Help me, advice please.

[andrealeigh87]

I wanna share my sadness to you because I don't know how I can manage my feelings, I'm with this guy for 3years now, and we always have plans.

First. Before we met we plan to get married but it didnt pushed through because he said he wasn't ready (well I understand bec it's the first time we met)

After a year we planned it more seriously, he said he will go back here and we will get married and he asked me to do all the research on how we can get married. Excitedly I did all of it, and of course first and most vital requirement is the cni, he said he dont know how to get it, where and when he should get it, so, again he asked me to do it for him so I research and asked some people on how to do it. He have many excuses not to do it, he's busy at work, tired, and he don't know the phone number of the office so I even get the number of his local registry. Then one day he said he did it and we will just wait for 21 days and he can get it. I was in doubt bec his process was different with the other people but then again we waited. then 21 days is over, he said his cni is still in the post? Very different with the others who will pick it up in the office. And then time has came that he needs to go here. I got mad bec he didn't receive the cni I was begging him to do it earlier but he didnt bec of many excuses but he promised he will do and sort everything before he comes. So he was here, nothing of our second plan had happened. Again he promise that when he goes back to uk we will plan again and it will come into reality. He admitted that he lied about the cni!

So third plan, fiancée visa he didnt meet the financial requirement so he needs a part time job--another not so good. He said he will look for a job but then it's been more than 3months now and it is still nothing, another thing is his accommodation requirements I knew that its easy to obtain it (can do it online) and same as the part time job it's been nothing for 3months.

I can't understand why he's not doing the things that we're planning he said he loves me but why is it like that? I said if he doesn't like to do it, he should tell me so I can do something else and not wait for him. I've been so frustrated everyday figuring out what is wrong with me, I feel so unlucky seeing people happy. Seeing lots of successful stories here, with men doing all they can for their love ones so they can be together. I wish one day he will be like that and he will not be a lazy liar. I don't know if I should still believe in his words or just move on and find another one I know it's not easy, but it might be easier than being hurt everyday and hoping for nothing. Don't know what to do.

[imagine]

dump him, how many years more will you waste, im sorry but he doesn't deserve you,

perhaps he is married in uk, or just playing you along

[raynaputi]

I'm so sorry to hear about your story. From what you just told, I think he's leading you on for a long time now.

[imagine]

i have just been reading one of your other posts and everyones input there, he is still young at 25 yrs old in uk terms often men mature late here,

i don't think he is ready to commit to you, or anyone come to that, its pointless to try,

let him go, he isn't ready, it will just end in heart break

correction it was 2011 your post i read so he is 27 now

[marksroomspain]

I wanna share my sadness to you because I don't know how I can manage my feelings, I'm with this guy for 3years now, and we always have plans.

First. Before we met we plan to get married but it didnt pushed through because he said he wasn't ready (well I understand bec it's the first time we met)

After a year we planned it more seriously, he said he will go back here and we will get married and he asked me to do all the research on how we can get married. Excitedly I did all of it, and of course first and most vital requirement is the cni, he said he dont know how to get it, where and when he should get it, so, again he asked me to do it for him so I research and asked some people on how to do it. He have many excuses not to do it, he's busy at work, tired, and he don't know the phone number of the office so I even get the number of his local registry. Then one day he said he did it and we will just wait for 21 days and he can get it. I was in doubt bec his process was different with the other people but then again we waited. then 21 days is over, he said his cni is still in the post? Very different with the others who will pick it up in the office. And then time has came that he needs to go here. I got mad bec he didn't receive the cni I was begging him to do it earlier but he didnt bec of many excuses but he promised he will do and sort everything before he comes. So he was here, nothing of our second plan had happened. Again he promise that when he goes back to uk we will plan again and it will come into reality. He admitted that he lied about the cni!

