My wife wants me to leave our home.

[gWaPito]

Sorry to burden you folks but things are starting to get on top of me now. ..Our marriage is evidently over. It has been for quite a while. ..my wife is putting pressure on me to leave. .like leave as soon as yesterday. .I've explained I just can't walk away as things has to be sorted. She won't have any of it and wants me out now. .my emotions are all over the place. ...best described as bereavement. .you can't think clearly etc etc. .we have 2 boys aged 1 and 2 both had there birthdays last week. .I love them so much! !! I don't want to leave my babies! !God this is hard ..life can be so ..... ..she won't let me kiss and cuddle them without her being abusive to me. ..as always I'm under time restraints so I'll add more later. .oh I got a request. .Sars, please don't call her and ask questions. .it causes so many problems. .I must work now. . Cheers

[Moy]

not good to read but i think your wife undergoes the Postpartum Depression its just my opinion maybe try to sort it in any way possible...
goodluck

[Pete/London]

I am sorry to hear of your troubles and I wont bore you with details of my previous life.
If I could just say one thing, if you are living in UK DONT move out what ever the provocation, stay out the way and try to let things cool down.
Good luck

[gWaPito]

I am sorry to hear of your troubles and I wont bore you with details of my previous life.
If I could just say one thing, if you are living in UK DONT move out what ever the provocation, stay out the way and try to let things cool down.
Good luck

Thanks Moy. ..This isn't PND. .I've experienced that with my first wife. .Thanks Pete. .she says if I love our boys as much as I do I would leave now without question. .of course I love them! She says hear they are safe. .anywhere else they won't be. .I'm in such a bad situation. .damned if I do damned if i don't. .to hell with me it's the babies welfare. .yet they no nothing of what's going on. .always laughing ..such happy babies. .I'll do anything for them. .my mother in law teeth have broken this morning so I must fix them. .mama been such a big help since being here since March. .she's a good women. .she cries when things get bad. .I don't argue with Jane. ..I do at every one else's peril. .I can't level any criticism or anything constructive without war breaking out. ...

[gWaPito]

Please excuse my lack of grammar. .sorry

[grahamw48]

That's an intolerable situation you're being put in my friend.

I have been through exactly the same thing myself.

If only they knew (or cared) what a nightmare this is for us fathers.

Rule 1: seek legal advice
Rule 2: do NOT move out
Rule 3: do NOT trust her. No matter how much you want to, or think that you can.

You do NOT need to move out. DON'T do it !

When my ex and I were drifting apart, I rejected the idea of going to 'relate'.

In hindsight, they may have helped.

I'm sure you don't need me to remind you, but of course it is the children who need to be considered above all else.

You WILL always be their dad, and you will always have your rights in law to see them.

I really feel for you, and no doubt you will be portrayed by your wife as some sort of monster to anyone with whom she discusses your marital situation.

Try to keep focussed on bringing about an outcome that will do the least emotional and financial damage to all involved. Avoid acting on impulse !

[gWaPito]

Thanks Graham. .really a big thank you. .I'm not the impulsive one Graham. .which is just as well...mama going back Philippines in August. .she/we won't manage without her. .she does all the house chores along with being a virtual mum...If she goes. .all bedlam will break out..Jane won't manage Graham. .what we take for granted. .sense and sensibility does exist. .I know Graham. .I'm so afraid of the future of our boys

[grahamw48]

IF there is anything remotely positive in this situation, it is that the boys are still so young, and not as likely to be badly affected emotionally.

For the moment, just try to get a grip, keep the atmosphere in the home as calm as possible, and if you think alternate life plans need making, then that's what you need to start doing....for your children.

As they get older, they will start to see you as an individual and will judge you on your own merits. Just make sure that you are a person whom they can respect and admire, to counter the negatives coming at them from elsewhere.

So, now is the time to be strong.

[Iani]

Grief, mate I'm really sorry to hear this is happening, and the way you are typing the messages is proof enough how your emotions are all over the place.

