The Blues, struggles and worries of new comers....

[beth18]

I just read the thread of ca143, at first I wrote the struggles of my application of availing a tourist visa to come to UK, Now that I am here for 2 months and two weeks now, I am still in trouble finding my space and the changes I made my self coming to UK. My ultimate goal was to be with my bf spend time with him and to take care of him. I did not have the "culture shock" since we live in Central London where it is multicultural, I see lots of Asians but not lots of Filipinos.

These are my concerns:

He works full time and overtime. Thanks God he ates what food I prepare, always English or oriental food but Filipino version as he said.

Period of adjustments with our partners on the first couple of months, an d actually everyday....

We live in Central London minutes walk to Oxford street, few yards from Warren street and Great Portland station, this means that where we are, is incredibly expensive when it comes to everything you need to buy.

I cant make friends, once I got from the flat, people are either walking fast or running, or on mobile everybody is busy and has no time to make an eye contact.

I joined Virgin Active health Club, but then again people are always rushing to do one thing from another.

Communication difficulties, the slang, accent, pronunciation.
Philippine's English and ways are mostly learned from Americans, being in Uk is another learning, which I think it is but accurate when it comes to communications. But for us Filipinos will take time before we can learn the right way. But we want to learn fast to cope up with people.

Friends I have live outside London, they are train rides away which I still don't have the courage to do it alone. I phone my friend 3 times a day in Wales.

Financially:

This is the hardest part, Since I was independent in the Philippines and was never dependent on anybody, coming here with out your own resources breaks my heart and make me feel sorry and small on my self because I don't have the courage to ask money and spend it for my personal needs, but I am a girl who has lots of personal needs. And most man have to be told. I know I need to speak out but not when it comes to money.

I came here not because of visa or money, I just love the man..... but I have forgotten to consider what are my needs, I walked down Oxford street and all I see is fashion everywhere and I love it I just can't have it.

That are a lot of things that I like most here in UK, the people, that doesn't bother of what you are wearing, the queue, cleanliness, the free tabloids a lot, but I/we have to remember that we came here for the man that we love.

His parents and family , who were very warm to meet me, no feelings of discrimination and insecurity, I love it. and I love York!

I'm counting the days of going back home to my daughter and coming back here again next year. If everything will work out.

God Bless to all

[LEAHnew]

Wow what a nice intro beth very inspiring....Welcome to the forumGoodluck

[andypaul]

great writing like you say its tough when ever you move to a new enivorment. I don't know where your friend lives in Wales. But yo know you can get a train from paddington to wales and hopefully your friend can meet you there.

There are lots of customer service people at paddington and its easy to find the correct platform if you check the departure boards.

The trains are high speed so not many stops and are always clearly announced.

Why not try it its a big step but im sure once you have made te journey your be like why was i so worried?

If you need any help with the journey im sure your boyfriend can assit or just ask on here people will help.

We have quite a few members both in london and wales who can advise you.

Also you do know if you pop over to Earls court Just a quick tube journey there are many phill shops and businesses?

I hope we can all make your stay better

[baboyako]

catch the number 74 to putney - get off at earls court and eat balut

[bornatbirth]

just tell ur bf all ur worries,as ur living smack in the middle of london it will be lonely but u have found this site to meet many new freinds!!!!!!!!!!
im sure you will be welcome!

[ginapeterb]

Beth

An excellent write up, a real human interest story from your own perspective of UK Life, well your in the thick of Central London, it is very diverse, and if you are close to Oxford Street, then I sympathise with you.

AndyPaul is right, there are actually about 60,000 Filipinos living in the Greater London area, you will meet lots of them around Earls Court, your BF should be able to tell you how to get there, plus there is the Manila Supermarket in Hogarth place, just up from Earls court station, get to know the TFL system in London, try and use the buses, and the tube.

It does get better, but if you are here on a tourist visa, it will give you some insights as to the life here, at least you are in a cosmopolitan area, and yes fashion fashion fashion, my wife loves Oxford street, she will shop until she drops....thats normally good as I spend the time sitting in a cafe browsing the net.

Thanks for your story, it was a great read.

[andypaul]

As pete says google tfl the website will help you travel around london, not always the best route but gives you a good idea.
First great western is the train company who run the trains from paddington so you can find more info about trains to wales.

Plus as you know you have all the other major stations which have trains which go to other areas of the Uk just a bus ride away from where you are.

Im sure your already aware you have joesphines just up the road from yourself in charlotte street if i rember correctly, which is a phill food resturant.

Also you have china town which also has lots of phill foods nearby in gerrads st just of lecister square.

[gracia143]

Hi Beth, I must have missed the bit about your struggles to get your tourist visa. I understand the way you feel, I and my fiance did the same thing and been through a lot just to get mine. I was in London too just like you, the cold, the loneliness, the food that doesn't agree with my system sometimes, the hard water. People seemed all too wrapped-up in their own world. But hey, like what all the guys have just said, you can overcome it. I know you made it there because you have the spirit and you were willing to take the risk. Falling for a man not from our own breed is tough but you are far tougher because you've done it. Take a few more risk, go to Wales, it will be an all new experience taking on the above ground train, i have done that too and it isn't as scary as I thought. On money matters, I am sure your man will understand if you talk to him about it, it is just a matter of communicating. It will feel uncomfortable at first but believe me when you summoned up all the courage and manage to speak your mind it feels good and then you'll realize it isn't too hard really. And Beth, you still got 3months and 2 weeks, make the most of your time there as you will surely miss London when you're back in the Philippines. And yes, keep safe and God bless!

