How Did You Cope With TRAUMA?

[melovesengland]

few weeks for me has been a nightmare. start of july havent been so good as we lost my mum-in-law due to a massve cardiac arrest. i was there from the start when she had the fit up to they took her to the ambulance and the picture wasnt very nce at all.

i am havng flashbacks, frightened now more or while in the dark. i dont want to be alone which Paul took 3 weeks off to help me out on my recovery slowly which heled a lot i must say and also to arrange thngs thats needed to be done. i am pretty sure that i havent been recovered yet and those flashbacks keeps haunting me.

i just want to ask help from you guys on how did you cope on such a life changing event like attending a sort of incident like what i have been through. what did you do to erase those bad memories that happened.

any suggestion will be much appreciated. many thanks.

novie

[fred]

Take the time to heal..
Time is the best healer IMO.. One day at a time.

[stevewool]

there must have been more good memories to erase the bad memories, as fred says give it time

[Iani]

Hi, as Fred says, it's a case of giving it time. After some time has passed, these bad thoughts will fade a bit.

Sometimes in our lives things happen which are hard to cope with. Your in laws suffering is over now, and it sounds like it was quick, where it could have been a long decline :(

It is maybe the feeling of not being in control which is hurting you, I don't know of course.

It's time though. I am using personal experience of how I dealt with bad things - take up a physical activity, cycling or running, dig the garden over perhaps.

Hope things get better soon

[joebloggs]

as fred has said, time is a healer, my stepfather had a heart attack on my mom's birthday, i tried to resuscitate him this lead to my mother having a breakdown/stroke 18 months later, she was in a coma for 10 days and spent over a year in hospital, then months later my younger brother died and i had to go and ID his body , even our dog didn't escape and she suffered from a pyometra

in less than 3yrs the people i lived most of my life with either died or were seriously ill

its not easy sometimes, but tomorrow is another day and things do get better

[imagine]

its not good on your memory to have seen this,
but for the sadness part of what you feel from losing someone close to you,
i found when i felt sad and was thinking of the ones i lost, i turned my thoughts to think of all the happy times with them and the things that made you both laugh, it helps

[melovesengland]

Take the time to heal..
Time is the best healer IMO.. One day at a time.

thanks sir Fred for the advise. will keep that in mind.

[melovesengland]

there must have been more good memories to erase the bad memories, as fred sats give it time

there are many good memories i must say that can replace the bad ones whichis good. i will bear that in mind. thanks steve.

[melovesengland]

Hi, as Fred says, it's a case of giving it time. After some time has passed, these bad thoughts will fade a bit.

Sometimes in our lives things happen which are hard to cope with. Your in laws suffering is over now, and it sounds like it was quick, where it could have been a long decline :(

It is maybe the feeling of not being in control which is hurting you, I don't know of course.

It's time though. I am using personal experience of how I dealt with bad things - take up a physical activity, cycling or running, dig the garden over perhaps.

Hope things get better soon

thats is very kind of you Ian. Thanks.

I am keeping myself busy with the household chores thats available to do. plus i go zumba as well so thats something innit?

[melovesengland]

as fred has said, time is a healer, my stepfather had a heart attack on my mom's birthday, i tried to resuscitate him this lead to my mother having a breakdown/stroke 18 months later, she was in a coma for 10 days and spent over a year in hospital, then months later my younger brother died and i had to go and ID his body , even our dog didn't escape and she suffered from a pyometra

in less than 3yrs the people i lived most of my life with either died or were seriously ill

its not easy sometimes, but tomorrow is another day and things do get better

I am sorry for what had happened Sir Joe. Didnt mean to recall the incidents that you have witnessed.

it is hard i must say, it keeps haunting me but like other said give it a time. hoping it will be soon.

thanks for the nice words.

[melovesengland]

its not good on your memory to have seen this,
but for the sadness part of what you feel from loosing someone close to you,
i found when i felt sad and was thinking of the ones i lost, i turned my thoughts to think of all the happy times with them and the things that made you both laugh, it helps

thanks for that imagine. i will keep thinking of those good times. thanks for the advise.

[Terpe]

Hi Novie. I'm really so sorry to learn what happened.

Firstly, please be assured that what you're experiencing and feeling is normal. Following such events we all feel the same although the intensity will be down to our individual perceptions about what happened.

I experienced (and still experiencing) very similar when my Dad died last year. Such experiences and feelings will last for some time depending on how you as an individual go from day to day.
For me I still get troubled now and then by painful memories and flashbacks. So many everyday things can remind me of what happened. Maybe that's the same for you.

It is absolutely true that recovering from such a traumatic event takes time.
Everyone of us 'heals' in our own way and at our own pace.

There's no magic way to cope or manage the intensity. Just go about your normal life from day-to-day at a pace you're comfortable with. Try to stay busy and to stay positive but do not keep your feelings inside. Share them. Talk with your husband and help each other through the grieving journey.
Even if you don’t feel like it, just do “normal” things with other people. Connecting to others will help a lot, so make an extra effort to maintain all your relationships and please avoid spending too much time alone. I found keeping myself to myself made things worse.

We're all different in how we manage, but, if like me, months and months go by and still your symptoms/flashbacks refuse to ease back in their intensity, then don't be shy to get professional help. Start with your GP.

There are traumatic events in our lives that will never leave us, intensities may fade but the memories will always be there.
We need to go through the grieving process and though it may be painful, is so much easier if you turn to others for support, take good care of yourself, and importantly, talk about how you feel.

Good luck Novie, stay the joyful person you are.

[Pete/London]

My Mother-In-Law died in April after a sudden illness in Angeles PI, and despite our best efforts, Dee, my wife, arrived a few hours too late to be at her side. Her Mum was only 66 and it came as a real shock, she expected to have her Mum for years to come.

I have been really worried about Dee and how she has reacted, and her friends have also been worrying about her. It looks like we have turned the corner now though and she is starting to get back to her old self, it justs takes time, some people longer then others. She still lights a candle every day, we share the dinner table with Mum`s picture and various other things that are apparently a sign from Mum. Her family are very spiritual.

Its getter easier every day though, grieving is part of life and you have to cope with it.

[raynaputi]

I'm so sorry to hear about you mum-in-law's passing Novie. I can only repeat what others have said, that time will make you heal. You just have to be strong and take each day as a sign of moving on. We all have suffered a loss of loved ones, different ways but the grief is pretty much the same, especially if they have been very dear to us. Just take care of your self and I know happy memories with your mum-in-law would always be more worthy to keep than that dreadful day you experienced.