I have little experience of this, and what I did was probably the "wrong" way of doing it - in other words I cannot offer much advice.
All I can do is echo what Graham is saying - if at all possible DO NOT MOVE OUT. In the UK this changes things legally apparently, according to a friend whose husband left her and got legal advice anyway.

I hope this does not sound abrupt, but there is the other way of looking at it - to the outsider, this seems to be a case of her just wanting you out, and never mind the "bigger picture" of who those babies need. The bit where she says if you loved them you'd go.......well what a load of rubbish. If you loved them you would do the best thing for them - by staying, helping them, and working things out like adults, not do the best thing for HER.

A good friend of mine got taken absolutely to the cleaners by his ex. I don't want to muddy the waters here by saying what happened, but she turned out to be a right I don't want this to happen to you.

I'm of little use for advice but I'm here to give support as are many on this site.

[fred]

Gwaps.. I really don't like giving advice in a situation like this as you know the whole story,the ins and the outs and we do not.
If it were me..Personally I would not move anywhere.. Whether she likes it or not,its still your home and a place where you help bring up your kids.
As long as there is no physical abuse what gives a Woman the right to ask her husband to leave his family home?
What I do know is..Once the man does leave then the woman rights begin to increase tenfold
If it were me,I would stay in the house. If it was so unbearable for her to stay,then SHE could leave allowing the kids to remain in their home with their Father of course!!!
Seek legal advice ASAP without telling her.. Be prepared and stay strong!!
I can feel your pain from here BTW..
You have many good forum friends here.. Take comfort in that.

[Ako Si Jamie]

Sorry to hear about your situation gWaP. Why is she being so unreasonable and abusive?

[bigmarco]

So sorry to read your post Gwapito. I was fortunate when in a similar situation some years ago that my girls were old enough to make choices, so she had to go and I kept the girls.
From what you say it seems that she wont be able to cope when mama goes in August so I think it's important that you stay where you are for the time being.
I totally agree with Grahams 3 rules and suggest you take legal advice immediately.
Don't do anything silly and think of the boys at all times. They need you.
My very best wishes

[gWaPito]

Sorry to hear about your situation gWaP. Why is she being so unreasonable and abusive?

Jamie your guess is has good as mine. .I've no idea. .she has wanted for nothing throughout. .I'm a good provider. .good daddy and so i thought a good husband. .I don't smoke drink or waste money gambling. .I'm vice free. .i live and breath for my family. .it's not enough. .bigmarco implied I should try and keep things harmonious. .I am bigmarco God i am ..the provocation is never ending. .constant needle. .even when the boys in my arms and I'm playing and talking with then she mimics in a cruel way what im saying. .see i have a slight speech impediment which she now delights in. ..10 years ago I had a nervous breakdown. .she reminds me of that and says that im on record of had a mental illness so she says she going to use that saying I'm unfit to have our boys. .breaks my heart saying all this. .really it does. .my ex wife whom i was with 27 years has offered me a roof with the blessing of her live in boyfriend. .even my daughter and her husband to be has offered me a home. .I can't be all that bad a person

[Moy]

Thanks Moy. ..This isn't PND. .I've experienced that with my first wife. .Thanks Pete. .she says if I love our boys as much as I do I would leave now without question. .of course I love them! She says hear they are safe. .anywhere else they won't be. .I'm in such a bad situation. .damned if I do damned if i don't. .to hell with me it's the babies welfare. .yet they no nothing of what's going on. .always laughing ..such happy babies. .I'll do anything for them. .my mother in law teeth have broken this morning so I must fix them. .mama been such a big help since being here since March. .she's a good women. .she cries when things get bad. .I don't argue with Jane. ..I do at every one else's peril. .I can't level any criticism or anything constructive without war breaking out. ...

