moving in with the inlaws

[Michael Parnham]

You two deserve some reps! I can't believe some of the guys here would want their wives to be as far away as possible from her family. You might as well take her to UK then and don't live in the Philippines. If in case Keith and I would live in the Philippines, I won't let him live in my family's house because he would have lots of troubles, but I'm sure he won't tell me to live as far away as possible from them. That's just cruel to your wife if that's the case. I'm lucky that Keith's the one who's telling me that we better stay in a hotel in Cavite when we go back for a vacation because it would be nearer to my family (most of them stays there now and just my siblings who are working are in Manila) and we can see them as much as possible.

I'm sure just a few miles is quite acceptable Rayna!

[jake]

I have to agree with jake on this one although I voted not to live with inlaws Family is very important to philippinos and I like having them live near by coz misus is happy that she can pop round or they can call in anytime too.I think to suggest to live far away as possible from family is rather cruel on your lady and that type of guy sounds like a control freak which can only lead to an unhappy marriage.not all family members are vultures if a sibbling is married to a foreigner my g f has 8 brothers and sisters and have never had any problems with scrounging etc they are not rich just average I guess.Its just pot luck what type of family you end up with.

Well said

[jake]

You two deserve some reps! I can't believe some of the guys here would want their wives to be as far away as possible from her family. You might as well take her to UK then and don't live in the Philippines. If in case Keith and I would live in the Philippines, I won't let him live in my family's house because he would have lots of troubles, but I'm sure he won't tell me to live as far away as possible from them. That's just cruel to your wife if that's the case. I'm lucky that Keith's the one who's telling me that we better stay in a hotel in Cavite when we go back for a vacation because it would be nearer to my family (most of them stays there now and just my siblings who are working are in Manila) and we can see them as much as possible.

Thank you Rayna.

When it comes to important decisions they should not be made independently. Both the husband and wife have an equal say. Where they live and how money is spent. Have seen many an expat set financial boundaries without consulting there wives. my wife sets the financial amount we spend and it is always too low!

[fred]

You two deserve some reps! I can't believe some of the guys here would want their wives to be as far away as possible from her family. You might as well take her to UK then and don't live in the Philippines. If in case Keith and I would live in the Philippines, I won't let him live in my family's house because he would have lots of troubles, but I'm sure he won't tell me to live as far away as possible from them. That's just cruel to your wife if that's the case. I'm lucky that Keith's the one who's telling me that we better stay in a hotel in Cavite when we go back for a vacation because it would be nearer to my family (most of them stays there now and just my siblings who are working are in Manila) and we can see them as much as possible.

In our case,the most successful siblings that my wife has ALL moved away years ago.. The ones that stayed are all as poor as a church mice even though their kids are sent to school and college by the sibling OFW`s in the family.I invested everything I had back in the late 80`s to her provincial family and provided capital for many projects to set them up and become independent...Piggeries,Poultry`s, Capital for this and for that!! (even though the Mrs warned me not too) Big mistake and one I`m glad I made whilst young enough to recover.. Its my Mrs these days that appreciates the distance.. Would I go back to live near her family?? Not unless I wanted to live alone!!Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

[raynaputi]

Thank you Rayna.

When it comes to important decisions they should not be made independently. Both the husband and wife have an equal say. Where they live and how money is spent. Have seen many an expat set financial boundaries without consulting there wives. my wife sets the financial amount we spend and it is always too low!

I know...even now that I'm here in the UK, Keith would tell me to order gifts online for my family on birthdays and other special occasions. Sometimes we do send monetary gifts. Yes, we do have a budget but we always talk about it whether it's enough or not. My family never asks from us (they do it jokingly but nothing serious really) so anything they get from us is something that Keith and I has talked about before we give it to them. Not because I want to, but because Keith also wants too.

I've seen how Keith is with his family. And I'm glad that he's close to his family so he has a very clear idea how I am with my family. My grandad (my mum's dad) just died this week and my aunt and uncle who are in Kuwait wanted to go home (I can't again unfortunately because my docs are in the UKBA for BRP replacement) and I was really surprised that Keith wanted to lend them the money to get home (my aunt and uncle didn't ask us by the way and I never asked Keith if we can lend them money). Keith was looking for the flights. It's just unfortunate that the cost of the flight is too high, same cost coming here from UK! We really didn't expect it would be like that. Too bad that we can't afford it ourselves to help them, but Keith's gesture really made me glad. (My aunt and uncle would be able to go home on Tuesday as they managed to borrow money.)

[jake]

(even though the Mrs warned me not too)

That is the point i am trying to make about an equal partnership. You should both agree on important decisions before moving forward with them. Its your turn to do the dishes

[fred]

That is the point i am trying to make about an equal partnership. You should both agree on important decisions before moving forward with them. Its your turn to do the dishes

Yes and we all make mistakes and must learn from them..Thats why we live so far away from my inlaws!!

[London_Manila]

Well i am sorry if my post ruffled a few feathers but i stand by my post
Of course there will always be a "few" relationships where living with the in laws worked out ok
But I feel these relationships are very much in the minority
I dont blame the wives in all of this but the family members who will expect to be provided for
If anything i actually feel sorry for the wives because they are the ones who are normally caught
up in the middle of all of this
A loving husband on one side and a family with needs on the other

I do have personal reasons for these views as well
When i had a condo in pasig and my x gf family members came to visit i always had problems
Apart from eating everything in my condo they would then have the cheek to ask for the taxi fare home
One of them always had some kind of forthcoming medical condition that needed to be funded
Any kind of excuse was used to try and get some money out of me
The loans that never get repaid = never any intention of repaying

I have discussed this with many x pats over there and this kind of thing with the family is very much the norm
Not that i had met a particularly bad Pinoy family

My x pat friends in Makati will allow their wives to visit their families any time they want to
So i dont believe they are bullies at all
They love their wives and hope to stay with them so keeping the family at bay stops all the
associated problems before they even start

[fred]

Well i am sorry if my post ruffled a few feathers but i stand by my postOf course there will always be a "few" relationships where living with the in laws worked out okBut I feel these relationships are very much in the minority I dont blame the wives in all of this but the family members who will expect to be provided forIf anything i actually feel sorry for the wives because they are the ones who are normally caughtup in the middle of all of thisA loving husband on one side and a family with needs on the otherMy x pat friends in Makati will allow their wives to visit their families any time they want toSo i dont believe they are bullies at allThey love their wives and hope to stay with them so keeping the family at bay stops all the associated problems before they even start

Well said. I agree..I have always encouraged my Mrs to go and visit her family when ever she likes..I enjoy the odd visit myself as I think the world of them as do our kids..Thing is though,the Mrs keeps the visits to a minimum these days as she is tired of family drama`s gone bad..If we ever did move back there then I think an eventual move back to the UK would be the result.. In other words..A DISASTER.They have rarely asked us for cash except for the odd contribution to medical emergencies..I could go on and on about the wife being stressed out and trying to remain neutral between her Filipino family and a British husband and other cultural differences and misunderstandings etc etc.. But thats another topic.

[stevewool]

make your bed and lie in it as my dad always said, its good to talks and find out what others have domne or not done, but it is down to each of us to make the choice,
There are going to lots of changes for me in the future some will be good some not so good, but as long as we are together me and Ems thats all that matters