Baby sharing bed

[marksroomspain]

Just want to ask you guys here your views on co-sharing with your baby in bed.

Since my wife came back from the Phils 7 weeks ago our son who is 7 months old always wants to sleep in between us in our bed.

This wasn't a problem before but he has been that used to it while he was there for 5 weeks.

This has caused minor upsetment between us as there have been a couple of occasions where he's arm or leg has become trapped underneath me and I am terrified he could be hurt.

My wife just says you should know he's there which makes me damm paranoid and upset also I suggested moving his crib alongside our bed she says he will know he's in there and he likes to be close to me

My only concern is my sons safety also to get him used to being in he's crib I even said to her I don't. mind him being in the same room till he's 2 if she wants as long as I dont have to worry.

Am I being unreasonable with this arrrgghhhh need input...

Cheers everyone...

[hawk]

your best have him get used to his bed crib yes hes going to cry but persist and he will get on ok mine was in our bed long time then it was time to sleep on his own even if it meant stay till he was sleeping

[Rosie1958]

This topic has been discussed before and everyone has their own ideas/ reasons.
However, different cultures, different ideas………………

Being a Brit, my own personal thoughts are it is unhealthy for a baby/ child to sleep in their parents bed. It isn’t fair on either the parents or the child and there is a greater risk of smothering. Relationships between parents can often be strained over this due to lack of sleep which really shouldn’t be necessary. Being over-protective will not help a child and neither will giving in all the time either. A child needs to learn from an early age in its development about boundaries and parents can make it easier for themselves and the child by encouraging their independence at sleep time as soon as they can.

[marksroomspain]

Hiya Rosie thanks for your input and glad am not been paranoid.

My wife said she will sleep downstairs with him on the sofa I thought what

Its not the answer I know but it looks like me moving into the spare room just for the time being at least then I don't stress myself out.

Thanks Rosie, one of the forums bests...

[grahamw48]

Our son slept in our bed from birth until he was about three years old, mainly because his mother was breast-feeding him (until he was 2 years old).

We had no issues whatsoever with this arrangement....and were guaranteed a good night's sleep inbetween short feeding intervals. I always slept through those anyway.

To make it safer, all you have to do is have the bed pushed to the wall and a bolster/pillow between you and your partner and the baby, under the bottom sheet. It helps to have a kingsize bed.

Neither of us smoked.

He's a big healthy 19-year old now, and has never been ill to my knowledge, either here or in the Philippines.

[Arthur Little]

with Rosie ... and can easily understand Mark's concerns. Yes, Graham, I fully appreciate the safety measures you suggest ... but, on balance, feel the GREATEST danger lurks in the sheer vulnerability of a very young child to the ever-present risk (small, though it may seem!) of being accidentally smothered.

[marksroomspain]

Thanks Arthur as always ur input means alot...

[grahamw48]

with Rosie ... and can easily understand Mark's concerns. Yes, Graham, I fully appreciate the safety measures you suggest ... but, on balance, feel the GREATEST danger lurks in the sheer vulnerability of a very young child to the ever-present risk (small though it may seem!) of being accidentally smothered.

You'd be surprised at how difficult that would be Arthur.
You just don't roll around on a baby....maybe it's instinctive.

Anyway, that was our experience.

It is common practice in the Philippines for parents and babies to share a bed.
I haven't heard of any of them being smothered yet...in my vast extended family at any rate.

[jake]

Mark, here is a thread i started a few months ago concerning the same subject.
We all have different views on the subject. The vast majority of filipina's will probably agree with your wife as that is how they where brought up.

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread....+with+children

Stay in the bed with your wife and child. Moving into the spare room isn't going to help matters in the long run IMO. You wont hurt the baby.

[jake]

with Rosie ... and can easily understand Mark's concerns. Yes, Graham, I fully appreciate the safety measures you suggest ... but, on balance, feel the GREATEST danger lurks in the sheer vulnerability of a very young child to the ever-present risk (small, though it may seem!) of being accidentally smothered.

Arthur, a few years ago i would have probably agreed with you. Now that i have actually been through the experience my ideas have completely changed. The chances of that little precious thing next to you being harmed are less than if they where sleeping on there own

Most cultures that routinely practice cosleeping, in any form, have very rare instances of SIDS. SIDS occurrences are among the lowest in the world in Hong Kong, where cosleeping is extremely common.

http://www.naturalchild.org/james_mc...ing_world.html

[fred]

Arthur, a few years ago i would have probably agreed with you. Now that i have actually been through the experience my ideas have completely changed. The chances of that little precious thing next to you being harmed are less than if they where sleeping on there own

Most cultures that routinely practice cosleeping, in any form, have very rare instances of SIDS. SIDS occurrences are among the lowest in the world in Hong Kong, where cosleeping is extremely common.

http://www.naturalchild.org/james_mc...ing_world.html

I agree.