sorry for intrusion of coversation..but if you dont mine how old is your wife?? i mean age here doesnt matter am just kind off curious and try to understand the situation is i might NOT know her that much or you but i exactly know how you feel and i might have been through on how she feel right now but good thing is am still here very much married and with 3 kids its difficult but i do manage to pick my self up on those bad years that me and husband suffered and struggling and now i can say i could be more tougher in any trials that might come on our way..i had use that as weapon the experienced we had before it might not for all but it does teaches us a bIg lesson and be more responsive and able to express the feeling more often to our husband/partner/wife etc..if you know what am sayin..anyway kept smilin

[gWaPito]

Fred Graham bigmarco and others who have offered a advice .I'm grateful! !!! I know how lucky i am to be part of this forum with such nice people. .you see, I was disenfranchised with family and friends from as good as the outset. .I felt totally isolated. .I know that was the aim. ..lucky friends and family have stood by me. .Please bear with me. .I'm working. .thanks xxx

[Dedworth]

Gwap so sorry to hear all this, on the surface sounds like she's had some kind of mental breakdown. I can't really add to what others have said, I'd fully agree with staying put and getting legal advice. She's the one making the unreasonable demands. 12 or so years ago something similar happened to a mate of mine, he's brought up both of his daughters then aged under 5. His now ex wife had some serious heredity alcohol problems.

Stay strong.

[Terpe]

Hi Mark, this is sad indeed. I'd hoped that with the arrival of mama the situation could calm down.

Sorry I can't offer any wisdom apart from that already given.

No matter how much pressure do not leave the house, and for the sake of the kids and yourself get some legal advice. That will best inform you on your decision making.

Plenty of good people here to support you on your journey

[Ako Si Jamie]

Jamie your guess is has good as mine. .I've no idea. .she has wanted for nothing throughout. .I'm a good provider. .good daddy and so i thought a good husband. .I don't smoke drink or waste money gambling. .I'm vice free. .i live and breath for my family. .it's not enough. .bigmarco implied I should try and keep things harmonious. .I am bigmarco God i am ..the provocation is never ending. .constant needle. .even when the boys in my arms and I'm playing and talking with then she mimics in a cruel way what im saying. .see i have a slight speech impediment which she now delights in. ..10 years ago I had a nervous breakdown. .she reminds me of that and says that im on record of had a mental illness so she says she going to use that saying I'm unfit to have our boys. .breaks my heart saying all this. .really it does. .my ex wife whom i was with 27 years has offered me a roof with the blessing of her live in boyfriend. .even my daughter and her husband to be has offered me a home. .I can't be all that bad a person

Has she only been behaving like this recently? If it's definitely not depression and it's not something you've done to hurt her, there's only one logical explanation I can think of that might be the reason for her behaviour.

[gWaPito]

Has she only been behaving like this recently? If it's definitely not depression and it's not something you've done to hurt her, there's only one logical explanation I can think of that might be the reason for her behaviour.

You're quite possibly right Jamie. .as for doing anything wrong, I can only think it's my breathing what annoys her. .she also forbidden me from the forum because of me talking to other females. .how ridiculous is that, you say. .believe me that's not the end of it. ...nothing logical here Jamie. .you got to experience it to believe it. .what tipped the balance this time, on our youngest son's first birthday was I asked her wear an envelope was I left on the kitchen table. .she said I didn't know then I foolishly questioned why the house in disarray considering their is 2 of you here ..Well that was it. .all hell broke. .all the evil things you can think of to say to me was said. .birthdays ruined. .it was madness. .I wanted to run into the street. .I remember how i felt when my sister told me dad had just died. .This is how i felt. ..gutted. .you what else, if she got someone else then great. .that person would be doing me a service. .my only concern is my boys. .that is how she got back here from our holiday in Philippines. .without the boys I wld of left her their, I swear.
Moy, you are not interrupting! Her age is 31 going on 6yo.
Thanks Terpe for your discretion over the past months. .