So third plan, fiancée visa he didnt meet the financial requirement so he needs a part time job--another not so good. He said he will look for a job but then it's been more than 3months now and it is still nothing, another thing is his accommodation requirements I knew that its easy to obtain it (can do it online) and same as the part time job it's been nothing for 3months.

I can't understand why he's not doing the things that we're planning he said he loves me but why is it like that? I said if he doesn't like to do it, he should tell me so I can do something else and not wait for him. I've been so frustrated everyday figuring out what is wrong with me, I feel so unlucky seeing people happy. Seeing lots of successful stories here, with men doing all they can for their love ones so they can be together. I wish one day he will be like that and he will not be a lazy liar. I don't know if I should still believe in his words or just move on and find another one I know it's not easy, but it might be easier than being hurt everyday and hoping for nothing. Don't know what to do.

Hi there andrealeigh87 first of all may I welcome you to our very friendly forum.

Now to your predicament I have read through your thread and will give my free impartial advice.

First of all you have said he lied to you regarding the cni that to me would plant doubts in my mind, if he has lied about that then what else is he covering up, you yourself would not be asking for advice on here if you were not doubting the relationship.

Secondly you must ask yourself can you fully trust him and are you able to wait for him to fulfil his promises to you.

Thirdly you must seriously think is this worth pursuing and you shoud ask him is he really committed to you and if it was me I would ask him to show his seriousness and intent towards this relationship by making firm plans or at least to show you that he is making positive moves forward so at least you know where you stand.

Personally I would give him an ultimatum and even avoid contact for a while until he can confide in you any fears he has and at least to be honest with you as to how he plans to move forward in this relationship.

I am sure there will be plenty more advice on here from my friends so hold tight and I am sure you will finally come up with a solution to all this.

Take care Mark.

[Terpe]

I say drop him now.
No more chances.
From what you divulged already I don't believe it's a good plan to push and push. Not looking good for a future together.

Not easy and going to hurt you now, but not as much as it will continue to do in the future if you don't cut free and love your life.
He'll end up controlling you totally. Misery

[sars_notd_virus]

I can't understand why he's not doing the things that we're planning he said he loves me but why is it like that? I said if he doesn't like to do it, he should tell me so I can do something else and not wait for him. I've been so frustrated everyday figuring out what is wrong with me, I feel so unlucky seeing people happy. Seeing lots of successful stories here, with men doing all they can for their love ones so they can be together. I wish one day he will be like that and he will not be a lazy liar. I don't know if I should still believe in his words or just move on and find another one I know it's not easy, but it might be easier than being hurt everyday and hoping for nothing. Don't know what to do.

Its not a good start to have a grief at the start of the relationship,
forget the guy and move on with a smile.

[Michael Parnham]

Andrea, you must not continue with this relationship, it's obvious your not happy as things are and it will become worse if you continue wasting your time trying, you must move on and good luck for the future!

[andrealeigh87]

hello everyone thanks for the nicest advice, at least I have some options now and thank you for having time to read my story (I know it's long)

For now, I haven't decide what I should do, it's not easy to give up someone who have a big impact in my life. But I told him that I want some time to think about it and if he's really serious he will do what he needs to do.

Thanks very much

[Dedworth]

Hi Andrealeigh87

From your first post it seems you are involved with a useless, deceitful man

How do you know that he's not stringing along a number of other girls in the same way.

I would drop him now which will stop you "hurting everyday and hoping for nothing"

Good luck

[SimonH]

At the end of the day you know the answer already, and others on here have confirmed it. If you need any further proof just tell him to get the cni sorted within the next 6 weeks or you will move on with your life and stop being strung along.
I'm willing make a bet with you that he wont do it, it'll just end up as another excuse.
Life is too short........................ learn from this loser and move on.

[Arjie]

Hello Andrea,

Welcome to our friendly forum Andrea.

I'm sorry to hear about your story with your man.I know it's really hard to let go someone that who have a big impact in your life,Andrea.But,i'm sorry to say he doesn't deserve you.Pain will leave you, when you let go.