[Doc Alan]

I responded to Jake’s thread on this topic earlier in the year.

Common sense is of course needed with " co-sharing / sleeping " … as with anything else. It’s a cultural necessity as well as choice for many parents in the world.



• " Sudden Infant Death Syndrome " ( " cot death " / " crib death " / SIDS ) is – by definition – NOT a disease, but an event which usually occurs in the first few months of life and – after very careful investigation including post mortem examination - is unexplained. It’s commoner in boys, single parent families, and occurs most often during sleep. It’s thought to result from a combination of factors.



• SIDS is RARE ( about 300 cases / year in the UK ) and decreasing in frequency – partly due to applying common sense, but also to careful elimination of other possible causes in reaching that diagnosis.



• It DOES appear less frequent in certain parts of the world such as the Philippines, Japan and Hong Kong, but it’s an unexplained event, with different standards for diagnosis, therefore difficult to compare the true variation in incidence. The original Hong Kong study from 1989 WAS convincing to me.


• SIDS is uncommon enough in ANY culture that it should not be a worry for the vast majority of parents. They have enough genuine concerns with young babies !



• Specifically with co-sleeping / bed sharing :- provided the parents don’t smoke ; haven’t drunk excess alcohol ; or taken medication / drugs which might cause unusually deep sleep ; then it’s a matter for personal choice, culture and necessity.


To ALL parents : enjoy having kids, whatever age your children are ! When they’re very young, we are their world. Later they realise we’re not perfect, but hopefully the caring and love continues - it does for me !

[gWaPito]

Just want to ask you guys here your views on co-sharing with your baby in bed.

Since my wife came back from the Phils 7 weeks ago our son who is 7 months old always wants to sleep in between us in our bed.

This wasn't a problem before but he has been that used to it while he was there for 5 weeks.

This has caused minor upsetment between us as there have been a couple of occasions where he's arm or leg has become trapped underneath me and I am terrified he could be hurt.

My wife just says you should know he's there which makes me damm paranoid and upset also I suggested moving his crib alongside our bed she says he will know he's in there and he likes to be close to me

My only concern is my sons safety also to get him used to being in he's crib I even said to her I don't. mind him being in the same room till he's 2 if she wants as long as I dont have to worry.

Am I being unreasonable with this arrrgghhhh need input...

Cheers everyone...

I sympathise Mark . When wife and I were on happy terms, wasn't that often all 4 of us rumbled together...James would prefer laying across our heads while Jobie was in the middle
I'm afraid it's a culture thing....It was said that's why families are disjointed here, we separate too early to own room and bed...I of course nodded in agreement, it's what good husbands do.

Good luck Mark

[jake]

To ALL parents : enjoy having kids, whatever age your children are ! When they’re very young, we are their world. Later they realise we’re not perfect, but hopefully the caring and love continues - it does for me !

[Michael Parnham]

It's a big NO NO from me, do as Rosie and Arthur say also put the baby in a cot, if the baby cries let it because it's good for the lungs as long as there's nothing wrong with the baby and after a couple of nights it will be fine and everyone will sleep peacefully. A few years back during the time cot deaths were an issue, there was talk of it being illegal for babies to sleep in the same bed as parents, no offence meant Mark!

[gWaPito]

It's a big NO NO from me, do as Rosie and Arthur say also put the baby in a cot, if the baby cries let it because it's good for the lungs as long as there's nothing wrong with the baby and after a couple of nights it will be fine and everyone will sleep peacefully. A few years back during the time cot deaths were an issue, there was talk of it being illegal for babies to sleep in the same bed as parents, no offence meant Mark!

None taken Michael ...I was just towing the line
Like your new pic...much nicer

[Arthur Little]

It's a big NO NO from me, do as Rosie and Arthur say also put the baby in a cot, if the baby cries let it because it's good for the lungs as long as there's nothing wrong with the baby and after a couple of nights it will be fine and everyone will sleep peacefully. A few years back during the time cot deaths were an issue, there was talk of it being illegal for babies to sleep in the same bed as parents,

, Michael! Yes ... ALL things considered, still a very valid one, IMO.

[raynaputi]

I never heard of anyone I know who smothered their babies while sleeping on their parents beds. Me and my siblings are a sample of that. Even my nephews & nieces never had experienced any of such things. The positive side of the baby sleeping with parents is that parents are more aware in case the baby would experience choking or vomiting in the middle of the night, or the blankie/pillow gets on the babies head and can't breathe properly, or in case the baby gets fever or get sick, etc. plus having wet nappies would be easily distinguished and replaced.