[Moy]

Moy, you are not interrupting! Her age is 31 going on 6yo.
Thanks Terpe for your discretion over the past months. .

goodness how funny as that kind of age i felt the same way as she feel honest.. not very good i know think your wife suffer from depression as well..apart from being not wanting you anymore
she should think twice and think the kids..and the future really..

[stevewool]

cant add much to what others have said, but DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE, have you also thought about getting a live in help to help with the chores and kids when MUM goes back to the phils

[gWaPito]

IF there is anything remotely positive in this situation, it is that the boys are still so young, and not as likely to be badly affected emotionally.

For the moment, just try to get a grip, keep the atmosphere in the home as calm as possible, and if you think alternate life plans need making, then that's what you need to start doing....for your children.

As they get older, they will start to see you as an individual and will judge you on your own merits. Just make sure that you are a person whom they can respect and admire, to counter the negatives coming at them from elsewhere.

So, now is the time to be strong.

This is my train of thought Graham. .the situation I'm in now was always inevitable. ..like you said. ..the babies won't be scared and they won't have memories of there daddy being humiliated . .that I don't want. .Thanks Graham.

[stevewool]

Jamie your guess is has good as mine. .I've no idea. .she has wanted for nothing throughout. .I'm a good provider. .good daddy and so i thought a good husband. .I don't smoke drink or waste money gambling. .I'm vice free. .i live and breath for my family. .it's not enough. .bigmarco implied I should try and keep things harmonious. .I am bigmarco God i am ..the provocation is never ending. .constant needle. .even when the boys in my arms and I'm playing and talking with then she mimics in a cruel way what im saying. .see i have a slight speech impediment which she now delights in. ..10 years ago I had a nervous breakdown. .she reminds me of that and says that im on record of had a mental illness so she says she going to use that saying I'm unfit to have our boys. .breaks my heart saying all this. .really it does. .my ex wife whom i was with 27 years has offered me a roof with the blessing of her live in boyfriend. .even my daughter and her husband to be has offered me a home. .I can't be all that bad a person

you are not a bad person, never forget that, i am afraid you may have come to the end of your marrige, get legal help straight away you must do this for your own sake, we all mean well here but we can only help by listerning to you, please seek legal advice

[gWaPito]

cant add much to what others have said, but DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE, have you also thought about getting a live in help to help with the chores and kids when MUM goes back to the phils

I can't plan that far ahead Steve. .I gotta get through what I'm going through now. .Thanks Steve
Btw. .in an ideal world there should be no reason she can't manage by herself..my mother had 6 of us by the age of 29..she managed. .anyway, I'm talking about an ideal world. .This is one what's not. .imagine the expense of payin for professional home help. .I'd be working for nothing. ..not only that. .she says she don't need help and can do it all by herself. .I know different. ..

[gWaPito]

you are not a bad person, never forget that, i am afraid you may have come to the end of your marrige, get legal help straight away you must do this for your own sake, we all mean well here but we can only help by listerning to you, please seek legal advice

I know Steve. .This is all I need. .someone to listen. .This is something I haven't had in a long time. ..Cheers xxx

[Doc Alan]

Mark, having just welcomed you back to the forum I was surprised and shocked to read this thread. I only know what you have told us on the forum, both in this and previous threads, so it’s hard to help you more than the good advice already given by your friends here. I believe a few may have been more closely involved in supporting and trying to help you – all credit to them.


It seems that you are being supported by your ex-wife and others who know you well and that must help. Of course you may be assured of support from your forum friends in addition.


I understand you’re working while also responding to posts on this thread. May I suggest that as soon as possible you try to rest, and find time for yourself, in order to think and plan as clearly as possible your next moves. Put yourself first and don’t feel obliged to immediately respond to posts here.


Above all, prioritise and don’t worry about any other forum threads – even ones which you may have recently started or made contributions. Least of all, you don’t need to apologise for grammar !



Mark, I have already said, I don’t know any more than what you have posted here, so forgive me for attempting to add advice to that already given.


