moving in with the inlaws

[stevewool]

well what do you reckon on this, could it be done for so long till you know where you want to be or go, sounds a great idea but how long will it last,
I am on about me moving in over in the phils not the other way round,
3 men and Ems in the 1 house, we shall have our own room and the use of the rest of the house,
The only problem i can see myself is me getting used to it,but as ems says its a base till we know what we want , ups the other problem is we have to spend to do the house up too, , but i do know with all the saying no no NO, we shall be doing the house up and yes before anyone gets there backs up myself and emma has spoken about this many many times over and over again,
I am asking people who have made this move and either its worked out or not,

[grahamw48]

In a word NO !

Adults need their own house...even if it's only 10 feet away.

[stevewool]

thanks Graham, he has a little shed in the garden thats about 12 foot away which he rents out already

[imagine]

might bring stress on your relationship

[stevewool]

might bring stress on your relationship

its doing that now already

[tiger31]

well steve its very common here lookin after mama and pappa and on the whole it works for philippinos but you are from a different culture and I fear you will tire of this set up quite quickly .emm will be expected to be chief cook and bottle washer and i,m sure tensions will soon rise.so i,m in the no camp i,m affraid

[jake]

Been there done that and it wasn't that bad. We didn't spend any money on the house beforehand or whilst we lived there.

At the time i was building our castle and only went there to sleep. My wife who had been abroad for over 10 years enjoyed spending time with her elderly parents. My in laws had a pension and never asked or expected us to pay for anything. Not all families are the same though.

Both have since passed away and i miss them.

It really depends on the in laws and how comfortable you around them. Am guessing i might be the only one in the yes camp.

[Michael Parnham]

All you really need to do is Sleep Steve, just for a couple of weeks, no need to spend money. Get off to Bohol and rent somewhere asap then you have all the time in the world to find land and build a house!

[stevewool]

thanks guys, Ems dad is a great chap i can see us both getting on like a house on fire, truth be know i would rather him move in with us but he likes it where he is and i dont think will move at all only for holidays,

[grahamw48]

To be fair, me and the ex did move in with the in-laws for a few months, in the province. There were two houses on the lot, with about 8 feet in between them.

I really liked the arrangement, and spent most of my time just playing with the kids, making and flying kites, and reading lots of books. I let the Mrs. run whatever needed running. In the house next to us we had the sister-in-law and the 8 children that she still had living at home (all under 15 years old). They were a super family, most welcoming, and I enjoyed every minute of the 3 or 4 months.

Repeated the same thing a year or two later, this time with our baby son there too.

However, these were extended holidays, not permanent living arrangements where naturally I would have wanted more of a say in things.

[stevewool]

Graham if the place was rural i would jump at the idea but in a city and looking at nothing , well i know i would hate that, , but stranger things have happened at sea as they say

[stevewool]

All you really need to do is Sleep Steve, just for a couple of weeks, no need to spend money. Get off to Bohol and rent somewhere asap then you have all the time in the world to find land and build a house!

soon we shall be there Michael,

[grahamw48]

Graham if the place was rural i would jump at the idea but in a city and looking at nothing , well i know i would hate that, , but stranger things have happened at sea as they say

Ah, you do have a point there.

[Terpe]

Just my 2 centavos Steve ..............

It really does depend on You. imo
If you can get along with the in-laws and can remain calm and keep smiling in times of cultural misunderstandings then it could work out OK in the medium term.
If the in-laws cannot communicate in English and you cannot communicate in Tagalog then it's almost for sure that tensions will be born between husband and wife, due mainly to frustrations.
Marikina is a pretty good area that offers plenty of scope for outings etc. But having said that, you must have something to occupy you in mind and body.

Like I say Steve, it can work but the biggest 'problem' will be you, just make sure you are always part of the solution.

When we finally make the move we shall also be based in Marikina for quite some time too. I've done it before and can say it does take time to settle-in, get known and feel relaxed.

There's a massive difference between living with relatives/in-laws for a couple of weeks and living with them for months at a time.

I say yes, but do consider those practicalities of communications and filling the unforgiving minute (potential boredom)

[fred]

There's a massive difference between living with relatives/in-laws for a couple of weeks and living with them for months at a time.

Yes..A HUGE difference... It really is an eye opener.

[grahamw48]

I forgot to say !

We (mainly I) also ran a toy store at the front of the house, plus on Saturdays...a market stall...in case you thought I just sat on my Rs all day.

[stevewool]

I forgot to say !

We (mainly I) also ran a toy store at the front of the house, plus on Saturdays...a market stall...in case you thought I just sat on my Rs all day.

so was it you who started toys Rs us then Graham

[stevewool]

you are right Peter in all you say, lots of planning is needed, its Ems plane is this, she gets the house done for her dad and he and she is happy and it will be a base for us too , so we can come and go as we please, it is a very good idea but there is no sea view ,

[stevewool]

Yes..A HUGE difference... It really is an eye opener.

a long time ago in a far away place , my father in law moved in with us , World war 3 was on the cards straight away and since that time many many years ago we have not spoken to each other, a right t---t he is still

[Terpe]

a long time ago in a far away place , my father in law moved in with us , World war 3 was on the cards straight away and since that time many many years ago we have not spoken to each other, a right t---t he is still

But apart from that everythings OK ??

[Ako Si Jamie]

Where are the inlaws Steve? Manila?