I would be more worried leaving a baby in a room without anyone guarding him/her in the middle of the night. I have babysit my nephews a lot of times whenever they stay in our house and my siblings and I never let them sleep in a bed alone at night if my parents are out. I have witnessed what can happen if they're not on the bed with me. (One time my nephew choked and vomited while sleeping and I wouldn't noticed it if he was in a cot, worse in another room.) They never used a cot/crib for sleeping at night and they are very much healthy and independent. The eldest is turning 8 and has a bed of his own now (he sleeps on the top of their bunker bed) and the youngest is 4 who still sleeps with his parents.

[fred]

I never heard of anyone I know who smothered their babies while sleeping on their parents beds. Me and my siblings are a sample of that. Even my nephews & nieces never had experienced any of such things. The positive side of the baby sleeping with parents is that parents are more aware in case the baby would experience choking or vomiting in the middle of the night, or the blankie/pillow gets on the babies head and can't breathe properly, or in case the baby gets fever or get sick, etc. plus having wet nappies would be easily distinguished and replaced.

I would be more worried leaving a baby in a room without anyone guarding him/her in the middle of the night. I have babysit my nephews a lot of times whenever they stay in our house and my siblings and I never let them sleep in a bed alone at night if my parents are out. I have witnessed what can happen if they're not on the bed with me. (One time my nephew choked and vomited while sleeping and I wouldn't noticed it if he was in a cot, worse in another room.) They never used a cot/crib for sleeping at night and they are very much healthy and independent. The eldest is turning 8 and has a bed of his own now (he sleeps on the top of their bunker bed) and the youngest is 4 who still sleeps with his parents.

Totally agree Rayna.. I have experienced the same things with my kids..
There have been a couple of times where one of us woke up and seen little`n struggling with breathing etc.. On one occasion like this,had we not been there then I fear the worst to this day..
No regrets and would do it all again the same way in a heart beat.

[Lyonresh]

From a safety point of view that follows a risk assessment look at it like this;- rate the risk and the possibility between one 1 (low) and 5 (high) so in your case I would see the worst risk being death ie 5 and the likelyhood you must decide so it could be 1 low or 5 high. If the figure is over 10 then you are duty bound as I see it to lower the risk. That is the way I run my Surveying company. For eample working on a road with lve traffic has a risk of 5 but by placing traffic cones in the road and signs I can lower the speed of cars making the situaton of likklyhood 1 therefore 1 times 5 is 5. I see your case as at least 2x5 and dead children dont come back with a plaster and ointment.

[Mady]

Am sharing my views from mother/wife perspective.

I am Pinay by the way, so I understand your wife’s feelings. However
as with all parenting decisions, it's important to consider each other's feelings and point of view, talk openly about your own feelings, talk the issue over together and consider the pros and cons. (Including your relationship with your second half- hope you get my point)

If you sleep with your baby, it may be difficult to persuade him to move into his own bed later. Some children who spend their early years in the family bed may not be ready for the transition when their parents are and resist sleeping anywhere else – at least at first. But most kids will happily sleep on their own once they've made the change.

[sars_notd_virus]

Anyone heard of baby monitor?? yes we have tried it and I can say it has been useful for me and my husband that time, we didn't completely rely on it but it helped us(this was in the Philippines)..the first couple of months our baby stays in bed with me and the husband has got a separate mattress on the floor to give more space for baby and I...the next three months onwards we got my mum to take turns in looking after our baby..we never had any sleep deprivation and the babies sleep patterns is great which carries on until she became a toddler.
My mum is completely against it saying that when we were little (30-40years ago) , she never used one..yeah but its a different generation now especially if you live here in the UK (one must work and the other stays at home to look after the babies) ...no helpers , no mum so parents should consider to use some gadgets!!

[Michael Parnham]

My opinion, have the baby in the crib at the side of your bed!

[grahamw48]

That would be my second option too.

[marksroomspain]

Best thing about it hes had a bloody luxury crib beside the bed since birth but since he returned from the Phils .

Well update now still in bed but not in the middle me and missus in one half stuck together and young one in his own space so at least now I don't have the worry about squashing him god I am 6ft 3 and 17 stone lol

Just love this forum cheers guys...

[grahamw48]

I think you've found the best compromise. Big bed, baby not in the middle, and something like a pillow to guarantee safe physical separation. That's how we did it.
Happy baby. Happy couple.