However, I suggest you need time off work and also a visit to your own doctor. He or she should be able to help – not only counselling but also prescribing drugs which are effective in helping your undoubted anxiety and likely inability to sleep. Your doctor is well placed to judge what should be best for you. Jane also clearly needs medical advice.


You may think it impossible to escape for even a short walk in the fresh air – but that would help far more than remaining “ caged in “, and certainly it would not be sensible to take more than a small amount of alcohol. You need your wits about you.


Please don’t think this advice is anything other than well-meaning. I wish you all the best, as I’m sure all other members wish you – many, I suspect, will find it hard to find the right words for you in your situation.

[Ako Si Jamie]

she also forbidden me from the forum because of me talking to other females. .how ridiculous is that, you say. .believe me that's not the end of it. ...nothing logical here Jamie

If she's jealous of you speaking on this forum I think my theory's probably wrong.

Maybe someone wants you two to split up and has put something in her head??????

If I was you I'd disappear for awhile but don't move out. The last thing you need is your head getting further mashed up.

[bigmarco]

If she's jealous of you speaking on this forum I think my theory's probably wrong.

.

Not necessarily in my experience Jamie. I consider myself pretty sharp but I endured some strange behaviour before I realised what was going on.
Grahams rule 3 is very important now

Rule 3: do NOT trust her. No matter how much you want to, or think that you can.

[gWaPito]

Mark, having just welcomed you back to the forum I was surprised and shocked to read this thread. I only know what you have told us on the forum, both in this and previous threads, so it’s hard to help you more than the good advice already given by your friends here. I believe a few may have been more closely involved in supporting and trying to help you – all credit to them.


It seems that you are being supported by your ex-wife and others who know you well and that must help. Of course you may be assured of support from your forum friends in addition.


I understand you’re working while also responding to posts on this thread. May I suggest that as soon as possible you try to rest, and find time for yourself, in order to think and plan as clearly as possible your next moves. Put yourself first and don’t feel obliged to immediately respond to posts here.


Above all, prioritise and don’t worry about any other forum threads – even ones which you may have recently started or made contributions. Least of all, you don’t need to apologise for grammar !



Mark, I have already said, I don’t know any more than what you have posted here, so forgive me for attempting to add advice to that already given.


However, I suggest you need time off work and also a visit to your own doctor. He or she should be able to help – not only counselling but also prescribing drugs which are effective in helping your undoubted anxiety and likely inability to sleep. Your doctor is well placed to judge what should be best for you. Jane also clearly needs medical advice.


You may think it impossible to escape for even a short walk in the fresh air – but that would help far more than remaining “ caged in “, and certainly it would not be sensible to take more than a small amount of alcohol. You need your wits about you.


Please don’t think this advice is anything other than well-meaning. I wish you all the best, as I’m sure all other members wish you – many, I suspect, will find it hard to find the right words for you in your situation.

Thank you doc Alan. .I'll be honest, when I first put in words my predicament, I cried. ..I'm that bloody hurt Alan ..I've been fooled. .I don't drink Alan. .I'm just trying to hang on. .hang onto something I'm going to loose. ..I don't care about the house. .all I want is my babies safe. .I don't think she is right Alan. .I think she has some sort of personality disorder. .what she says and does, doesn't add up. .what can I do. .I've been in denial since October. .hoping and praying it will work out. .I thought with mother in law here it will take stress and pressure off her. .it's certainly helped me. .I'm not ironing into the morning on my rest days. .that alone is worth mother in laws stay here. ..Alan, I dare not go to the doctor. .it will be used against me, if and when that information can be used against me. .you see, I was under the doctor a decade back coz of mental breakdown. .I made an appointment for Wednesday but now seriously thinking of not going. .I'll read over and over the replies when I'm back home. ..Thank you all so much xxx

[bigmac]

i havent read this topic word for word---but---i cant help thinking there could be someone else involved here---either in the UK or the philis. do you think you might have been used?