[Dragonfoot]

good morning from Holloway!

[gracia143]

[Pepe n Pilar]

Hi Beth while reading your story i can relate since i've been in the same situation as you. I've been to England on a tourist visa. It took me 3 weeks before i went out and explore the beautiful England ( I always have with me a map).I also have my job and earning quite well but left just to be with my love one. I only had some cash with me and because of the conversion it did last only for a short period of time. I am not used to depend on someone when it comes to money matters. I feel shy to tell him what i need but somehow it was not a problem since he always make sure i always have some amount of cash on my wallet even if i don't tell him i need it. I was so glad he can read my mind.

[eula mackay]

Hiya! Hope youre feeling better today. Been in the same situation as you are. It will get better each day, thats really how it goes.

You seem to be in the uk for the right reason, so everytime you feel down or your self esteem hits rock bottom remind yourself the reason why you have choosen to be there. Everyone has sacrifices today for a better/happier future.

Financial independence once restricted due to lack of income is not easy. As this, hopefully, would not be permanent try to adjust to the situation. Accept the fact that your savings will not recover at the end of the month after a shopping spree. Oxford Circus will not be shut tom, there will always be another day. Distinguish your needs and wants and be realistic! I know its not easy to see a nice dress hanging off a shelf not even being able to try it on as you know full well you cant afford it. This is just a phase, part of the sacrifice for a better future.

Most men are not mind readers. Take the initiative. Tell him how you feel about the situation and make him hear you out. Communication. Dont feel belittled by sharing your emotions, you are not begging him for money. Im sure if he knows how you feel he would do something, even a very small gesture to make sure you feel better.

You walk along Oxford Street and watch the people. How many of them tourists do you think dont speak english and yet they can go about town? London is a very lovely city. Experience it. Get a map and study it. www.tfl.gov uk will help you plan your journey. Ask you boyfriend about interesting places to go and how to get there, im sure he will be happy to answer your questions. If you are worried about the cost, pack a sandwich or two and a bottle of water with you to minimize the expenses.

A man who comes home to you every night and a daughter waiting for your arrival back to the PH, life seems to be beautiful!

Enjoy your holiday and have a smile filled day!

[beth18]

Thanks everyone, its a long story but I got traumatise on trains when I took the wrong train the first time I got in London, I was with my boyfriend then luckily the train was not on move yet and I was able to step out. Im still trying to gain strength for that.

Maybe I just feel Idle.

Back in the Phil, I go to my work everyday, Its was always a busy day with co workers, meetings, workshops, field visits, theres just a lot of things I miss and I hate to think that I am a kept woman now, or maybe I am not just getting the love that I want.... greedy of me.

Eula was right about finances and he is absolutely not a mind reader and he will not try to. Iye in other hand is lucky enough cos the hubby is sensetive to her needs. Andy and Pete thanks alot too for the nice words.

Anyway, I have been to Earl's court a few times I have made friends with the waiters at Josephine and I sometimes walk with them along Soho, China Town on their afternoon breaks, I go to Tesco metro everyday at Oxford street though there is another Tesco just few steps from our flat.

My friend from Wales came to visit me for few days and we went around London a litle bit. And im planning to visit her in Mid November after our holiday in the Philippines this coming 18th, Yes friends I'm going on a holiday in the Phil. Excited cos I will have the chance to see my daughter.

[ginapeterb]

Beth, I can sympathise with you not wanting to be a kept woman, it sometimes feels like that, you were a career woman in the Philippines I guess, used to taking care of your own needs, but if your BF does not have a problem with it, just chill out and enjoy your time here in UK.

Beth when my Gina first came to UK, I insisted she did not try and look for jobs, I told her to chill out for at least 3 months, get used to the culture, have a look around the town, find out where the library is, the shops, the council offices, and generally dont worry too much about working.

I had planned to let her go home for christmas, she arrived in September with me, I promised her to go home for the christmas holidays, I would stay here in UK, it worked out so well, because she always knows she can go home if she is unsettled or homesick.

She did go back, and arrived back in January of the following year, I told her to relax, read, go to the gym, shop, and loook pretty until I get home from work, dont do too much.

She was not comfortable with it, but did do it until she came back in January, then she started applying for jobs, it took her about 6-8 weeks, and finally she landed a very nice job in local government, and now she works for Essex County council as a science technician, which was just perfect for her.

So dont worry too much about being a kept woman, my wife was not happ¥ with that either, but your BF may not even notice it..hahahaha

Best of luck, we are happy to see you here in UK, we hope you come back soon.

[eula mackay]

Beth, glad to know you are getting about and making friends. Thats just wondeful!

And a HOLIDAY to the philippines, woman arent you lucky?