[jonnijon]

Steve you will need to lay down very serious ground rules with "the family" when you get here or your house will be taken over. Dont say "oh it wont happen with my relatives" because believe me it will. Just a bit of advice for you.

[London_Manila]

Bad Idea

The best bit of advice i ever received in the Philippines was "keep her family as far away as possible"
Some of my x pat friends in Makati will not even allow any of their "wives" relatives to even to visit
Live anywhere in the Phills but as far away from her family as possible
Of course she will want to be near her family but that dont mean that it is going to be good for you
Resist letting her convince you its such a great idea........

You will be expected to pay for everything


Before anyone jumps on my post and tells me "oh its so great being near her family and you love it"
Give it more time and you will end up agreeing with me

[fred]

Bad Idea The best bit of advice i ever received in the Philippines was "keep her family as far away as possible"Some of my x pat friends in Makati will not even allow any of their "wives" relatives to even to visitLive anywhere in the Phills but as far away from her family as possibleOf course she will want to be near her family but that dont mean that it is going to be good for youResist letting her convince you its such a great idea........You will be expected to pay for everything Before anyone jumps on my post and tells me "oh its so great being near her family and you love it"Give it more time and you will end up agreeing with me

Agreed.

[jake]

Bad Idea

The best bit of advice i ever received in the Philippines was "keep her family as far away as possible"
Some of my x pat friends in Makati will not even allow any of their "wives" relatives to even to visit
Live anywhere in the Phills but as far away from her family as possible
Of course she will want to be near her family but that dont mean that it is going to be good for you
Resist letting her convince you its such a great idea........

You will be expected to pay for everything


Before anyone jumps on my post and tells me "oh its so great being near her family and you love it"
Give it more time and you will end up agreeing with me

Been living near my wife's family for 14 years and i do not agree with you. Do you think i have given it enough time We live about 3km from my wife's family and they do not intrude. Around 3 times a year we have a family party at our house and it can be months before i see some of them again.
Just because certain family members have faults, doesn't mean the whole family has to be tarred with the same brush. Diba!

So you expat friends will not allow there #wives# parents or siblings to visit them. Sound like they are a right bunch of bullies your mates!

Have you ever lived with a girlfriend in the Philippines or all your facts just based on what other people have told you?

[tiger31]

I have to agree with jake on this one although I voted not to live with inlaws Family is very important to philippinos and I like having them live near by coz misus is happy that she can pop round or they can call in anytime too.I think to suggest to live far away as possible from family is rather cruel on your lady and that type of guy sounds like a control freak which can only lead to an unhappy marriage.not all family members are vultures if a sibbling is married to a foreigner my g f has 8 brothers and sisters and have never had any problems with scrounging etc they are not rich just average I guess.Its just pot luck what type of family you end up with.

[rani]

I agree with you jake!

You can't generalize people by race, because everyone's different. Within every country or ethnicity, there are both "good" and "bad" people.

Don't be too judgmental folks

[stevewool]

i too agree with jake , there are certain members of my family who gets on my nerves but i tell them and we still see each other, you have to take people how they are,
I think 1 hour away is a great space between us living over there, ok thats by plane,

[Michael Parnham]

Bad Idea

The best bit of advice i ever received in the Philippines was "keep her family as far away as possible"
Some of my x pat friends in Makati will not even allow any of their "wives" relatives to even to visit
Live anywhere in the Phills but as far away from her family as possible
Of course she will want to be near her family but that dont mean that it is going to be good for you
Resist letting her convince you its such a great idea........

You will be expected to pay for everything


Before anyone jumps on my post and tells me "oh its so great being near her family and you love it"
Give it more time and you will end up agreeing with me

I agree with you LM, one must at least lay down some rules in order to nip it in the bud!

[raynaputi]

Been living near my wife's family for 14 years and i do not agree with you. Do you think i have given it enough time We live about 3km from my wife's family and they do not intrude. Around 3 times a year we have a family party at our house and it can be months before i see some of them again.
Just because certain family members have faults, doesn't mean the whole family has to be tarred with the same brush. Diba!

So you expat friends will not allow there #wives# parents or siblings to visit them. Sound like they are a right bunch of bullies your mates!

Have you ever lived with a girlfriend in the Philippines or all your facts just based on what other people have told you?

I have to agree with jake on this one although I voted not to live with inlaws Family is very important to philippinos and I like having them live near by coz misus is happy that she can pop round or they can call in anytime too.I think to suggest to live far away as possible from family is rather cruel on your lady and that type of guy sounds like a control freak which can only lead to an unhappy marriage.not all family members are vultures if a sibbling is married to a foreigner my g f has 8 brothers and sisters and have never had any problems with scrounging etc they are not rich just average I guess.Its just pot luck what type of family you end up with.

You two deserve some reps! I can't believe some of the guys here would want their wives to be as far away as possible from her family. You might as well take her to UK then and don't live in the Philippines. If in case Keith and I would live in the Philippines, I won't let him live in my family's house because he would have lots of troubles, but I'm sure he won't tell me to live as far away as possible from them. That's just cruel to your wife if that's the case. I'm lucky that Keith's the one who's telling me that we better stay in a hotel in Cavite when we go back for a vacation because it would be nearer to my family (most of them stays there now and just my siblings who are working are in Manila) and we can see them as much as possible.