a few years time. I hope not but if I am I'll be satisfied that it wont be down to a lack of effort on my part.

Excellent post Marco. ..I think most of us chased the money in our early years.

.We thought it was the right thing. ..In actual fact, in my case, it was the opposite. .I'm talking about my first marriage.

..I've started getting close again with my first kids. ..even they said they were happier going on holiday to Minehead, fish and chips on a Friday living in our council house.

They actually meant they were happier because wife and I were both home being a proper family.

We ..wife and I thought we were doing right.

I shall jump back on the horse at some stage. .my life is my boys now.. ..I wouldn't of had this beforehand. .I've gone part time. .working 4 days a week. .that wouldn't of happened before. ...I've found the silver lining.

[Moy]

keep strong friend send you pm

[Pete/London]

Rep Gratefully received, thanks

[Jamesey]

Quite.

I must stress, this is not aimed at anyone on here whatsoever, and frankly even if it was - I don't know anyone really, so how could I possibly make a decision, but something I don't subscribe to is the almost "ex-pat mentality" of "you should make friends with this guy because his wife is pinay".

So I should "get on" with something because the one thing we have in common is our partners come from the same neck of the woods??

If anything, it ends up being the opposite. In life I've come across way too many cases for it to be a coincidence, of a guy who is married to someone from SE Asia, who is frankly a complete arsehole.

I hope we are adult and reasonable enough to recognise this trend, even though it might not be easy reading - there are way too many men who beat women, dominate, are bad tempered, have very bad habits, or maybe they're just very ugly (Me? hehe) - and they end up marrying say Filipinas because British women (And moreso Aussie women ) frankly wouldn't put up with this bull .....

The result is that when on the many occasions I've been introduced to the husband of one of wifey's new friends, I am more cautious than I would normally be. Thankfully many who I have met are sound

When I first was in Phils, I did get an occasional grilling, because in that area, amongst the relatives, British men had a terrible reputation. It's understandable - similar to locals in Malia, Magaluf or Kavos might think all Brits are drunken foul mouthed idiots.

So yes, the Filipina can't always be blamed. Often she might marry a complete loser. There is no way we know what goes on behind closed doors in a relationship

Again - I stress this isn't aimed at anyone on here.

Excellent post!

I've also come across many instances of Filipinas married to lowlife, scumbag westerners.

[grahamw48]

Have we met ?

[gWaPito]

Have we met ?

You make me laugh Graham

A deserved rep on it's way to you

When I'm able to ...I have to spread them around :-)

[grahamw48]

Well I've been called many names.

My Filipina stepdaughter calls me a 'mouldy old man'.

[Neu75]

If the wife falls out of love she will go, and take the kids if there are any.
Money is less important than compromise.
The trick is to listen to the wife and compromise.
Don't compromise at your peril

[gWaPito]

If the wife falls out of love she will go, and take the kids if there are any.
Money is less important than compromise.
The trick is to listen to the wife and compromise.
Don't compromise at your peril

Hey, my middle name in 'compromise' ..I couldn't do any more

[anvee]

I am very sorry to hear that. My husband and I met online, said "I love you" to each other few days after we met haha. He booked flight to Philippines 2 weeks after we met, met last February 2013, got married Aug 8th this year! we have been living together for 8 months now plus everyday chatting on skype for 4 months prior to that. I can say that I know my husband very well now. Of course he's not perfect and neither am I. But we compromise and we love each other. Trust blindly and respect! Hopefully this will be a marriage of a lifetime as divorce is not in our option!!!!!

[gWaPito]

I am very sorry to hear that. My husband and I met online, said "I love you" to each other few days after we met haha. He booked flight to Philippines 2 weeks after we met, met last February 2013, got married Aug 8th this year! we have been living together for 8 months now plus everyday chatting on skype for 4 months prior to that. I can say that I know my husband very well now. Of course he's not perfect and neither am I. But we compromise and we love each other. Trust blindly and respect! Hopefully this will be a marriage of a lifetime as divorce is not in our option!!!!!

Thank you Anvee...I too hope your's is a marriage of a lifetime. Looks like you both met and married in the same time scale as I did,

Believe me, I compromised every day ....Had the divorce option been taken out, just like you have done then, I'm sure things would of worked out..we would of found a way.

I'm not going soft here but, Jane didn't have it easy. My family rejected her...my 2 grown up kids didn't want to know. Jane made attempts to make things good...i remember when my son and daughter first visited us at our house, Jane had cooked...they woildn't eat

It didn't help that i was married to a filipina before..my family did trust her. but she did awful things to us before she left thus the mud stuck to Jane....no matter what Jane did, she was being compared..she was on a loser from the off.

What I should of done was cut ties with them and devote my life with Jane and our boys really, that's what i should of done. I wanted both, I didn't want to lose my family....What I did was wrong, I put my family above the greater good of my two baby sons..for that, I'm full of regret.

[marksroomspain]

I take my hat off to you gwaps fot being so amicable..

[grahamw48]

Thank you Anvee...I too hope your's is a marriage of a lifetime. Looks like you both met and married in the same time scale as I did,

Believe me, I compromised every day ....Had the divorce option been taken out, just like you have done then, I'm sure things would of worked out..we would of found a way.

I'm not going soft here but, Jane didn't have it easy. My family rejected her...my 2 grown up kids didn't want to know. Jane made attempts to make things good...i remember when my son and daughter first visited us at our house, Jane had cooked...they woildn't eat

It didn't help that i was married to a filipina before..my family did trust her. but she did awful things to us before she left thus the mud stuck to Jane....no matter what Jane did, she was being compared..she was on a loser from the off.

What I should of done was cut ties with them and devote my life with Jane and our boys really, that's what i should of done. I wanted both, I didn't want to lose my family....What I did was wrong, I put my family above the greater good of my two baby sons..for that, I'm full of regret.

You know Mark, my parents wouldn't speak to (or have round to their house) my beautiful girlfriend of several years, then fiancee...the one later killed in a road accident. She was mixed race of course...Jamaican/English, and brought up by white foster parents.

They had no such problems later, with my Filipina wife, who I hadn't even bothered to tell them I was marrying.

[gWaPito]

You know Mark, my parents wouldn't speak to (or have round to their house) my beautiful girlfriend of several years, then fiancee...the one later killed in a road accident. She was mixed race of course...Jamaican/English, and brought up by white foster parents.

They had no such problems later, with my Filipina wife, who I hadn't even bothered to tell them I was marrying.

My family was the root cause of my marriage break up..everything negative stemmed from them..I was stupid enough to be taken in by it.

My grown up kids blamed Jane for the reason for not coming around to see their brothers well, I've had my boys 5 times and still they won't come see their baby brothers..in fact now Jane's gone, they won't even come see their dad yet when Jane was here they made such a fuss about seeing me!!!

I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself at the moment, I'm off work with a bad back..today being the first day, I just pray I will be well enough to have the boys in a few days time....I'm thinking all this was so unavoidable if I hadn't of been stupid enough to have been taken in

You know, I feel the same about her family..I know they have tried in the past to use her for money..Jane couldn't see it..Just like I couldn't see the way my family here in UK manipulated me.....our families caused so many problems..that was where all our arguements started from....Jane couldn't accept my kids texting me while she knew they hated her.....I too felt the same about her family..They knew that I knew what they were all about......They didn't want to help themselves no matter what money was given..instead of spending on business, it went on the usual....I made it plain that I knew they were taking the pee and it was going to stop.

At the expense of our wonderful beautiful children, Jane and I put family loyalties first.........I so wish I could turn the clock back.

The Swiss family Robinson had it all worked out